It was Sat 11/20/2010...just got back from my birthday dinner...after a long illness, dialysis, cardiovascular, 4 mini strokes that left her in a wheel chair, the Lord called her home
Thanksgiving was a bear, I cooked, but dad broke down saying dinner prayer, and I choked back a sob running back to kitchen to check on beans
Just had service yesterday, had a Xanax then, feel more in control today...2 brothers leaving afterovernight visit...Im going there to be w/ him later this afternoon
Thanksgiving was a bear, I cooked, but dad broke down saying dinner prayer, and I choked back a sob running back to kitchen to check on beans
Just had service yesterday, had a Xanax then, feel more in control today...2 brothers leaving afterovernight visit...Im going there to be w/ him later this afternoon
felt better after the visit, he told me I dont have to come today...was a bad day formme, so took a half a zanny...I take a small dose when I really need it...scared of getting hooked...
getting out to local bar for a few changes scenery, but know better to drink too much ..makes me depressed the next day
getting out to local bar for a few changes scenery, but know better to drink too much ..makes me depressed the next day
It looks like Ive actually had 2 good days in a row, w/o crying..I'll try to to dose half a Xanax twice a day..had a glass of wine that I really didnt want b4 bed last night..for I know it makes more more depressed, esp the next day...from what Ive heard, it DOES get better gradually, just like quitting smoking that I did 3 years ago b4 this all started--it made me stronger
The memories will remain, but the pain/sorrow will lessen with time
The memories will remain, but the pain/sorrow will lessen with time
well, its been 20 days since she went on to a better place...no more pain, being cold, the misery in a wheelchair...down to half a Xanax in the morning, ,,replaced w/ Sam-e...on 4th day...spirits are a bit higher...feel like doing things again:) Sam-e is GREAT for depression, no side effects
down to one half mg of Xanax...LOADED myself w/ Sam-e last week800-1600 mg 2-3 days that reduced to 400-800 this weekend...spirits are lifted, feel like shopping and cleaning carpets for Christmas again:)
Some memories and sadness linger, but not NEARLY what I felt that first week
Some memories and sadness linger, but not NEARLY what I felt that first week
one more day and its been a month...jeez seems sometimes like yesterday that she passed, but I feel Soo much better
January 3--still have thoughts from time to time...everything more manageable, ,,pretty much off Xanax, still take my Sam-e, and other supplements, like tyrosine, scullcap, seems to calm me thruout the day...melatonin time-release helps me get 7-8 hours RESTful sleep
Actually had a 'mom' dream last week--dreamed that she was in a tall kitchen chair in SOMEbody's kitchen, facing away, but the SERENITY and bliss I felt was heavenly:)
Actually had a 'mom' dream last week--dreamed that she was in a tall kitchen chair in SOMEbody's kitchen, facing away, but the SERENITY and bliss I felt was heavenly:)
Things are basically back to normal..once in a while I get a trigger, like one night I used an old bowl of hers for dinner...after dinner, I looked at the bowl, and I felt grief come up, resulting ina couple tears..
12/27---This Thanksgiving and Christmas were MUCH better..more joyful for us all. tho Im sure Dad is STILL feeling it, didnt say much
Actually I was alone at work last week, and had the radio on, singing Christmas carols bravely to get in the spirit of things...had a tear or 2, but normally that happens...I wax nostalgically t his time of year
From what a buddy told me on Quitnet, it took him 2 years tp get back to normal self