I have been trying to cut back for sometime now on subs and everytime I do, I start getting cranky, fussy, and hateful and its bad! Ive lost a lot of friends and close people cause of it and here recently I lost the man I was going to be with for the rest of my life cause I was trying lower my dosage. His dad died and I went off on him cause he let his ex come and I mean I went off then I realized I had been cutting back on my meds and so I took a whole pill instead of 1mg and everything I done to him hit me like a ton of bricks. I cant believe I did that to him when he needed me most now he wont even talk to me! Does anybody else get this way and what can you do to help it?
Dear Crazy,
I recently quit taking Subutex (Suboxone minus the Naloxone as you may already know :) I am technically on day 23 of withdrawal, but am feeling great today. I weened down on the Subs for a very long time, over at least a year. Sometimes I would cut down quicker, and sometimes just by a miniscule piece in a month. I don't know if that is the right way, but I'd imagine that I do know what you are experiencing. One thing is for sure, people have trouble understanding what we go through while on Sub. Some say it has saved their lives, and others say that they should not have been kept on it so long, b/c now they can't imagine being off of it. The pain felt from decreasing dosage is very real, but there are a few ways to get through it. One thing is to be sure and talk to those close to you and explain what you are doing and what the symptoms are. Also, stay s busy as you can when you are decreasing. Not at home watching tele busy, but going out and doing things, getting things done, exercising, etc. I am not sure whether you are cutting back for financial reasons or if you are getting ready to come off completely for yourself, but you need to talk about what you are experiencing, mild withdrawal, leaving you crabby, feeling out of yourself and desiring to feel better, etc. with those that know you and love you. Now that I am clean, my fiance' tells me that I am so different, more calm and relaxed, not so anxious as I was on the sub. It was like I held on to and dwelled on everything while on it and I can't imagine why. I see now that I am more calm without it. I am not recommending for you to quit for this reason or saying that this is the way it will go for you, but I blew up on my fiance', saying things I never knew I could before! I am blessed that we made it through. He was utterly supportive when I withdrew and quit. But he got impatient with me a few times too.
Look, we all make mistakes, we all loose it and wish we could go back. You are lucky that you have the humility to see where you messed up. I had my first baby 11 months ago and my fiance' was treating me like c**p while in the hospital, telling me I was crazy, he even left the 2nd day I was there for the day... and we are what many would consider, a stable, middle aged couple that loves Jesus. I was so mad at him for forsaking me in my time of need, but I realized that he had his own pain, he didn't know how to help me in there and he acted out from feeling helpless. He was also transferring some pain and fear he felt on me. I personally made the decision to forgive him and love him, even without his saying sorry right away. When you explain to your boyfriend (I presume), what you did, try and keep the blame on yourself, take the stance of humility. I know that it was likely the Sub at work, but, he may be more likely to hear you when you take the low place. Than maybe you should tell him what you are dealing with, not in comparison to him, but just because you want him to know you, and what is going on.
I also see that It is hard to see your man seeing his ex, sometimes that causes us to go inside in a selfish place of concern and feeling walked on and betrayed before we see the whole picture. That is what everything in society tells us to so, and sometimes it seems to do so with good reason. If you know him and trust him fully, than perhaps explain yourself about feeling jealous openly with him and tell him that you are sorry. Ask what you can do to show him that you are sorry and that you will do better. Tell him what he can do (only if he is open at the time you talk to hearing such a thing), to make you feel more confident about your relationship.
Lastly, at the sake of sounding preachy, Maybe you, if you feel called, could pray about this, and I will pray for your health, strength and wisdom now and in the future. I will pray that you will make the right choices and that God will lead you. I will pray for speedy recovery and that you will have those you love around you, supporting you, for your suboxone situation, if you decide to stop. I will pray for your boyfriend and that he gets through this and comes to a higher place in the end. Lastly, remember that nothing that happens to us is an accident and that all things work together for good, sometimes it doesn't look that way right away, but eventually our trials become firm foundations and building blocks beneath us and part of us. God Bless you.