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My husband only wants oral sex and doesn't perform oral sex on me at all. He never comes to me first. I always go to him and then he only wants oral sex. I feel like a failure as a wife. I'm embarassed and hurting. I'm 36 and he is 45. He says he has no energy for sex, but spends his time watching tv, with his kids and working out. I'm only a second thought. The more I give to him the less he gives to me. I cook, clean, make his lunch every morning, iron his clothes. I give all I have and I get almost nothing in return. 

Any advice? I don't want a divorce, but I can't handle a sexless marriage! 


sadandconfused

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i went through this a couple months ago with my boyfriend, so i decided to not give him anything, and if i wanted something... i climbed on top of him and took him. Well it worked out in the end, now he comes to me when he wants something, and he gets oral as a extra when ive got my period.

Talk to him about it first, but if he doesnt respond to it then just dont give him anything and take when you want it, and if he wants something tell him he has to give to recieve.

Good luck.
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Im also going through that with my husband. I feel like he has to make up escusses for it; it has really taken a toll on me. It's not you; they dont know how good they have it. Im 35, and for the past couple of years Im in my prime. I think men are in their prime very young. We have almost switched roles; I dont show him the effection, and now he's wondering why. It's almost like my heart put up a wall in that department.Slake off, he'll come to you. Is he bi? Just questioning.
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I am sorry for I do not have the answer for your question. I too have the same problem. I love my husband but I notice he is only interested in oral sex, sometimes he will ask me to oral him first before he do the normal sex, I feel like Im only an object that my feeling or need didnt matter. Whenever I tease him about doin oral to me, he will show disgust. I did the same, clean d house made dinner, was a time too that I was the only one working. I am really feeling depressed, I tried to talk to him before about it but he said maybe I need a younger man and that he is not a pervert, its very hard to open up with him. I am so so depress...
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sounds like your husbands are being quite selfish. i'm a guy and it doesn't sound like they're showing our gender in the best light! i think you need to be clear with them that it's a give-take situation, not just take.
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I have the same problem with my husband and have almost the same age difference as yours. One thing I can tell you for certain - oral sex the preference for most men. The problem comes when that's the ONLY type of sex they're interested in. I have found that at 45 my husband requires more "downtime" after sex than he did when he was younger so I get around that issue by giving him oral earlier in the day/evening. Often I have to initiate that but of course he NEVER refuses and he loves it because it's a complete surprise to him. Then later that night he is ready for more and I get satisfied then. Don't get me wrong - that's not the way we have sex every time but once in a while. That satisfies his desire for oral and I get satisfied too. As some men hit middle age they can't last as long as they used to and require a longer break before they can get hard again. Since they can't have oral and "regular" sex back to back like they could when they were younger they opt for the type of sex that gives them the most pleasure and the woman often loses out. This does not explain why he won't perform oral on you but it might explain why he seems to only want oral from you. As for getting oral from him, if you are not already doing this I would suggest 2 things. Make sure you are freshly showered before trying to get him to give you oral and also try shaving. Most men really like that. Some men even like to do the shaving and I find that I get less razor burn when hubby does it than when I do it myself.
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Its not as simple; give and you shall recive... i wish it was.

Although i think our problems lie within the mans brain and why he doesn't recoginize our feelings or human urges I dont think there is much we can do about it. We pick the men we want in our lives and we have to live with our choices. I know most men will change when given an ultimatum, why does it have to get to that point though? I don't understand why men think it is okay to do this, or maybe its because they were not loved as children so find it hard to love in return. I do think it has something to do with this. I think i put it down to the man having a problem somewhere with love, affection or women.

