Signs Of Infidelity: Is Your Partner Cheating On You?

Infidelity is a tough topic. 

Not that long ago, marriages were almost always more about economics, power, and developing family ties than about love. Getting married was, for many people, a political rather than a personal act, and whether future marital partners loved each other, liked each other, or were even attracted to each other was an afterthought at best. Indeed, this is still the way marriage works in much of the world. You can hardly blame someone for being unfaithful in an arranged marriage to a person they don't like. 

I asked some married folks to share their thoughts about cheating on a partner to illustrate just how people in modern western societies feel about unfaithfulness. Wendy, who has been married for 13 years, says: "Infidelity disgusts me. I have nothing against open relationships though I wouldn't want one myself, but the lying and cheating? Yuck! I'd file for divorce if I found out that my husband was cheating, but he isn't." 

Shelly agrees. She says people who cheat "are thrill seekers who seek personal satisfaction without any concern for the people they are hurting". Laura admits to having had an affair with a married man when she was younger, but says she is deeply ashamed. JC, a man, says that infidelity is only OK if both partners agree that seeking relationships or intimacy outside of marriage is acceptable. He says going behind someone's back is wrong and he'd be devastated if his wife cheated on him. Richard believes that monogamy isn't natural for most people. Because he doesn't want to deceive anyone, he's in a poly relationship in which "openness is the most important thing — having relationships without mentioning it is a no-go".

Despite the fact that almost everyone would agree that cheating on a spouse is not OK, infidelity happens. If you suspect your partner is cheating on you and you want to know for sure, you're in for a painful road. The first step, however, is probably recognizing the signs of infidelity. What are they?

Secrecy

Infidelity requires secrecy to thrive. If your partner is suddenly working late, took up a new hobby but won't share the details, is seeing friends a whole lot more than before, or keeps going on business trips, you may have a reason to be suspicious.

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People who are having an affair will also typically conceal their actions by hiding physical things from you, including:

• Clothes — immediately placing clothes in the washing machine upon return home is worrying, if your partner didn't do this before.
• Email messages, internet browsing behavior, or text messages. 
• Their friends, who may know about the infidelity. If your partner is worried about you seeing their friends or relatives, while you saw them regularly before, that is a red flag.

Red Signs That Your Partner May Be Cheating On You

A Change In Routine

Along with sudden secretive behavior, your partner may display changes to their daily routine if they are cheating on you. Not only may they frequently become unreachable and say they have changed their working hours, they may also display puzzling changes in daily routine. Shopping at a new supermarket, changing their route to work, getting up earlier or going to bed later, reading new kinds of books and being interested in new topics may all indicate cheating — within the context of other infidelity red flags, of course. A cheating partner may also engage in guilt-induced behavior like taking you to restaurants or buying gifts. 

The Quality Of Your Relationship

Cheating changes a person's attitude towards their spouse in several ways. Someone who is being unfaithful may spend a lot of mental energy on the other person, leaving you to feel like they are distant and no longer interested. To feel less guilty, they may pick fights with you and criticize things about you that were fine before — anything from your appearance to your character, job, or daily habits. They may also, on the other hand, try to shower you with attention to reduce some of the guilt. 

In the bedroom, you may notice that your partner isn't interested in sex any more. The opposite is also possible, however. Some cheating partners suddenly appear to have a higher libido, or they may act differently between the sheets. They may even want to try completely new things that had not interested either of you before.

Your Intuition Tells You Something Isn't Right

The word "intuition" comes from the Latin for "to watch" or "to guard". Though some people are quick to dismiss those gut feelings, your intuition is essentially a cognitive system that works so quickly that your conscious brain stays out of it. If your intuition tells you you're partner is cheating, that's a huge warning signs — more valuable and informative than all the previous points taken together — that something is wrong. If you have been in a relationship for a long time and know your partner well, you most definitely have the ability to suss out those changes that prove your relationship is in trouble.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Irene, a woman from an Eastern European country, recently asked a question about the mechanism by which it's possible to obtain chlamydia from a swimming pool. That's right, Irene had contracted chlamydia — but when she told her doctor she was a monogamous married woman, he asked her if she had been swimming recently and proceeded to tell her that she may have picked it up at the pool. Why? Did the doctor say this out of some kind of misplaced solidarity with her cheating husband? We'll never know. What we most definitely do know is that you cannot pick sexually transmitted diseases up at the swimming pool, and the toilet seat is another unlikely candidate to put it mildly. 

READ The Effects Of Heartbreak On Your Body

Have you been monogamous for years, and think your partner has too? Some sexually transmitted diseases — HIV and genital warts are both examples — can take years before they give away their presence in the form of symptoms. It is, therefore, indeed possible that either you or your partner brought an STD or several into the relationship without even knowing it. However, being diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease can most certainly also be a warning sign that your partner is cheating on you, and not practicing safe sex.