my brother tried to rape me

you should tell your mom cause your dad is not a woman your mom will know what to do I understand

My story:
When I was 8 my brother raped me. My brother was 17. He raped me for a year until I was 9.
I use to really like my brother. We use to play all the time and I loved him... that was until he took me into a big closet in our room (we shared a room). And I thought we were just going to play a game like always. But I was wrong...
My brother un buttoned his pants and he started to touch me. I asked what he was doing and said for me to be quiet so I said why. He said shut up so I did. He took my hand and made me touch him...I tried to pull away but I couldn’t.
I didn’t really know what was going on or how wrong it was but I knew it wasn’t right.
It continued almost every night. He would touch me and make me touch him. He would ask me to make sounds for him. I remember saying I didn’t was to and he slapped me. So I had to...
On day I think he was really angry with my mom and he took me into the closet and he was really rough. He put bruises all over me and he just touched me really aggressive like. I remember being in so much pain I didn’t know what was going on and I was confused.
After a couple months of this it got worse. He was aggressive all the time. Then one day, it took me into the closest and he touched me then he pinned me down on the ground and I tried to get him off but I couldn’t. This had never happened before. He touched me and slapped me and then a he...he raped me before he just touched me but this day he raped me....he took my virginity at 8. My brother took my f*****g virginity. It hurt so bad. He really hurt me I was f*****g 8 he broke my skin I know he did. I just layed there when he was done. I didn’t move. My 8 year old mind couldn’t comprehend what had happened. I cried in pain and asked him to stop and he choked me and told me to shut up.
He started to rape me now all the time. Sometime he just touched me. Most times he raped me though.
I wanted to tell someone, my mom. But he said if I told anyone he would hurt me bad.
After so long I told anyway. And my mom half way didn’t believe me. But it scared my brother enough that it stopped.
I am now 12. I think about it all the time bc my brother still lives with me and it scares the sh*t out of me. I realize what happened. And it f**ks me up a lot. Nothing has really happened since then, when I was 11 he grabbed my ass...that terrified me. I am scared it is gonna happen again because I find it likely.
I have told two of my closest guy friends they are the only people I trust. I think they keep me from killing myself a lot because I have depression (mostly bc of what happened to me)
I am scared of anyone touching me. If I hug a guy I am also really cautious. It happens years ago my mom acts like it never happened and gets mad when I do say I love him. I told one of my guy friends that my mom got mad that I didn’t say I love you to him. He said that I should have. Which made me feel like sh*t and like I should just forget he raped me.
I am broken because of him

Hi Guest

Sorry that you have had to deal with the things your brother has done to you.
Your mom should have have done so much more to support you and protect you along with taken measures so that your brother is held accountable for what he has done.

With the way you are understandably struggling with what that creep did to you it would be worth considering to speak to your mom about getting you into see a counselor.
It is your choice but you should not have to try and deal with this on your own and your mother should have done this when you first told her about what that creep was doing.

Seeing a counselor will mean that your brother most likely will be reported and possibly charged for what he did.
He is a predator and you and any other young girls in your family need to be protected from him.

Maybe it is time to talk with your mom and hopefully she will now realize that she needs to do what is right to protect you and get your brother the help he needs.

Why didn't you report him ???

Because he threatened me and said it would only get worse and I was 8 I didn’t know what to think.

That's victim shaming. You should never tell them to keep it in and let the offender get away with it. Nothing may happen but that doesn't mean you should stay quiet.