I'm getting better Katy! Just a headache that's all!
Honest hon, don't read the internet about side effects OK? They HAVE to by law, tell you ANYTHING that has happened. Out of 10,000 people there could have been 1 who had her hair turn green and had purple and yellow dots on her face!!! So just think of the positive! This stuff works!!! And he WILL tempt you to drink, I guarantee that! Just like when you try to diet and they bring you a chocolate bar!!!! Same thing! When you show him that you don't need to drink, and he DOES then that will unnerve him! What is going on with the housing situation? Have they given you a time table? Anyway, NOTHING you do is his business! He just goes about his life like you don't exist, so do the same!
Write down all of the symptoms you've been having and give them to the doctor, mention about an allergy! Also ask him about Cymbalta!! that has been a LIVESAVER for me! Everyone is different though, so it might not work for you but it was like night and day for me! When my husband becomes a jerk, I am calm as a cucumber! It is amazing! And it keeps things manageable - you know what I mean? When you write all the problems you are having and then mention to him you are getting help for your drinking, ask him to send you to an Allergy Specialist! Write that down too so you don't forget! Because it doesn't matter if you have blotches today, when they do a test on your arm, the allergy shows up! Have you ever seen one been done before and after? It's wild!!! And wouldn't you feel SO much better knowing a lot of your symptoms are allergy related, not so much about you having anxiety!? Wouldn't that be freeing for you Katy?! It's like when this doctor told me that I had the syndrome and that is why I had this and that wrong with me! I was like WHEW!!!!!!!! :-D Honest, I felt SO good knowing that I wasn't a hypochondriac or weird, that these things happened because of a genetic problem! And when he said "Someone has REALLY dropped the ball with you Dawn!" I felt vindicated! he said "With ALL the things you have suffered with throughout your life and ALL the specialists and surgeries you have had, it is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous that someone hasn't picked up on this before now!" VOILA!!!!! He is from London, and is plain speaking which I like! It just felt SO good! And it also explained things about my youngest and other members in my family!!! Which is awesome!
You and I are like sisters of the internet!!! ;-) And i guarantee you that your sister and my sister are EXACTLY the same too! We can choose our friends but we can't choose our family!!!! So there's one thing that has changed for me is this! After DECADES of being upset and feeling guilt ridden! I KNOW that I can't change these selfish people in my family, what I can change is ME!! And how I deal with it! So since I came to that place - courtesy of an old girlfreind telling me that!!! - I don't take the bait! My dad will call and say "Well OK if you can't do this for me then I will have to go out for myself then!!!" I'm like "Ok!! You do that, I'll talk to you later!" he is SHOCKED!!! And when my sister calls, she always has something to say about suposedly what my parents said about me etc., she knows that used to devestate me, but now I don't bite, I just keep on talking and don't give her ANYTHING!! This has worked fantastically! And if you do the same hon, it will for you too! And when your mom gets on your case just say "Listen mom, I'm having one hell of a time right now, and because she's so dam selfish and self centred all she thinks about is herself!, I've had it, and there will be NO apology from me! I have done nothing wrong, just gave a few truths! SHE owes me an apology, and another thing, tell her to stop trying to upset my girls, or there WILL be a fight like she's never seen before!" Both of them - your mom and your sister - have to know that right now, they aren't helping you, so they can't be included in your plans! When you are stronger, THEN you can deal with them. It's just toxic thats all! We all have a role to play in our families, yours and mine - and many others - is to be the Go Too Gal! The one that will solve everything AND take ANYTHING!!! Without apologies! They know they can use guilt and anger as make you cow tow to their needs! So you have to think of you and the girls and they will come later!
Honest hon, don't read the internet about side effects OK? They HAVE to by law, tell you ANYTHING that has happened. Out of 10,000 people there could have been 1 who had her hair turn green and had purple and yellow dots on her face!!! So just think of the positive! This stuff works!!! And he WILL tempt you to drink, I guarantee that! Just like when you try to diet and they bring you a chocolate bar!!!! Same thing! When you show him that you don't need to drink, and he DOES then that will unnerve him! What is going on with the housing situation? Have they given you a time table? Anyway, NOTHING you do is his business! He just goes about his life like you don't exist, so do the same!
