Let me start by saying that I’m not against LGBTQA+. I have no problem with people who identify as anything in that group. But I am straight male, I date girls and only feel comfortable asking girls out.
But I find myself being turned on by my male friends and often find myself searching gay porn (ranging from blowjobs to full on penetration) more than straight porn. I often think about some of my guy friends while jerking off but then I always feel guilty because I only really feel comfortable and not guilty when it comes to liking girls and not guys. Again I’m not against gay people, I just know I wouldn’t be comfortable in a same-sex relationship.
My therapist has told me that it could stem from insecurity. Let’s be honest, most porn of any kind is going to have primarily fit/hot and sexualized people. I do not feel like am in shape, most of my friends weigh less than me. I’m not overweight or obese, I just am very insecure about my chubby body shape and slightly heavier weight. I think that honestly is the main problem.
I am wondering if anyone is/has struggling/ed with this because I feel guilty, depressed, and even more insecure and I feel like I can’t face anyone at my school or church. However, I always find myself going back to those thoughts and images. I currently have a huge crush on this girl and I think I might have a chance with her, but I also feel like it’d be wrong of me to ask her out because I have all these gay thoughts sometimes.
What should I do?
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