My boyfriend and me have been together for an year exactly now. The past one year we've lived in the same city and met almost every single day. But now, he's moved to another city to find work and I remain the same city as before. Till we were together, he showed that he loved me a lot and did every possible thing to make me feel special..I loved him with all my heart and soul..We never had a materialistic kind of a relationship. Neither of us are from very off families so the relationship was entirely emotional.
Then he moved to another city in jan.. Till exactly a week later everything was normal..and all of a sudden, a week later he stopped calling and msgng me.. Whn i confronted him he said he was busy with finding a job.. I waited for a couple of days and nothing changed.. Then all of a sudden he mails me saying that now he wanted to stay in a "casual relationship" which meant like kind of an open relationship..I dunt know what a "Casual relationship" is.. There is either a relationship or none... I called him up and we had a huge fight regarding this.. I was desperate to get things back to normal and not lose him..It went on for 25-26 days.. I asked him if he was dating someone else there and he said no..He accused me of "distracting" him...but moreover his behaviour had changed drastically..When we were together in same city, he never stretched the fight more than a couple of hours or maximum a day...
Just then i just decided to stopped contacting him.. 2 days later, he comes on facebook chat and starts talking. Hoping that he would be normal i start talking to him and thn out of no where he starts abusing me horribly.. I cudn't take it and i abused too.. It went on for a night and then next day morning, whn i was a calmer i wrote him a nice dignified letter saying that he is no one to abuse me and that things have gone way too far to repair and we must end it on a good note. He replied back calling me names again and saying he wanted to slap me.. In my fit of rage, i was desperate to cut contact with him that moment i deleted him from my facebook list very reluctantly, not being very sure about the decision i was making. The same evening he mailed me apologizing and saying that i was very insensitive to delete him and all. He sent me a request again.. I added him back and started talking normally as friends the same night..We spoke about the things we dint know about each other in those 25 odd days and that night we slept peacefully. He admitted that "casual relationship" was something he mentioned in his stupidity and never really meant it. I trusted his word that night.
We started talking every night again. I was desperate to clear out things and to get back with him.. I spoke to him normally for 2 days and then i went back to tell him how much i loved him and missed him. He went on tell me that i shouldn't get involved in all this "love sh*t" and instead "enjoy life"..He said we'd remain as we were that moment.. I dint understand then why he'd been talking to me every night. It kind of was a "casual open relationship" ultimately.. I again thought about it.. But there was no question of just parting ways and me just not being in touch with him.. I called him up and tried to sort out things. After we spoke that day, he started saying that he was really missing me a lot.. And then yesterday he himself came and said that he wanted to get back and propose me and said that he loved me..I was ecstatic.. And then we exchanged a couple of msgs. I never realized that i didn't reply to his love you.. Because if that he dint't talk to me the entire evening and night yesterday.. He again apologized today morning and i said it was ok. Then now we were talking, and all i asked him was when he was coming to meet me.. and he got all furious and told me that i don't come to meet him, and then that i had asked him if he had a secret affair there and then just blew the whole thing out of proportion.. I tried to calm him down but all in vain.. He told me that i'm desperate for a relationship and i can't live without one.. All for the fact that i had only asked him when he was coming to meet me..
I dunno if it's bcuz of his frustration of not finding a job yet. He is an introvert and doesn't talk much. But in the past admitted that i was his only close friend. I tried to ask him if he was frustrated or if there was any other problem after how he reacted tonight but he said no and that i was the reason.. Just that I had asked him when he would meet me next. That's it I had asked. I kept trying to explain to him to not react much as nothing big had happened but all in vain.. Now he's again not talking to me.. He's getting really tough to handle.. Now I'm even scared of what to speak and what not to..
Please advice me..I love him too much and don't want to lose him.. Please.
Then he moved to another city in jan.. Till exactly a week later everything was normal..and all of a sudden, a week later he stopped calling and msgng me.. Whn i confronted him he said he was busy with finding a job.. I waited for a couple of days and nothing changed.. Then all of a sudden he mails me saying that now he wanted to stay in a "casual relationship" which meant like kind of an open relationship..I dunt know what a "Casual relationship" is.. There is either a relationship or none... I called him up and we had a huge fight regarding this.. I was desperate to get things back to normal and not lose him..It went on for 25-26 days.. I asked him if he was dating someone else there and he said no..He accused me of "distracting" him...but moreover his behaviour had changed drastically..When we were together in same city, he never stretched the fight more than a couple of hours or maximum a day...
