I am pregnant but I am not quite sure who the father is of my unborn child.

And I meant Clearblue plus, not rapid! Sorry

You say "I average at most 30 day cycle for the past 3 months", but you haven't explained what you mean by "average" and "at most". Usually, those two would be different unless all three were the same! Can you supply your last 3 (or more, if you can) cycles (or previous period dates)? The dates you had sex after your last period would have helped! For now, assuming you always have a 30-day cycle, then you would likely have conceived on 6th November, being fertile probably 1st to 6th November. But you have been rather limited in the information you provided.

At most, yes I have had a 30 day cycle. I had sex on the 5th, 8th 12th and 13th of November. I took 3 pregnancy tests from date of expected period (21st) till the 23rd a pregnancy test since CD 30 (20th) but did not get a positive till CD 33 on Novemenber 23rd.
The first guy was the 5th 12th and 13th of November, the second guy was the 8th of November.
Prior periods:
October 22
September 23
August 24

You previously said your LMP was 21 Oct, now you indicate 22 Oct. That changes the potential fertile days. However, if you never have a cycle more than 30 days, then the likelihood is that sex on 5th probably led to your pregnancy. However, you could have ovulated late that cycle, so 8th is just a possibility.

Had my periods on the 13th November to 16th Novber 2017.had sex everyday with my Husband but I had sex with another person on the 8th of December 2017. Who I am I pregnant for.

Assuming you have a typical 28-day cycle, then 8th Dec was not likely a fertile day. But you haven't said when your Dec period was due, nor the baby's due date.

Hi my name is Marissa and I am so thankful I found this board so I know I’m not alone. I am 25, engaged to be married in a year and my fiancé and I are both educated and have great jobs, live together and are financially secure. We have been together three years and I have never even thought of cheating on him and love him with all my heart. My LMP was around 11/28/17. I am not on BC but my fiancée and I always use condoms or he pulls out. I went away for a three day Work retreat weekend and I drank a little too much one night . Months of harmlesss flirting with another guy I work with led to a little more and I ended up having sex with another guy on 12/6, we had sex two times that night and the first time he pulled out and the second time he finished inside of me very hard and I knew he came a lot because I felt it still the next day. Once I sobered up the next day I was absolutely devastated that I cheated on the love of my life. I went home and had sex with my fiancée on 12/8 unprotected but he did pull out. I am a nervous wreck now and the entire month I was so stressed out. I love my fiancée more than anything , we have our whole lives planned and this would absolutely destroy us and everything if he isn’t the father and I don’t have the heart to tell him I cheated and it’s so out of character for me and our relationship, we have zero problems and alcohol and bad judgement ruined everything. The other guy has a girlfriend he lives with and I haven’t told him anything yet and I have no interest in having him involved in my life and I resent him right now too. I wish I could take it all back but I can’t . To make matters worse I am normally a health freak and go to the gym almost every day but I have been sneaking and smoking cigarettes to deal with the stress, a bad habit i only indulged in when I drank. Just telling it here I feel a little better getting it off my chest but I can’t tell anyone else. I am very skinny about 5’5 and 110 pounds so I know I am going to show early, how long should I wait to take a paternity test? I wish there was a way of knowing it was my fiancées baby, it would be something we could deal with but having it be another mans baby is something our relationship wouldn’t survive .

(Marissa) sorry forgot to add I took two pregnancy tests on 1/3/18 and both are positive two days apart

Hi Melissa

So sorry to hear your story.

You said Your last period started 'around' 28th Nov. Do you know exactly when?

You haven't stated your cycle length (period history), or the date your next period was expected. Assuming your period started 28th Nov and you have a regular 28-day cycle, then 6th Dec would possibly not have been a fertile day, but 8th Dec would have been.

Pull-out method is not reliable. On what dates have you had sex with your fiancée since your last period?

I believe paternity testing can be done the 7th-8th week of pregnancy, but permission would be needed for the testing of the man's DNA.

Think very carefully about exactly what happened and what action you take. It happened when you were drunk, and that could be a significant mitigating factor. Consider the following, which I hope helps you.

• "Months of harmless flirting with another guy" Flirting isn't harmless when either is in a relationship.
• if it "led to a little more and I ended up having sex with another guy", then "a little more" suggests that the "flirting" was far from "harmless".What exactly did you do?
• "I love my fiancée more than anything" then make sure he knows that and protect that relationship. Love is not just a feeling; it is a choice shown in actions taken and especially in giving.
• "this would absolutely destroy us and everything" maybe, but also including the other guy and his girlfriend.
• "Once I sobered up the next day I was absolutely devastated" So stay away from alcohol! It so often has the results you describe.
• "I don’t have the heart to tell him I cheated" But as you are pregnant, he will find out sooner or later, a paternity test must involve him, and then he will know.
• "it’s so out of character for me" That's what alcohol does. "and our relationship"???
• "I resent him right now too" Why? Was it his fault much more than yours? Was he drunk also? It could constitute rape.
• "we have zero problems" so value that and try to atone for what you have done.
• "alcohol and bad judgement ruined everything" So (again) avoid alcohol but assess the "judgement" aspect. How did you weigh things up?
• "I wish I could take it all back but I can’t" No, but you can learn from it and take serious steps to ensure that sort of thing doesn't happen ever again.
• "having it be another man's baby is something our relationship wouldn’t survive" Are you sure? He sounds a good guy from the little you have said. It would take time and you would have to make a lot of effort to regain his trust and prove your love.

