Hi there,
For years I have been able to control my weight by eating much less than others and although I was never formally diagnosed and have kept it secret, I have had anorexia for more than 20 years. Last year after coming back from holiday with my son, I noticed I had gained weight so cut back drastically to lose weight. It always worked in the past - I'd eat half of my normal allowance, so 350 - 400 calories. Not a drop of weight came off. I was drinking only water and 3 cup soups a day at 40 calories each yet my weight was increasing!!!!!!!!! S**t!!! I went to the doctor who was pleased that I was gaining weight but this wasn't just gaining weight - it was out of control! After a series of blood tests, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease and am hypothyroid. I take Armour thyroid (tried Levothyroxine, nightmare). Symptoms are controlled but I am still gaining weight - I've put on about 18kg since being diagnosed last February of this year. I tried to up the dose of Armour in the hope that extra T3 would get my metabolism into overdrive or at least give it a kick-start. No joy. I tried Cytomel on its own (pure T3) and nothing, not a pound has come off, I just keep gaining even though on the average day I eat less than 800 calories. I don't know what to do, I am desperate and becoming reclusive as I feel so fat and disgusting. My clothes don't fit so I stay in my pyjamas and only go out to walk my dog. No social life anymore because I am so FAT, FAT, FAT!!!!! Anyone here know how I can lose the weight, what can I do? I know it is my anorexia which has probably contributed to me becoming hypothyroid but I just want to be slim, not even thin again. I've tried being hyper thyroid where people usually lose lots of weight but it doesn't work for me. I feel terrible because it makes me so hungry and shaky so I'm not trying that again cos it's dangerous. Sorry for such a lengthy and complaining post. :(
hey. your post makes me so sad. :( ok i was 93 pounds before and had anorexia a few years ago. i didnt realise i had it when i had it.. because i truly thought i was fat. i barely ate and was losing weight drastically off of my perscription drugs for bipolar. anyways.. i want you to know that everyone is beautiful. i was 93 pounds ok.. and now im 170. i had a daughter and am thinking i may be pregnant again. but ya to you that seems huggge! and it seemed huge to me too back then. and im not saying im healthy now. i am over weight. but if you are 130-150 pounds. you are normal. ok. i look at pictures of myself back in the day and i looked like death. i looked like i would die of starvation. and now everyone tells me i look way better then i did when i was skinny. just work out. eat healthy. dont starve yourself. and start seeing beauty in yourself. what helped me thru therapy was i had to look in a mirror evvery day and tell myself 3 things i loved about the way i looked. and now.. im not completally compterable in my skin. but i am happy. and i am not always worried about being perfect.
Hi to you MeganMommy11,
You know, when I read your response I cried, I just filled up and couldn't stop crying. I have been so used to feeling bad about myself, my husband makes cruel jibes to me about my weight gain even though he knows it hurts me deeply.....I just feel so ugly and sad. So to see you being positive and doing it in a supportive way rather than patronising like the doctors or nurses, well it means a lot to me. They tell me I look great, better than I have looked in a long time and I am like you in that, when I look at some photos of me a few years back, I was way too skinny. I looked older than my age, so bony and ill even though at the time I felt great.
You mentioned that you went from 93 pounds to 170, I salute you on accepting yourself and it's clear to me that you really are a beautiful person, to take the time out of your day and leave a supportive message for me. The weird thing is, when I look at others who are on the plus side, I don't think negatively about them. I don't care if someone is thin or cuddly or chunky......it means NOTHING to me. WHY OH WHY can't I think that way about myself???? I have clothes that I can't wear, maybe I'll never be able to wear them again, I don't know. I don't want to be skinny like I used to be, I just want to be slim and fit into my old clothes rather than wearing pyjamas all the time. I'm terrified of putting on more weight, I feel so ugly and disgusting.
I would love to be where you are at now, kudos to you. I'm happy for you, I'm happy that you are happy with yourself and are more healthy in your attitude towards yourself.
I'm going to read your message each time I hit a low, a million thanks to you!!!
Warm wishes from cold UK!
L :) xx
You know, when I read your response I cried, I just filled up and couldn't stop crying. I have been so used to feeling bad about myself, my husband makes cruel jibes to me about my weight gain even though he knows it hurts me deeply.....I just feel so ugly and sad. So to see you being positive and doing it in a supportive way rather than patronising like the doctors or nurses, well it means a lot to me. They tell me I look great, better than I have looked in a long time and I am like you in that, when I look at some photos of me a few years back, I was way too skinny. I looked older than my age, so bony and ill even though at the time I felt great.