I have a problem with my husband wanting oral and flopping during sex. he spends his nights drinking while i go to sleep alone. i wake up with the 1 year old and im half way through my second pregnancy. I love sex no matter what time of the day or stage of pregnancy or even place. My husband never asks me for sex i have to ask him he usually just wants oral and i see him try to get out of sex. on average we have sex once every 2 weeks or so. I want to have sex every other day so its a huge strain on me even though it sounds stupid. Its how I am. When we first got together we had sex every other day, now its him saying we cant have sex every day because of the baby and there is no time. I dont care if the baby is screaming there are plenty of rooms in the house we can go to while baby has a 10 minute cry in his crib. He likes to make it hard and insist on having sex in the bed or waking me up in the middle of the night when im a zombie trying to get my 7 hours in. he will also tell me i need to come back to bed in the morning which is obviously impossible with a 1 year old who is going to scream and husband cant concentrate enough with screaming babies. I have come to a point where its him reciveing oral and he wont even touch me. (he swears every night he comes to bed and fondles my breast) Yes it is nice but what is that going to do for me while im sleeping and unaware that anything is even happening.

Yes men love oral but women shouldnt have to go without satisfaction as well. My family is just starting out and i am in my prime.. im 20 years old my husband is 35 i have a perfect life and house with him a healthy baby with one on the way. But this huge dark cloud sits over me all day as i think about him and his selfishness to the point where i just start crying over anything. It isnt fair but do i give up everything for sexual satisfaction or keep masturbating by myself at night and forget what it is to have a man touch me and want me. I just want to be held and wanted. Who knows why he is like this. every time i bring it up i get an agressive reply which makes me wish i never even thought of bringing it up.

although we have sex once every week or two its not anything loving its basically him climbing on top and rolling back off which always makes me feel a lot better about myself. i guess i just keep going on until i cannot go any more and in 10 years regret spending all this time in a lonely position.. but hey men love oral so thats all that matters give them your youth and love. clean and cook and never expect anything back even after birthing their children. I never thought a human could feel so low over something that could so easily be fixed. I will just keep venting until it no longer helps me get over it. thanks for reading!
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I just want to say... inlight of what I read two posts up, we women do not just have a hole that a man can dive into. SO what if the man thinks he deserves oral, not all women think that everytime we want sex we have to go down on them. Oh... and the thing of giving men pleasure without anything in return... how many men give women oral withotout anything in return...it does not happen. I am 23 and my husband is 27. He just wants oral. It drives me crazy cause he asks for it a hundred times a ay. When I want to be intimate he starts asking for oral. I hate it and he knows it. Why do men think we women deserve to be used all the time. When I want sex... he is too tired to do it but I can suck him. No WAY! SELFISH is the name of the game he is playing. What if I ask him to go down on me , get my kiks and go to sleep. He would bemad and start a fight. it is a two way street in the bed room. Being sexist in the bedroom is the same as being sexist period.
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Health Ace
6889 posts
I don't have an answer for your problems other than to get some counseling and try to drag him in too.
I can tell you not all men are that selfish but I do have a few friends who have the attitude that the only thing a woman is good for is to be their slave and please them.

I've always felt it was my duty to please the girl/woman I was with. I used to think that if I gave her complete satisfaction, she would want to do the same for me. Then I got married and discovered she shared that feeling. I should give HER complete satisfaction and I should be satisfied with the fact that she let me.

I've been married for 43 years and I can count on one hand the number of times my wife has made love to me. Oral a few times, when she'd had enough to drink, until I got a vasectomy 33 years ago. The first time she did it after the vasectomy she went bleeaahh when I came, said that tastes terrible, and never did it again. She got on top of me only a couple times. The last time was when I got home after heart bypass surgery. That one time she actually made me feel like SHE loved me. She never touches my genitals. If I put her hand on them she pulls it away in a few seconds. When she was about 50 she suddenly remembered that her father had molested her and that's why she doesn't like to touch me. It would be easier for me to believe that if she had not remembered it at the time when that was the subject of all the TV talk shows.

I have always come to bed naked because I feel I should be available for her to touch any time she wants. For some stupid reason I thought my wife would want to do that and she would do the same. She comes to bed wrapped up in a cocoon that buttons from her nose to her toes. To me that says "don't touch me". It IS quite a turn off. When I mention that to her she says I should want to battle my way through all that stuff to get to the "goodies". When I was young, I was turned on enough to do that quite often. When I do get turned on enough to do that now, and I get inside all the wrapping, she says "I have to go to the bathroom". When she comes back to bed she's back inside the cocoon again. I figure I got the message and I roll over and go to sleep. Then she complains that we don't have enough sex.

