i think in some deep rooted emotion you are very embaressed. and you shouldnt be i can garentee 99.9% of men and women do masterbate.
some people are more prone to be more embaressed and you shouldnt be its not dirty and is very normal. its the only way you can find out how your body feels and what makes you happy sexualy ready for when you meet your partner. my ex husband was very shy over his sexual side would look at the internet go on sex phonelines and look at mags but if i court him hes react like a little boy noot a 40 year old man. you need to talk to your doctor, explain your feelings and how it made you feel. i can guarentee that we have all or at least the majority been court by our parents or spouces at one time. its probable because you live in the same house but you must try to get over this. its nothing to be ashamed of and honistly when you catch your son doing it. i found my parents porn and watched it but i can honistly tell you you will laugh about this in the future. so try to relax.
number 1. you are not a lost soul. you are just more sensitive about your emotions.
i have done things in my past in my teenage years that im not proud of and still at my age (39) i still think of them from time to time and get embaressed. its lerning to live with the things we do that make you better than those that dont. we all have remorse over thing in our past, i really think you should go and see your doctor, explain what has happened and your feelings, then he/she may send you to talk to a phycotherepist. i did this a few years ago and they listen and they dont judge. i found this very helpfull in coping with the situation i was going through at the time. they may give you anti-depressents these are not a long term thing but they help you to copy with it while your dealing with things. if you can go out and take the first move to make new friends im sure if you got to talking with them then you will find that other boys/men have been in this situation.
i know of a man(now) when he was a teenager he fell asleep while masterbating, when he woke he found a cup of tea nex to him. his mum ahd been in and put the tea down. how do you think he felt. he was court in the act. we all laugh about it now but he just wanted to die when it happened. i could tell you a few more but that would just bore you.