My Medical Abortion (The Pill)

So today was day 2 of 2 of my abortion process. Let me tell you, it wasn't fun. Here's my story... I'm 19 years old and got a surprise pregnancy that shouldn't have happened. I used a condom AND spermicide and ended up being that .1% who still got pregnant. I was mortified and ashamed that I wouldn't be able to confide in anyone or have any support, but my mom, best friend and partner (not in a relationship) were all 100% there for me. I knew if I ever got pregnant I would get an abortion. I've always known this because I am definitely not ready to have a kid. I am a freshman in college, no job and not in a relationship. I wasn't pressured at all to choose otherwise, but I knew I wanted kids, just not right now. So I went to Planned Parenthood and went through the process of a medical abortion (by pill instead of clinic). I had 2 appointments (one for consultation and the other to get the first pill). During the second appointment (and an hour and half later) , the doctor came into my waiting room after the nurse was finished with questions and paperwork and providing me all the pills I would need throughout the abortion process (second day of pills and nausea medicine). The doc handed me the first pill to take in front of her and I swallowed it with water. At this point I was worrying mostly about what pain id have to go through during this whole thing. The first day felt normal. After the first pill I didn't feel much of a difference. 24 hours later I laid down in my twin xl bed in my dormroom and put two pills inside the left side of my mouth and two more on the right side (total of 4, sorry I forgot what the actual medical Name for these sets of pills were) and waiting 30 minutes before completely swallowing them. Not even an hour after putting the pills in my cheeks and swallowing, started feeling the cramps. Let me make this clear. Not everyones experience is the same. Mine just happened to be the unlucky draw of the short stick. The cramps were terrible. As I was laying in bed and almost in tears (have always had not so wonderful periods) i was messaging my mom what I was feeling and she resembled it to labor. Now I've never been in labor, but after that experience, it really makes me not look forward to it. I was constantly going to the bathroom because I couldn't get past the feeling of needing to poop even though I already went. The pain was surrounding my uterus and lower back and I couldn't get past it. I took 3 ibuprofen and it didn't do much help for me. After about 3 hours of the worst pain I've ever experienced so far in my life, I was sitting on my bed when I felt a huge blood clot plop out of my vagina. Freaking out because it felt insanely messy and wet, I ran to the bathroom and closed the stall behind me. Now... This is really hard for me to talk about considering this all happened 4 hours ago (total 8 hrs since pills were taken) and its still very raw and heart breaking. I pulled down my shorts and saw huge multiple blood clots on my thick night pad. There was an unusual clot that didn't look like blood and I realized it was probably the outlining of my uterus. Without even trying to see, at the end of the pad was the 1 inch fetus I saw in the ultrasound at PP.... When I realized what it was, I almost passed out on the toilet. I began crying the hardest I've ever cried and hyperventilated. Throughout all of this, I was told I wouldn't see the baby. I was promised. I cried and cried and had a few girls knock on my door and ask if I was okay. I didn't know what to do, but I didn't want to roll it up in the pad and leave it in the nasty bloody tampon/pad trash that's provided in the girls bathstalls. I couldn't go outside and bury it... So I gently picked it up in a seperate piece of toilet paper, still balling my eyes out, and folded it in that paper and into an origami heart and sent it down the toilet. It took me 30 minutes to let it go, and it was absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I was so upset that I even saw it when they told me I wouldn't see anything but it was all i could do. What was so hard was that the fetus had eyes starting to form, as well as tiny tiny fingers and toes and the spine was visible. I didn't know it looked even close to that human yet. When I told my mom, she was as heart broken as I was and wished she could be with me at my university 2 1/2 hrs away from home. What got me through was her words. She reminded me that even though it was starting to form, it hasn't received a soul yet. We are very spiritual and those words are what helped me get up from the floor and lay down in my bed as I silently cried. Right now I still have discomfort in my uterus, like normal period cramps but mild. I'm still bleeding pretty heavily and its uncomfortable. I keep changing my night pads 2 times an hour at least because I'm so use to tampons that it feels utterly gross wearing a pad. I am skipping school tomorrow, especially with how my night has turned out of my control. If you're choosing to do abortion, you're going to hear this a lot: make sure it's your choice and something YOU want to do. It's absolutely no ones choice but yours. Even though my experience wasn't wondeful or easy at all, doesn't mean yours will end up the same. Ask your doctor all your questions and concerns and be sure you are certain this is what you want to do. I don't regret my decision, but I only wish I could take back what I saw tonight... Good luck to anyone going through this process. You'll be okay <3