Write down all of the symptoms you've been having and give them to the doctor, mention about an allergy! Also ask him about Cymbalta!! that has been a LIVESAVER for me! Everyone is different though, so it might not work for you but it was like night and day for me! When my husband becomes a jerk, I am calm as a cucumber! It is amazing! And it keeps things manageable - you know what I mean? When you write all the problems you are having and then mention to him you are getting help for your drinking, ask him to send you to an Allergy Specialist! Write that down too so you don't forget! Because it doesn't matter if you have blotches today, when they do a test on your arm, the allergy shows up! Have you ever seen one been done before and after? It's wild!!! And wouldn't you feel SO much better knowing a lot of your symptoms are allergy related, not so much about you having anxiety!? Wouldn't that be freeing for you Katy?! It's like when this doctor told me that I had the syndrome and that is why I had this and that wrong with me! I was like WHEW!!!!!!!! :-D Honest, I felt SO good knowing that I wasn't a hypochondriac or weird, that these things happened because of a genetic problem! And when he said "Someone has REALLY dropped the ball with you Dawn!" I felt vindicated! he said "With ALL the things you have suffered with throughout your life and ALL the specialists and surgeries you have had, it is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous that someone hasn't picked up on this before now!" VOILA!!!!! He is from London, and is plain speaking which I like! It just felt SO good! And it also explained things about my youngest and other members in my family!!! Which is awesome!
You and I are like sisters of the internet!!! ;-) And i guarantee you that your sister and my sister are EXACTLY the same too! We can choose our friends but we can't choose our family!!!! So there's one thing that has changed for me is this! After DECADES of being upset and feeling guilt ridden! I KNOW that I can't change these selfish people in my family, what I can change is ME!! And how I deal with it! So since I came to that place - courtesy of an old girlfreind telling me that!!! - I don't take the bait! My dad will call and say "Well OK if you can't do this for me then I will have to go out for myself then!!!" I'm like "Ok!! You do that, I'll talk to you later!" he is SHOCKED!!! And when my sister calls, she always has something to say about suposedly what my parents said about me etc., she knows that used to devestate me, but now I don't bite, I just keep on talking and don't give her ANYTHING!! This has worked fantastically! And if you do the same hon, it will for you too! And when your mom gets on your case just say "Listen mom, I'm having one hell of a time right now, and because she's so dam selfish and self centred all she thinks about is herself!, I've had it, and there will be NO apology from me! I have done nothing wrong, just gave a few truths! SHE owes me an apology, and another thing, tell her to stop trying to upset my girls, or there WILL be a fight like she's never seen before!" Both of them - your mom and your sister - have to know that right now, they aren't helping you, so they can't be included in your plans! When you are stronger, THEN you can deal with them. It's just toxic thats all! We all have a role to play in our families, yours and mine - and many others - is to be the Go Too Gal! The one that will solve everything AND take ANYTHING!!! Without apologies! They know they can use guilt and anger as make you cow tow to their needs! So you have to think of you and the girls and they will come later!
Thats hard-but yes "they can come later". My children come first-I dont care what it takes!..Ok.Im off to bed, I am feeling reaaly sad-but Im okay.ill be okay! Dawn-I hope to speak tomorrow. You are a true inspirationfor me-pls , i know you have probs too , like everyone, but I reallt appreciate you being my stabillizers at the moment.your brill, and give your head a unpainful rub from me, take care, katy
Oh dear, this is the bit when I go :$ :$ :$ :$ :$ Ive just broadcast my business all over the interweb, and now its time to do somethign about it....ah scream. Okay, came back from my GPs and the one thing that did stick was this" As time goes on it will get easier"Ok, Ive the first hurdle to get through, thats the sleep deprivation, and the ..oh heck...hes stiilll herere, why is he still here anyway??????I was always led to believe that if you loved someone then youd do whatever to make them happy, or happier, and if the ened result is your bad for each other, then youd let the other one go. Common sense says that .Anyway, im sure Ive got math ears...but nothing showed. Considering the length of time Ive drank 6 montsh is not that long, but then theres this....its only 5 months, and when i ve stopped Ill graduallly go back. Im worried about that as when I had my children I was sober all through expectancy and soo n as they popped out Id have a glass of wine, and then gradually it increases. Or maybe Ill end up being sick on that antabuse stuff and never ever wnat to go throught this hell again...argh!!! Its all about respect...who invented that word???? Im gonna google that info out. right off to work now, oh its a metalwork day and I am scared of metal work as its sore when it lands on your head XD XD XD XD :$ I should know,,, and its easy to do as all the or modst the shelves etc are above your head. Ill spend that whole time going oh no shaking and it will be a bit like me in a physical ed class....Oh oh, not me why me? Ill drop it, break it, fall over itokay, right, I might tell my mum about my prob today and tell her Iam trying this out-dont know if i should though?
Katy! What's going on? What do you mean about broadcast my business all over the interweb? This pill isn't BAD Katy! You sound ALL over the place what happend?
I feel like everyone knows, I feel ashamed, and then i went and told my mother I have a problem-why did I do that? See my mum does this thing,,,,shell drop something and I say something Like an old cliche "Like mother, like daughter" etc) and she gives a look, which says to me|"Im nothing like you! I get reallly upset by that.
Yes, I was all happy today until about an hour ago and things have started to sink in again, plus ive got a sore stomach!
