So, You're Autistic! Things That May Change When You're Newly Diagnosed With Autism As An Adult

Autism is a lifelong neurological difference. If you're autistic, you were always autistic — and you always will be. Although research shows that most autistic adults always knew there was something profoundly different about them, they certainly won't always have grown up knowing that that something had a name, or that there are many others who are different in some of the same ways. 

When they were children, there was either no diagnostic category to describe them at all, or the diagnosis was still in its infancy and the people in their lives had no idea it existed or didn't recognize them in it. Even if the diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome, which was since integrated into a unified diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder, existed when they were children, females would have had an especially hard time getting it. Awareness that females can be autistic, too, and that they often manifest differently, has been growing only more recently. 

Instead of being labeled autistic, these people may have been described with altogether less clinical terms. Weird. Unusual. Oddball. Eccentric. Not normal. They may also have been misdiagnosed with mental health conditions. They'll likely have come to terms with being different without knowing why, but left with a vague yearning for self-discovery. 

Autistic people who had no idea they were autistic may start exploring this possibility:

• When they come across descriptions of autism on the internet, on radio shows, on the TV, and in other media. 
• When they have a child who is diagnosed with autism and they realize they are incredibly similar to their child.
• When they seek therapy for reasons ranging from depression to post-traumatic stress disorder, and their psychologist suggests they may be autistic. 
• When someone else in their lives recognizes their autistic traits and tells them that they seem like they could be on the spectrum.

If you're one of these people, you may spend months or years researching and talking to autistic adults. The more you read, the more everything starts making sense. You may be perfectly content knowing you likely fit the bill, and may even tentatively self-diagnose — many, for whom formal diagnosis is prohibitivelty expensive or otherwise inaccessible, do so. You could also, on the other hand, be desperate to know for sure, and pursue a formal diagnosis. 

Here's what's likely to change when you realize you're autistic later in life.

You're likely to feel relieved, but other emotions and thoughts may also pop up

Whether or not they're diagnosed, autistic people of all ages know that they are different. Many adults who are diagnosed with autism later in life — and who grew up having no idea that there was a label to describe their neurology — report that they never "fit in", felt like "aliens", or even reached the conclusion that they were just bad people. Diagnosis allows you to understand why you've been feeling this way. 

Older adults who were recently diagnosed as autistic overwhelmingly feel relieved. Even if you already knew you were autistic and the diagnosis was basically just a "rubber stamp", however, you may have some other thoughts and feelings as well. You may be angry — about the diagnosis or the fact that it was missed for so long. You may panic, or experience shock, and could wonder how your life could have been different if you'd known earlier. You may, as one participant in a research study described it, go through a complete "reboot of your self-perception", needing to process everything you have experienced thus far in a whole new context, and rebuilding your identity as an autistic person. 

You may find the diagnosis incredibly helpful, but it can also come with some problems

Many autistic adults who weren't aware of their neurotype until later in life do find practical value in being diagnosed, even though the diagnosis may not offer them formal support or accommodations and they may not even share the fact that they were diagnosed with many people.

Every little thing that was previously just "weird about them" that turns out to be an autistic trait can be filed away as such. This allows people to find new and better coping mechanisms, recognize what they're struggling with sooner, and build a life more suited to their needs. 

Not only might you learn more about how to cope with the differences that have been limiting you in some way, you could also discover that a lot of your strengths are typically autistic — like a powerful memory, the ability to focus on small details, fast problem-solving and pattern recognition, an unrelenting dedication to finishing what you started, and often a strong commitment to fairness. 

Should you decide to disclose that you're autistic, however, you may also run into problems. Not many people have a very thorough idea of what autism is, but many people think they do — research has found that non-autistic people's perceived knowledge about autism in no way matches their actual knowlege.

This means that talking about your diagnosis can lead to stigma and misunderstanding, both in your personal and professional spheres of existence, and the same people who were relatively accepting when you were "just weird" may start to underestimate your comptetence as they project their misconceptions of what autism means onto you. Some adults report that talking about their diagnosis caused problems at work or even led to them being fired, for instance. Others may encounter friends and relatives who simply don't believe they could be autistic, because you are verbal and seem social.

Think carefully before you start shouting your diagnosis from the rooftop, as you may want to do after finally discovering that you are on the spectrum. 

You may discover a whole new world of autistic people

Reddit, Twitter, Facebook, Quora, blogs... if you have an internet connection and now know that you are autistic, other people you have much in common with are suddenly everywhere. (And people you discover online don't always have to stay there.) After a lifetime of not having this, that discovery can be wonderful. Not only might your social circle expand rapidly, you may also find that all the mismatchy stuff that has defined your life thus far just doesn't happen when you talk to other autistic people. Deficits in social interaction and communication? With neurotypical people, yes — but not with other autistic folks, you may well discover.