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Listen Very carefully. The people who are claiming it doesn't matter are totally screwed up by society to think it has no relevance how many men your girlfriend has been with. It is completely natural to not be cool with your girl having slept with a bunch of dudes. Think about it! Think about the kinkiest things you do together and then realize you're not the only guy she let "experience that" or "did that to". If you find that your girlfriend is nothing more than a carnival ride that your simply the latest customer to buy a ticket on DUMP HER! There are plenty of women out there who are not as screwed up (pun intended).

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The best advice I can give is: don't be impulsive. Think carefully about the situation you're in, the good and the bad, because you might feel strongly over something a certain day and realize it was menial the next. When my girlfriend told me the facts of her ex boyfriend who she had been dating for almost 2 years (which at 18, 2 years is very serious at least for me) I could not stand it and almost made the biggest regret of my relationship. I gave it just a couple of days and realized I was being self-centered. I cannot blame her for having a past and was selfish for trying to. I cannot share her past either, but I can share her present and hopefully her future, and that makes me lover her more and more every day. I am so thankful I did not feed my impulses and end the relationship then and there, and I hope if you guys find yourself in a similar situation, none of you do either. Just give it thought and maybe some time and truly consider it all.

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After reading several threads and articles on jealousy in men in terms of relationships (because I was a jealous type too), the best advice is:1) don't hate yourself for being jealous it's natural2) don't hate her that YOU are jealous of her past (she can't fix her past)3) talk or hangout with other friends that are girls, if possible lol. (boosts self confidence and helps you focus on why you love your girlfriend and to get input from a girl's perspective)4) have a life of your own (have some time for yourself to relax and to find inner peace)5) stop comparing yourself to other dudes that don't matter 6) hit the gym (boosts confidence and releases stress)7) remember that it is not a competition with your girlfriend (stop trying to make her feel bad because you do)7) don't forget to love her(as most people do - make her feel special)

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This REALLY helped me!!: It comes down to THE BEST SEX EVER You want to give her THE BEST SEX EVER....She wants to give you THE BEST SEX EVER (Regardless of your previous partners but taking u have had at least one) Have you had THE BEST SEX EVER?? Probably not... Trust me, She hasn't had THE BEST SEX EVER either Could you give her THE BEST SEX EVER? Of course u can, work hard to accomplish that. She could give you THE BEST SEX EVER, she's gonna have to work hard too so you completely go "WOW" This is the realization, when two people love each other they want to provide one another with THE BEST in every area of life. Regardless of how many relationships she's had VS you... You both want exactly THE SAME and whether uve had experience or not it's EQUALLY hard to achieve that goal, or... EQUALLY SIMPLE because you are both blessed to be in LOVE. Making love is the perfect mixture of emotions and actions. It only makes sense when both work hand in hand. Plain sex no matter how hardcore only fulfills the action segment of that. You LOVE this girl, she LOVES you, she's loved before and you've loved before but, do you remember your ex when you're enjoying the present so much with her? YOU DON'T, trust me SHE DOESN'T EITHER MAKE LOVE, because even if ur having hardcore sex you'll involve feelings, you LOVE HER more than anyone, she LOVES YOU like that too. THIS IS THE BEST SEX EVER. A wonderful performance with wonderful feelings. You wont remember you ex's, she won't either... Not even for a second. Because you both have the same objective, the same feelings, the same chances of succeeding... Maybe u had 1 girlfriend or 4 or 100... But you want to make THIS ONE feel amazing, SHE WANTS YOU TO FEEL AMAZING, you are THE ONE for her, just like she is the one for you. The question here is LOVE if you are sure you love her and she loves you. I guarantee YOU ARE ON THE SAME BOAT AS HER and it's heading in the same direction. You are her, she is you right now; no matter if she 'ate peanuts' and you 'ate almonds' in the past... You're both eating from the same plate TODAY! (Its a silly analogy perhaps, but analyze it) Our worries come from feeling unequal or in a less favourable position... She had more than you... It doesnt matter if you BOTH dont have what matters today. There's no disadvantage. You feel THE SAME as her and its the same effort to give THE BEST SEX EVER for both.
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Hi, just wanted to say i have been with my girlfriend for six months now, and i love her more than anyone ever, but i've only just found out about all her ex boyfriends and i can't deal with it. She is 19 and has been intimate with 6 guys before me, granted shes only slept with 3 of them but i cant deal with it at all! I know it might be because i'd only been with one girl before her, but why do i have such a problem with this? I can't be intimate with her because i can't get the images of her with the other three guys out of my head! I think its because i felt like she was like me and had only been with one or two other people but knowing that shes been with six makes me feel like she's not like me at all! I don't want this relationship to end but i can't see myself getting over it because i feel like the way she is with me can't really be what she's like if she has done all that stuff in the past! It makes me feel like c**p because i've only been with 1 other person, shes been with 7 guys i've been with 2 girls, i don't know how to deal with this! Please can anyone offer some advice? thanks.
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hey im in confuse as he ask above same story but she love one guy before she was in 11 std then after her breakoff she has with onther guys in relation ship and she had sex with her the point his that i can,t forgot her past but i love u veru much plz help me out

