Well, I am almost 50 and I can remember my first anxiety attack in kindergarten. I am presently going through yet another bout of constant anxiety. I am more on constant anxiety than off. I have mild to severe attacks as well. After 45 years of it and a medical file thick enough to be apartment complex, doctors do have a tendency to use a prescription pad as a method of giving up. I don't want to scare anyone but after all these years, tests to the ying yang, I personally do not believe the medical community has a a proper diagnoses for chronic anxiety. As a result of all these years, I have acute bouts of depression as well. Funny observation here; some people have said I would have cashed it in by now... I am scared like hell of dying.. one of the most prevalent sensations of anxiety. I agree that exercise does help but not possible all the time and the heart palpitations during exercise also prevents good work outs. I am currently on welbutran and xanax. I say currently because all drugs eventually build a tolerance and you have to change. After all these years I still hate the anxiety disorder with a passion. I do not know what o do anymore. I have lost jobs, relationships, friends etc over this. Oh BTW, this is a problem in my family - moms side. My oldest brother had it too. Because he cried wolf s many times by going to emergency thinking he was dying, the day he did have a heart attack, he died. He was 50. Now that I am turning 50 just one more thing to worry about now. If a doctor is reading this that specializes in this disorder, I really would like to hear from you. I have been seen by many doctors but I never found one that stated they were a specialist in anxiety disorders. My final thought to you all sufferers out there, you are not alone and your not going crazy or you are less of a person. We need good studies done and proper research and get away from covering the symptoms and treat the disorder. I await that day and remain hopeful for myself and all other sufferers.
Well, I am almost 50 and I can remember my first anxiety attack in kindergarten. I am presently going through yet another bout of constant anxiety. I am more on constant anxiety than off. I have mild to severe attacks as well. After 45 years of it and a medical file thick enough to be apartment complex, doctors do have a tendency to use a prescription pad as a method of giving up. I don't want to scare anyone but after all these years, tests to the ying yang, I personally do not believe the medical community has a a proper diagnoses for chronic anxiety. As a result of all these years, I have acute bouts of depression as well. Funny observation here; some people have said I would have cashed it in by now... I am scared like hell of dying.. one of the most prevalent sensations of anxiety. I agree that exercise does help but not possible all the time and the heart palpitations during exercise also prevents good work outs. I am currently on welbutran and xanax. I say currently because all drugs eventually build a tolerance and you have to change. After all these years I still hate the anxiety disorder with a passion. I do not know what o do anymore. I have lost jobs, relationships, friends etc over this. Oh BTW, this is a problem in my family - moms side. My oldest brother had it too. Because he cried wolf s many times by going to emergency thinking he was dying, the day he did have a heart attack, he died. He was 50. Now that I am turning 50 just one more thing to worry about now. If a doctor is reading this that specializes in this disorder, I really would like to hear from you. I have been seen by many doctors but I never found one that stated they were a specialist in anxiety disorders. My final thought to you all sufferers out there, you are not alone and your not going crazy or you are NOT less of a human being. We need good studies done and proper research and get away from covering the symptoms and treat the disorder. I await that day and remain hopeful for myself and all other sufferers. As others have said, see a doctor. This disorder is not something to take on yourself or fluff off as your not a strong person. I met a 280 LB black belt that is crippled to his knees in an attack. Don't torture yourself. Although meds don't seem to cure the disorder, it makes it a little bit more tolerable. BrainM
anxiety can also be caused by severe depression so you should get that checked as well! around winter time i went through a month of anxiety(constant) i was tested for arythmias because my heart rate was around 140 even when i was sleeping. im on celexa and i feel great except when i smoke pot...dont do that if you have a tendency of anxiety it screws you over big time and sometimes you can relapse and have an episode..even when the pot is out of your system because the pot hypes up the part of your brain that causes anxiety...also while your having an episode of anxiety avoid caffine,chocolate,alcohol & gum...they get our adrenaline pumping and make your symptoms intenseify...its great to know that i wasnt crazy and that other people go through it...but trust me you will get better!
