I feel like I'm not here

im so glad im not the only one i thought i was crazy or something by the way i have strabismus or lazy eye and im not sure if this could be a factor to that ..?

im 13 and i feel like this and that im like zooning out a lot and it been scaring me it been hapening since last summer and hasnt stopped if you find help pleas help

I'm 18, I'm in college and I feel exactly the same way. I've been experiencing this "problem" for about two years or so. As if I weren't here. It's as if my head was floating, or something like that. The weird part (I mean weirder) is that it hasn't affected my studies, but sometimes my mood changes a bit. I become a little agressive out of the blue and stuff like that. I'm actually realy concerned because, like many of you said, I don't want to watch my lafe pass me by. I want to be assertive, participate in everything...

i know exactly how you guys are feeling. i hate this feeling and always feel like im gonna die. or im not here. then i suddenly get REALLY bad panic attacks. its like im here but like i cant quite focus all the way and stuff. like i cant breath and my doctor says it might be sinuses? idk

I know this post is old and sorry for posting late but i know there are other people out there still looking for the answers. I too suffer from these sympthoms and if you guys see a doctor or psychologist ask them about depersonalization, or you can google it and see if that matches your sympthoms.

i dont even know what to write but yeah basically i feel like im living in hell .. im 16 and all this started when i was 15 i think but it seems like forever,, it first started off as depression but when i think about it that was just the begginning.. i didnt kno things could get worse. well anyways yeahhh i tryed to commit suicide by od but of course it didnt work and i just had a seizure and ended up in the hospital and then had to stay at sum mental institute for teens or sumthin for like 1 week and then came this journey of pills (ive been on basically every kind of antideppressant and anxiety pills ther are and none worked i just got FAT! ) and therapists and physicatrists and jank and i have no clue my memories faded .. everything happened so fast and i lost alot of my good friends and i feel apart from everyone and my anxiety is eating my brain up... i can barely think normal anymore.. i dont feel like i belong.. and that happened at the end of 9th grade and 10th grade was HELL for me.. i basically dropped out and did homeschool cuz i freaked out going to school and my dad is trying to help me but he doesnt understand and my mom doesnt live with me and shes asian so i cant rlly talk to her much she just drives me insaneeeee! i swear shes mental too... well now life is just passing me by in a blur it feels .. sumtimes i dont even feel like i exist and i feel akward all the time and cant express myself and i feel blank and crazy and boring and so many bad feelings and i cant stop it! i try to explain to my friends but they dont get it ,, they think im not trying and that i need to think postivive .. gahh which just makes me feel worse . hey if i wasnt trying then i would be dead by now.. no offense to anyone but its true . i just dont know how much longer i can take this . but sometimes i feel ok but most days i feel like shit.. and currently im doin something called NEUROFEEDBACK..with a Dr Fly (yess dr flyyyy~:-) no lame but yeah and hes also a therapist and ive been doin it for awhile now and i dont rlly know if its working or not .. but its better then pills thats for sure . and he thinks i just have SEVER anxiety ,, social anxiety disorder but its not making sense to me ,, like all this happened out of no where and it feels like something medical.. cuz my memories all dirranged and i feel not myself and i feel like i cant talk to anyone and my heart beats like crazy in school ( im a junior now and bak in school ) around ppl and i feel like ppl are staring at me and are afraid to talk to me and like i wish so bad i can just talk to ppl without freaking out and just make friends easily like i use too and just be myself and have fun . i feel stupid and its hard for me to read and comprehend things and i didnt use to be like this... i gained a tremendous amount of weight since 10th grade . i went from bein 140 to 285 and thats gave me alot more anxiety to be like this .. i feel hidious .. and i feel worthless and ugg all thiss is making me mad .. and sometimes my mind just will think horrible messed up thoughts but its not on purpous ... i feeel like my mind just thinks those thoughts to make me feel bad that i thought it and that i must be crazy and demented for thinking that and i stress myself out over everything! gahh ... i pray that this will all be over and life will go on.. if anyone can help me or wants to talk email me at :/