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Hi. I am somehow glad I read this since I am a girl and a long time ago ex had this issue with me. It ruined the relationship. I knew he had a past but it didn't bother me becuase I was just happy to have him. I really loved him and nobody else mattered. In fact I had never been in love before even though I had a bad past in that regard as some of these girls. I couldn't understand why he would feel like that about me if I never asked or question his past so much. It really hurt my self steem and made me close off which made him more suspicious. But atleast now I kind of feel what he felt through reading this. I still think that the past is the past and it should be left there. I am a totally different person partly because of that first love that is gone and there's a reason. 

This serious relationship taught me sexual relations should only be done with the love of your life. I would never do it with someone I didn't trully love and I have to be married to that person. I hope the person I love doesn't ask me how many people I have slept with because I'm trying to forget about that and it hurts to be asked that as if that is going to determine my worth. 

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I've been with the same circle of friends since high school and have dated 3 guys from this group. My current boyfriend actually knows my ex-boyfriends and it's never caused a problem. But this dosen't work for everyone. 

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I am a virgin and I love my gf very much. I had no problem at all the first time when my gf told me she had intimate relationship with only 1 ex bf of 3 years. In fact I respected and love her even more for her honestly and courage to tell me the truth and I told her I am open about it as long she knows it's a mistake and learnt from it.

Recently, after going steady for 6 months she revealed more about her sexual past with another 2 different guys. I was shocked as in why didn't she tell me that the first time? She said all the guys are good guys who love her and it's not a fling. She said she didn't love them and that  is why their relationship didn't work out. I was even more troubled when she said she has no feeling while having sex with them and I find it very hard to believe. She even roughly told me the amount of times she had sex with them after I insist I want to know everything about her past. 

I know the past is the past because I really love her for who she is today but the past stories keeps affecting how I feel for her after I trusted her so much the first time she told me about the only 1 ex-bf. I am now doubting her telling me the whole truth about her past life. I have watched "Chasing Amy" and I find that my situation is different because I am not concerned about her experimental past but I am concern about how truthful she is with her present feeling and thinking towards me.

To all the girls out there, when a guy truly love you he will ask about the past not because he wants to know the numbers for ego purpose but he wants to understand, care, support, protect and love you better so that you can overcome your past and live in the present peacefully. Don't avoid telling the whole truth the first time because trust only come once.

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you sound like a sweetheart.
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Giving advices like that... it really annoys me. Don't blame you girl for messing up. YOU MESSED UP!!! You simply expect way too much from a normal human being. It is a standard thing that a female will not tell you X until you create a level of comfort and trust that will allow her to tell you X. She desperately want to tell you everything, but NOT if she thinks you will freak out. My theory: Somehow you have 'tricked' her into trusting you. Either you forced her to tell you or you really did something good so she started feeling more comfortable finally reaching the level of comfort and trust that was needed for her to open up to you. My personal opinion: Finally she opens up to you and you just trash her in this forum.

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I suffer from this as well.  As with other cases, I found out certain details (from prying) that I wouldn't want to know, but had to know anyway.  I found out he had certain attributes which out-did my own attributes (bigger in the pants, apparently some insanely long sex session, she couldn't walk for days after).  He was her first time and it was along the lines of f**k buddy / booty call (meaningless).  Of course it stings my ego to think about.  Of course I will ruminate on it at times and it makes me feel bad.  And yeah, it only happens for someone you truly love.

For me, it cuts into self esteem issues.  I have ADHD and that's something we tend to have.  Some evil part of me thinks I am not good enough for her, or as good as some previous guy in the sack.   Inferiority complex. 

Here are some important life lessons learned and ways to cope.

1) Never ask about past sex life.  What you don't know can't hurt you.  Imagine in her head she's an angel, and stick with that.