I have had almost constant anxiety for the past few months. It seems that every time I stop worrying about one thing I just start worrying about something else. I mainly am scared of health problems (I have been scared of having aids, short sightedness, autism, hair loss, breast cancer, testicular cancer, throat cancer, brain cancer and lymphoma), but often get anxious when I go to public places in fear that I will do something embarassing. It can get really annoying sometimes, but it fourtunately isn't as bad as some other people have described on this thread. I just hope that it will get better soon. If anyone can give advice it would be very helpful.
I'm not sure if I have anxiety... I think I might... I feel stressed constantly. I feel it right now. The stress isn't directed at anything. There's nothing I'm stressed about. Sometimes there are things though...
I ruined my relationship because of it. I'm overly sensitive in the relationship. I worry about everything. I worry about a guy being around her. I always worried what she was doing. And I had no reason to worry. I trust her completely. She's the sweetest most loyal girlfriend ever. But I couldn't stop worrying about it. And worries turned into actions. I would get extremely upset with her. She stopped doing everything that upset me. She felt too controlled and broke up with me. I don't want to feel this way about everything. We try to still be friends, but I still worry. And the worrying doesn't happen constantly. It's more like episodes. For a period of a few weeks I'll be extremely worried and sensitive, but then I'll be fine for awhile as well. Now I'm pushing her away even further. I was probing her and asking her millions of questions about everything she was doing. She stopped talking to me. We are talking again...
I also get stressed out about past events. Like I'll think back to something that happened to my girlfriend in her past that was upsetting and have a breakdown.
I don't know what to do. I've turned to drug use, but I can't do it any longer. I don't want it. I started smoking. But now cigarettes don't relieve stress anymore. I'm quitting all that. And I'm scared that now that I'm quitting that I'm going to have a serious melt down. I feel stressed right now about absolutely nothing.
I'm 18 years old. I should probably see a psychologist, but I don't think my parents will let me if I tell them. I think they'll just think I'm being dumb.
I ruined my relationship because of it. I'm overly sensitive in the relationship. I worry about everything. I worry about a guy being around her. I always worried what she was doing. And I had no reason to worry. I trust her completely. She's the sweetest most loyal girlfriend ever. But I couldn't stop worrying about it. And worries turned into actions. I would get extremely upset with her. She stopped doing everything that upset me. She felt too controlled and broke up with me. I don't want to feel this way about everything. We try to still be friends, but I still worry. And the worrying doesn't happen constantly. It's more like episodes. For a period of a few weeks I'll be extremely worried and sensitive, but then I'll be fine for awhile as well. Now I'm pushing her away even further. I was probing her and asking her millions of questions about everything she was doing. She stopped talking to me. We are talking again...
I also get stressed out about past events. Like I'll think back to something that happened to my girlfriend in her past that was upsetting and have a breakdown.
I don't know what to do. I've turned to drug use, but I can't do it any longer. I don't want it. I started smoking. But now cigarettes don't relieve stress anymore. I'm quitting all that. And I'm scared that now that I'm quitting that I'm going to have a serious melt down. I feel stressed right now about absolutely nothing.
I'm 18 years old. I should probably see a psychologist, but I don't think my parents will let me if I tell them. I think they'll just think I'm being dumb.
I'm not sure if I have anxiety... I think I might... I feel stressed constantly. I feel it right now. The stress isn't directed at anything. There's nothing I'm stressed about. Sometimes there are things though...
I ruined my relationship because of it. I'm overly sensitive in the relationship. I worry about everything. I worry about a guy being around her. I always worried what she was doing. And I had no reason to worry. I trust her completely. She's the sweetest most loyal girlfriend ever. But I couldn't stop worrying about it. And worries turned into actions. I would get extremely upset with her. She stopped doing everything that upset me. She felt too controlled and broke up with me. I don't want to feel this way about everything. We try to still be friends, but I still worry. And the worrying doesn't happen constantly. It's more like episodes. For a period of a few weeks I'll be extremely worried and sensitive, but then I'll be fine for awhile as well. Now I'm pushing her away even further. I was probing her and asking her millions of questions about everything she was doing. She stopped talking to me. We are talking again...