Just then i just decided to stopped contacting him.. 2 days later, he comes on facebook chat and starts talking. Hoping that he would be normal i start talking to him and thn out of no where he starts abusing me horribly.. I cudn't take it and i abused too.. It went on for a night and then next day morning, whn i was a calmer i wrote him a nice dignified letter saying that he is no one to abuse me and that things have gone way too far to repair and we must end it on a good note. He replied back calling me names again and saying he wanted to slap me.. In my fit of rage, i was desperate to cut contact with him that moment i deleted him from my facebook list very reluctantly, not being very sure about the decision i was making. The same evening he mailed me apologizing and saying that i was very insensitive to delete him and all. He sent me a request again.. I added him back and started talking normally as friends the same night..We spoke about the things we dint know about each other in those 25 odd days and that night we slept peacefully. He admitted that "casual relationship" was something he mentioned in his stupidity and never really meant it. I trusted his word that night.
We started talking every night again. I was desperate to clear out things and to get back with him.. I spoke to him normally for 2 days and then i went back to tell him how much i loved him and missed him. He went on tell me that i shouldn't get involved in all this "love sh*t" and instead "enjoy life"..He said we'd remain as we were that moment.. I dint understand then why he'd been talking to me every night. It kind of was a "casual open relationship" ultimately.. I again thought about it.. But there was no question of just parting ways and me just not being in touch with him.. I called him up and tried to sort out things. After we spoke that day, he started saying that he was really missing me a lot.. And then yesterday he himself came and said that he wanted to get back and propose me and said that he loved me..I was ecstatic.. And then we exchanged a couple of msgs. I never realized that i didn't reply to his love you.. Because if that he dint't talk to me the entire evening and night yesterday.. He again apologized today morning and i said it was ok. Then now we were talking, and all i asked him was when he was coming to meet me.. and he got all furious and told me that i don't come to meet him, and then that i had asked him if he had a secret affair there and then just blew the whole thing out of proportion.. I tried to calm him down but all in vain.. He told me that i'm desperate for a relationship and i can't live without one.. All for the fact that i had only asked him when he was coming to meet me..
I dunno if it's bcuz of his frustration of not finding a job yet. He is an introvert and doesn't talk much. But in the past admitted that i was his only close friend. I tried to ask him if he was frustrated or if there was any other problem after how he reacted tonight but he said no and that i was the reason.. Just that I had asked him when he would meet me next. That's it I had asked. I kept trying to explain to him to not react much as nothing big had happened but all in vain.. Now he's again not talking to me.. He's getting really tough to handle.. Now I'm even scared of what to speak and what not to..
Please advice me..I love him too much and don't want to lose him.. Please.
Honestly you two have already separated by distance. If he was being faithful and cared he would treat you nicer especially in writing. It sounds like he is either falling apart or getting a second relationship going (trying to keep you hanging on too). I would really have a serious talk with him (actually talking and not writing) so you can hear the words for yourself. Stay calm. If he won't be honest and sincere then you have to decide for yourself what is best for you.
Do you hang on like a hopeless romantic dreaming of him coming back to you (which may or may not ever happen)? Do you drop him where he is and let him know that when he can respect you, you will consider giving him another chance? Or do you keep it as "friends with benefits" for the occassional hook up? The last will really get in the way of new relationships that you may form.
No one can decide for you. You have to determine the line that won't get crossed. If you continue allowing him to be disrespectful like this, then you are laying the expectations for your treatment.
Do you hang on like a hopeless romantic dreaming of him coming back to you (which may or may not ever happen)? Do you drop him where he is and let him know that when he can respect you, you will consider giving him another chance? Or do you keep it as "friends with benefits" for the occassional hook up? The last will really get in the way of new relationships that you may form.
No one can decide for you. You have to determine the line that won't get crossed. If you continue allowing him to be disrespectful like this, then you are laying the expectations for your treatment.
Thanks a ton..
And now, when i asked him why he's changed so much towards me, he says "You have done things in past due to that i need to change my thinking about you."
What the hell?? I don't understand what bad I've even done.. Just loved him too much and wanted to get him back desperately.. that's it.. That is all I have done.... :-(
And now, when i asked him why he's changed so much towards me, he says "You have done things in past due to that i need to change my thinking about you."
What the hell?? I don't understand what bad I've even done.. Just loved him too much and wanted to get him back desperately.. that's it.. That is all I have done.... :-(
It sounds like he has some serious personal issues to resolve. I would recommend moving on with your life and if another relationship comes up go with it. If not and he comes back around then consider whether or not he is worth your time. If so, set the ground rules first to start with only respectful behavior and talk. You don't want a repeat of this even. Good luck!
Thanks a lot for your time and patience :-) :-) Much appreciated :-) Thanks a ton :-)
Good Luck and enjoy your Valentine's Day with new friends and maybe a new someone!
Woah. That's a lot.
Im handling a difficult bf
This post is old cx