Hello,
I am trying my hardest to give my boyfriend the motivation to quit smoking. We have what we agree is a long term future together, we're moving in together soon and in the future (not necessarily in the next few years..) we hope to marry and have our own family etc.
All I ask of him is for him to quit smoking, he bought nicorette gum and swears he was trying hard to pack it in. But I found out recently that he has been smoking at work and hiding it from me.
Not good. He knows him smoking upsets me but I would prefer he let me support him in quitting rather than doing it behind my back.
The touchy bit is why he doesn't want to quit. Someone very close to him died 18 months ago for absolutely no reason, she never smoke drank or took drougs in her life and was perfectly healthy.. but had sudden unexplainable heart failure and died.
Now my boyfriend says "when your time is up your time is up" and thinks if you're destined to die you will...... my opinion is there are some things in life you can take action to prevent and there are some things you can control. Sucking tar on a daily basis - something you CAN control. Smoking WILL kill him. He says it's "just smoking", but I know and most everyone knows that that just isn't so.
I think him smoking and not caring is very hypocritical as he has suffered a great loss but thinks he can continue smoking and marry me and quite possibly make me go through the same grief and become a WIDOW because of his smoking?! Oh and possibly the children he may have one day?! To be blunt I think it's childish and selfish behaviour. I understand addiction is a serious thing and is not easy to overcome, but to DENY that addiction is a problem?!!?! I just can't get my head around it!!
Hmm, bit of a rant there but it infuriates me. So does anyone have any tips on how to help someone change these feelings? I've never known anyone to be so stubborn and close minded about anything! As someone who has never had an addiction I do find it very hard to understand how someone can find intentionally inhaling poison into their lungs a desirable thing to do.
And I want to HELP and support my boyfriend but how do you try and help someone who doesn't want to be helped?! He doesn't see it as an important thing, but I do very much so because I love my boyfriend and don't feel it's right for me to sit by and watch him commit a slow suicide. He says he doesn't care about his health, but I DO. (sorry to be dramatic)
I am trying my hardest to give my boyfriend the motivation to quit smoking. We have what we agree is a long term future together, we're moving in together soon and in the future (not necessarily in the next few years..) we hope to marry and have our own family etc.
All I ask of him is for him to quit smoking, he bought nicorette gum and swears he was trying hard to pack it in. But I found out recently that he has been smoking at work and hiding it from me.
Not good. He knows him smoking upsets me but I would prefer he let me support him in quitting rather than doing it behind my back.
The touchy bit is why he doesn't want to quit. Someone very close to him died 18 months ago for absolutely no reason, she never smoke drank or took drougs in her life and was perfectly healthy.. but had sudden unexplainable heart failure and died.
Now my boyfriend says "when your time is up your time is up" and thinks if you're destined to die you will...... my opinion is there are some things in life you can take action to prevent and there are some things you can control. Sucking tar on a daily basis - something you CAN control. Smoking WILL kill him. He says it's "just smoking", but I know and most everyone knows that that just isn't so.
I think him smoking and not caring is very hypocritical as he has suffered a great loss but thinks he can continue smoking and marry me and quite possibly make me go through the same grief and become a WIDOW because of his smoking?! Oh and possibly the children he may have one day?! To be blunt I think it's childish and selfish behaviour. I understand addiction is a serious thing and is not easy to overcome, but to DENY that addiction is a problem?!!?! I just can't get my head around it!!
Hmm, bit of a rant there but it infuriates me. So does anyone have any tips on how to help someone change these feelings? I've never known anyone to be so stubborn and close minded about anything! As someone who has never had an addiction I do find it very hard to understand how someone can find intentionally inhaling poison into their lungs a desirable thing to do.
And I want to HELP and support my boyfriend but how do you try and help someone who doesn't want to be helped?! He doesn't see it as an important thing, but I do very much so because I love my boyfriend and don't feel it's right for me to sit by and watch him commit a slow suicide. He says he doesn't care about his health, but I DO. (sorry to be dramatic)
Oh dear I had too many tabs open and posed this in the wrong forum.
Apologies, can admin delete it please?
Apologies, can admin delete it please?