I also get stressed out about past events. Like I'll think back to something that happened to my girlfriend in her past that was upsetting and have a breakdown.
I've started doing everything I can to hold it all in. I keep all my worries contained the best I can. And I make no attempt to ease them, because that usually makes things worse for me.
I don't know what to do. I've turned to drug use, but I can't do it any longer. I don't want it. I started smoking. But now cigarettes don't relieve stress anymore. I'm quitting all that. And I'm scared that now that I'm quitting that I'm going to have a serious melt down. I feel stressed right now about absolutely nothing.
I'm 18 years old. I should probably see a psychologist, but I don't think my parents will let me if I tell them. I think they'll just think I'm being dumb.
I ruined my relationship because of it. I'm overly sensitive in the relationship. I worry about everything. I worry about a guy being around her. I always worried what she was doing. And I had no reason to worry. I trust her completely. She's the sweetest most loyal girlfriend ever. But I couldn't stop worrying about it. And worries turned into actions. I would get extremely upset with her. She stopped doing everything that upset me. She felt too controlled and broke up with me. I don't want to feel this way about everything. We try to still be friends, but I still worry. And the worrying doesn't happen constantly. It's more like episodes. For a period of a few weeks I'll be extremely worried and sensitive, but then I'll be fine for awhile as well. Now I'm pushing her away even further. I was probing her and asking her millions of questions about everything she was doing. She stopped talking to me. We are talking again...
I also get stressed out about past events. Like I'll think back to something that happened to my girlfriend in her past that was upsetting and have a breakdown.
I've started doing everything I can to hold it all in. I keep all my worries contained the best I can. And I make no attempt to ease them, because that usually makes things worse for me.
I don't know what to do. I've turned to drug use, but I can't do it any longer. I don't want it. I started smoking. But now cigarettes don't relieve stress anymore. I'm quitting all that. And I'm scared that now that I'm quitting that I'm going to have a serious melt down. I feel stressed right now about absolutely nothing.
I'm 18 years old. I should probably see a psychologist, but I don't think my parents will let me if I tell them. I think they'll just think I'm being dumb.
Hey everyone, my first post on a forum! I've searched around quite a few and have seen quite alot of feedback on this site, so i thought I'd make myself known.
First off i would like to say that listening to everyone gives me some kind of closure knowing i am not alone.. My first panic attack was about 2 months ago.. I'm 21 years of age, healthy, regularly exercise and eat healthy etc etc... and one night was just sat in my bed finding it hard to breath.. my breathing started to fluxuate and a panic attack came on, i literally thought i was dying! the most terrifying moment of my life to date. This is the last thing i expected, its the thoughts that we're running around my head at the moment in time that have some how change the way i act and perceive my life.
For some reason, I've only had 1 panic attack, I am slowly learning how to regulate my breathing and try to think ahead on what is actually happening. I've had tests done with all the symptoms of what people have mentioned such as tight chest, breathing problems, tight throat and some form of depression.
Everything came back fine, apparently my health is perfect. I've got some big life decisions to make, i'm pretty sure its this thats causing it, when i'm on my own, i get this anxiety.. but when i'm with friends family or my girlfriend i am completly fine.
I hope everyone who has these problems one day gets sorted out, this isn't any way to live. I've only had it for 2 months and the way i see my life, i can't hack it.
Good luck guys :-)
First off i would like to say that listening to everyone gives me some kind of closure knowing i am not alone.. My first panic attack was about 2 months ago.. I'm 21 years of age, healthy, regularly exercise and eat healthy etc etc... and one night was just sat in my bed finding it hard to breath.. my breathing started to fluxuate and a panic attack came on, i literally thought i was dying! the most terrifying moment of my life to date. This is the last thing i expected, its the thoughts that we're running around my head at the moment in time that have some how change the way i act and perceive my life.