Ive always felt hurt by that, my mum doesnt even realise she does it, and then she looks ( or it feels like she looking down her nose on me)But then shell say something like "I hate seeing you hurt like this"So I dont get it. Then there is the set in her own ways trhing, shes always got to be right-argh! I think I am going to go for a sleep. I keep thinking as well, I could just get presribed the pills, I dont have to take them. Im so scared Ill be tempted with the old demon, and so scared of a throwing up episode-I reckon it willl have to happen for me to rea;ise that this is it.
I cant handle him being here, even the sound of his voice stings.and he actts like Mtrr kind guy-wheres the scary man gone? I want to see him so I know I am making the right decision about my future? Please remind me, somone remind me...I dont actually need reminding, I just need to know I am not mad, I am not . I shall shut up. Maybe thatys why I have a constant nip in my ear...I was having such a laugh at work , and then this.
Anyway, how is this pill a good thing? Ill be no fun for 6 whole months have you ever had to take taht stuff-or were you a bit more controlled than me? Im rubbish at this self discipline thing. Got to go, my stomach killin me.
Yes, I was all happy today until about an hour ago and things have started to sink in again, plus ive got a sore stomach!
Ive always felt hurt by that, my mum doesnt even realise she does it, and then she looks ( or it feels like she looking down her nose on me)But then shell say something like "I hate seeing you hurt like this"So I dont get it. Then there is the set in her own ways trhing, shes always got to be right-argh! I think I am going to go for a sleep. I keep thinking as well, I could just get presribed the pills, I dont have to take them. Im so scared Ill be tempted with the old demon, and so scared of a throwing up episode-I reckon it willl have to happen for me to rea;ise that this is it.
I cant handle him being here, even the sound of his voice stings.and he actts like Mtrr kind guy-wheres the scary man gone? I want to see him so I know I am making the right decision about my future? Please remind me, somone remind me...I dont actually need reminding, I just need to know I am not mad, I am not . I shall shut up. Maybe thatys why I have a constant nip in my ear...I was having such a laugh at work , and then this.
Anyway, how is this pill a good thing? Ill be no fun for 6 whole months have you ever had to take taht stuff-or were you a bit more controlled than me? Im rubbish at this self discipline thing. Got to go, my stomach killin me.
Dawn-actually-Ive had a bizarre day. My mum gave me a cuddle and just wants me back on track-in away its helped, In another way I am just really scared. But I suppose that is silly . I mean, this could help me turn things around. really, people have been extremly supportive, when I think about it, and plus, people have been through a lot worse than I, so theres not really an excuse.
I just fear vomiting-so if I slip up(hopefully not on sickness) yes been there done that! Ill just brim and bear it, but hopefully, he want upset me enough, I want upset myself enough, and it will be ok. Who knows? I can only try it out for my children-stuff anything else!
I dont really know why I am so insecure about giving up the bottle of wine-once ive started I want go back. Ill be just fine.I just have to remeber , its not forever, and that I never want to be in this state again, so it is worth it.
I am a bit concerned about my mum, Shes so forgetful. made a big fuss about what bus to get, and argh! Stress me out (so she did)I am wondering what else I could do in the eveings -that would make me fel more rewarded/ Tidying , nah, boring. i dont know , i d like to do something that would put me on the right road to do something valuable with my life( other than bringing up my girls) Im not saying thats not valuable, they are the most valuable (god, I talk like they are posesions) Dont mean it this way.
Do you know, when people ask"where are you from" i think-thats a stipid question. The next time some one asks meIll respond "My mothers womb" XD XD
Okay, Ive lost the plot-but I will abide by the nurses etcafterall, I ended up there for a reason.
Anyway, hope Ive not made your head hurt moreso, sorry! Maybe Im pmted again! Sometimes I just cant believe what I am like!I wish I had an "off "switch.
I just fear vomiting-so if I slip up(hopefully not on sickness) yes been there done that! Ill just brim and bear it, but hopefully, he want upset me enough, I want upset myself enough, and it will be ok. Who knows? I can only try it out for my children-stuff anything else!
I dont really know why I am so insecure about giving up the bottle of wine-once ive started I want go back. Ill be just fine.I just have to remeber , its not forever, and that I never want to be in this state again, so it is worth it.
I am a bit concerned about my mum, Shes so forgetful. made a big fuss about what bus to get, and argh! Stress me out (so she did)I am wondering what else I could do in the eveings -that would make me fel more rewarded/ Tidying , nah, boring. i dont know , i d like to do something that would put me on the right road to do something valuable with my life( other than bringing up my girls) Im not saying thats not valuable, they are the most valuable (god, I talk like they are posesions) Dont mean it this way.
