How can I inspire him to quit?

Hello,

I am trying my hardest to give my boyfriend the motivation to quit smoking. We have what we agree is a long term future together, we're moving in together soon and in the future (not necessarily in the next few years..) we hope to marry and have our own family etc.

All I ask of him is for him to quit smoking, he bought nicorette gum and swears he was trying hard to pack it in. But I found out recently that he has been smoking at work and hiding it from me.

Not good. He knows him smoking upsets me but I would prefer he let me support him in quitting rather than doing it behind my back.

The touchy bit is why he doesn't want to quit. Someone very close to him died 18 months ago for absolutely no reason, she never smoke drank or took drugs in her life and was perfectly healthy.. but had sudden unexplainable heart failure and died. Because of that my boyfriend says "when your time is up your time is up" and thinks if you're destined to die a certain way whether it be from smoking or just bad luck you will.

However, my opinion is there are some things in life you can take action to prevent and there are some things you can control. Smoking is something you CAN control, if you have the will and support. I will support him endlessly because I love him and care for his health, I just need him to have the will. He says it's "just smoking", but I know and most everyone knows that that just isn't so.

I think him smoking and not caring is very hypocritical. He has suffered a great loss but thinks he can continue smoking and marry me and quite possibly make me go through the same grief and become a WIDOW because of his smoking?! Oh and possibly the children he may have one day?! To be blunt I think it's childish and selfish behaviour. I understand addiction is a serious thing and is not easy to overcome, but to DENY that addiction is a problem?!!?! I just can't get my head around it!!

Hmm, bit of a rant there but it infuriates me. So does anyone have any tips on how to help someone change their attitude towards smoking? I've never known anyone to be so stubborn and close minded about anything! As someone who has never had an addiction I do find it very hard to understand how someone can find intentionally inhaling poison into their lungs a desirable thing to do.

And I want to HELP and support my boyfriend but how do you try and help someone who doesn't want to be helped?! He doesn't see it as an important thing, but I do very much so because I love my boyfriend and don't feel it's right for me to sit by and watch him commit a slow suicide (sorry to be dramatic but that is how I see it). He tells me that he doesn't care about his health so insists on smoking, but I care about his health..... he smoked when I met him but I didn't know we would be together long term and now as time goes on it bothers me more, for his quality of life and mine I hope with all of my heart that he will make a TRUE effort and quit.

But how can I help him get the kick he needs to quit?!