Im really worried. I know i am anxious and have been told thats all thats wrong. i cant help but believe differently, and its not those others living in this body.
Ive read a lot on BpD-never ever though I may have it-but now I am beginning to worry. I answeres the ask the doc questions on the internet for testing for BPd, All 9 questions were answered Yes". I drink heavily and I am getting help and trying to behave myself. Though , its difficult. Right now I have really bad sinus pan so stopped taking medication . ive been mad. I mean the usual gettting angry -shouting-hurting other peoples feelings-then crying all day. Got stuck hugging a tree outside, watched the world go by -I couldnt let go of the damn tree. A neighbour who is about my dads age and has asked me out for aliquid lunch, came out and helped. I got stuck on a wall.
Anyway, the more I read the more it all makes sense. Feelin gun worthy , and when on librium empty stomach as though someone had died feeling Ive had that all my life.I though teveryone felt that way. Thought it was me being pathetic and just using it as an excuse to drink! I fear rejection BIG TIME and so dont attempt things which could help my fututre for myslef and my family. I have probelmes "fitting in" Ive never been popular always the outsider, and then if I do get a bit of attention ...i act like a complete nancy.....like YEAH someone hads noticed me, and then pure embarassment.
I often binge eat, and then starve myself, I often take laxatives when feeling really insecure, I fall over a lot , and then get upset about it.I dont like what I see in the mirror, so I try to avoid it-though I do think I am small and fat and designed that was, to make the taller and prettier people look more perfect. I bite On ocassion my arms or my kness, but nothing really majoer.
I dont really like to pigeon hole but I think this explains me a bit, and it makes sense and the strange thin i i am sure my mum was told I had this when I was in infant scholl. Do you thinkI have it-or am I worrying too much about my health as per usual? Thanks for listening
Ive read a lot on BpD-never ever though I may have it-but now I am beginning to worry. I answeres the ask the doc questions on the internet for testing for BPd, All 9 questions were answered Yes". I drink heavily and I am getting help and trying to behave myself. Though , its difficult. Right now I have really bad sinus pan so stopped taking medication . ive been mad. I mean the usual gettting angry -shouting-hurting other peoples feelings-then crying all day. Got stuck hugging a tree outside, watched the world go by -I couldnt let go of the damn tree. A neighbour who is about my dads age and has asked me out for aliquid lunch, came out and helped. I got stuck on a wall.
Anyway, the more I read the more it all makes sense. Feelin gun worthy , and when on librium empty stomach as though someone had died feeling Ive had that all my life.I though teveryone felt that way. Thought it was me being pathetic and just using it as an excuse to drink! I fear rejection BIG TIME and so dont attempt things which could help my fututre for myslef and my family. I have probelmes "fitting in" Ive never been popular always the outsider, and then if I do get a bit of attention ...i act like a complete nancy.....like YEAH someone hads noticed me, and then pure embarassment.
I often binge eat, and then starve myself, I often take laxatives when feeling really insecure, I fall over a lot , and then get upset about it.I dont like what I see in the mirror, so I try to avoid it-though I do think I am small and fat and designed that was, to make the taller and prettier people look more perfect. I bite On ocassion my arms or my kness, but nothing really majoer.
I dont really like to pigeon hole but I think this explains me a bit, and it makes sense and the strange thin i i am sure my mum was told I had this when I was in infant scholl. Do you thinkI have it-or am I worrying too much about my health as per usual? Thanks for listening
I think that if you do have BPD, then you need to be formally diagnosed. I think that some of the symptoms that you have could possibly line up with what you're talking about, and you should talk to a psychologist about it just to make sure of it. Let me know what your doctor says. I would like to hear if you do have it. It will take a lot of work to get through it but if you're properly diagnosed, it will make things so much easier for you.
Hi Healthandfitnessguy, ( OMG-thats a long name!). Yes, well the nursery nurses ( when I was litt0 even rang my mum to state that I was not "fitting -in" or socialising. That I was really nervy and introverted. Anyway, Bambi27 has been helping me in how I feel, Shes great!
It could just be this situation Im in-but then Ive fed of it, like im hanging in here as im too scared to move on with things.To tell you the truth-its really boring to go on and on, and as a result of childhood things, I used to be able to make decisions really quickly. Now its the opposite, completely. I know what Ui should be doing but too scared, and then abuse myself-i know that sounds absolutely mad, and I know I can be a lot better than this. The total truth is I am terrified, and all I can see ahead is darkness.
