I was listening to music and my happiness started going away, I suddenly got really sad, tried fighting it but I couldn't do it. I laid down and started sobbing (just a little) got back up dried the tears and just listened to music again. Took a shower and I feel a little better, not great though.
I am OK now but it was rap. But I was reading yahoo answers about it and had a breakdown, anyway, I don't understand how reading about it makes me sad, this is something that happened last night, I was on facebook, and some kid in a group was making fun of cancer (you know what happened to my dad) so I flipped out, you know how he replied? he said "you are a pre-cum baby) which I laughed my ass off at but the next thing he replied I can't believe didn't bother me, he said "and you can't cum yet" I have had day dreams about beating the living c**p out of anyone who even dared to say that to me. I don't know how that didn't bother me.
Haven't masturbated in 2 days and really don't want to because I will just get disappointed if I don't ejaculate
think I might just stop masturbating until my birhtday (january).
It upsets me how people say "ugh I hate my dad" and stuff, meanwhile I would walk to hell and back just to be able to say goodbye*est: 1-2 seconds* to him (I didn't get a chance) I went 2 days w/o masturbating (have to restart the clock tomorrow lol. I didn't know him and he's 17 (according to him, he looks older in profile pic)
Ok I literally think I am depressed and need help.
No, I am not letting this take over my life. One little thing and I lose control over my life. Not anymore.
Because I am trying my best to fight this.
I have no one to talk to about this in real life and I don't like suffering through this alone.
:-). I swear I have small ejacs though. Like earlier I did it (like I said half of my head is covered) and there was even a spot on my hand that had a white spot inside it