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So about 6 months ago I met this girl and it was completely love-at-first sight. We took it slow at first but now things are really moving along and we've both got some really deep feelings for each other. When we were first dating I knew she smoked pot, but I wasn't sure exactly how much. The last two months I've been discovering that its really often; like every day, 2-3 times a day, sometimes more. Heres my dilemma; I absolutely can't stand weed. I literally don't like anything about it, but I care for this girl very very deeply, way too much to let something like this get in my way.


I have smoked it before, in my younger years and its just not for me. But I'm having a really hard time accepting the fact that she does it and seemingly loves to do it, especially when she knows how much I despise it. She actually did it on our first date, within 15 minutes of us saying hello. It completely made me feel like I was a complete id**t because I could not wait to see her, but she just couldn't wait to get high.


She also changes when shes high. She gets lazy and doesnt want to do anything and stops being affectionate all together. She also doesn't remember ANYTHING from when shes high the next day, and since its an frequent occurence she remembers very little of our time together. She also gets bad mood swings and blows up about small problems easily when shes not high. I've tried to talk to her a bunch of times about this but she just won't listen to what I've got to say.  She immediately gets defensive and thinks I'm just attacking her. I've tried everything to try to talk to her about it and it never gets anywhere except for her being pissed off and telling me I need to just accept her for who she is. She doesn't think shes got an addiction at all.


I feel like a total selfish jerk-off for not just being able to accept that this is what she wants to do but I just can't sit here and watch her do this to herself. Its definitely affecting her cognitive function, not to mention any other long term health issues from the smoke itself, I'm honestly concerned for her health and overall well-being. She's got so much potential and I feel like the MJ is just holding her back from accomplishing so much more.


Heres my question, How do I STOP feeling this way?


I cannot change her, I cannot change what she wants to do, but I can change myself. How do I stop feeling so upset/disconnected when shes toking and I'm not? I've tried smoking with her a few times just to be close to her and I can't keep doing it; its just not for me. Should I just ignore this and keep doing it myself so I can feel that closeness that I need? I just am so in love with her that I don't care about her flaws, I just want to be with her and for both of us to be happy. Any advice is very appreciated. Thanks.


Hi Tommy,

You can't change her.  Only she can make that change - if she wants to.  

Why would you want to harm yourself just to be near her?  You will end up hating yourself.

Give her an ultimatum, quit the weed or quit you.  See what happens.

I know its tough but sometimes that's how it has to be.

Good luck.



Thank you very much for the reply. I've considered this in the past and the problem is I KNOW exactly what her choice will be, and it won't be me. It really hurts knowing that her relationship with pot is stronger then her relationship with me.

I am at a complete loss for what to do.


Coming from a smoker, doing some heavy college student smoking, she must be smoking some good ass weed cause ive had weed thats made me make references to petting zoos and the animals being jealous of each other and none ive ever smoked has made me forget anything. ive been too high to walk and always remember. smoking also makes me more affectionate. As much as i smoke when i go home for breaks i smoke maybe once a week and my mood doesnt change at all due to the lack of smoking. it sounds to me like she has more than weed in the blunt/bowl/joint.