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As a tiny baby coming into the world, we needed to feel safe and loved. This means that we needed to be held and carried by a loving Adult during most of our waking hours – an Adult capable of bringing through love from Spirit to us.


It means that our basic needs needed to be met quickly – our needs for food, diaper changes, smiles - and comfort when our body was giving us a hard time.
It means that we needed to sleep next to a loving Adult to help us feel safe.


In most indigenous societies, this is exactly what happens. And this kind of mothering is more common today.
But it was rare in our society when most of us were born.

Were your parents loving Adults, capable of giving love to themselves, each other, and to you? Or were they needy, anxious, overwhelmed, angry, depressed? When they held you did they bring love to you or did you feel smothered by them?

If you were a child who didn't like being held, there is a good possibility that your mother was needy and trying to get love instead of give it to you. Did you get fed when you were hungry, or were you put on a schedule? Were you held or left in alone in a crib or playpen? When you cried did someone come, or did you end up crying for a long time, or finally giving up? Did you sleep near or with your parents, or were you left alone? Were you treated with tenderness and caring, or was there abuse?

If you did not get the mothering you needed from either of your parents, the chances are there is still a little baby in you needing mothering. The lack of mothering may be underlying your own neediness, addictions, and difficulty in connecting with your spiritual Guidance.
When we didn't have adequate mothering, we often project our parent's unloving behavior onto God and are afraid to open to our Guidance. Our wounded self believes that if our parents were judgmental, controlling, unavailable, harsh, punitive - then God must be that way too.

How can you get this need for mothering met now?

There are two ways of getting this need met.

1. Find a loving person who will hold you and rock you like a baby, with no agenda attached. This means no sexual energy or agenda for sex, no neediness, no need for approval – just bringing through love to the baby in you. Obviously, this is not easy to find. Sometimes good friends can mother each other and much healing can occur. Participants at our Intensives are often mothered and may experience deep healing as a result.

2. Get a doll or stuffed animal and hold it as if it were you as a baby, opening to your Guidance and bringing through the love to your inner baby that you never received as a baby. In addition, you would need to meet your other needs – feeding yourself well, getting enough sleep, accepting and approving of yourself, speaking up for yourself, and so on. The more you consciously and consistently treat yourself the way you wish you had been treated by your parents, the more that empty place within gets filled.


Healing occurs as the baby within you finally gets his or her needs met by you. It is very sad to not have been adequately mothered, but it is never too late to get this need met and heal the inner yearning for this level of loving. This is what the Inner Bonding process we teach is all about – moving beyond being a victim of the past and giving yourself the love you have always wanted and needed.