For some reason, I've only had 1 panic attack, I am slowly learning how to regulate my breathing and try to think ahead on what is actually happening. I've had tests done with all the symptoms of what people have mentioned such as tight chest, breathing problems, tight throat and some form of depression.
Everything came back fine, apparently my health is perfect. I've got some big life decisions to make, i'm pretty sure its this thats causing it, when i'm on my own, i get this anxiety.. but when i'm with friends family or my girlfriend i am completly fine.
I hope everyone who has these problems one day gets sorted out, this isn't any way to live. I've only had it for 2 months and the way i see my life, i can't hack it.
Good luck guys :-)
hi all, its nice to see its not just me having all these feelings, ! does any one have the feeling that their battery is running out ? lol I know that sounds strange but every so often I get really week and my arms go numb, allmost like my energy is being drained out of me....i have been writing a diary of my symptoms to see if there is a pattern, and i think these things happen when i'am feeling more under pressure, the prob is my doctor has been sending me for tests on my Kidneys, and is concerntrating on that, but i'm so sure this tierdness is more to do with me and my anxiety.
I am also constantly on edge, find it almost impossible to chill out, my life seems to be one big rat race, and I want to be able to slow myself down, I find it hard to keep, or put any weight on which doesnt help, and carnt remember the last time I had a solid number 2 lol...nice erghhh ! also I wake up trembling ....theres no hope for me lol but hey must keep cracking on, because I really dont think I will change unless I dont do anything and stay in the house for the rest of my life... good luck all !
I am also constantly on edge, find it almost impossible to chill out, my life seems to be one big rat race, and I want to be able to slow myself down, I find it hard to keep, or put any weight on which doesnt help, and carnt remember the last time I had a solid number 2 lol...nice erghhh ! also I wake up trembling ....theres no hope for me lol but hey must keep cracking on, because I really dont think I will change unless I dont do anything and stay in the house for the rest of my life... good luck all !
It is such a relief to know you are not the only person who suffers from this annoyance, anxiety. I have everything going for me: I am getting married in a few months, building a house with my soon to be hubby, and have a great job. But, I can not enjoy any of these things happening in my life because my anxiety is taking over me I worry all the time....mostly about dying. I have suffered from heart palpitations since high school. (I am 25 now.) I went through a series of tests and everything came back absolutely fine. After this, my anxiety was not as bad. But for the past 2 years or so, my anxiety is at an all time high. I have rapid heart rates all the time, palpitations, I worry about EVERYTHING and EVERYONE and sometimes I feel like I can not take a deep breath.
What makes it worse is I have no one to talk to about it. My fiance thinks I am being dumb and my parents just tell me to calm myself down. No one understands what it is like to live with this if they are not living with it. I tell myself I am fine, but I need something more, but I refuse to get on meds. I excercise reguarly and watch my diet. I have recently lost 32 pounds, and this made me feel better at times.
I had my first panic attack back on June. It was the scariest/worst feeling EVER. Now, I fear I will have another one at anytime. I try my hardest to avoid it, because I never want to go through that again. (I could not breathe, my heart was beating out my chest--it was probably only 30 seconds, but it felt like forever.)
Phew, venting is a start. I feel like I can go on, but I will stop :-D I wish I had an answer for everyone....just hang in there and keep on believing you have the will to be okay!
What makes it worse is I have no one to talk to about it. My fiance thinks I am being dumb and my parents just tell me to calm myself down. No one understands what it is like to live with this if they are not living with it. I tell myself I am fine, but I need something more, but I refuse to get on meds. I excercise reguarly and watch my diet. I have recently lost 32 pounds, and this made me feel better at times.
I had my first panic attack back on June. It was the scariest/worst feeling EVER. Now, I fear I will have another one at anytime. I try my hardest to avoid it, because I never want to go through that again. (I could not breathe, my heart was beating out my chest--it was probably only 30 seconds, but it felt like forever.)
Phew, venting is a start. I feel like I can go on, but I will stop :-D I wish I had an answer for everyone....just hang in there and keep on believing you have the will to be okay!