I sincerely hope your relationship survives and thrives.

I hope this helps and if you want to talk about it more, please feel free (privately if necessary)

Thank you so much for your kind and thought out response. My periods are pretty regular, I remember my last period starting on 11/28 because I know it was the week after Thanksgiving and for some reason I made a mental note. I do think it lasted approximately four days? My mind is so fuzzy now and I can’t tell the difference between wishful thinking and clear thoughts sometimes. You are right, months of harmless flirting wasn’t harmless at all and being introspective I think those months were also filled with so many pre-wedding jitters and plenty of stress. The other guys flirting and my reciprocity were so taboo but also a way to release that stress and having to wear this constant facade of little miss perfect to everyone. A form of control where I felt I had no control with everyone but me seeming to plan my wedding and future ? Perhaps, but something I can think through clearly once I can think through this.

To address your other point, no it was not coerced and yes we were both drinking but regretfully I was too a consensual participant in the sex. I guess it’s easy to blame someone or deflect towards the other guy wishing he had more self control than me and maybe he feels the same way, but I can’t worry about that now. I have replayed it in my head painfully but analytically. It started as a surprise kiss , then dry rubbing through our clothes to our clothes coming off to slight penetration and then hesitation and then not being able to control ourselves and the first time we had sex it was literally over in minutes and I know he pulled out and came outside of me. The second time we went at it again within a half hour of laying there naked and because there was no barrier of clothing there was also no hesitation and it was so intense and that’s when I had even less self control because I just knew he was going to finish and I did nothing to stop him or verbalize my lack of being on birth control and I literally felt him finish inside of me. Within minutes after I immediately thought “What did I just do?!”

I have done soul searching and there isn’t some underlying issue in my relationship with my fiancé, I think I love him more than ever now and the thought of losing him or hurting him breaks my heart more than ever now.

I could live with burying the horrible secret of cheating if and when I am ready fo reveal it and get it off my conscience a lot easier than I could having him think he made a child with me that isn’t his. I can’t express enough the shock factor that would go along with this and my actions not only surprised myself but it would surprise anyone who knows us and me. I hate myself right now more than I can express, and there is no more helpless feeling than your worst enemy being yourself.

If I start asking my fiancée to take a DNA sample and tell him I am pregnant and it turns out to be his I will open a can of worms I didn’t need to, if I tell the other guy I am indeed pregnant and to eliminate him as being the father and asking him for a DNA test at least the only two involved are still involved and no one else is hurt yet. I wish life had a reset button and know i need to own my actions this is all just so hard.

Thank you for your expression of appreciation, and I am glad you are thinking things through in an honest way.

"My periods are pretty regular" How regular, and how far apart? Are your cycles always at least 28 days?

You were both drunk, and that could generously be seen as mitigating circumstances. If you were drunk, you could be considered to be legally incapable of consenting to sex. That is not to allocate blame to him, but to lessen the blame on yourself (although I do think you were very foolish). If you are genuinely repentant, the could be scope for forgiveness.

"I think I love him more than ever now and the thought of losing him or hurting him breaks my heart more than ever now". I think he needs to know that - by your actions (not just words) and your decisions about your future behaviour and temptations, especially how (realistically) you will bullet-proof your relationship.

"I hate myself right now more than I can express". That is not a good state in which to make big decisions.

"I wish life had a reset button and know I need to own my actions this is all just so hard." Do you have any spiritual convictions? Would you ask for God's help in all this?

Think very carefully about who you ask for DNA material. It is not as straightforward as you suggest. I would suggest your fiancé has already sensed something isn't quite right. The longer it goes on, the worse it will be.

I hope all goes well (or as well as possible) for you, that your engagement stays firm, and that you will soon be married.

Feel free to continue conversing, and I will try and respond as and when I can (I'm in the UK, so a time difference!)

Hi Melissa
Further to my previous comments, if you get DNA from your 'despised' colleague, and it proves the child is his, then he will probably want to be involved with the child for life. If you take DNA from your fiancé and it proves not to be his, then he may still marry you and accept the child as his own with no involvement from your colleague. You will need to face up to your unfaithfulness with your fiancé at sometime anyway. I think it would be better for any confession to come from your own initiative than to come as a result of clandestine research which forces it.
Hope this helps

What was the conceiving date beginning of June?

I was told today that she was pregnant with a boy and unsure if the baby is mine or another guys.

I have 2 daughters already by 2 different mothers, I don't think I can have boys. Just in this theory am I most likely to have another girl. I really don't feel like this baby is mine!

The degree of likelihood is rather irrelevant. The fact is many have two (or three) boys and then a girl (or vice versa). Unless you can be sure that around the days of her conception you did not have any sexual activity with her, then only a paternity test will provide the answer.