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Those who need to tell lies about their past have a problem. They ARE THE ONES WITH THE PROBLEM ..... NOT THE ONES WHO ASK.
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my god its exactly what i feel to.i wish she were virgyn.i just think to break up.i dont want this any more to happend.every time i think that she dont deserve my love.its eating me every day more.when i think to break up im getting slowly happy.she made say and BELIAVE that girls are worst than devils.i wish some times to be in 1900 because that days 99% of free womens was virgyn without past.now you are trying to find a virgyn but its more easy to find a billion euro in a bag than that.damn femals.

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im sorry dude but im a lot of selfish.all of us i think.but if my girlfriend says me it doesnt matter i would take it as yes.then its gonna eat me slowly.i wish she lied to me better.but even if she lied i would get a lot mad.so we must find a VIRGYN
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Just relax mate, I can fully understand where your coming from and can relate in a way. Everyone would ideally like their girlfriend/boyfriend to have been a virgin and never had romance till they found you. We both know thats not possible. She is with you now and the fact she hasnt treated you meaningless should mean a lot to you. Focus on the present and future youll have with her

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I need some opinions.  I've been dating this women for 3 months now.  I was asking about some of her past relationships and she mentioned she had a sexual arragement for another man around 8-12 months ago.  Once I started asking more questions about how long it lasted or who it was with, she wouldn't tell me and said it was secret between her and the man.  I asked if the man was single, she said yes.  When I asked if I knew the man, she didn't say anything- which means it is someone I know and since we both work at the same office I have concluded that some guy at the office had some sort of sex fling with my current girlfriend. 

how should I feel about this?  I really care about this women and want to keep dating her but I can't stand that she is willing to put someone elses secret before me and my feelings. I've been very tempted to just dump her over this. 

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I totally agree.
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Yes. This type of issue is very common amongst men of various age groups. You should never inquire about your partner's past sexual escapades and the only thing that should matter is that they're disease free. Never delve into the arena of her past experiences because it'll open up Pandora's box. Let's be real. The only thing that you're going to do with that information is begin a comparison between you and them. This is begging to create an inferiority complex, especially if you discover that she did some sexual acts that haven't been tried in your bedroom. I've come to realize over the years that women are selective in how they do things. In other words, women do things based upon feelings which is why they are inconsistent in how they give themselves sexually. She might be very experimental with one and conservative with the other. Again...how she puts out is contingent upon her perception of each man. This is why it stings us to the core when we discover that she possibly had more broad or better experiences prior to us because we put heavy emphasis on our sexual prowess. We want to be the first or best in everything and that's just not reality. Embrace the fact that you might never be numero uno in this arena and focus on how much she cares about you. If not...then your going to destroy any hope of having a long, fruitful, and productive relationship with her.

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I like this topic a lot. I of course have the same problems as everyone else here.

Let me start by just saying I'm very OCD about many things. I thought I took this topic too far with my girlfriend which I probably did for a short time at the start of our relationship. It has slowly dissipated, but I'm still reminded a lot due to the fact the guys are still around here. We started dating when we were 15. We are both now 20. I had sex with one girl before her, and I've never gotten a straightforward answer out of her ever. I think she has been with 1 other guy, but won't admit to it because she knows I have this problem. So now I think all the time did she or did she not. She did things with 5 other guys 1 of which she dated for a year. (He still calls but she ignores) She didn't have sex with them, but did likes like fingering...ha****b...make out ext ext. At the beginning of our relationship I was a wreck all the time it killed me. There was nothing I could do about it. I think a majority of this was the hormones making me extra emotional,but I still think about it time to time. MY BIGGEST CONCERN with them being with someone else is STIs. I know I would go off the deep end if I received one. My girlfriend has actually been really nice to me about all this. I just came right out, and told her if she cheated on me, and then had sex with me I know I would hurt her... I asked her I just said if you cheat on me don't tell me. Just break up with me. I know this makes me sound crazy, but I would be ruined the rest of my life.

I think I have kinda figured out why this goes through our heads. What is the difference between cheating, and them hooking up with someone else before you?? There isn't both involves the girl having sexual relations with the guy. One is worse obviously because they are supposed to be with you, but I think this is my problem, and many others. Our brain doesn't register other guys they have been with as past relationships, we think of it as cheating. I don't think there is anyway around it, but me personally I know that if this relationship doesn't work out for whatever reason I would not ever be in another relationship unless I of course found a girl who was a virgin or did very minimal stuff. My girlfriend I found at 15 already did all this stuff!?! How are you supposed to find one who has done the same around 20?!?

lol I know I may sound crazy, but this is just how I think I can't help it... I'm not a women beater lol... I just wouldn't emotionally be able to handle some things like this. Also let me say another big reason I couldn't handle it is because of all the damn STIs out there... 1 in 3 sexually active girls have one at least! who wants to take that risk?

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To all the guys out there thinking about who your girl/wife was before you, I know its a feeling that poisons you but it is true what people are saying; she is with you now and that is all that matters. I am choosing to be the better man in my relationship because, like a lot of guys, I know something I wish I didn't. However, I know some of the bad things her ex did and I will not stoop to that level by calling her a w****, which broke her heart. Think of all the things she loves that you do for her. One good thought leads to another I find. I would die for my girlfriend in a heartbeat and I want her to know that. I DARE you guys to strive for better. Good luck guys

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Sure. And then you`ll cheat on her one day with more experienced girls who know what you want in bed. Or she`s cheating on you because she missed the comparison and experience which girls with a past have. That´s why they can choose wise and sustainable.
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Thank you mate ...helped me a lot ..

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dude i've been there. im 44 now and i think back to when i was your age trust me on this the older you get the more you think what was i thinking back then? just let it go! if you love her and you feel she loves you thats all that matters.don't be the guy that looks for a problem when one isnt there. i cant tell you how many relationships ive had that failed because of my insecurities. and if your not a virgin an putting that kind of demand on her your being selfish! let the past be that just the past. the present is all that matters. but you also learn from the past. like not putting your finger into a light socket because it will hurt. DUH! at 31 you should be ready to be a man and make a good decision with your life. i used to let people walk all over me and get their way. i stayed in relationships that were doomed to fail until the girl broke up with me.i dont do that anymore. i will kick a b***h to the curb quick. treat me like i treat you or go on down the road.i had 2 girlfriends at different times and these 2 for instance i did not cheat on or even think about cheating on but i got accused of cheating by the 2 of them. at the end the 2 of them cheated on me. so if you got a good one let it be that and don't be selfish. and don't give up on a woman that could be your soul mate.

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I know what ur going throw I'm I. The exact same position it pisses me if to think about that c**p I love her so much but for some reason that really irritates me. Women won't understand this its really messed up
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Let’s face it, the whole “no right to ask” persona is simply a convenient notion to avoid having to justify shameful or irresponsible past behaviour; which a potential life -long companion has every right to know!

Why I agree you don’t need to know everything, you DO NEED to find someone who lives up to your standards. For me that is very simple, I ask “have you slept with more or less than x amount of people” if they say more, I walk away. That’s not self- esteem or security issues, its personal standards. If I don’t like the guys answer, I don’t pursue a relationship of any kind.

Definitely do not waste your time with anyone who has a different outlook on sexual intimacy.

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Jealousy is often associated with abusive men, the type who need to control a woman.  If you are insanely jealous about her past then it means there is something wrong in you. You perhaps have low self esteem or lack confidence.  This is what you should be working on fixing before your jealousy becomes overbearing and you lose the girl anyway.

 Google domestic abuse and you will see what I mean.  Fix yourselves so you can be happy men.

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