She came to me with this the other day and I was beside myself and may have over reacted. She is starting to develop. She complains of being wet and thinks she is not wiping herself well after going to the bathroom. Her breast have developed so that we have gone and gotten her training bras, (though other little girls in her class, don't seem to be wearing them yet).
She said the other day that when she was in getting dried off in her room after her bath that she was sitting on the floor and discovered that rubbing her vagina on the carpet tickled. She said that in an odd way it felt good and she has repeated this act a few other times. She cried and was embarassed and so I addressed the fact that the wetness she was feeling could be discharge and explained to her about her body changing and that soon she would probably begin her period. I discussed ways in which she can make herself feel more comfortable like (wearing of pantie liner) so as not to be uncomfortable should her panties get wet. I explained to her that girls develop at different ages and that her wearing a training bra should not be something she is embarassed by. As for her incident with the tickling of her vagina on the carpet, she later came back and said that she did this before now. I don't know what to make of this. We ask her if anyone had touched her inappropriately. She said no. We explained why we were asking. She has not been sexually abused, other than school she is always with us. The housing community we live in consist of mostly elderly people. Is this common behavior? What can I do to help her. It is obvious that she is ashamed and has apologized repeatedly for this behavior and says she understands that it is wrong and has not done this since we last talked, which was a few weeks ago. We are soon going to be moving from her school and have even thought that with all the change she is seeking attention. We recently lost our home 1 yr ago and moved here and now are moving in to care for her granddad. I am just beside myself and I don't know what to make of all this. I really hope that you can help me as I am worried about this precious little girl of mine. thank you in advance.
I also think that this is very normal. I know that she is very young, that she is only eight years old, but (don't get me wrong about this that I am going to write), but she is feeling nice and pleasant. And that is why she is doing this.
Children masturbation is nothing odd and strange, kids love to explore everything - they playground, new friends, so you should not be surprised why your kid is exploring itself. Don't try to do anything that is not irrational, you should not punish her because she really didn't do anything that is bad. Just go back and remember what were you doing in her ages? Maybe the same thing?
I think part of the openness is tied to our our casual nudity at home. Our sons and daughters have seen their mom, dad and siblings in various stages of undress and dress over the years with no ill effects. It just isn't a big deal for any of us.
Keep up the approach you're using.
Whilst not wanting to conflict with some parents' religious beliefs and views, which I'm sure influence all aspects of their children's lives and behaviour, not just this particular instance, nonetheless I would like to say that it is easy for a parent to over-react about certain things and end up giving their child a complex which they the carry into later life, affecting them in the personal experiences as well as future relationships.
What your delightful , fun, happy and outgoing 8 yr old daughter is doing is actually a perfectly natural thing. Most girls of her age, or even younger, experience pleasurable sensations when rubbing or stroking their bodies, especially in the vaginal area, which is an erogenous zone. Their bodies are designed to respond to this stimulation and they should never be made to feel bad or dirty or upset about their natural responses. Whether you believe that these feelings are from nature or from a creator, our physical impulses are there for a reason - to ultimately promote the sexual urges and, eventually to procreate the species.
You say that she is already starting to develop breasts at this young age and that you have purchased bras for her to wear. Is she happy to wear these? Does she feel more comfortable wearing them, or does she now feel singled-out and 'different' from her schoolmates because of this? This is an important milestone in any young girls life. Are you sure that you are helping her to celebrate and feel good about herself.
Given that she is already maturing, could this 'wetness' you mention not be a result of her sexual organs becoming more developed and responsive, rather than some sort of 'discharge'? By suggesting this to her, are you not filling her head with negative connotations? Furthermore, asking whether she has been abused or inappropriately touched is quite a heavy load for an 8 year old to carry, especially when she is only exploring her own body - in the privacy of the bathroom, not publicly - it was you who walked in on her. It sounds very much like the crying and the repeated apologies for her 'wrong' behaviour are a direct reaction to your own response to this.
I appreciate that she is your little girl and that is must be disconcerting for you to see her suddenly begin to grow up so fast. But, please, don't let your hang-ups become her hang-ups. She should be allowed, and even encouraged, to explore her new-found sexuality in a nurturing way, not made to feel that she is doing something wrong that requires her to apologise 'repeatedly'.
Regardless of whether you approve or not, she is going to want to do this again. The urge will be so strong for her. Please don't make her feel that she is being bad in wanting to do this, because the guilt will increase.
Whether on the bathroom carpet, in her bed at night, riding her bicycle, playing on the seesaw in the park, or in any other number of ways, she will become stimulated again, excited by the feeling between her legs, probably even start becoming wet in her vagina (a very natural response to sexual stimulation). She must be allowed to find a release for this, without guilt or embarrassment. Let her see that there is nothing 'wrong' in her behaviour, nothing to get upset for or apologise about.
The more she is allowed to develop and explore freely, to touch and masturbate herself to the point of sexual release and the outpouring of this tension, the happier she will become. It doesn't mean that she will be going 'off the rails' or some kind of 'problem child'. She will just be doing what many other girls of her age, and some even younger, all around the world, already do on a daily basis. Hopefully, she will grow up to be a well-balanced human being and an emotionally and physically loving and caring wife for someone.
Let her be - it should make her so happy. You do want her to grow up happy, don't you?