Signs You May Be In An Abusive Relationship

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anybody and it’s not just isolated to women. Yet, this horrible problem is often overlooked, denied, or excused. Often the signs of someone being abused are subtle and the victim will dismiss questions and shrug off concerns, it’s because he or she is embarrassed or fearful, and doesn’t want to admit there is anything wrong.

Abuse is not only limited to same sex marriages or relationships. This is an issue that doesn’t discriminate and it can occur in a gay or lesbian relationships too.

Nobody should have to live in fear of somebody they love. If you think someone you know may be in an abusive relationship, there are some things you need to know and there are ways you can help.

Abuse is all about gaining and maintaining control over another person. Read on to find out more information about abusive relationships and how to determine if you are in one or not.

Name Calling And Berating

Name calling is an attempt to make someone feel bad and to lower their self-esteem. Verbal berating and name calling puts the abuser in a position of being a bully and makes the victim feel unworthy, self-conscious and hurt. Words wound the heart, stay with the person and reverberate through their consciousness to make them feel bad about themselves.

Controlling Behavior

It’s not uncommon for an abuser to go through a victims personal belongings to look for information. Other types of controlling behavior include spying on a person, showing up unexpectedly when the individual is out with friends, and calling constantly or texting when you aren’t together. These behaviors are examples of mistrust, jealousy and control. If you are having your privacy invaded and can’t have friends of your own, have your whereabouts or phone calls tracked or questioned-you are being abused.

See Also: Another Kind Of Domestic Violence: Signs Of Emotional Abuse In Women

Controlling Money

When your partner or spouse takes your paycheck and doesn’t allow you any money for necessities, it’s a way of controlling you and keeping you reliant on them. If you don’t have money for food, clothing or other needs, your abuser is controlling you to keep you dependent on them so you won’t leave. There are ways you can leave and when you do, you take your money with you and the abuser will soon move onto his or her next victim.

Signs Of Domestic Abuse

Threatening

If your abuser feels he or she is losing control over you, it’s not unusual for them to resort to threats against you, your children, friends or family. An abuser will try whatever methods are necessary to keep you in line and to have you submit to their desires. Fear is a great motivator and an abuser who knows you well will know exactly what to say or do to get you to comply with their wishes. This is the most common type of weapon used in abusive relationships.

Accusations

Accusations of flirting, claims of you being out with someone else or interested in another person are all tactics used by an abuser to project their insecurities onto the victim. In the beginning a person may take these behaviors as gestures of attraction or love, but quite the opposite is true. An abusive person is jealous and insecure in themselves, so alleging you are engaging in these types of behaviors is a way of playing on your guilt.

When you are continually accused of cheating or being attracted to someone else, it winds up causing you to become isolated out of frustration because you’d rather just give up on going out and socializing, rather than to risk making your abuser angry or violent.

Blaming Others

If your partner or spouse always seems to blame their bad behavior on others, it’s a bad sign. When he or she throws a temper tantrum or launches a verbal attack against you, it’s not uncommon for you to bear the blunt of the blame. It’s not a sign of a healthy relationship and if your partner/spouse never takes responsibility for their actions and never admits to being wrong, something needs to change.

Instilling Fear

If you feel afraid when you are around your spouse or partner, this is the signal of something being very wrong. An abuser may try to intimidate you with threats of violence, dominance or through using power tactics. If he or she puts you in dangerous situations and uses intimidation to keep you “in line”, you need to give serious consideration to what’s going on and ask yourself if it’s healthy for you to remain in the relationship.

Punishment

Sometimes, along with being isolated, an abuser may want the victim all to themselves. If you try to go somewhere or do something without him or her, it’s likely to provoke anger, verbal and emotional abuse. At times, if an abuser is infuriated enough he or she may resort to punishing a victim. An abuser may yell, scream and shout, insult and/or make threats, all because a victim was not exclusively hanging out and spending time with them.

Physical Violence

If you are in a potentially abusive relationship and your partner or spouse has exhibited controlling, dominating and jealous behavior, it may manifest into physical violence at some point. At first an abuser may grab the victim roughly by the arm, or slap him or her in the face, or push the person down. However, these are signs of something more serious on the horizon and eventually this behavior has the potential to escalate into full-blown physical violence. If you are the victim of physical violence or if you have been pushed down, shoved, slapped or experienced some other type of harm, reach out for some help and get out of the situation right now, before it’s too late.

Ending An Abusive Relationship

If you or someone you care about is caught up in an abusive relationship, it can be very difficult to picture a life without violence. However, there are ways to break away and stop the cycle of abuse and the first step is to admit to yourself that it’s happening. Fortunately, there are many organizations that are specially designed to provide help and resources for victims of abuse and you can find these through doing an online search, speaking to a medical professional or your local clergy.

See Also: How To Recognize People With Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Don’t wait to leave your abuser, every second you stay your life is in danger. Surround yourself with a strong support network, find a therapist who can help you understand what’s going on and start to rebuild a better, happier life for yourself.