I feel like I'm not here

ive been having the exact same thing happen to me. Also, it started with me having a bit of depression and smoking some crazy weed that sent me into a cataclysmic cyclone deep within myself away from everyone and everything. The further i fell the further i was from myself. After being submerged inside for so long, it seemed impossible to come back out. i think this is the problem, at least for me.. it is literally becoming impossible for me to come back from this . . . after 2 years stuck in the dreamlike state nothing seems real. it feels like my soul is dieing.. my mind now idles at a steady pace on who knows what, my mind has turned to shit. Jesus is the only answer . .

Depersonalization Depersonalization A change in an individuals self-awareness such that they feel detached from their own experience, with the self, the body and mind seeming alien. Depersonalization is a symptom of an anxiety disorder and not a stand alone condition. How do we know this? Because depersonalization cannot exist without anxiety BUT anxiety can exist without depersonalization. In each and every depersonalization sufferer that we have treated, as we have eliminated the anxiety, the depersonalization disappears completely. Depersonalization is caused by a shift in the part of the brain that provides us with a 'real' awareness of our environment; this part of the brain is directly linked to the Amygdala, the organ in the brain responsible for anxiety. Terms commonly used to describe the symptoms and sensations of Depersonalization: * unreal * disembodied * divorced from oneself * apart from everything * unattached * alone * strange * weird * foreign * unfamiliar * dead * puppet-like * robot-like * acting a part * 'like a lifeless * two dimensional * 'cardboard' figure * made of cotton-wool * having mechanical actions * remote * automated * a spectator * witnessing ones own actions as if in a film or on a TV program * not doing one's own thinking * observing the flow of ideas in the mind as independent. I DONT KNOW IF THIS WILL HELP BUT I GOOGLED THIS BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN FEELING THE SAME WAY FOR QUITE A WHILE NOW. I HAVE SEEN MANY COUNSELLORS OVER ABOUT 6 YRS. IAM ONLY 18 BUT WHEN I WAS 10 MY GRANDFATHER DIED AND AT AGE 12 I BEGAN TO GET SYMPTOMNS OF DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY. A VERY EARLY AGE, YES. SO WHEN MY MUM TOOK ME TO SEE MY DOCTOR THEY THOUGHT IT WAS JUST BECAUSE I WAS GOING INTO MY TEENAGE YEARS AND PUBERTY. BUT MY FEELINGS PERSISTED AND I BECAME EXTREMELY SUICIDAL. I FELT AFRAID OF DEATH IN SOME WAYS BUT FELT THERE WAS NO OTHER OPTIONS TO END THE BAD THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS AND THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A WELCOME RELIEF. KIND OF LIKE BEING IN A DARK SILENT ROOM AFTER STANDING IN A ROOM OF THOUSANDS OF SCREAMING PEOPLE. WHEN I WENT TO SEE COUNSELLORS I COULD NEVER PUT INTO WORDS MY FEELINGS AND COULD NEVER TALK OR EXPRESS MYSELF TO THEM. SO I STOPPED GOING AND SINCE THEN I HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH IT ALL MYSELF. BEING UNDERAGE I COULDNT HAVE MEDICATION. NOW THAT IM 18 MY MUM THINKS I SHOULD GO BACK TO THE DOCTORS TO SEE IF THEY WILL GIVE ME MEDICATION. IM NOT OVERLY KEEN ON THE IDEA BECAUSE I WANT TO BE ABLE TO FEEL HAPPY AND NORMAL MYSELF. WHAT IF I HAVE THE MEDICATION AND IM OKAY FOR A WHILE? THEN I COME OFF THE MEDICATION AND GO BACK TO SQUARE ONE. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO FEEL NORMAL ON MY OWN WITHOUT NEEDING TABLETS TO DO SO. I DONT KNOW IF ANYONE WILL GET THIS BUT I NEEDED TO TELL SOMEBODY. ANYBODY. I FEEL ITS EASIER TO RELATE MY FEELINGS THIS WAY. ANYWAY THE COUNSELLORS I DID SEE THOUGHT THAT I HAVE SYMPTOMNS OF MANIC DEPRESSION. I ALSO HAVE INSOMNIA AND ALOT OF ANXIETY. THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I HAVE ANXIETY ATTACKS AND FEEL LIKE IM BEING SUFFOCATED BY INVISIBLE HANDS...OR I FEEL VERY RIGID. LIK MY MUSCLES ARE LOCKING UP. BUT FOR A WHILE NOW I HAVE FELT LIKE IM IN A DAZE... NUMB....NOT REALLY HERE. LIKE WHEN IM BEING SPOKE TO IM LISTENING AND RESPONDING BUT NOT REALLY TAKING ANYTHING IN. I FEEL LIKE IM IN A DREAM-LIKE STATE. NUMB TO MY EMOTIONS AND THE WORLD AROUND ME. I FEEL....DISCONNECTED WITH LIFE. I DONT KNOW WHAT THIS IS AND I DONT KNOW WHY I FEEL LIKE THIS. NORMALLY MY MOOD IS EITHER VERY HIGH OR EXTREMELY LOW. I NORMALLY FEEL HOPLESS AND WORTHLESS. LIKE I MEAN NOTHING TO ANYBODY AND THERES NO REASON FOR ME BEING HERE. OR I FEEL HIGH AND HAPPY LIKE IM ON TOP OF THE WORLD AND CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING. BUT FOR THE PAST YEAR AND A HALF IVE FELT....NOTHING. NEITHER HAPPY NOR SAD. I SUPPOSE ITS A BLESSING BUT I JUST FEEL LIKE IM NOT CONNECTED TO REAL LIFE ANYMORE. I KNOW THIS IS A LONG RANT BUT I WANTED TO SEE IF ANYONE FELT THE SAME AS ME?

