I had two abortions when I was very young, one at age 16 and another at age 17. I was a wild, irresponsible teenager who was going off the rails and got caught out with unprotected sex not once but twice. At the time an abortion seemed like the obvious choice but now years later, I have lots of feelings of guilt and shame over what happened. I am 33 and have no children and often wonder about what might have happened if I continued with those pregnancies.
I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing feelings of guilt and shame regarding your past decisions. It's important to recognize that such feelings are common and understandable, especially when reflecting on past experiences that were significant and emotional.
At 16 and 17, you were very young and facing incredibly difficult decisions. It's important to acknowledge the context in which you made those choices. You were a teenager dealing with the complexities of life, maturity, and responsibility. Recognizing and accepting that your younger self did the best she could under the circumstances can be a helpful step in moving forward.
Practice self-compassion and try to forgive yourself. We all make choices in our lives that we may question or regret later on. It's a part of being human. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a good friend in a similar situation.
Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and help you develop strategies to cope with guilt and shame. A professional can also help you work through unresolved emotions and guide you towards healing and acceptance.
Reflect on how you have grown and changed since those experiences. Consider the lessons you've learned and how they've shaped you into the person you are today. Personal growth often comes from challenging experiences.
Sometimes, sharing your feelings with trusted friends or family members can be healing. Alternatively, there are support groups for individuals who have had similar experiences. Connecting with others who understand what you're going through can be incredibly validating and comforting.
Some people find it helpful to create meaning or honor their experiences in some way. This could be through writing, art, volunteering, or engaging in activities that promote wellness and self-care.
While it's natural to wonder about "what might have been," try also to focus on your present and future. Think about your goals, aspirations, and what brings you joy and fulfillment now.
Remember, healing is a journey, and it's okay to take it one step at a time. You deserve compassion and understanding as you navigate through these feelings.