I am 44 years old and relatively fit. I am diabetic and have high blood pressure, which are properly controlled. In recent months I have been unable to have sex properly because of my inability to have a proper erection. Its been very fustrating for my wife and I. Though the economic problem has brought stress to our home but it is disappointing that we cannot enjoy sex any more. Even after a lot of struggle when I eventually get it up, it goes down before any penetration or even an early ejeculation.
Please help.
Please help.
I cannot comment on the impact of diabetes, or high blood pressure (though ironically, since an erection depends at least on part on blood pressure - it is not a muscle) the latter should not be an issue directly - indirectly, as an indicator of stress, perhaps.
I would also point out that I'm not a doctor, just an experienced adult: if in doubt, check it out with a doctor.
One obvious step is to discover whether Viagra is effective - that is not to say it need be the long term answer, but the confidence boost of having a sustained erection again may also reduce stress, though I should also caution that viagra may be in conflict with either diabetes or high blood pressure, so check first.
You can also 'override' viagra - I've tried it, for novelty, and first couple of times was quite 'stimulating' - novel, felt like a teenager again, but after that I got bored, and no longer experiment with it... which leads to the critical factor - your mind is far more powerful than any drug.
If there's no physical or chemicological reason (see your doctor) and high blood pressure does suggest stress, then the disconnect between your penis and your brain is essentially the issue. Bear in mind that you've had approx thirty years of sexual stimulation, since puberty, so it would be only human to get bored. Ultimately, that is the key: if you have no other pschological or stress issue, boredom will kill it, and while I hate to suggest any flaw or limitation, ultimately if you're married, you've known one woman for hopefully some time. That's not a recommendation to switch, but it is an issue that if it becomes too routine, there's little anticipation, and anticipation is the key to arousal.
Personal suggestion: beyond chatting with a doctor to see what they have to say, consider the following: give yourself a break, emotionally and physically, and stop 'trying' to be sexually active: it's like trying to be in love. Second, it's time, I would suggest, to go inside, emotionally and psychologically, and look at what's happening in your life: notice how many film starts and rock stars are diagnosed with 'sex addiction' - crock of sh*t - no such thing - groupies are available, they love the high, the thrill, they go for it.
Married man has the opposite problem: home cooking for far too long - you're not the first or last to have this problem: solution?
Traditionally it's 'buy lingerie for your wife', but really, it's first about some honest soul searching (and more of soul anon). If you don't get a hard on when your wife comes in the room, why not? Ask yourself. Why did you? Why not now? It's no coincidence that men in their forties start chasing skirt, younger girls: that's not a recommendation, it's an acknowledgement that boredom hits.
How do you deal with that? Ultimately, that's up to you. You don't have to change your partner, if you and your partner change the game: date her, seduce her, meet her in a parking lot, create a fantasy, lots of options, down to your imagination. The simple fact is that she can get satisfaction without needing a 'special' action - erection - you can't: you can talk about it, not to mention do plenty of other stuff, but ultimately if you want the pizzazz back in your life, the answer is going to be in your head, even if you don't like it.
There's also another level - and that is best accessed via hypnotherapy, and beyond that, go check out the new age section in a book store. Since you're not getting laid, there's plenty of time for you to get into a little healthy self-exploration, intellectually. Hypnotherapy is not a 'fix', it's a process of discovery, as is any therapy, though don't see it as your 'problem' - that's more stress, see it as an opportunity to discover your own honest view of life, yourself, your wife, your relationship: and deal with what comes up.
Odds are the erection is only one aspect of your life that you've let slide, not quite hitting the spot.
You can try medicating yourself out of the situation, but frankly, you'll have a much more healthy life if you do a little soul-searching instead.
I would also point out that I'm not a doctor, just an experienced adult: if in doubt, check it out with a doctor.
One obvious step is to discover whether Viagra is effective - that is not to say it need be the long term answer, but the confidence boost of having a sustained erection again may also reduce stress, though I should also caution that viagra may be in conflict with either diabetes or high blood pressure, so check first.
You can also 'override' viagra - I've tried it, for novelty, and first couple of times was quite 'stimulating' - novel, felt like a teenager again, but after that I got bored, and no longer experiment with it... which leads to the critical factor - your mind is far more powerful than any drug.
If there's no physical or chemicological reason (see your doctor) and high blood pressure does suggest stress, then the disconnect between your penis and your brain is essentially the issue. Bear in mind that you've had approx thirty years of sexual stimulation, since puberty, so it would be only human to get bored. Ultimately, that is the key: if you have no other pschological or stress issue, boredom will kill it, and while I hate to suggest any flaw or limitation, ultimately if you're married, you've known one woman for hopefully some time. That's not a recommendation to switch, but it is an issue that if it becomes too routine, there's little anticipation, and anticipation is the key to arousal.
Personal suggestion: beyond chatting with a doctor to see what they have to say, consider the following: give yourself a break, emotionally and physically, and stop 'trying' to be sexually active: it's like trying to be in love. Second, it's time, I would suggest, to go inside, emotionally and psychologically, and look at what's happening in your life: notice how many film starts and rock stars are diagnosed with 'sex addiction' - crock of sh*t - no such thing - groupies are available, they love the high, the thrill, they go for it.
Married man has the opposite problem: home cooking for far too long - you're not the first or last to have this problem: solution?
Traditionally it's 'buy lingerie for your wife', but really, it's first about some honest soul searching (and more of soul anon). If you don't get a hard on when your wife comes in the room, why not? Ask yourself. Why did you? Why not now? It's no coincidence that men in their forties start chasing skirt, younger girls: that's not a recommendation, it's an acknowledgement that boredom hits.
How do you deal with that? Ultimately, that's up to you. You don't have to change your partner, if you and your partner change the game: date her, seduce her, meet her in a parking lot, create a fantasy, lots of options, down to your imagination. The simple fact is that she can get satisfaction without needing a 'special' action - erection - you can't: you can talk about it, not to mention do plenty of other stuff, but ultimately if you want the pizzazz back in your life, the answer is going to be in your head, even if you don't like it.
There's also another level - and that is best accessed via hypnotherapy, and beyond that, go check out the new age section in a book store. Since you're not getting laid, there's plenty of time for you to get into a little healthy self-exploration, intellectually. Hypnotherapy is not a 'fix', it's a process of discovery, as is any therapy, though don't see it as your 'problem' - that's more stress, see it as an opportunity to discover your own honest view of life, yourself, your wife, your relationship: and deal with what comes up.
Odds are the erection is only one aspect of your life that you've let slide, not quite hitting the spot.
You can try medicating yourself out of the situation, but frankly, you'll have a much more healthy life if you do a little soul-searching instead.