So, I know you wrote this over a year ago but... I had the same exact symtpoms as you today. I felt completely out of my mind, like I forgot who I was. I was on the metro and when i got off it was almost as if i forgot how to walk. and the more i thought about the fact that it was difficult to walk the more i noticed my chest and my heart beating and the more i scared myself into thinking there was something absolutely wrong with me, like i was having a heart attack or about to die or something. I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't regain focus. It was awful. It's about two hours after that happened right now and I'm still a little shaky but can concentrate a little better. I still can feel my heart beating though. Not exactly sure if that's normal....
How are you feeling these days? Did you manage to get help?
Let me know, I've been reading forums like nobody's business to see if this happened to anyone and your post is the only one I've seen so far!!
Thanks :D
How are you feeling these days? Did you manage to get help?
Let me know, I've been reading forums like nobody's business to see if this happened to anyone and your post is the only one I've seen so far!!
Thanks :D
This is exactly how I feel right now as I type!
I have felt more and more withdrawn from my surroundings and this feeling has been with me for at least 2 weeks.
My eyes feel tired and my head feels like presure on the sides. This in turn makes me feel like my mind is going... and thats very very scary
I have been on medication in the past but took myself off, this was for painic attacks at the time but latley I have become very depressed and suffer a 24/7 state of anxiety, dizziness and feeling of becoming withdrawn from reality.
I think I may give the medication another try.. just to help me in this period.. as much as I dont like taking them its time to give it a shot when the doc just looks at you and openly says I dont know what else to suggest!
I'm sure we will all overcome these troublesome times, I hope people who posted long ago are now ok or found ways to deal with thier symptoms.
:D
I have felt more and more withdrawn from my surroundings and this feeling has been with me for at least 2 weeks.
My eyes feel tired and my head feels like presure on the sides. This in turn makes me feel like my mind is going... and thats very very scary
I have been on medication in the past but took myself off, this was for painic attacks at the time but latley I have become very depressed and suffer a 24/7 state of anxiety, dizziness and feeling of becoming withdrawn from reality.
I think I may give the medication another try.. just to help me in this period.. as much as I dont like taking them its time to give it a shot when the doc just looks at you and openly says I dont know what else to suggest!
I'm sure we will all overcome these troublesome times, I hope people who posted long ago are now ok or found ways to deal with thier symptoms.
:D
I have this too. i think
i worry . but not about things like will something be done in time?.. or like worrying about doing a presentation.. i have nothing to worry about. .but the feeling stays with me.. and its a physical feeling as well.. i feel "stuck" and like something is in my chest. but not really. i can't explain it.. its sorta like i can't take a feel deep breath.. but i can. but its something inside me.. that makes me feel awful all the time. i worry about worrying.. but its not even worrying. its just a constant nag "i dotn feel well. I'll never be the same again.. " sorta feeling....
its i dont feel well. but its coming from my brain and chest.. its so hard to explain..
does anyone feel like this?
I have panic attacks. sorta. its not like my heart races.. its my brain that races.. and i feel like i'm going to explode or go mentally insane..
does anyone feel like that?
i worry . but not about things like will something be done in time?.. or like worrying about doing a presentation.. i have nothing to worry about. .but the feeling stays with me.. and its a physical feeling as well.. i feel "stuck" and like something is in my chest. but not really. i can't explain it.. its sorta like i can't take a feel deep breath.. but i can. but its something inside me.. that makes me feel awful all the time. i worry about worrying.. but its not even worrying. its just a constant nag "i dotn feel well. I'll never be the same again.. " sorta feeling....
its i dont feel well. but its coming from my brain and chest.. its so hard to explain..
does anyone feel like this?
I have panic attacks. sorta. its not like my heart races.. its my brain that races.. and i feel like i'm going to explode or go mentally insane..
does anyone feel like that?
This site is good.
Okay, I have had an amzing "feel good" day today. just happy. ( though I was bit too cheeky!) I guess you could say I am feeling anxious/excited now which is starnge considering before it could be said that I was more anxious depressed.
