How To Choose A Safe Babysitter For Your Child

Most parents will leave their child with a babysitter at some point, and some kids are regularly in the care of a babysitter. Babysitters can have a very positive impact on children, creating memories of fun evenings filled with games and movies. They can also, in some cases, turn an otherwise safe and loving home into a living nightmare. Choosing the right babysitter can be a challenge, but these tips should point you in the right direction. 

When Can You Leave Your Child With A Babysitter?

New parents may ask when their child is old enough or ready to be left with a babysitter, but their is no one definite answer to this question and every parent will need to make this decision for themselves. Your decision will depend on your own gut feelings, your circumstances, and your wider approach to parenting. Some parents are comfortable leaving their child in the care of a babysitter practically right after they give birth, while others will wait months or even longer.

Mothers who are exclusively breastfeeding will deal with practical restrictions — babies who nurse on demand can't be left for very long at all during the newborn stage. Parents who don't breastfeed or whose babies drink pumped milk when they're not around have more leeway, because they don't have to worry about their baby's nutritional needs. 

So how do you choose a safe, responsible babysitter? You'll want to look at several separate things:

• Most importantly, you'll want to know that your child is safe with the person you choose.
• Then, you'll want to examine the babysitter's childcare skills.
• You will probably want a babysitter who is on the same parenting-philosophy wavelength. 
• For older children who are able to express themselves verbally, you'll want a person your child likes. 

Why Choosing A Babysitter Is A Big Deal

Chances are that you've already seen "nannycam" videos of nannies and babysitters beating young children up. If you haven't, you're only a Google search away from extremely disturbing footage, some of which appeared in media outlets after these "carers" were charged. Sexual abuse is also a possibility any parent hiring a babysitter should consider. Parents who think this is so rare they don't need to worry about it should think again — statistics show that one in three girls and one in and one in five boys will have had sexual contact with an adult by the time they're 18. As a parent, you play an extremely powerful role in protecting your child from victimization. 

Then, there's a whole host of other concerns, like whether your babysitter uses drugs and alcohol on the job, steals from you, or is just clueless when it comes to childcare. 

Some parents are lucky enough to have people they already know well and trust completely — grandma, for instance — at their disposal. If you are one of them, you can stop reading now, because they don't have anything to worry about. For everyone else, big decisions lie ahead. 

See Also: What Every Parent Should Know About Pedophiles

Gone are the days in which most people lived their whole lives in a single community and someone's reputation meant something, in other words. In this relatively anonymous world, it is fairly easy for people to represent themselves as something they just aren't. Not having any connection with your potential babysitter's daily life, finding out what kind of person they really are can be tough. Thankfully, there are things you can do to reduce a candidate's anonymity.

The Babysitter Selection Process

As a parent, you probably won't have access to FBI-style resources. You can't subject your potential babysitter to a lie detector test, finger print checks, drug testing, and have a private investigator tail them. That does not mean you're powerless, though. With the right approach, you won't even need all those fancy resources.

Gavin de Becker offers a comprehensive list of questions for potential nannies, which I have linked in the links box at the bottom of this article for you to review. (I also can't recommend his books enough to anyone who cares about personal safety, both their own and their children's.) Questioning potential babysitters doesn't guarantee you'll get honest answers by any means, but you'll certainly get much more information than you would if you didn't ask tough questions at all.

Among de Becker's suggested questions are these:

• What is your philosophy about discipline?
• Have you ever suspected that a child in your care was being sexually molested by someone?
• Why do you do this work?
• What is your opinion of drugs and alcohol?
• Who is your best friend and how would you describe your friendship?
• Describe the best child you ever babysat for. Describe the worst child you ever babysat for.

By asking these questions along with the others from de Becker's list, you'll be able to form a good initial impression of the person. De Becker also gives another essential piece of advice: ask for references, and contact all of them. Not only will you get to know the candidate much better, you'll also raise the consequence of doing anything inappropriate for the babysitter, who knows you have a connection to their real life, so they can't just disappear into the sunset. 

It's even better to ask the references the person supplies to give you the number of another person who also knows your candidate. These "cold references", who are not expecting your call, are very unlikely to have been briefed on what to say in advance and can give you much more accurate information. 

A Word About Agencies 

You may think babysitting agencies will already have done that tough vetting work for you, so you don't have to worry. Just remember that it's in these agencies' interest to approve candidates, rather than to reject them. This may skew their interpretations. Parents who find their sitters through an agency should still go through an interview process, just as those who locate their candidates independently. Likewise, you may feel safer if someone you know recommends a sitter, but that feeling may be misplaced and you will still want to ask the same tough questions. 

What Else Do You Need To Know?

Young teen girls are certainly the least likely to abuse your child. They are also the least likely to be able to deal with emergency situations like strangers trying to get into the house, fires, and the like. Furthermore, they may invite boyfriends and friends over when you are not around. 

When we first hired a babysitter, I decided to stay around the house while she was there for a few months. This way, I was able to get my work done while still having the possibility to observe how the sitter got on with my kids. I visited her house, meeting her husband and kids. I even went to her Church with her on one occasion. Once we had developed a trust relationship, I left my kids for short periods of time, to go shopping or to drink a coffee with my husband across the road. Gradually, everyone became comfortable with each other. Though she is no longer our babysitter, years later she is still a family friend. 

See Also: Parents & Babysitters: First Aid Guide for Children

Do you take the approach that "you never know about people"? Well, if you have a weird gut feeling about your sitter, there may be a reason for that. Don't wait until you get definite "proof" something inappropriate is happening. If you feel the need to install a nannycam, it's already time for your sitter to go.