okai i have the same problem just started in november 2010...... i thought it was hormons acting up or that when i was growing it was the body trying to balance it out ( not so good in english)..... these last months have been strange for me, for instance my brother and best friend moved away and i just hate it..... i never see them and now i have this feeling all the time like someone else is me.... it´s so frustarating..... went though to the doctor office today and the doctor said i should take some anxiety pills and he took a blood sample of me.... i hope that will let me know something otherwise i´ll talk to a psychiatris.... i thought i was the onlyone with this problem..... felt like i am in a daydream all the time and when i wake up then it´s the worst like then i feel like im just in a dream. Walking makes it a little bit better for a short time but then it goes to the same state...

yeah that explains what i was talking about there also is something called copper personality... you guys i take zinc and zoloft and i used to feel absoulutely terrible please take these, they will help you, zinc is an over the counter medicine get zoloft from your doctor it helps me it can help you guest, jade 12 yr. feel free to email me on youtube or aol OfficialSinukoi shinukoigeea thanks!

I've had this similar feeling for almost three years now. I'm fifteen years old now. It all started when i changed glasses in seventh grade. I had had round frame glasses, and then got a new smaller and rectangular frame. When first putting these on i had an extreme depth perception type feeling, that feeling that you get when trying on new glasses. I just thought that I would just have to get use to the glasses like i normally do, so I dealt with them for a week or two, then complained so went back to the store. The people there thought that it was possibly the wrong lens cut, or not centered right...so they ordered new lenses. This didn't work, and they couldn't figure it out. I dealt with these glasses for a year, until finally my optometrist thought that maybe it was the frame, and that i needed a larger one. We then got a new frame for my glasses, still rectangular, but larger. I was hoping that this would fix my issue but this hadn't worked either, for i still had the horrible "lightheaded" feeling constantly. My optometrist was puzzled on this and about a year after wearing this second new frame and having 24/7 "lightheaded" 'ness, my optometrist thought that maybe contacts would work, since the lense sets right on the eye and my eyes maybe are just picky with seeing right in the center. *I do have astigmatism, this is what is thought to be part of the problem* I have been wearing contacts for almost a year now, but my eyes are the same...the feeling may be a "bit" better than the glasses. But i still feel lightheaded and hate it. The next thing that is going to be tried on me that my ophthalmologist wanted to do, is start wearing permeable gas contact lenses. I'm PRAYING that these lenses will help and this feeling/sight will return to normal. I miss seeing life the way that i use to. :/ *I do notice that i sometimes have headaches, idk if that's related to my eyes or not though* *Also, I do believe that this issue is probably just eye related, not mental, since i had been fine before the change in those new glasses and that new prescription. My prescription for me eyes now has changed a lot too, so the old glasses that I had seen well through before this problem can no longer be used because they now don't work for me. :/ If anybody has ANY idea at all about this...i'd like to know. I pray that all you guys get your problem figured out too...because I know it sucks.

I have these exact same symptoms. I really do not know how to describe this but you guys put some of my thoughts into words. I used to compare it to "not feeling real." This has been going on for about 3 months and I'm 15 years old. I have had past experiences of randomly passing out, but before I past out I know I'm going to because I get these signs. I have researched this and this could be cause by low-blood pressure, dehidration, not eating enough/or not eating properly, lack or iron (iron defitionty), or aniety. I happen to enjoy life right now but just want to not have to worry about passing out. Sometimes when I'm driving I get weird feelings and it makes me almost angry. I just want to enjoy my life to the full potential an stop feeling like I am. I have to admit I don't drink properly and don't eat enough on a daily basis. I get maybe 6 hours of sleep on weekays and 8-10 hours on weekends. I workout sometimes but not on a daily basis. My head feels kind of blury and its hard to think sometimes and I regulary get spacy.Even right now writting this I "don't feel real." I know that sounds crazy, I know I'm real or whatnot but thats the best way I can describe this in my own words. Please, someone help!