I have just read some posts here, and truly thankfully happy I have found others who describe how I feel...I mean that in a positive sense, I am not happy that you feel the ultimate doom thing though. I get that and it comes , and it goes.
Was it Princess that made this point.....that we never really get a holiday as it is constant worry. if we ( or if I) for example; take a holiday away, I spend most of my time worrying that things will be different or damaged or something will happen.
Anyway, not going to waffle on about that- but yes I am always anxious but starting to learn better methods coping with it. it worries me that some people seem to act so superior to ( me) yet have little understanding of how I think. I think worrieres/anxious people worry because we know all to well that things just happen that can chnage your world..in a flash. Okay, not going there either, not today.
Really though....my friend just announced she got married ( just the other day) and OmG, what did I say"What for?"" whoops...had to chase her down the street to apologise for my slip up and congratulate her, then explain about my relationship difficulties. Luckily ( Phew!) she understood and had found my remark amusing and somewhat entertaining. been cracking jokes all day in my head....I am never normally like this...at all....I need a balance between little miss serious and little miss comedian before I upset more people!!!
Okay, I have had an amzing "feel good" day today. just happy. ( though I was bit too cheeky!) I guess you could say I am feeling anxious/excited now which is starnge considering before it could be said that I was more anxious depressed.
I have just read some posts here, and truly thankfully happy I have found others who describe how I feel...I mean that in a positive sense, I am not happy that you feel the ultimate doom thing though. I get that and it comes , and it goes.
Was it Princess that made this point.....that we never really get a holiday as it is constant worry. if we ( or if I) for example; take a holiday away, I spend most of my time worrying that things will be different or damaged or something will happen.
Anyway, not going to waffle on about that- but yes I am always anxious but starting to learn better methods coping with it. it worries me that some people seem to act so superior to ( me) yet have little understanding of how I think. I think worrieres/anxious people worry because we know all to well that things just happen that can chnage your world..in a flash. Okay, not going there either, not today.
Really though....my friend just announced she got married ( just the other day) and OmG, what did I say"What for?"" whoops...had to chase her down the street to apologise for my slip up and congratulate her, then explain about my relationship difficulties. Luckily ( Phew!) she understood and had found my remark amusing and somewhat entertaining. been cracking jokes all day in my head....I am never normally like this...at all....I need a balance between little miss serious and little miss comedian before I upset more people!!!
Okay, no replies. This site has loads of handy information and tips though, that are so beneficial.
Right , here goes. Might as well tell all . I am trying to ween myself of my addiction- ( that is driking too much wine in the evening). I have joined a group as anonymous guest but chickened it- then felt worse and was thinking, heck ( what am I going to do?0
Okay, so last night I am thinking ( och Ill just have another wee glass of wine) but then got so hacked off with myself. I mean I did so much better not downing the stuff , but I get so insular and serious. With my hangovers , I can still have a laugh, as - oh cant explain that.
Anyway, so I was sitting thinking- god , I self medicate all the time, so why not do yourself a favour stop drinking, and go back on that pill my docotr prescribed ages ago. ( Thinking for petes sake give it up girl). I have 2 children and they dont deserve a raving alco as a mum. So anyway, ( grrrrr....that word) anyway, I took a tablet.
This morning I woke at 530 am, got back to slepp at 8am ( sent older child to school with father) and then thought get some sleep, ........what are you worried about? God|!!! So feeling ( mood wise okay) a bit guilty and bit nauseated. Legs feel really sore and period has just stopped , Just stopped ( thats never happened)
Why would a ssri make you sleep though.......?????I feel so sleepy.
Yeah, I also forgot to mention how all my feature look ( a bit puffy) and that I have no appetite.....but other than that I am calm.....and calm is better than being angry.....( despite my house is a tip so going to vlean it and get that xmas tree up). I just feel normal mood wise ( ie) not angry, dont wnat to smash cars in ...dont really give two hoots if my house is a mess, . I also give me a pat on my back for not having touched laxatives for the best part of 2 weeks.....looking back I just think ( why did I do that)?) I am also thinking how I used to think ( ie) If I eat this banana Ill live longer. And Be good to yourself ....instead of "why bother, anything could hapeen thoughts" or "whats the point" thoughts or gee god ""I dont deserve it thoughts" and "why want anyone help me" ....to whoops dam......because ( iam the only one who can help me!!!!!) See.......this pill is working...I dont feel tearful or overly anxious about the children getting upset at not getting what they want for christmas.