Do you know, when people ask"where are you from" i think-thats a stipid question. The next time some one asks meIll respond "My mothers womb" XD XD
Okay, Ive lost the plot-but I will abide by the nurses etcafterall, I ended up there for a reason.
Anyway, hope Ive not made your head hurt moreso, sorry! Maybe Im pmted again! Sometimes I just cant believe what I am like!I wish I had an "off "switch.
Ok, havent heard from you - are you all right?
Hi dawn- i dont know - are you still talking to me, have I said anything offensive :$ %-) Sorry If I have, i dont mean it.
Well, I feel like crying, mum came and took the girls away on holiday. Theyre going to Loch Lomond for a small while, Im still working and have so many appointments everywhere that I didnt go. Also I decide to take it as a good opportunity to start gutting this place.
When My mum invite HIM over though-Ifelt that stabbing pain in my dstomach. Thats where I went on holiday as a youngster, had loads of fun with my grandad, and it hurt. But on a more mature level perhaps the girls will need a parent nearby. Afterall its not there familiar territory. I just find that a bit back stabbing. ( Although its not0
I keep thinking...what I should do is go get realreallly reallly reallly reallly stinking drunk, so that I never ever wish to touch that pish stuff again, so to start on the meds ive not got yet...( and lol, while Im pssied Ill go and buy a shot gun..and and) Only joking!!!!!Grrrrr!I dont understand men(whatsoever) When I was a teenager I used to be gobbie in Penicuik ( where I stayed when mum and dad were together...ok I was 11 ( not really a teenager, but I was so gobbie.) You know when someone stares at you and you think"DO YOU WANT A PICTURE?" yes, well I actually used to say it out loud. Then when I moved to the borders ...I practicvally wasnt allowed to say anything, so became a bit introverted and generally quiet.; anyway, here I am talking about me mem bloody me again..BOOORRRINNNNNGGGG!!! Tight, Im going to the chemist to get my pills,...(better watch out for the hair dye-thinking about going ginger 8-| )Hope your all right, okay ta ta for now.
Well, I feel like crying, mum came and took the girls away on holiday. Theyre going to Loch Lomond for a small while, Im still working and have so many appointments everywhere that I didnt go. Also I decide to take it as a good opportunity to start gutting this place.
When My mum invite HIM over though-Ifelt that stabbing pain in my dstomach. Thats where I went on holiday as a youngster, had loads of fun with my grandad, and it hurt. But on a more mature level perhaps the girls will need a parent nearby. Afterall its not there familiar territory. I just find that a bit back stabbing. ( Although its not0
I keep thinking...what I should do is go get realreallly reallly reallly reallly stinking drunk, so that I never ever wish to touch that pish stuff again, so to start on the meds ive not got yet...( and lol, while Im pssied Ill go and buy a shot gun..and and) Only joking!!!!!Grrrrr!I dont understand men(whatsoever) When I was a teenager I used to be gobbie in Penicuik ( where I stayed when mum and dad were together...ok I was 11 ( not really a teenager, but I was so gobbie.) You know when someone stares at you and you think"DO YOU WANT A PICTURE?" yes, well I actually used to say it out loud. Then when I moved to the borders ...I practicvally wasnt allowed to say anything, so became a bit introverted and generally quiet.; anyway, here I am talking about me mem bloody me again..BOOORRRINNNNNGGGG!!! Tight, Im going to the chemist to get my pills,...(better watch out for the hair dye-thinking about going ginger 8-| )Hope your all right, okay ta ta for now.
Hi Katy! NO I'm not mad at you honey! Just been having a heck of a time with my head! I think it's infected! And last night I took 2 lots of pain killers!!!!!! I was SO out of it! I was scared, actually my husband was going to take me to the hospital! But at about 3 am it finally pased! I HATE when I do that!
I didn't take THAT drug, but what happened with me is that because of ALL the painkillers I'm on - which affect my Liver - when I even have a glass of wine I PUKE!!!! I am SICKER than a dog! And to tell you the truth Katy - which WILL happen with you too - I would rather be without pain then PISSED!!!! And you WILL be there too, it's not about the threat of puking, it's about getting better and being able to handle stuff without drinking! I was EXACTLY the same with my opiates, I thought "How in hells name can I cope without these in my system!" BUT I did and am!! So you will too, when your pills - for anxiety or depression settle you down - you don't need booze! When I go out with my girlfriends for lunch or a drink etc. I just have virgin drinks! NO BIGGY! Honestly! I WOULDN'T lie to you! You just have to think about it differently that's all. You have come a LONG way over these last 3 months! So getting a hold of your drinking is a HUGE next step right? So give yourself a pat on the back! And the comment about bascially having one last hurrah - so you are so pissed you wont want to drink again - HOW many times can you count that you have done this before right!!!? ;-) XD How many of us have had our face firmly planted in the oval of the big white telephone and while we were praying to God to make the vomiting stop or begging someone to kill us! Did we promise that we would "NEVER DO THIS AGAIN!!!"? I used to do that every weekend!!!!