Yet, this week at work, I got the highest in Scotland for customer service. Omg- mum has been put down by her boyfriend for looking for a shop job. Im looking at her and thinking, why dont you think before you speak? I do think things have changed, ( ie ) these days you need a PHD to be succesful and to know the right connections.
Anyway, I took the test ( mind you it was only on google-so dont know how in depth it was) But scored 9 out of 9 to "Yes" thats me. I guess its just a personality-iyears ago people would have it and no one would know , so it wouldnt be a real biggie-would it?
Anyway, im going now, thank you to anyone for listening. It would make sense as to why the Hmpfh "h: Im still herer in this position, if folks knew the truth-they would have told me to move on a long time ago and he would have got arrested. irrationaly though, I still have feelings for my ex, I feel guilty for clipping, and feel that he fears rejection 9 especially from woman) so I dont know.I am in a mangle.In fact, it would be better if I was in one of those archaic things , as at least Id come out clean at the other side.
It could just be this situation Im in-but then Ive fed of it, like im hanging in here as im too scared to move on with things.To tell you the truth-its really boring to go on and on, and as a result of childhood things, I used to be able to make decisions really quickly. Now its the opposite, completely. I know what Ui should be doing but too scared, and then abuse myself-i know that sounds absolutely mad, and I know I can be a lot better than this. The total truth is I am terrified, and all I can see ahead is darkness.
Yet, this week at work, I got the highest in Scotland for customer service. Omg- mum has been put down by her boyfriend for looking for a shop job. Im looking at her and thinking, why dont you think before you speak? I do think things have changed, ( ie ) these days you need a PHD to be succesful and to know the right connections.
Anyway, I took the test ( mind you it was only on google-so dont know how in depth it was) But scored 9 out of 9 to "Yes" thats me. I guess its just a personality-iyears ago people would have it and no one would know , so it wouldnt be a real biggie-would it?
Anyway, im going now, thank you to anyone for listening. It would make sense as to why the Hmpfh "h: Im still herer in this position, if folks knew the truth-they would have told me to move on a long time ago and he would have got arrested. irrationaly though, I still have feelings for my ex, I feel guilty for clipping, and feel that he fears rejection 9 especially from woman) so I dont know.I am in a mangle.In fact, it would be better if I was in one of those archaic things , as at least Id come out clean at the other side.
Hah yeah Bambi is incredible. If I ever have a big problem, I will not hesistate to go to her. She is super knowledgable and I love how she just helps everyone on the forums, no questions asked. I'm glad she's helping you out.
Here's a couple things--first of all, online quizzes are bupkis. THey don't mean anything, and they don't prove anything. I took an online test that said I'm bipolar. My therapist laughed at that because he said I was too depressed to be manic XD That's a joke obviously but it's true. Being asked to describe your symptoms and tell them to a computer is totally different from having a professional there to read what your body tells him. That's what's more important.
Second--borderline personality disorder is actually a controversial diagnosis and some psychologists think it's real while others totally disagree with it, and don't even think it exists. I think you have had a hard time of it--read over some of your old posts, and you definitely have some issues to work through--but I don't know if borderline is even real, to be honest. I think what's most important is that you're aware that you're in need of help and you're actively seeking it out. I think that's better than anything. What do you think?
Here's a couple things--first of all, online quizzes are bupkis. THey don't mean anything, and they don't prove anything. I took an online test that said I'm bipolar. My therapist laughed at that because he said I was too depressed to be manic XD That's a joke obviously but it's true. Being asked to describe your symptoms and tell them to a computer is totally different from having a professional there to read what your body tells him. That's what's more important.
Second--borderline personality disorder is actually a controversial diagnosis and some psychologists think it's real while others totally disagree with it, and don't even think it exists. I think you have had a hard time of it--read over some of your old posts, and you definitely have some issues to work through--but I don't know if borderline is even real, to be honest. I think what's most important is that you're aware that you're in need of help and you're actively seeking it out. I think that's better than anything. What do you think?
Hey healthandfitnes-dude!!! (Sorry, the wprd guy maks me ...oh dont worry about that :$ :-P ) yes, bambi is superb. here here, and yes doing something on your pc XD is bupkis ( tut-that sounds rude o.O )
Ok, this entire street is mental! All the tenants are getting new kitchens o.O o.O :$ :-D :-P and all you can hear is bang bang bang bang....not that thats a complaint-i just wish it was mine they were doing. Im dreading the chaos-but cant wait for it to happen ( actually a bit excited!)
