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same here. I've never fallen in love with a guy or felt any of the romantic feelings that I've had toward girls. However, I have to admit that gay porn turns me on real bad (kinda yanks my horniness level all the way to 11). Straight porn turns me on, but not the same (guess it's not as "kinky"). And for some reason, the gay porn needs to be with masculine, muscled men (guess that's my fetish). I will actually get turned off and grossed out by any other type of gay porn (skinny,feminine types, etc.)
This of course, creates conflictive feelings, I see myself getting married and building a life with a woman (and in no way could ever have a relationship of that kind with a man), but I do enjoy gay porn to a great degree- in a physical sense. Although it leaves feelings of guilt and shame (as with any other porn, but this one feels a bit worse i guess)- i guess the social and spiritual stigma is heavier.
I want to stop watching porn altogether, but noone's perfect, so I always end up tripping on the same rock with the same foot.
For others like me, my advice is: lets try to keep away from these websites for at least a couple of weeks, to "clean up our mental hard-drive" and ask God for guidance (or the "universe", or the "force", etc..) on dealing with this.
Also, its not the end of the world, dont get depressed over this and dont even think of doing something stupid (like suicide-thats not even an option)- i say this for the real 'sensitive ones' out there.
You're totally normal. Im normal. if it makes any of you feel any better, Im surrounded by great family and a great group of friends, i try to cultivate my realtionship with God and recently finished my law school degree.
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