In fact, fo r the first time in about possibly 7 years i cansay this ( remeber me)......the person that used to care about herslef , who had goals and ambitions Anyway. I ramble ...but whatever is up with me....I think I am getting over it. This tablet fairly makes you nauseas , feel like am on the verge of puking all the time, but thats a small price to pay in comparison to the lunatic I have been. So heres to a very jolly merry christmas back on the pilss, no alcohol, no laxatives - just good old sweets and maybe some meals and hopefully loads of sleep.
I was also thinking about all that stuff that has been haunting me and I realised why and how my thoughts have come about. i think perhaps my relationship ( even if it is a domestic/abusive one) may have ways of working ...I just need to stay calm and not jump the gun so much due to my anxious way of thinking. Does this make sense to anyone?
( Well that was a ramble and a half- dont you think?) Feel much better for it though. :-D
Right , here goes. Might as well tell all . I am trying to ween myself of my addiction- ( that is driking too much wine in the evening). I have joined a group as anonymous guest but chickened it- then felt worse and was thinking, heck ( what am I going to do?0
Okay, so last night I am thinking ( och Ill just have another wee glass of wine) but then got so hacked off with myself. I mean I did so much better not downing the stuff , but I get so insular and serious. With my hangovers , I can still have a laugh, as - oh cant explain that.
Anyway, so I was sitting thinking- god , I self medicate all the time, so why not do yourself a favour stop drinking, and go back on that pill my docotr prescribed ages ago. ( Thinking for petes sake give it up girl). I have 2 children and they dont deserve a raving alco as a mum. So anyway, ( grrrrr....that word) anyway, I took a tablet.
This morning I woke at 530 am, got back to slepp at 8am ( sent older child to school with father) and then thought get some sleep, ........what are you worried about? God|!!! So feeling ( mood wise okay) a bit guilty and bit nauseated. Legs feel really sore and period has just stopped , Just stopped ( thats never happened)
Why would a ssri make you sleep though.......?????I feel so sleepy.
Yeah, I also forgot to mention how all my feature look ( a bit puffy) and that I have no appetite.....but other than that I am calm.....and calm is better than being angry.....( despite my house is a tip so going to vlean it and get that xmas tree up). I just feel normal mood wise ( ie) not angry, dont wnat to smash cars in ...dont really give two hoots if my house is a mess, . I also give me a pat on my back for not having touched laxatives for the best part of 2 weeks.....looking back I just think ( why did I do that)?) I am also thinking how I used to think ( ie) If I eat this banana Ill live longer. And Be good to yourself ....instead of "why bother, anything could hapeen thoughts" or "whats the point" thoughts or gee god ""I dont deserve it thoughts" and "why want anyone help me" ....to whoops dam......because ( iam the only one who can help me!!!!!) See.......this pill is working...I dont feel tearful or overly anxious about the children getting upset at not getting what they want for christmas.
In fact, fo r the first time in about possibly 7 years i cansay this ( remeber me)......the person that used to care about herslef , who had goals and ambitions Anyway. I ramble ...but whatever is up with me....I think I am getting over it. This tablet fairly makes you nauseas , feel like am on the verge of puking all the time, but thats a small price to pay in comparison to the lunatic I have been. So heres to a very jolly merry christmas back on the pilss, no alcohol, no laxatives - just good old sweets and maybe some meals and hopefully loads of sleep.
I was also thinking about all that stuff that has been haunting me and I realised why and how my thoughts have come about. i think perhaps my relationship ( even if it is a domestic/abusive one) may have ways of working ...I just need to stay calm and not jump the gun so much due to my anxious way of thinking. Does this make sense to anyone?
