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Hello guys, first of all, English is not my mother tongue so don't be too harsh on me. However, I would like to tell you my experience 5 months ago with marijuana.
On August 2016, a friend of mine and I have decided to celebrate my departure to China. We drank a lot and, at some point, we went back to his apartment. Over there, he made a fat blunt with some medical quality weed, something absolutely mindblowing - smell, color, frost, ...- and a cup in a broken bong. Over the last years, I used to smoke marijuana with friends and I was just puffing a few shots every time. But that time, I was drunk and I did decide that this will be the time.
So we sat down, chilled, took some puffs. Everything was great, the weather was nice and the conversation was nice. So, I just kept puffing, puffing and puffing. At some point, the high kicked in... and the nightmare started.
At that time, I had the feeling that somebody did put the Sun in my brain: it had the feeling that every single blood vessels of mine were bursting one after the other. I mean, it was the worst feeling I ever had. My vision became blurry, I was tumbling all over the flat and at some point, I had the feeling to get outside of my body.
When I woke up the day after, I thought that everything would be ''normal'' again. But it wasn't. I felt confused, dazzled, groogy and so tired. In fact, I was going to feel like that for the upcoming weeks.
After my arrival in China, things were still not improving that much. However, I very knowledgeable friend of mine told me to do meditation exercises. At first, I thought that it was utter BS, but I gave it a try. I mean, my attention span was so low and the back of my neck was so swollen that it was affecting my vision.
After doing simple meditation exercises (breathe in 5 seconds, breathe out 10 seconds, 3 times a day for two weeks), my neck finally started to unswell. And that was great. To be honest, it took me 2 months to recover and to go back to my ''normal state''.
However, ever today, I sometimes have anxiety attacks: they are short, brief, but they are sometimes scary (less than 1 minute). In order to control those, I start a chat with my girlfriend and I tell her how much I love her. In the past, I used to have those depression and anxiety symptoms and, somehow, I think that the marijuana has simply destabilized the balance that took years for me to create. Therefore, being more vulnerable now makes me realize how important it is to stay away from alcohol and drugs.
To all of you who may suffer from the same symptoms, do not despair. It might be long, stressful, painful but this is your chance to get ''inside you'' through meditation or social network. Just think that you may have a crack in your foundation: the building is still up, but you have to be careful for the next months, if not the next years.
For me, I will never smoke marijuana again. This drug has brought me a lot of pain and distress. Conseuquently, I keep myself away and I don't judge people who are still smoking. However, I did lose a friend in the aftermath.
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I was with some friend on a saturday night. We ended up eating gummy edibles. The next 8 hours were hell. I was living in a nightmare. I kept having brainwaves and panic. I thought i was going to get stuck in my head. I though i was going down the rabbit hole. I felt like i had lost my mind as i was seeing weird swarmy hallucinations. I didnt feel as though my body was connected to my mind. I didnt believe in reality. I also had several existential crises on what was reality. The more i was in my head, the more questions i had. I began even asking "what is a thought?" Etc. Etc
After this, i began to fear EVERYTHING. I was scared of falling asleep at night for i was scared i would die. Then i became scared i wouldnt know i was dreaming and get stuck in my dreams. I didnt trust my body. So i didnt sleep for 3 days which led to panic attacks. I ended up in the doctors office, ER visits, and eventually in an inpatient facility it became so bad.
Here, 3 weeks later, i am okay. It gets better. I am not 100 percent, but i began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. What helped is TALKING about it. Getting those thoughts put of my head and into the open really helped. Acceptance of who i am and trusting my body helped. Pragmatism helped. Everyday is better than the last. Im beginning to feel normal again. I no longer have derealization and depersonalization. I have anxiety and bits of depression, but its becoming much better. All of it is manageable. I just want anyone to know they are not alone. Therapy made a WORLD of difference. It turns out it wasnt just helped by medication, but i had some uncovered and non processed trauma. I also had stress that i had been demying and repressing. Actually dealing with these things helped the underlying fears and cured most of my symptoms. I hope this helped!! Good luck to everyone.
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