hi my name is matt n i have always thought that this syndrome chronic illness or disease that i have was only participated with me. ive seen numeris dr psycholagists n counculers bout this problem that we all seem too share n have no "book" cause about it but the only thing i can think of n it all makes sence too me though im not saying you have too side with it but ive heard of a thing called the sixth sence all i got to say so i dont have too elaberate on too a page story but i made a deal with a spiratual connection and maybe why i feel like this is cause i maybe not u guys but may be my soul is up n gone but im still here i cant even remember the last time i cried n even if i wanted too i cant thats all i got too say i guess im more less using this as a mentore than anything but even if you dont believe this i thank each and every one of yous that took the time too read this thanks

recently, ive been experiencing something very weird..its like im walking and talking to people..but after a while i realize that it wasnt me who talked to them..like im phyiscally present but its not me that is talking to me.. i'm still 15.and i talked to my bestfriend about it..and Thaank God she understands me! we're going through this togerther..everytime i tell her im not here..shes also begins to feel that shes not here! And the only way she thinks is to get back here..is to look in a mirror..Ive tried to tell my sister but she thinks im weird! HELP PLEASE!!!!

Ok so i stumbled across this page barely like 10 minutes ago? and i have to say this is the 1st time i have heard ANYBODY mention that they feel the exact EXACT same way i have in my life. i looked thru some of these replies and found that i relate to so many of you! -feeling like my soul or mind has left my body -like im looking at myself move, act and talk to people but i feel like its not really me talking -like i cant control what i say, ITS NOT ME! - i can hear myself talk and see myself move but im not taking part of the activity -feeling out of place -feeling like im in a dream -questioning everything and feeling an extreme anxiety if it goes on for too long or if i question everything too much the first time ifelt this was when i was 9. the second time occurred around the age of 12. the third time this happened was at the age of 14 or 15, then 16, then 18, and i think i started feeling like this again about a week ago. i seriously thought i was the only one but am feeling so happy and relieved knowing there are others like myself out there. i found someone mention this before --> Depersonalization Disorder i looked it up on Google and found that it is exactly what i feel. it may differ from person to person i guess but i think this is what i have. id love to hear from anybody and everybody with this! share info, experiences, feelings, etc. i feel like i just found out about a part of me i never knew before. its werid :S is this curable?

hey guys i am male 26 i have the same feeling too, plus my eyes are tired always and they are droopy like almost dead. i wen to a doc first my bp was a lil higher but nothin else seemed wrong, so i wen to a priest he diagonised me an tol me that there are too gosts in me one is a reptilian, they are parasites like things they feed on our vita life giving energy hence we feel tired and always drained of energy.

I been feeling like that as well since I was 20 years old, now I am 27 & this feeling has gotten way worse. I am scared out of my mind. I sometimes feel like i am going to lose my mind. Please, please someone let me know if there is anything i can do to calm it down or make it go away? And FYI, I do have anxiety as well.

To all of you feeling this, look up "depersonalization disorder." It seems like the name for what is going on here.

hi everyone, i read through every post and would like to keep this thread alive. i too have had these episodes since i was 14 or so, but they dont occur all the time. mostly when im doing a repetitive task or, as weird as it sounds, staring really hard into my eyes in the mirror. it's like my mind suddenly doesnt know who is looking back. like, i know who it is but my mind isn't there. it's scary and when i get into that state i try so badly not to panic or think about it. when im doing a repetitive task and BAM my mind goes, i keep telling myself to "just continue what you're doing. breathe. youre fine. just keep going" until the task is done and then try to get out of the situation by doing something else. over the years the frequency of these episodes has gone down (am in mid 20s now). i dont really know why. but they still occur every now and then. has anyone found any solutions, any helpful treatment, or anything to deal with this stuff? how is everyone doing? to those who feel alone and scared, we are all here for you!! im very happy to have found this forum to know i am not alone. plz everyone update with progress thnx.

