I'm almost 17, and by now I know I should be able to take care of myself and handle my schedule and such. However, my mom has a problem with letting me go, and it's gotten to the point where I'm seriously worried about what will happen when I go to college. My mom insists on preparing my toothbrush for me, telling me what my homework is everyday (she looks it up online and calls me right after school), telling me how to talk to my teachers when I don't understand a question, etc. This is the current situation, and I give her credit for trying to give me space because it used to be MUCH worse. I don't have a job, and I have no chores. If I do chores, it's because I volunteer myself and do it quickly before my mom tells me a shouldn't.
Her behavior towards me makes me feel very helpless, childlike, and irresponsible, yet she allowed me to spend a week at my boyfriend's house (he lives in another state), and even provided birth control. This makes me feel very confused sometimes because when I was with my boyfriend, I felt very free and was finally able to prove to myself that I'm responsible. But when I returned, I had to deal with my mom's condescending attitude. I'm leaving for college in a little more than a year, and I'm not sure how I'd handle the transition between my mom and complete freedom. How can I make her understand that I can take care of myself, and SHOULD take care of myself? How can I make her understand that I WANT to be responsible, and that I'm trying to prepare for my future by trying to become more independent?
I think she is just being a mom. She is protecting you from the outside world.....So she wouldn't have to see you hurt. Also, you mentioned you are going to college soon...Well, did you ever think she is being so protective and motherly right now because she isn't going to be with you when you go? She loves you and is going to miss you! She is cramming in as much stuff as she can because in a little while you will be free.
A way to get her to trust you is to tell her you WANT to be an adult. Tell her , for a week, you want her to lay off of helping you. Tell her YOU WANT TO DO CHORES, YOU WANT TO REMEMBER TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK BY YOURSELF, AND THAT YOU WANT TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH BY YOURSELF!!:-D This will make her realize that you need space, and will give you both a challenge. You to be responsible, and a challenge for her to stay away. Tell her if you can do a week by yourself, then from now on you want her to let her do stuff on your own.
JUST make sure you tell your mom that you love everything she has ever done for you! She will smile and you both will be happy !
GOOD LUCK !
Thanks! This is a problem I've been having for a while, and it's great to finally hear advice from someone who doesn't know me and is unbiased. I'll definitely give this a shot!
Glad i could help!