Did you ask your doctor about getting an alergy test?
He's nice to you because he HAS to be, he doesn't want to rock the boat while you are taking the steps! He's worried you're getting stronger! - WHICH YOU ARE - So he's thinking "Heh this is the furthest she's ever gone before, I think she's serious!!! Holy S...!" I better start being nicer! When this doesn't work, he WILL pull out all the stops - like tempting you to drink etc. So beware of that OK?
That sounds REALLY nice - loch Lomond! - I watch this show called "Build A New Life" There was this one episode where this lovely family bought an old school to make it into a tea room in Scotland - while building it, they lost their son!!!! :'( - I was gutted, but where they built was ABSOLUTELY stunning! It looks like a beautiful area!
I suppose your mom is trying to keep the peace! I don't like it either though actually! It's like "HELLO!!! I'm your daughter, you know that he's done ALL this to me!" BUT that being said, there is something to be said for treating someone with honey instead of vinegar!
Anyway hon, I have to go, not feeling too well!! One HELL of a night!!!! And NO wine insight ;-) XD So get gutting and cleaning out that house of yours. It will make you feel better and that you are accomplishing omething!
I didn't take THAT drug, but what happened with me is that because of ALL the painkillers I'm on - which affect my Liver - when I even have a glass of wine I PUKE!!!! I am SICKER than a dog! And to tell you the truth Katy - which WILL happen with you too - I would rather be without pain then PISSED!!!! And you WILL be there too, it's not about the threat of puking, it's about getting better and being able to handle stuff without drinking! I was EXACTLY the same with my opiates, I thought "How in hells name can I cope without these in my system!" BUT I did and am!! So you will too, when your pills - for anxiety or depression settle you down - you don't need booze! When I go out with my girlfriends for lunch or a drink etc. I just have virgin drinks! NO BIGGY! Honestly! I WOULDN'T lie to you! You just have to think about it differently that's all. You have come a LONG way over these last 3 months! So getting a hold of your drinking is a HUGE next step right? So give yourself a pat on the back! And the comment about bascially having one last hurrah - so you are so pissed you wont want to drink again - HOW many times can you count that you have done this before right!!!? ;-) XD How many of us have had our face firmly planted in the oval of the big white telephone and while we were praying to God to make the vomiting stop or begging someone to kill us! Did we promise that we would "NEVER DO THIS AGAIN!!!"? I used to do that every weekend!!!!
Did you ask your doctor about getting an alergy test?
He's nice to you because he HAS to be, he doesn't want to rock the boat while you are taking the steps! He's worried you're getting stronger! - WHICH YOU ARE - So he's thinking "Heh this is the furthest she's ever gone before, I think she's serious!!! Holy S...!" I better start being nicer! When this doesn't work, he WILL pull out all the stops - like tempting you to drink etc. So beware of that OK?
That sounds REALLY nice - loch Lomond! - I watch this show called "Build A New Life" There was this one episode where this lovely family bought an old school to make it into a tea room in Scotland - while building it, they lost their son!!!! :'( - I was gutted, but where they built was ABSOLUTELY stunning! It looks like a beautiful area!
I suppose your mom is trying to keep the peace! I don't like it either though actually! It's like "HELLO!!! I'm your daughter, you know that he's done ALL this to me!" BUT that being said, there is something to be said for treating someone with honey instead of vinegar!
Anyway hon, I have to go, not feeling too well!! One HELL of a night!!!! And NO wine insight ;-) XD So get gutting and cleaning out that house of yours. It will make you feel better and that you are accomplishing omething!
Hi dawn-so sorry to hear about your head. It sounds like you need it lookd at again pronto! Not good news! You must be shattered too!!
I think , if I werent taking the old citalopram pill, I would have been screamig nd kicking about the street-as my hacles do go up when mum plays the go between, like i say though, I have to think of the children and their needs. hes taking a tent, and my grandads old house is on a slope, so hahahhaha!!! And there are loads of grass snakes and midgets. I bet you anythingmy little one will come back covered in bites, i can guarantee it. If theres an insect around , they will bite her. the older one tried to cathc a btterfly yesterday and threw her hand into a bunch of stingy nettles, Youe not seen anything like it. It was so sweet watching her, but then the holwling pain that came from her heart was tortutre!
yeah, ive lots of memories at Loch lomomd, including my grandad throwing me in the Loch, tying him up and trying to get biscuits down him, threatening to cut his hair as he had really thick mass of white hair and still had even till the day he died. He was a special man, I still miss him, and when I go there I feel close to him-mad , still afterall this time, I still miss him!!He (my grandad also had a scooter. hed take my sister and I out on the back of it from time to time.he even built up wooden blocks for his girlfrien to put her feet on, so they could go on holidasy to skye-mad eh???The funny thing was though was that he lived in a caravan with his girlfriend, not the house the he owned,It used to be an ongoing joke with little and large (him and his girfriend). His girlfeind was put on loads of steroids and we used to ask how she hgot her peculiar bruises. grandad was terrible-Hed respond"Your never to old to make anyone feel special"...yuck!!! But , still it makes me laugh!