im 19 yeras old and ive been feeling like this after my last three trips(which all were bad times). The first time i was on acid and it was going good untill i didnt know what was goin on. My 2 best freinds were with me and i didnt even remember where i was even tho i was in my own basement. i just started to scream REALITY REALITY real loud and held on to my computer for my life. My freinds tried to calm me down but nothing worked and we just sat there in quiet for about an hour or so i cant remember too well but then i thought i died and i kept asking them am i dead and they kept tellin me i wasnt but i still didnt believe them. Then i just started to talk jibberish for a while and didnt know what to do. I then finally just sat down and smoked a bunch of cigs. Then i started to freak out again and wouldnt sit down no matter how hard my freinds tried to get me too. i thought they were gana try to kill me when i sat down. idk why i thought that bc they were my best freinds and i would trust them with anything. then i sat down for 1 sec to see what happend and i got back up when my freind moved bc i was still paranoid. then they kept reminding me we were just trippin and everything is gana be ok. it didnt even feel like i was trippin tho it felt like a different world. then i kept thinking it was the old west for some reason and we were suppose yo have a gun fight or some thing, but my freinds kept tellin me i was just trippin. Then i thought i was god for about 30 mins and i really thought i was. i almost convinced my one freind was bc he was really freaked out over me but my other freind kept him in check. i kept asking them am i god am i god and they were messed up so they weere saying things like maybe i dont know so i really thought i was. i cant remember how we fixed that bc the next thing i rememberd was sitting on my couch with a half burt cig in my mouth and headphones on. it was sill quiet bc i made them turn the tv off and didnt want any body to move bc it freaked me out. then after a while they asked me if it was cool to put the tv on and i was like yeah dude i need it. then we watched aqua teen hunger force for a while then i forced myself to sleep. i thought that would help me and them out if i just fell asleep. Then i woke up hours later and i still had visuals goin on bc master shake was like 8 different colors. my freinds were still awake and they had to leave so i was alone for a while so i decided to go back to sleep. i woke up way later and i was feeling normal again but the next 2 times i wouldnt feel normal again. (im sorry by the way if im just goin on like this but some body has to know what i whent throught and if you dont understand any of this im sorry again). The next time i tripped i was at a kids house who i knew but wasnt too good of freinds with but the other 5 ppl were the group of freinds i basically spent every day with gettin high or just doing nothing. we all took acid but i took the most bc i bought it all for us. i took 4 and 1/2 hits and every one else took 2. It was goin good for a while but i found myself bein very quiet and not laughing with everone else. we first watched fear and loathing in las vegas (which is an awesome movies). then my one freind got a txt from his ex and he didnt know what to say bc he was trippin and that made me kinds scared bc i thought he was having a bad trip like i did the last time. i sat there and kept thinking that for a hour before i snapped and had to tell someone so i told my one freind and his girl freind that i thought he was having a bad trip, which kinda freaked him and her out a lil bit so they whent out side and talked to him to see whats up. i was still freaked out about it tho and i told my other freind what was goin on and he was there with me on my last trip so he got instintly freaked out and i felt like shit for doin that to him. then they all came inside like nothing was wrong so i didnt ask what was up so i was still dieing on the inside but i didnt know what to do. then we all moved upstairs to chill and smoke but that didnt help me and i found myslef not being myself and just trippin hard. it was a weird enviorment but we all just kept goin along with it. then we whent back down starirs to watch the doors. This is when i felt like i whent crazy and felt like i Broke on throught to the other side like the famouse doors song says, which is the only part i remembered about that movie that night. Then my freind and his girlfreind left bc i think i freaked them out too bad so i felt really bad about that but i just sat there and kept to myself. then i foiund myslef wonderin around to different rooms and just buttin into conversations and leavin b4 i finshed a sentence to anyone which i didnt i know why but as soon as i walked out of the room i thought why did i just do that, that was stupid. so i decided to just try to sleep it off so every one just tried to sleep and chill out. Then when it was morning we had to leave and i was the last one out but before we left i asked the kid whos house it was if he was freaked out by my other freinds and he was like no everythings cool which made me kinda freaked out bc things were still like spinning in my head. then the ride home was silent and just weird. we stoped to get gas and i got smokes but i didnt even know what to tell the lady behind the counter when she asked me what i needed. i just kinda looked at her and tried to fumbel for my wallet and i said i need some cigs and after i managed to get them which i still dont know how i did i just sat in the car and smoked them away in a panic. Then that was the last time i hung out with any of my freinds for a while bc i thought they were still freaked out by me. Then the last trip just killed me. it wasnt acid this time but a cut of really good shrooms. ill keep this one breif bc i cant remember most of this night. me and my one freind who i never tripped with took them and whent to my freinds party and things just seemed to fly by me. like i was playing beer pong and i made a behind the back shot and i couldnt believe it and that was just the start of my trip. themn i found my self sitting down smokein weed with all my freinds and then they kept asking me questions and i just kept looking at them like how did they know that and i kept saying what to whatever they said. most of them left bc of me which made me feel bad and then the next thing i knew i was outside freaking out and then i found myself sitting down stairs again and i didnt know how i got there. so i whent back outside and told muy freind i was trippin with i was freaking out which made him uneasy. then he yold me i just needed to chill out. then we whent back down stairs to chill but i wasnt chill at all. i wasnt makeing any sense and doing things weird so they made me lay down and try to sleep. i couldnt sleep tho so i just layed there for hours trying to fighure out what happend that night and trying to figure out what happend to me but that didnt help at all. so in the morning he took me home and i had to deal with reality and it was horriable. i havent been the same since it feels like lifes a trip and i cant snap out of it. i havent had contact with anybody since then and its been over 3 months. im just scared they wont see me the same way bc of how i acted. i cant even talk the same on the phone with anyone or in person. i hate how i feel and i would give anything to feel "normal" again. so thanks for listening to my story