Yes, Healthand fitnessguy, I definately think, yes, I have issuses...(for tissues!) and yes , I think getting help for them is the way forward.Though, I must admit...PBd does fit me, and while you state psychologists dont think it real, then, how in heavens sake did they discover or any other professional body , discover about other mental health disorders???????Okay, if its just anxiety Ive got, then how come, I seem to have panic disoder, social anxiety, generalised anxiety, then erratic explosive personality, mixed with somesort of wierd depressive (dont talk tl me, leave me alone, no one understands attitude) Oh .....dont start-how much are you drinking?????Questions like this , yeah I know it doesnt help!!! After trying to deal with my issues with that stuff -I actually hate alcohol, a bit like someone else I could mention :$ o.O o.O o.O :-S :-S :-S :-S 8-| 8-| 8-|
Out of everything I am more worried about getting a career :$ I felel totally left behind.
If there was something wrong iwith you, and you knew you couldnt cope as well as others - see the space as others see it, wouldnt you want to know exactly what it was? ( Hmm, though If im ill , I certainly dont want to know, sometimes ignorance is bliss, so manybe your right....sit on the fence as always+me=Katy) HmmmHmm, Ive got excema on my left arm...really itchy!! Right Id better go, Ive a kitchen to emptyand 2 toilets to empty...has anyone got a free garage?????????
Ok, this entire street is mental! All the tenants are getting new kitchens o.O o.O :$ :-D :-P and all you can hear is bang bang bang bang....not that thats a complaint-i just wish it was mine they were doing. Im dreading the chaos-but cant wait for it to happen ( actually a bit excited!)
Yes, Healthand fitnessguy, I definately think, yes, I have issuses...(for tissues!) and yes , I think getting help for them is the way forward.Though, I must admit...PBd does fit me, and while you state psychologists dont think it real, then, how in heavens sake did they discover or any other professional body , discover about other mental health disorders???????Okay, if its just anxiety Ive got, then how come, I seem to have panic disoder, social anxiety, generalised anxiety, then erratic explosive personality, mixed with somesort of wierd depressive (dont talk tl me, leave me alone, no one understands attitude) Oh .....dont start-how much are you drinking?????Questions like this , yeah I know it doesnt help!!! After trying to deal with my issues with that stuff -I actually hate alcohol, a bit like someone else I could mention :$ o.O o.O o.O :-S :-S :-S :-S 8-| 8-| 8-|
Out of everything I am more worried about getting a career :$ I felel totally left behind.
If there was something wrong iwith you, and you knew you couldnt cope as well as others - see the space as others see it, wouldnt you want to know exactly what it was? ( Hmm, though If im ill , I certainly dont want to know, sometimes ignorance is bliss, so manybe your right....sit on the fence as always+me=Katy) HmmmHmm, Ive got excema on my left arm...really itchy!! Right Id better go, Ive a kitchen to emptyand 2 toilets to empty...has anyone got a free garage?????????
Well, let me be clear. Borderline is a controversial diagnosis. Some psychologists believe in it, others think it's a fake diagnosis and that it's really just other problems. Let me tell you--when my anxiety issues were worse, I had a lot of symptoms. I had GAD, agoraphobia, panic attacks, depression, and destructive behaviors too. TRUST me. I know what you're going through, at least a little! I think what's best is to try getting a formal diagnosis. I don't think it matters whether you get a psychologist who believes in BPD or not--what matters is getting help from someone who can help you out. What do you think?
Hah and sorry. Bupkis probably is a rude sounding word. How about bunk instead? :-)
Hah and sorry. Bupkis probably is a rude sounding word. How about bunk instead? :-)
No I prefer bupkis-it sounds like bucks fizz o.O XD Bunk sound worse-okay dont go there!!!!
anxiety , agraphobiad, , depression , and self -destruction=me!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, Healthand fitnessguy-Im not well-Ive a rotten cold and dizzie, and went through 3 pairs of pyjammas last night-it was not pleasant. i thought i wasnt going tomake it today-but Im okay now
I see someone on the 8th-is that Tuesday< Ive lost trck of time( as I always do)-and obsessing about something that I could buy-cant afford it-but its getting me out my bed. My cat is so relaxed afte all the hard wok thats gone on herer. hes the same couor as my new kitchen-I love it. problem though, everything else looks rubbish now and the entire house need s done ( joking!!!)Anyway, going to try some flixonase again-my head is pounding and Im feeling tired. Must go, take care!