Sorry, side tracked there-yeah , erm, I forgot to ask the doctor about allergies . I did ask him to check myears out, but again nothing, as i still feel wobbily. I do know that Ive had reactions to potatoes,whne i peel them my eyes puff up and itch and my face goes blotchy. When I eat chips my face goes blothcie and if I eat Kiwi I think Im gonna die.Othere than that theres no big deal there. though my sinuses are stuffing up, and Ive been going to bed with tons of olbas oil which makes my eyes water.
Someimteimes I just despair at things right now, I cant really deal with how things have panned out for me, even though i did make my own life choices. I just have to accept thatthis is what it is and move on. Its just so hard especially right now.
Anyway, ill leave you and let you have your much needed rest. I hope your head gets better. it sounds painful. really does, and its your head..Maybe its the stormbefore the sunshine. i hope it is . Hope to hear how you are soon, and tke care, rest up!
I think , if I werent taking the old citalopram pill, I would have been screamig nd kicking about the street-as my hacles do go up when mum plays the go between, like i say though, I have to think of the children and their needs. hes taking a tent, and my grandads old house is on a slope, so hahahhaha!!! And there are loads of grass snakes and midgets. I bet you anythingmy little one will come back covered in bites, i can guarantee it. If theres an insect around , they will bite her. the older one tried to cathc a btterfly yesterday and threw her hand into a bunch of stingy nettles, Youe not seen anything like it. It was so sweet watching her, but then the holwling pain that came from her heart was tortutre!
yeah, ive lots of memories at Loch lomomd, including my grandad throwing me in the Loch, tying him up and trying to get biscuits down him, threatening to cut his hair as he had really thick mass of white hair and still had even till the day he died. He was a special man, I still miss him, and when I go there I feel close to him-mad , still afterall this time, I still miss him!!He (my grandad also had a scooter. hed take my sister and I out on the back of it from time to time.he even built up wooden blocks for his girlfrien to put her feet on, so they could go on holidasy to skye-mad eh???The funny thing was though was that he lived in a caravan with his girlfriend, not the house the he owned,It used to be an ongoing joke with little and large (him and his girfriend). His girlfeind was put on loads of steroids and we used to ask how she hgot her peculiar bruises. grandad was terrible-Hed respond"Your never to old to make anyone feel special"...yuck!!! But , still it makes me laugh!
Sorry, side tracked there-yeah , erm, I forgot to ask the doctor about allergies . I did ask him to check myears out, but again nothing, as i still feel wobbily. I do know that Ive had reactions to potatoes,whne i peel them my eyes puff up and itch and my face goes blotchy. When I eat chips my face goes blothcie and if I eat Kiwi I think Im gonna die.Othere than that theres no big deal there. though my sinuses are stuffing up, and Ive been going to bed with tons of olbas oil which makes my eyes water.
Someimteimes I just despair at things right now, I cant really deal with how things have panned out for me, even though i did make my own life choices. I just have to accept thatthis is what it is and move on. Its just so hard especially right now.
Anyway, ill leave you and let you have your much needed rest. I hope your head gets better. it sounds painful. really does, and its your head..Maybe its the stormbefore the sunshine. i hope it is . Hope to hear how you are soon, and tke care, rest up!
Hi hon! That's a starch allergy! That would explain a LOT of things actually! But OF COURSE you didn't tell him! ACHA A VEE woman!!!!!!! 8-| 8-| 8-| 8-| o.O OK Come closer to the screen - do you feel that!!!!? - it's me stranglling you!!!!!
I feel like I'm your wife and your my stubborn husband!!! ;-) XD
Anyway other than me stranglling you I want you to look in the mirror and say this "I Katy, deserve better! I deserve to be loved and respected! I need and deserve to be cherished by those around me! And I WILL stop thinking I don't deserve anything better! I AM strong and will make my life better!"