When we were first married, I used to lick her to orgasm and got so I could time it just right so we could come together when I was inside her. That produced some wonderful moments but I was never on the receiving end of any love making. So I can surely empathize with you girls and I assure you it isn't just your husbands who seem so cold. :-(
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Don't give in, just stop until you get what you want, period. In your specific case it appears that his work out routine may be eating up his testosterone and makes him loose his desire to you as a woman, but still wants to get his rox off. I personally went through this similar situation, mid life, all I wanted to do was screw and get off, not really caring about my wife. One footnote, I have never been one to ever pass on going down on her ever, that part confuses me in all of these discussions. Girls are programmed from youth the give sex for love, and boys respond with fake love for sex. It's how we are made. My wife did as I described above, she just stopped, it opened my eyes, and I realized I do love her with more than sex. I started reading and discovered what is required to satisfy a women which is not sex, but intimacy. We now sit together every evening and I massage her breasts, thighs, and this does not always end in sex. We do have sex almost every morning, no kidding, but it does not end in orgasm, just extends the moment for later. We may have sex over three days, intimate relations in the evening, I'll flip my thing out and she may tongue me a minute or so, she will expose her brests to me in teh car, in a store, etc. and by the time we do hop in bed, we have had three days of foreplay and we are like 18 yo kids! I will end by saying that oral is great, I love it both ways. BUT, once my wife learned how to use her kegiel muscles, and use them well, to the point that she can close so tight I cannot enter her, and we she cums I have to hang on or she will most certainly push me out, now thats good stuff. I love to get some teasing with some oral, but man I want to be in there when she cums, dang thats good. I can't remember the last time I came in her mouth, don't care either. Hope some of this helps. by the way we are both 48 and been at this way of life for about 4 years now.
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Ok i am 15 but i will give You helpful advice
when u wake up in the morning before your husband(you better start ladies)you will see he is erect this is "morning wood"
when you see it saddle up and get ridding cow girl
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my husband is 46 and ONLY wants me to perform oral sex on him. he knows i hate doing it but he gets mad and actually uses money against me. he knows that i will need something or the kids will. if i say no, he gets in a bad mood the entire day or if i say no, the firs thing he says is didnt you need to buy ...

i have told him how i felt, we even went to counseling, he says he loves me, and this is the only one thing that he asks me for and that he works hard etc...

i feel like i live a secret miserable life..... i HATE doing it, i think of other things when i am doing it. i can imagine other women saying, " i wouldnt do that, or just say no" but it isnt that easy.......

he is totally controlling............. and yes i am kinda stuck because of money....

i do believe he still does love me a lot.......... but this whole forcing me to do something that i hate......... has changed my feelings for him completely. he disgust me and makes me miserable................ :-(

also... he makes me do it every single sat and sun morning and sometimes comes home at lunch time for me to do it...
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I let go of relationship of 3 years because of this, now my self esteem much improved.

Now I search for information in web, and see how others woman feels. my exBF always told me "It's your problem that you can not enjoy" . Now I am sure it's a totally a lie and recovery from the damage & anger caused by the relationship

I find I got trapped by insecurity and don't honor what I feel. when my self worth growth, I can not tolerant the relationship anymore. I feel very disgust of him after leaving although we love each other before. There is no love worth more than self respect.

ladies, be confident about yourself, you know if all the women in the world honor themselves, man have to honor and respect you, otherwise they have no one to be with them.

If you afraid :" maybe no one be with me if I refuse to do this" guys will hold on you, and disrespect you.

Stay strong, respect yourself and your feeling, don't do anything you not feel good.

and age does not matter, I was 26 and he is 29 when start the relationship, ONLY thing matter is SELF respect and honor your self!
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Again!!! Those who advise about man truth, what about woman truth?

woman were told lie by accept man truth, for thousand years. Now it's time to change.

why woman have to follow man truth, In order to get relationship? I read article if woman and man both single for 30 years, the woman will be much better shape than man!!!!!

ladies wake up and see the fact ! not lies that majority told you so.
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You can try talking to him about it or trying to wear something sexy as well or just try and make it a lil interesting by telling him that you would like to role play, just to get him a lil hype. HOPE THIS HELPS
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