anxiety , agraphobiad, , depression , and self -destruction=me!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, Healthand fitnessguy-Im not well-Ive a rotten cold and dizzie, and went through 3 pairs of pyjammas last night-it was not pleasant. i thought i wasnt going tomake it today-but Im okay now
I see someone on the 8th-is that Tuesday< Ive lost trck of time( as I always do)-and obsessing about something that I could buy-cant afford it-but its getting me out my bed. My cat is so relaxed afte all the hard wok thats gone on herer. hes the same couor as my new kitchen-I love it. problem though, everything else looks rubbish now and the entire house need s done ( joking!!!)Anyway, going to try some flixonase again-my head is pounding and Im feeling tired. Must go, take care!
Well Dafty hang in there> i know that you'll be able to handle it. My question to you though is have you tried any meditation or relaxation techniques? It sounds like your mind is going a mile a minute!! If you could get that to stop for awhile, you might find a moment's peace.
H Health and fitneesguy-yes-Ive tried meditation-I get pretty bored with them though-and impatient!.
Im not feeling well today
Im not feeling well today
Hi Healthandfitness - my panic seems to be getting worse, not better!Monday lasy week , sat one out in the street and ambulance was calld. wednesday, had one that lasted an hour. Friday wobbled out of this city gasping on air but had to get on train-mum ophoned and stopped the cycle from happening.
Ive been back to see my docotor I am on so many pills now that I think , in actual fact, a bottle of wine was little in comparison to all the drugs I now take-though i know that silly of me to think so,
Today, Im supposed to be studying according to my little study plan-but so far, ive eaten myself out of house and home, Perhaps I was thinking, if I eat so much, I want be able to fit my big butt out the door and I wnat ever have to have these again! Or maybe im in avoidance mode, but whatever, it is like hammering down walls that dont exist but that exist to my eyes only.
Ive been back to see my docotor I am on so many pills now that I think , in actual fact, a bottle of wine was little in comparison to all the drugs I now take-though i know that silly of me to think so,
Today, Im supposed to be studying according to my little study plan-but so far, ive eaten myself out of house and home, Perhaps I was thinking, if I eat so much, I want be able to fit my big butt out the door and I wnat ever have to have these again! Or maybe im in avoidance mode, but whatever, it is like hammering down walls that dont exist but that exist to my eyes only.
It's possible that you're really anxious which sounds a lot like it, and with that comes difficulty with focusing and eating so much. I know that it's hard to deal with at times though, and I'm sorry that ou're going through it. How are ou feeling today?
Im really bad today. Ive been an id**t now. feel scik ! had a bad night last nughtNot slept yet, drank too muchreally sore stomach.fed upup
Ok, Ill tell you what i did. I locked my front dorr, 9 leaving the keys in the lock) he turned up banged on the door , rang the doorbel over and over.First I ignored it, then I thought hes going to wake the children, then to me thinking about ringing the police. Im just so fed up with being treated like I dont know what. I drank some I cred some, I tried to make some food, meanwhilehe was banging on my door, with his golf stuff to the left off him ( I just kept thinking well you cant lie aboutit now. He cant not provide for my children, take my children away without me knowing there whereabouts, not communicate , not pay for the basic stuuf...he cant get away with it anymore, and then prevent me from trying to slightly improve my life..Ok what I did probably goes down as abuse, but I have been teeling him to leave for ages, and now Ive applied for a new home, plus seeking advice from housing officer on Thursday. If I cry anymore I will have no skin left. I even remebr biting myself trying to make it stop. I dont think it is domestic abuse, ithink this is a relationship breakdown, othing more nothing less. My stomach has not felt this bad since childbirth, and I just want a safe place to go and lie down. Im extremly dizzie and I dont think work or my course will be on my agenda for the next week. Maybe had henot been chucking stones at the window would his behaviour not seem so bad, but his dad lives 10 minutes around the corner, He could have gone there till I calmed down abit, but no no.I cry for my childrn, for not kowing where the hell we will end up, for being a stupid cow anf for getting legless , then getting caught. I cant even rember what I told the police officer, ..think I tried to offer him some wine ( no I didnt) I did tel him Id been at w/a, and explained my feelings, at least tried to. I asked, ;"are you going to take me away then?"I was hoping hed say "yes", but no...he sympathetically said "no'. I actaully thought oh b****r..pls take me away....this flats ok, I just cant stand him" There Ive said it. I can hurt no longer.....and now I have to hold my children upright through one of the biggest changes in their lives. Roll on christmas!