Tried the permeable gas lenses...didn't even wear them for a day. They weren't working and I still see this way. I HATE this...I want it to go away so badly. It's so hard to explain...how it feels I mean, such as when I need to do so to my doctors. My eye doctor however can't do anything else...this sucks. I do have astigmatism that was found on the "lens" of my eye vs. the "cornea" which they said may give me a "dizzyness", but I don't think it's that. They had said that they can't do anything for that either, besides taking out the actual LENS of my eye, and they're not going to do that since I'm only 15. Also,this feeling isn't really a "dizziness" I'd say, but a lightheaded'ness more so. This is the best way that I can describe it, a feeling/vision of not really being here, yet i KNOW that I'm here. And NO, I don't do/never have done drugs, and I don't drink. I'm clean so it's not drugs that could be causing the problem. I don't think about suicide either, not depression. This feeling is so weird/annoying/frustrating though...I hope my doctors can figure it out or I hope that it will just go away...this topic is quite emotional for me actually, and when speaking about it to others I hold myself back from tears because of how large of an issue it is to me. I hate it so much and just want my vision to go back to normal. :/ Good luck to you all, I hope you all return back to normal also, so that we may live our lives well again.

Jade: Hey, i felt the same way too the zoloft i take helps, try not thinking about it, taking vitamins, going outside, and try not to worry to much, because your just fine, and your a real person who is here.

this was my 5th time getting high I am 16 and the next day i felt fine until like 30 minuits later I still felt high, I felt confused and forgetful, and unaware of everything. I was in a daze and couldent hear my own voice. Also I wonder if some of the things said were really said, I am usually quite and keep my opinion to myself but now i say whatevers on my mind and am brutaly honest. Even though it seems good that I am not as quite I do not like it because I am completly un aware of the world and I just want to be the way I was before I smoked weed. Plus my expriences with smoking weed are not normal compared to everyone else I cannot control my body, I studder alot, my lips turn purple, such things like that. It appears that I am allergic sometimes because I gasp for air, but I think I just do that because I am high. However, I do not ever want to smoke weed again, but I am curious if this will ever wear off because I do not like feeling like this.

hey guys i also have been expeiencing the same stuff and went to the doc about everything and been seeing a mentel health nurse and been on all sorts of drugs with anxiety and anti-phsycotics and even quit my job ive mosly gotten over my anxiety, from what i see just have issues when i get angry then i feel bad and keep thinking about how bad i feel and from what ive noticed that seems to be the problem, is that i get caught up thinking about stuff so deep that im not paying attention or noticing my enviroment. i feel i just need to experience more and keep myself active so thats what im going to do i got a great job lined up where its gunna be nothing but fun and full of scenery and great experiences, and also from what ive read they say that could possibly be me hiding from problems but im sick of hearing that so im just going to do whatever i want, im sick of people trying to make my decisions for me. i know im probably just venting but this way of thinking helpes quite a bit hope it helps u guys too.

Hi,I know the last post was written in 2008 but I thought I'd reply just in case someone else finds this forum and experiences the same problem.I too have experienced this feeling and have been told it is a "Dissociative Disorder", specifically, "Depersonalisation Disorder". As others have written, it can result from anxiety. If you google this, you'll find information about it which may help you to understand how you're feeling a little better. I hope this is helpful to someone.Daisysmile :)

Hi, I'm 16 years old and I have had this problem for 2 years! Basically, it's when someone is talking to you I'm just standing there feeling like a T.V camera like I'm there but the people around me are talking into a camera. I just stand there and wonder am I actually here and never know why! It really worries me because I do not know what is going on, please may someone help me! :)

I have been feeling this way for about 2 years now and it has seems longer than that, I  too have been told it was anxiety and have been on anxiety meds for about a year now, although its helped my anxiety i still feel like im in a daze all day, like i cant connect with my friends or family almost like my life isnt real or normal.  Its hard to explain everything but at first these feelings would come and go and i would sleep it off but now it has stayed with me for a while now and i have been looking for answers since.  I have been going to the gym for about 8 months now, i eat decent and i am a healthy person (btw im 20).  I just cant seem to put my finger on it and no one here realizes how i feel and can help me because my parents think its all in my head..... any help would be greatly appreciated..

Hey, im 13 years old, i take zoloft which is supposed to help with depression and anxiety, i dont have low blood sugar but i feel like im in a trance, dazed state of consciousness, please help me i dont want to feel this way, and it makes me cry to hear other people suffering  :'(

these are the feelings of derealization and depersonalization, look them up