2) Realize all of her previous sex partners lead her to you.  All circumstances (good and bad) previous to this moment lead her to you right now.  If you love her, then accept all of her previous experiences (good and bad) and appreciate the fact they lead her to you.

3) Step up your game in the sack.  Work your ass off to turn her own and make her cum.  Who cares about the previous guy?  Focus on your own game which means focusing on her. 

4) Let yourself sulk about it for a couple of days.  Then stop!!!  Cut it off!! 

5) If you find yourself continuing to think about it, then distract yourself by making some great plans involving her and improving the relationship.   

6) Why are you letting some chumps ruin your relationship with her?  If you seriously think they are better than you are, then just give up and dump her and go find someone worse .    In other words GET OVER IT!!

7) It's not her fault she has a past before you, so you certainly should never blame her.  Realize you are the one creating these thoughts.  Realize you are choosing to think this way.  Once you realize you are in control then STOP DOING IT.

8)  When it makes you angry, to visit the heavy punching bag at the gym.  Pretend you are knocking the guy out.  This actually works really well and gets your aggression out.

9)  Don't get angry at yourself for feeling these thoughts, just change them.  Reframe them.  Give her the night of your life and know it's way better than anyone else can do.

10) Write your feelings down on a piece of paper, be totally and brutally honest with yourself and how you feel.  Then burn that piece of paper. 

11) Realize you could possibly destroy yourself and the relationship if you keep dwelling on this.  Do you want that?  Then her previous chump is now controlling your life.  Seriously, is that what you want?

12) Realize you are a past chump for other girls.  And some jealous guy is thinking the same thing about you.  You are human.  This sort of thinking happens.  Just decide what's more important, some unimportant history or a beautiful future with the girl you love?  The choice is yours. 

13) Realize this will keep repeating itself if you don't deal with it and overcome it.  You will ruin many good relationships due to your own insecurities, and good relationships in my experience are tough to find.  So just knock it off already.

Lastly, the movie "Chasing Amy" is essentially about this same topic.   It might be a good movie to watch and laugh at and see how silly this kind of thinking is. 

I hope this has helped you guys.  Remember you are strong enough to overcome it, and it's totally worth it.

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yha man.its good to know that you not on your own to these kind of problems but we don't want to come forward with our problems.as i read this message i am loughing and sad at the same time because i've been through the same thing.so lets talk man to man.i gues we selfish a way as man and it kills me to love a woman very much and the thought that she slept with who and who.but lets accept that they have lives too wheather we like it or not or we will lose them then regrt it later.the problem with us as guys we date and do sex with as many women as we can and expect women to be angels.i sometimes say that i should have built a strong relationship with a virgin or maybe some one who slept with one or two partners but i can't do that now.my advise is you need to accept her as she is because if you quit you might meet with the worst one,someone who has 3 children and have unsolved issues with previous partners.stop being insecured with this girl because you will lose her to that past lover of 4 years.4years is a lot to build a bond with someone.even if she do not tell you she can still have unfinished business with that guy.i want to tell all of us as to respect and accept women as they are,yes i know no man wants to date a w**** we want to date angel and angels are very rare.if you miss an angel at that young age then at an older age its not easy to find one.godluck to you bra and don't do anything to push her away sharp.
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hi bra.i was not going to comment on your topic but in a way it attracted me passing by.bra i have a similar situation but yours is far more extreme than mine.let me share my little story with you.okay!!i broke my virginity in 2011 june and i am 25 now.i always thought that i want to keep my self until i meet that special person because i did not want to be in the same situation as yours.so on june 2011 i slept with 2 girls by mistake and did not love them and that was the last time.i continued the search to find that special girl and this year i found a girl that i don't want to let go.i have a problem with her though.when i ask her about her ex's she tells me tha she slept with one guy in 2011 and that was once.she further says that guy then cheated and she dumped him and that guy bragged about sleeping with her and they used a condom.my problem is i can't keep the image of that guy out of my face and i even ask what other partners used to do for her but i notice that she still has less experience.still i am jealous.its painfull bra to keep yourself the way you did then find this type of a women but if you love her stay and if secand thoughts then hunt for that angel but its a pity i don't know your age.as for me i am not letting go of my girl no way.we as males compete with females so its the survival of the fittest.if you find an angel keep it bra becausee they are very rare sharp and goodluck.i am happy that my girl has never had sperms of man in her at least LOL.
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i have similar problem bru but relax she is yours and there is one factor you not considering and that is her last boyfriend is still angry that she got away and he mourns while you stressed about him.gudluck ke bru.
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