Please read this to the end. I am being completely serious and honest. My name is Zoe. I'm 15. I'm in year 11 at school. I was severely bullied in year 9 for having ginga hair and freckles. as a result of this i fell into a minor depression in year 10 and started cutting as a way to deal with it. i have only recently stopped the cutting with help from the school guidance counselor. Although i stopped the cutting i still get really down when i'm stressed and sometimes have a strong urge to start cutting again and i constantly doubt myself and put myself down. My form teacher (JM, i completely trust her) told me during interviews that i need to be in control of my stress around school assignments (all of my teachers have said this). JM also confronted me about mid-way through term 2 saying that i have lost lots of weight really quickly. She said that she is worried about my health and the way i treat myself. She and a few others have told me that i look alot thinner after about two weeks. I have stopped eating lunch as of around 3 months ago and only sometimes have breakfast now, I always eat a small dinner though. I don't eat anymore because i have a voice in my head telling me that i'm fat and i feel sick when i eat. Although i have felt like it sometimes i refuse to throw up. I know i stress too much and over think things but i don't know how to deal with it. I don't see someone who is getting thinner. I see someone who has giant thighs and extra, unwanted, flab on my stomach. I can't sleep anymore. I lie in bed thinking about assessments due in soon or my life. Quite often i will think so much about the stuff i hate about my life , elaborate it in my mind, and end up bursting into tears. Usually i cry myself to sleep. This is all so pathetic because i have a fine life. My parents are happily married. I have great grades at school. Although a few of my so-called 'friends' turned their backs on me i have my few friends who i know will stand by me through anything (Izzy is amazing and has been so supportive with everything. She noticed my mood change last year and has never done anything bad. I know she will stand with me in anything). My mind is my worst enemy. When i spoke to JM she told me that i need to take better care of myself and that i tell myself that i mean nothing. I know i'm pathetic and worthless but i also know that i am now, (alot of the time) lightheaded, sleepy, sick and unmotivated to do anything. I don't feel hunger pains and now just don't like food. I guess what i'm trying to say is is there actually something wrong with me? Do i need help? or Is it just me being stupid and over thinking pathetic little things?
This has been really hard to write. It's probably me being pathetic but i kinda want to ask someone and hope that someone replies. Here it goes...
I have just read your post through and in really sorry that some people have been so unkind to you because of your looks, when I as at school I use to get bullied to because of my looks and your to get very down about it until one day someone told of not to let then get to me as when they know they are mentally hurting you it makes then feel good but if you ignore what they say any turn the other cheek they soon get fed up because they arn't getting satisfaction from it.
By what you say to about your family good grades and your close friends your life should be wonderful :-) but I think somewhere deep down there is hurt over something that is causing all this.
Its nice you have a teacher that is so nice like that and that you can trust then to and they also care about you in a professional way and can see changes in you. One thing you don't say though is what your actual weight and height is.
I do hope that things get better for you in the future :-)
When I use to feel a bit down there is tip song I use to listen to that use to make me feel that life is worth the effort and not to give up as things always have a bright side to them, the song is called... Always look on the bright side of life. By Monty python :-)
I am 65kg and around 5ft(at the most)