I remember falling in nettles - BLESS her! Poor thing! We don't have them here you know?! I miss my grandad too! I LOVED him and he me! I was his little "Sunshine" and got WHATEVER I wanted! It's been 35 years but I still think of him everyday! I named my second son after him! I would have loved for him to meet my boys! :-(
Your life hasn't panned out too bad honey! I know you think differently, BUT you have your children, you have an education, you still ahve your family - even though they always remember to put DYS in FUNCTIONAL!!! ;-) And you are STILL young! Your life isn't over honey! You're just down that's all! An old friend of mine came over the other day, and she is going through Chemotherapy for lymphoma! She is quite ill and has lost all her hair! We were talking about all the c**p that happens, and you know what honey - even she with this DANGEROUS illness, says "You know what, my chances are good, the'res other out there that aren't, so I am VERY greatful for this!" You HAVE to be greatful - also giving yourself reason to get pissed off of course - that this is ALL you have to deal with!!!! You know what I mean? Because believe me hon! There are people out there right now, WISHING they had yours and my life!!!! There are women who go through TERRIBLE injections and hormone therapies to have children "Naturally"! There are people that have NO ONE!! And I mean NO ONE!! And of course there are people out there who have no tommorrows!! I am NOT saying you can't be upset or feel down! BUT I am!!!! you know what I mean?
While he's gone with the kids, it will be YOUR time to get things going! For you to start cleaning house - litterally! And taking stock of what you want to happen!
I feel like I'm your wife and your my stubborn husband!!! ;-) XD
Anyway other than me stranglling you I want you to look in the mirror and say this "I Katy, deserve better! I deserve to be loved and respected! I need and deserve to be cherished by those around me! And I WILL stop thinking I don't deserve anything better! I AM strong and will make my life better!"
I remember falling in nettles - BLESS her! Poor thing! We don't have them here you know?! I miss my grandad too! I LOVED him and he me! I was his little "Sunshine" and got WHATEVER I wanted! It's been 35 years but I still think of him everyday! I named my second son after him! I would have loved for him to meet my boys! :-(
Your life hasn't panned out too bad honey! I know you think differently, BUT you have your children, you have an education, you still ahve your family - even though they always remember to put DYS in FUNCTIONAL!!! ;-) And you are STILL young! Your life isn't over honey! You're just down that's all! An old friend of mine came over the other day, and she is going through Chemotherapy for lymphoma! She is quite ill and has lost all her hair! We were talking about all the c**p that happens, and you know what honey - even she with this DANGEROUS illness, says "You know what, my chances are good, the'res other out there that aren't, so I am VERY greatful for this!" You HAVE to be greatful - also giving yourself reason to get pissed off of course - that this is ALL you have to deal with!!!! You know what I mean? Because believe me hon! There are people out there right now, WISHING they had yours and my life!!!! There are women who go through TERRIBLE injections and hormone therapies to have children "Naturally"! There are people that have NO ONE!! And I mean NO ONE!! And of course there are people out there who have no tommorrows!! I am NOT saying you can't be upset or feel down! BUT I am!!!! you know what I mean?
While he's gone with the kids, it will be YOUR time to get things going! For you to start cleaning house - litterally! And taking stock of what you want to happen!
Hey!! I know what you mean - I know exactly what you are saying! In away I get annoyed at myself for everything. i guessIve always been like this. I remeber my dad putting documentaries on about third world countries and him saying"this will make you feel better" It didnt , I eneded up studying them.
Sorry to hear about your friend-she sounds like a real fighter though!
Well, hes left the building, saying"wiill you be ok?" o.O 8-| >:( he angers me, , my mum angers me, How dare they ? There my children, thats my grandads house....do they not realise what he has done? I woke this morning looking at my wrists, and thinking, I could just cut them I could slit them open and blleed out-itd all be over, but Id neever see my lovely children again , so got up washed my face and got angry with myself
I also woke this morning , thinking, this: my mum , grrr!!! My sister argh!!!!!, Him, sweary word. me+a waister, then followed by awe well , no one perfect thinking.
Anyways, I hope your head is getting better-you didnt say in your last message-is it ok???? Im going back to bed now, Im going to sleep for a bit, then I might tidy a little.
I caught my cat chasing a mouse last night, my ex ran around the kitchen with a hammer. i personally though t the we thing cute and that he shouldnt be running around the building with a hammer , just leave the cat to play cat and mouse. But anywayway, he couldnt catch the thing, and my cat enede up killing it.Ok, I going for a sleep. take care of you Dawn, katy
Sorry to hear about your friend-she sounds like a real fighter though!
Well, hes left the building, saying"wiill you be ok?" o.O 8-| >:( he angers me, , my mum angers me, How dare they ? There my children, thats my grandads house....do they not realise what he has done? I woke this morning looking at my wrists, and thinking, I could just cut them I could slit them open and blleed out-itd all be over, but Id neever see my lovely children again , so got up washed my face and got angry with myself
I also woke this morning , thinking, this: my mum , grrr!!! My sister argh!!!!!, Him, sweary word. me+a waister, then followed by awe well , no one perfect thinking.
