Hi Everyone,
Same here. I'm writing because my grandmother who usually covers my mom's mess such as buy her basic necessities, pays for rent sometimes, cooks and cleans, bathes her, picks her up from hospital and pours out her booze is away on a 3 week vacation.. I think my grandmother is just making herself feel better rather than helping my mom. I told her she's taking away her independence but then my grandma lashes out at me, I think she has odd but that's besides the point. The point is I checked on my mom today, I braced myself for the absolute worse when I walked into her apartment. The place was messy, food everywhere, she had a deep cigarette burn mark on her forearm, buds everywhere, there was a bottle of vodka next to her on the couch. I went to the kitchen and saw her take a sip. I didn't do anything, I didn't want to be like my intrusive, control-freakish grandmother who is more abusive/power tripping than helpful. My mom saw me, I just said to her "you can drink, but I have to report to the office that you're drunk and smoking bc. that interferes with everyone's safety in the building". She mumbled "no you don't have to", I responded "you have my number if anything".
I felt guilty after leaving, I felt like going back there and making her some food without judging her or anything but I didn't want to be at that sight.
I don't know what to do. My mom's been drinking during my whole life, I'm 30. She's fallen off stairs, puked blood, admitted to wanting to die, she takes medication for depression. Every year she looks worse. She has gained a lot of weight which I'm sure doesn't help her self-esteem... I'm so scared she's gonna die, I'm so worried it's my fault, I should be there right now but I get so angry seeing her waste it all, I feel like I'm wasting my life too. I'm a bit of a late bloomer I guess. I've taken positive risks in my life, I've never been into drugs, I lead a healthy lifestyle but I feel like I never had emotional support from my parents..
I guess my question is, how often should I check up on her? My friend said once a day. I have a life, I'm soo busy with school and work, I'm exhausted, I don't want to fall behind but if anything happens I'll get blamed. I have a younger brother but I don't want him involved, he went through worse than me and he has a 3 year old.
I know that I'm supposed to take care of myself and that she needs to want the help. But, how can a person that's mentally ill (depression) realize they want the help, she wants to drink herself to death.
I'm sooo scared, I feel there is no hope. I and my family have tried everything; psychiatry, shelters and centres - where she refused to stay, my uncles offered her to live with them in a nice house for a year or longer for free until she recovers - she refused, i took her to aa. The sad part is she's an avid employee, she rarely missed work, people at work love my mom, she's a diligent worker. She's been going to meetings and her doctor and parol officer 1ce a week and still gets totally wasted. Nothing is helping, nothing.
V.
Same here. I'm writing because my grandmother who usually covers my mom's mess such as buy her basic necessities, pays for rent sometimes, cooks and cleans, bathes her, picks her up from hospital and pours out her booze is away on a 3 week vacation.. I think my grandmother is just making herself feel better rather than helping my mom. I told her she's taking away her independence but then my grandma lashes out at me, I think she has odd but that's besides the point. The point is I checked on my mom today, I braced myself for the absolute worse when I walked into her apartment. The place was messy, food everywhere, she had a deep cigarette burn mark on her forearm, buds everywhere, there was a bottle of vodka next to her on the couch. I went to the kitchen and saw her take a sip. I didn't do anything, I didn't want to be like my intrusive, control-freakish grandmother who is more abusive/power tripping than helpful. My mom saw me, I just said to her "you can drink, but I have to report to the office that you're drunk and smoking bc. that interferes with everyone's safety in the building". She mumbled "no you don't have to", I responded "you have my number if anything".
I felt guilty after leaving, I felt like going back there and making her some food without judging her or anything but I didn't want to be at that sight.
I don't know what to do. My mom's been drinking during my whole life, I'm 30. She's fallen off stairs, puked blood, admitted to wanting to die, she takes medication for depression. Every year she looks worse. She has gained a lot of weight which I'm sure doesn't help her self-esteem... I'm so scared she's gonna die, I'm so worried it's my fault, I should be there right now but I get so angry seeing her waste it all, I feel like I'm wasting my life too. I'm a bit of a late bloomer I guess. I've taken positive risks in my life, I've never been into drugs, I lead a healthy lifestyle but I feel like I never had emotional support from my parents..
I guess my question is, how often should I check up on her? My friend said once a day. I have a life, I'm soo busy with school and work, I'm exhausted, I don't want to fall behind but if anything happens I'll get blamed. I have a younger brother but I don't want him involved, he went through worse than me and he has a 3 year old.
I know that I'm supposed to take care of myself and that she needs to want the help. But, how can a person that's mentally ill (depression) realize they want the help, she wants to drink herself to death.
I'm sooo scared, I feel there is no hope. I and my family have tried everything; psychiatry, shelters and centres - where she refused to stay, my uncles offered her to live with them in a nice house for a year or longer for free until she recovers - she refused, i took her to aa. The sad part is she's an avid employee, she rarely missed work, people at work love my mom, she's a diligent worker. She's been going to meetings and her doctor and parol officer 1ce a week and still gets totally wasted. Nothing is helping, nothing.
V.