holyyy SHIT, i felt like im the only one and no doctor could help becouse no one knows what it is, but i feel a bit better now that i know other people have the same problem, mine started from weed i smoked it every day for a year for fun and to get my add and depression to go away and it did but then my dad died from drinkn so i said id never drink again, so i started smoken way more, sometimes a ounce in 2 or 3 days and did butane a couple of times and tripd out real bad n i saw things like realy fkd up everything conected like it freaked me out soo bad like it was the meaning off life but i culdnt understand it and i saw ying yang signs and a sun and all kinda weird shit, when i stoped and like woke up out of that state i felt real sick and thru up and never did it again but kept smokn weed and the weed was still awesome but then i had a trip it didnt work then people started tellin me u can get stuck in them but i didnt lissen n had 2 at same time when i was paro and then had bout 6 bongs n totaly lost it i went into a trip inside my head like i did with the butane but diffrently and my life was some kinda matix thing, everything conected but it was about my life and it was like my whole life flash before my eyes but some of it was off the future and i had realy bad dasarveiw? .. i cant spell it but when its like uve done it before exacly the same and u know EXACLY what people are gona say and do. so i went home TRIPPIN BALLS and i was still freakin out, makin a absolute fool infront off my self infront off my girlfriend and best mate and his gf coz they were all stayin at my house and my best mate was the one helpin me get home and then straight up told my mum what ive had and done i had a shower and was still trippin even in the shower i thought ive stuffed my life up for good and lose everything, i got into bed with my girlfriend and tryd so hard to goto sleep but culdnt so had another shower and then went bak to bed and just before i feel asleep i lookd at my girlfriend and her face melted and stretched so i was like oh this is wakk this i have to sleep and finally fell asleep when i woke up i was outa the trip but life was never the same i felt like i wasnt me i sometime had this feelin from weed and it went away after a couple of days so i thought this was gona go away but never did, i can still do everything the same but like im on auto pilot but still control it i dont know but i got my l's and see my girlfriend everyday, i just try to do and act normal but i still know i aint the same, some stuff trips me out and i aint even high, my friends still try gettin me to smoke cones even after i tell em how i feel but coz i was the biggiest stoner out now they all call me pussy n shit so i hav just one and i TRIPP OUT ! if i go with it its ok if im doing something but if im at home and shit i feel a realy bad feeling and wish i didnt hav the bong or even joints, so now i dont do it at all, and exspeacaily coz my girlfriend dont know i hav since that day i had the trips.. so now i drink and broke that promiise i made when my dad died from drinkn his whole life, and i get angry sometime when im drunk last weekend i punched out my best friend. ahh i dont know ive neva typed this much in my life i just needed to get it out, im hate the feeling and i want it to go. id do anything. i want my life to be normal again, i just wanna move out i cant handle my mum shes a FU** C*****D and doesnt even do drugs shes a supposable Jehovah witness pfft u hav no idea what i have to deal with everyday, i only get by thinkn about how there is other people that hav it worse than me and i hav my girlfriend that ive been with for about a year now but best friends all my life. i know most of u dont wanna know about my life but i wanted to atleast type it out and maby get my head a little bit straighter. im only 16 this shouldnt be happening to me. im sick of feeling fukd in the head and hav no one that understand what i hav to go through every fukn day i wake up.