A Parents' Guide To Their Son's Puberty

Puberty is a roller coaster of changes — not just for the youngsters who are going through it, but for their parents as well.

Are you the parent of a boy who is approaching this rough and exciting ride of adolescence? While you are probably looking for ways to effectively support him through the whole thing, it's inevitable that you're quite anxious about this new stage of life yourself as well.

Boy Puberty — When Does It Start?

Male puberty generally starts between the ages of 10 and 12. Though some boys show the first signs of puberty a little earlier while others are a little later, male puberty generally kicks off slightly later than female puberty. As with all other developmental milestones your son reached before this Biggie, puberty comes with an age range, rather than a specific date.

Remember how you were worried because your child wasn't sitting up yet and your friend's was, or your sister was freaking out because her kid couldn't talk yet while yours was expressing himself in complete sentences — or something similar to that?

Whether your boy is an early bird or a late bloomer, you can generally expect most of the physical changes of male puberty to be complete by age 16. It's time to look for medical help for delayed puberty of you see no signs of puberty at all by age 14. For boys, delayed puberty is diagnosed if there is no growth of testes by that age.

What Happens To Boys During Puberty?

Adolescents of both sexes grow taller, develop more body hair, start to sweat more and develop an odor, and experience skin issues — yes, pimples — as their skin becomes oilier. Both boys and girls go through mood swings, (usually) start to develop sexual feelings, and go through general emotional upheaval that is very likely to include outbursts at home.

That last sentence just about sums up what parents dread most, doesn't it? However, puberty is a key time for your son's identity formation. It's when he's working on becoming the man he's going to be for the rest of his life, and even the interpersonal conflict you may have with him (and how you both handle it) will be impacting his development.

In addition, boys will develop broader shoulders and gain muscle mass. They'll undergo growth of the testes and scrotum between the ages of 10 and 13, and penis growth follows between the ages of 11 and 14. Pubic and body hair tends to appear between the ages of 10 and 15, and the boy will need to start shaving about two years after that happens.

What else do parents — especially moms — need to know to be prepared for male puberty? Well, boys can have sore "breasts" too, and their chest area will increase in size a little too, something they may just find a tad frightening. It's normal, though. Nocturnal emissions, or the dreaded "wet dreams" are another completely normal part of puberty, and masturbation is also completely normal for adolescents of both sexes.

See Also: A Parents' Guide To Their Daughter's Puberty

To make this aspect of puberty less embarrassing for your son, teaching him to do his own laundry is a wonderful idea. 

Your Son's Puberty: Don't Arrive At The Destination Unprepared

Puberty: When To Talk About 'It'

Puberty is a tremendously important period during which lots and lots happens. Though it may seem pointless to talk about this roller coaster with the under-10 crowd, there is a lot to be said for preparedness. Puberty is a huge topic, after all, and those raging hormones combined with peer pressure may just mean that your son won't listen to your well-meant and necessary "friendly talks" for a while. Consider getting all the important information into that brain well before puberty knocks on the door. 

Kids who aren't there yet will typically listen to anyone who provides info in an interesting way. Once the signs of puberty are on full display and the kid feels slightly self-conscious about the whole thing, he may well prefer to talk with his dad or another guy he trusts instead of mom, though. To make asking questions during puberty easier, dads can make it clear that non-judgmental conversations are always available — and then follow that promise up in practice. No freak outs during talk about girlfriends (or boyfriends!), masturbation, questions about penis length, and stuff like that.

Sex Ed? Yikes?

Nearly all kids who are going through puberty are interested in sex. (Nearly all? Yes, there is such a thing as asexuality.) Crushes, falling head over heels, dating, and more serious relationships may be on the cards, depending on your family culture. All of these things may still either be happening or on your son's mind even if he's not discussing it with you. Talking about it is good, right?

Unfortunately, western culture still largely sees responsible and safe sex, including contraception, as a woman's domain. Parents of boys can contribute to changing that unfortunate aspect of society by teaching their sons all about different forms of contraception, sexually transmitted diseases, and pregnancy.

My boy will be hearing that it takes two to create a pregnancy, and that having sex can theoretically always result in a one, regardless of contraception — though contraception is a very good thing to use if one wants to prevent conception. If pregnancy does happen, it's the responsibility of both gamete providers.

He'll also be hearing that "no" means just that and chasing after a girl who already said no isn't cute. Because teaching about consent is just as important as discussing contraception, protection, and sexually-transmitted diseases.

You, Your Son, And Explosive Emotions

Your son may become taller than you, and physically stronger, during puberty. Though he'll seem very grown up and no longer your little baby, he'll still need you and your guidance — even (no, perhaps especially) when he's emotionally explosive, something that will happen. Don't forget to simply connect with your son during this vulnerable time. Now's the ideal time to have serious and fun conversations about everything from politics to school, and from the meaning of marriage to his own body image.

See Also: What Every Parent Should Know About Pedophiles

Puberty is a turbulent time. It also lays the foundation for the relationship you will have with your son for the rest of his life. Enjoy the ride!