Couldn't find what you looking for?


Hi I don't know exactly how many weeks pregnant I am, but I found out last week that I was, and I was very shocked because I was on the pill.
At first, my reaction and my boyfriend's reaction was; 'okay, we're going to be parents at the age of 19 and 20.' The shock and over whelmed feeling caused me to totally forget about my condition and my boyfriend brought it up the next day saying we'll have to consult my doctor and let them know that I am pregnant.
We went to see him the next day and he was telling us how it would be a high risk pregnancy and that there would be alot of complications to go with it, such as a higher risk of having a miscarriage, the baby being born abnormally, and a very high risk of putting my currently stable condition 'Chronic Renal Failure' to an extreme level where I'd need to have dialysis or a kidney transplant once I've delivered the baby and that I won't be able to be my healthy self again.
After my boyfriend hearing this, he opted for me to have an abortion; he said if I love him enough I would do this for him because he wants to spend his life with me and doesn't want me to get ill so early on in our lives, although he would look after me in the future if my condition does decide to get worse. It was really hard trying to convince him that I have never believed in abortion and that I always told myself I would never ever have one, I'm dreading Wednesday when we will have to go to the clinic, I don't think I'll be able to do it, I don't want to do it, I just want to find an alternative that would make my boyfriend happy without having to put my life at risk either. The thought of it is making me feel sick, I haven't slept properly since the doctors told me that. I just want to find a way out of this, I don't want to live in guilt for the rest of my life. My boyfriend would never forgive me if I risked my health instead of listening to him, as he says it.


I know how you feel. I myself didn't believe in abortions either, but under the situations I was in I didn't have great options as yourself, but I cannot say that I was under as greater pressure as you are having to deal with your health with the condition you have. I don't know much about Chronic Renal, but I must say that from what the complications would be for having a child, it sounds serious. I am sorry to hear this for you. First and foremost though, if you wouldn't mind my opinion. You must think about your health. Not only is your boyfriend trying to tell you what the better option is in the long run, but he's just as worried as you are, and I'm sure you know if he had the choice, he would choose not to give up the baby if you didn't have to revert into a worse condition afterwards. It's not nice though to be giving you, his girlfriend, ultimatums. Even still, im sure this hurts just as much for him, and understand, that he really does, understand what your going through. Not entirely, cause it's not happening to him, but if he loves you, from which it sounds, he understands enough. Not only do you have to worry about your health, but the health of your child, and putting your child at risk. And also, being unhealthy while your baby needs you. Say the both of you are sick, wouldn't you feel selfish for putting the baby through this? And not only your baby, but from risks of you being sick, your loved ones? A baby needs it's mother, and if you couldn't be there for him/her, imagine the heartbreak to be just as bad as having an abortion. But, watever you decide, is rightfully your choice. Not trying to pressure you into anything. Just giving my simple opinion, which I'm assuming you are looking for. Advice/opinion. I know how it feels to not wanna go through with an abortion. I don't really believe in them, but you always have a choice, for cases like these, or other serious cases. Mine wasn't even as highly devestating as yours. I just couldn't bear the fact that I wouldn't be ready to be a great mother, which is one of the things i long for in life. I'm 21. I've only had two jobs, with barely any experience, im a drop out student. It's hard for me to get a job, and a good one at that. Because im a drop out student, I didn't get experience in drivers ed. I don't know how to drive well. I don't have a permit/lisence. I could never afford a car. I live in my parents house still. And I have no future planned for myself yet. How could I bring another life into this world onto so much negativity? I couldn't bear adoption, cause what if 30 years down the line wen i am ready for children, i get a knock at the door with a resentful child asking me why? UGH! Sometimes life just aint fair, but we learn from our mistakes, and our hardships, to know that the truth is brutal, and we have to deal with what we've got. And no matter what were strong, and can get back from anything. Including an abortion. I knew I'd be okay having wonderful people around me to fall back on, and knowing that one day, i'll have my child when the time is right. And the process, honestly. It's not bad at all. It's literally five minutes, I'm telling you, no longer. You don't see anything. The pain is like a normal period cramp. It's nothing. I know that sounds bad, but really, if there's no other way, I'm telling you, your strong enough to do this. Anybody is. I've talked to people on here who took the abortion pill, and it's so much worse. You can do it. Sorry again that it's so long, but I just wanted you to know, that if you need anyone to talk to about this, not to sound like a a$$ I'm always on here, everyday. Sometimes talking to a complete stranger is easier than talking to someone you've lived with all ur life. I've been there. So again, if you need anything I'm here~ Jill


User avatar
Health Ace
6523 posts
hey there Tina,

I am not a girl so i cant relate to the actual pregnacy issue but i will say that abortions affect everyone differently and it has to be YOUR choice not your boyfriends... he is not the one who is going to have to live with the decision the rest of his life... or at least not as directly as you. sure there are risks with pregnacy but have you also looked into the risks of abortion... what if any medicine they give you has an affect on your chronic renal failure?? could that also cause severe complicaitons?

the doctor said that the risk of a miscarrage is also very high... if thats the case that could be the "option that would work for your health and your boyfriend (if it happens) does that make any sense.... if you have a miscarrige then your health will mostlikley not worsen or not worsen much and you dont have to go through the heartwrenching abortion.... basically abortions kills living humans

I agree 100% that this is a HORRIBLE and difficult decision but if you have faith and stay strong I also believe you will get through this...

If you dont want an abortion DO NOT GET ONE!!!!!! you boyfriend will understand it will just take a little time he is like this because he is just as scared as you...
i hope this helps some and good luck ;-)