Drugs destroyed me, my family, what little friends i had, and became my best friend all in one

i started drinking when i was 9 because my drunk father beat me daily. in middle school i was an out cast. kids made fun of me. i had no friends...all i wanted to do was be normal but i felt i wasn't good enough for this life so i would drink in class and throw up in the bathroom. girls didn't like me. i even got rejected by the girl who i liked since i was in 2nd grade...so all i did was drink and get beat more...then one day when my sister was being dragged out of the house by her hair i noticed scratches on her arm all over...i was young so i didn't understand how bad it was...i actually thought it was beautiful how the cuts were so perfect. i tried it for myself to see my pain turn to ectacy. by then i had switched to pills. id take anything at that point to forget the pain. i started smoking weed when my brother brought it home and he saw my arms cut open. he put a packed piece in front of me and told me to forget cutting...thought i drank popped pills and cut anyway. smoking weed started here for me. at the age of 14. by that time i was at a new school for freshmen year. i spent every day: Wake up, pop 5 oxi, ride the bus for an hour and a half to get close to my school. then smoke weed while i was walking to school. i would then come home from a hateful day at school to be beaten. id then sit in my room and drink to the cuts i gave myself. one day i was befriended by a girl who thought me attractive even though i had no idea how. i dated her for a year and she took my virginity telling me she would be only for me. She dumped me on valentines day and screwed 2 other guys that same day. The worst part is she told me that part herself. "You weren't good enough for me sexually" she said. i remember writing a suicide note that day on my way to the bus. i had no tears. no hate. no love. no sadness. Just bliss. my mind went rampant as i conjured the thoughts of how many different ways there are to kill oneself. a kid from my class saw me walking and stopped me and said "are you okay" i looked back and said "No." he looked at my scars on my arms because at that point i didnt give a f**k who saw my cuts. he told me to come with him so i did. he bought me food. asked me what was wrong and i told him everything. He then took me to go get high. back to the weed again. he told me to just forget. and so i did. i smoked with him then proceeded to go home. by then it was dark and i noticed to men following me. when we were alone they told me to give them my money. when i didnt say anything the taller one punched me in the face and i hit the ground. still high i thought it was a dream so i started laughing at them. and they proceeded to beat me, and beat me, and Beat me. just like my father. after i was laying on the ground passed out i went and i smoked more weed which i had kept in my shoe. by this time i was crying for the first time in a long time. i was never more alone. at age 16 life became more meaningless i continued cutting popping pills smoking mass amounts of weed and drinking. it started to affect me physically. my mom didn't know what to do with me. my father had to live somewhere else by then because he was to dangerous. things only got worse though. i tried to hang myself, over the balcony over dose in my bath tub twice, stab myself, lit my bathroom on fire with me in it with the door jammed, and countless other failed attempts. which were all stopped by my mother. by that time my whole family split up. we never talked to each other. the days became silent though i still had all my addictions. i started trying coke though i hated it. then ectacy then lots and lots of lsd. weed was still the biggest though. over the next 6 months i became a problem, i wasn't stable which i did not need a doctor to say. i already knew that though i could never explain it. so i had to leave to a mental hospital. when i came out i smoked weed till my eyes bled because i missed it so much. i went back to pills and drinking too but i just loved weed...a month ago. i met a girl, at a last minute dance invitation for a school. (i am a senior now) i saw her and all the other people disappeared, because i saw in her face. the same look i had. the fake smile. the fake laugh. the bluff of happiness. i walked up to her (i was rolling at this dance) and i asked her if she wanted to dance with me. she surprisingly said yes and we danced. she wrapped my arms around her and kissed me after a minute of dancing. i could still see the fake smile though. i took her outside to talk so we could get some fresh air. and she looked at me and lifted her dress up to show me countless cuts along both of her hips...i never saw anything more beautiful. i put my hand on her hip and looked at her straight in the eyes and said "i understand. more than anyone you will ever meet in your life." she looked in my eyes and told me she saw it in my eyes and kissed me. i am now dating her. i love her. she is the best thing that ever happened to me. i feel cared for. i quit pills. i quit drinking. and i am making good progress on the not cutting, though for some reason. i can't stop smoking weed no matter how hard i try. i tell her i don't smoke and lie to her face. i don't know if anyone read this. but im honestly crying for help here. i want to be with this girl for the rest of my life. and the only way to secure that is to quit everything...drugs destroyed me, my family, what little friends i had, and became my best friend all in one. someone with a heart. please...please tell me what to do...