Anyways, I hope your head is getting better-you didnt say in your last message-is it ok???? Im going back to bed now, Im going to sleep for a bit, then I might tidy a little.
I caught my cat chasing a mouse last night, my ex ran around the kitchen with a hammer. i personally though t the we thing cute and that he shouldnt be running around the building with a hammer , just leave the cat to play cat and mouse. But anywayway, he couldnt catch the thing, and my cat enede up killing it.Ok, I going for a sleep. take care of you Dawn, katy
Ok, Im just up at 3pm. Im starting to panic about taking that antabuse thing stuff....yes, all my products even my moisturiser contains cetyl alcohol...OmG. If its not bad enough havioing to tell your mum about a drink problem etc. now I have to run round looking for non alcoholic products. I dont think thereis one fake tan that doesnt contain alochol....if i put that on my face id look sun burnt..Okay...Im going to the shop, going to make a fresh salaad for my dinner..Ive not eaten yet. I also hurt my back , right on the spine..its really hurting...also want some wine , but cant, also going to gut childrens cupboard and bedroom. Im worried that theres mice in there roomas becca has been taking crisps in there and Im worried about decluttering. Oh anyway, Ive no motivation today, but like you say.-its not all that bad!
I dont know!On walking to the shop, I got really dizzie and then angry with myself...(Please dont come back) I fellt myyself falling and just made it to the shop, but by this time I was tembling. Got my sald stuff and lots of juice and vitamin C supplements-as I am ow total panic mode again! Anyway, on coming home ...alll i could think was ( I am going to colapse)....some guy asked if I was ok...I was Uh huh...then crying, uncintrollable and that was it, I wa sleft standing , yes me, holding onto a church , watching the world carryon , people walkinf past me, no ong giving a damn,,,and me thinking Im going to be here until my children come hom...then more tears. then Phew-a kind neighbout found me, and walked me home.Im still dizzie now and cant believe Im bck tracking-is it a lonley thing????Mind you Ive not yet eaten a thing..nope ..I cant help but think theres something up...Im so dizzie. and then I cry moreso as I think theres omething truly wrong, but theres nothing wrong...(well apart from the obvious!)Argh...Im going to watch a dvd, dont really feel like eating now anyway, afterall that 8-|
Hi dawn_Ive not heard from you-Im worried-is your head ok? Or have you gone to get it checked?
My sinisitus has flared up again, and ive not been feeling well today.
My ex pitched his tent in my grandsd backgarden adn the kiddies were loving it. i really miss them. Thers just sometimes never a balance-when they are around 24/7..I get the argh!! leave me for a bit...pleases, but as soon as there not around, its a big open empty space. I miss them so so much and its only been one night.
I know my Becca will do the adhere to all demands by others, and want to please. around me, its a different story. But In away I like that as its true honesty and I know what she likes and disslikes, The eldest, well shes amazing, i call her amazing ally as she is/ She adapts to things very quickly. I guess theres a difference between my life and theirs -and that is they have a huge family, so changing enviroments isnt such a problem.
Anyway...my neck is sore XD from being strangled XD XD XD XD I made an amazing salad. my ex soes not eat things like that, so I realy enjoyed it. Ok, I shall go, i hope you are doing all right-Im a bit concerned about you and your head-I really hope you are doing well.Pls let me know how you are?
Im glad Ive met you, as not only do you inspire me, to become me, but youve been a solid grounding for me to sort myself out. I forgot to tell you that when I told my mum about my probs, she said this"YOu , Katy, really need to do something about your self image" o.O Anyway, hope your well, take car and looking forward to hearing from you, Katy
My sinisitus has flared up again, and ive not been feeling well today.
My ex pitched his tent in my grandsd backgarden adn the kiddies were loving it. i really miss them. Thers just sometimes never a balance-when they are around 24/7..I get the argh!! leave me for a bit...pleases, but as soon as there not around, its a big open empty space. I miss them so so much and its only been one night.
I know my Becca will do the adhere to all demands by others, and want to please. around me, its a different story. But In away I like that as its true honesty and I know what she likes and disslikes, The eldest, well shes amazing, i call her amazing ally as she is/ She adapts to things very quickly. I guess theres a difference between my life and theirs -and that is they have a huge family, so changing enviroments isnt such a problem.
Anyway...my neck is sore XD from being strangled XD XD XD XD I made an amazing salad. my ex soes not eat things like that, so I realy enjoyed it. Ok, I shall go, i hope you are doing all right-Im a bit concerned about you and your head-I really hope you are doing well.Pls let me know how you are?
Im glad Ive met you, as not only do you inspire me, to become me, but youve been a solid grounding for me to sort myself out. I forgot to tell you that when I told my mum about my probs, she said this"YOu , Katy, really need to do something about your self image" o.O Anyway, hope your well, take car and looking forward to hearing from you, Katy