( Well that was a ramble and a half- dont you think?) Feel much better for it though. :-D
:-D Hi I just felt like waffling again. I think its strange when I re read posts how similar people with chronic anxiety think.
I find it bizarre that I often used to hear my mum and dad talk on the telephone when I was little, saying"You know whats shes like, over anxious" I remeber asking my mum what dioes "anxious " mean? Anyway, I ve counted out how many pills I have left...about 2 months supply of 20mgs, and a weeks supply of 10mgs.......I am going to try and take these and stuff the booze. I used to think I was the only one who feared death , who literally could not move, paralysed whne something bad in my family happened or crying uncontrollably because I had upset someone...or throwing up because you are so woried about the future, or having the god awful stomach cramps and having to use the lou before exams ( I am sure thats normal) and the crying after the exams ( thank god that was over-relief).
I am always anxious. Iif and when I have to catch a bus i have to be at the stop a ggood 10 mins early. I hate missing things or being late.
Even in groups playing games, I always got /get embarassed ( moreso than others) In the face of a karayoke machine ( I hate those tacky things) Nothing comes out my mouth and no one can understand how I have clammed up. Its a bit like being a hedgehog.....without prickles. Id quite like to have my prockles back thank you very much ....and if it takes 20mgs of this med, then so be it.
I also hate walking to work , In case i fall, I have this fear off falling. Always have done. Couldnt run very well due to my fear of fallinng, now I cant seem to be able to walk very well. ( Oh well) Then I find that if you turn your fears around and start mocking yourself , you can be in complete stitches laughing about it. But this is the biggest but, once having laughed about it, I realise that it is a real fear and that it does exist and it is just torment!!! Self fulfilling prophecies - maybe. But thats the way Ive taught me to deal with it all. Its how Ive had to cope.
Another thing is, my family memebers also drink about the same amount as me, and can hold down a really difficult job. I cant . I cant keep up and the what am i doing? and relax things that I want to do , dont happen because I feel wrapped in guilt for drinking and then just cant relax. The whole problem as to why I picked the bottle up in the first place was I couldnt relax Anyway, must dash.
I find it bizarre that I often used to hear my mum and dad talk on the telephone when I was little, saying"You know whats shes like, over anxious" I remeber asking my mum what dioes "anxious " mean? Anyway, I ve counted out how many pills I have left...about 2 months supply of 20mgs, and a weeks supply of 10mgs.......I am going to try and take these and stuff the booze. I used to think I was the only one who feared death , who literally could not move, paralysed whne something bad in my family happened or crying uncontrollably because I had upset someone...or throwing up because you are so woried about the future, or having the god awful stomach cramps and having to use the lou before exams ( I am sure thats normal) and the crying after the exams ( thank god that was over-relief).
I am always anxious. Iif and when I have to catch a bus i have to be at the stop a ggood 10 mins early. I hate missing things or being late.
Even in groups playing games, I always got /get embarassed ( moreso than others) In the face of a karayoke machine ( I hate those tacky things) Nothing comes out my mouth and no one can understand how I have clammed up. Its a bit like being a hedgehog.....without prickles. Id quite like to have my prockles back thank you very much ....and if it takes 20mgs of this med, then so be it.
I also hate walking to work , In case i fall, I have this fear off falling. Always have done. Couldnt run very well due to my fear of fallinng, now I cant seem to be able to walk very well. ( Oh well) Then I find that if you turn your fears around and start mocking yourself , you can be in complete stitches laughing about it. But this is the biggest but, once having laughed about it, I realise that it is a real fear and that it does exist and it is just torment!!! Self fulfilling prophecies - maybe. But thats the way Ive taught me to deal with it all. Its how Ive had to cope.
Another thing is, my family memebers also drink about the same amount as me, and can hold down a really difficult job. I cant . I cant keep up and the what am i doing? and relax things that I want to do , dont happen because I feel wrapped in guilt for drinking and then just cant relax. The whole problem as to why I picked the bottle up in the first place was I couldnt relax Anyway, must dash.