You mentioned that you went from 93 pounds to 170, I salute you on accepting yourself and it's clear to me that you really are a beautiful person, to take the time out of your day and leave a supportive message for me. The weird thing is, when I look at others who are on the plus side, I don't think negatively about them. I don't care if someone is thin or cuddly or chunky......it means NOTHING to me. WHY OH WHY can't I think that way about myself???? I have clothes that I can't wear, maybe I'll never be able to wear them again, I don't know. I don't want to be skinny like I used to be, I just want to be slim and fit into my old clothes rather than wearing pyjamas all the time. I'm terrified of putting on more weight, I feel so ugly and disgusting.
I would love to be where you are at now, kudos to you. I'm happy for you, I'm happy that you are happy with yourself and are more healthy in your attitude towards yourself.
I'm going to read your message each time I hit a low, a million thanks to you!!!
Warm wishes from cold UK!
L :) xx
Fatinblack wrote:
awwww you made my day when i read this message! i am sooo glad that i could make you feel a little better. and ya everyone has a problem with their bodies. i meen the most pettiest woman out there who are models still hate things about themselves. i cant say i dont feel gross sometimes. but i just try to remember that i am still the person i was when i was skinny. just with some fat. and if someone makes cruel jokes.. then so be it. they have problems with themselves or are really just shallow people. my boyfrend makes jokes about my weight. but the way i see it is.. if he didnt want me and didnt find me attractive.. he would not be with me. you know? and i get hit on a lot so i cant be that bad. i meen i wear a shirt when i have sex bc i dont like my stomach. but whats weird is when we have sex and i dont wear a shirt he gets way more into me. and seems more turned on. so despite that i dont like my body. he does. so the same with you. i think that you are probablly not that bad. and if i can turn a guy on then so can you hun. good luck to you.
MeganMommy11 wrote:
hey. your post makes me so sad. :( ok i was 93 pounds before and had anorexia a few years ago. i didnt realise i had it when i had it.. because i truly thought i was fat. i barely ate and was losing weight drastically off of my perscription drugs for bipolar. anyways.. i want you to know that everyone is beautiful. i was 93 pounds ok.. and now im 170. i had a daughter and am thinking i may be pregnant again. but ya to you that seems huggge! and it seemed huge to me too back then. and im not saying im healthy now. i am over weight. but if you are 130-150 pounds. you are normal. ok. i look at pictures of myself back in the day and i looked like death. i looked like i would die of starvation. and now everyone tells me i look way better then i did when i was skinny. just work out. eat healthy. dont starve yourself. and start seeing beauty in yourself. what helped me thru therapy was i had to look in a mirror evvery day and tell myself 3 things i loved about the way i looked. and now.. im not completally compterable in my skin. but i am happy. and i am not always worried about being perfect.
Hi to you MeganMommy11,
You know, when I read your response I cried, I just filled up and couldn't stop crying. I have been so used to feeling bad about myself, my husband makes cruel jibes to me about my weight gain even though he knows it hurts me deeply.....I just feel so ugly and sad. So to see you being positive and doing it in a supportive way rather than patronising like the doctors or nurses, well it means a lot to me. They tell me I look great, better than I have looked in a long time and I am like you in that, when I look at some photos of me a few years back, I was way too skinny. I looked older than my age, so bony and ill even though at the time I felt great.
You mentioned that you went from 93 pounds to 170, I salute you on accepting yourself and it's clear to me that you really are a beautiful person, to take the time out of your day and leave a supportive message for me. The weird thing is, when I look at others who are on the plus side, I don't think negatively about them. I don't care if someone is thin or cuddly or chunky......it means NOTHING to me. WHY OH WHY can't I think that way about myself???? I have clothes that I can't wear, maybe I'll never be able to wear them again, I don't know. I don't want to be skinny like I used to be, I just want to be slim and fit into my old clothes rather than wearing pyjamas all the time. I'm terrified of putting on more weight, I feel so ugly and disgusting.
I would love to be where you are at now, kudos to you. I'm happy for you, I'm happy that you are happy with yourself and are more healthy in your attitude towards yourself.
I'm going to read your message each time I hit a low, a million thanks to you!!!
Warm wishes from cold UK!
L :) xx
awwww you made my day when i read this message! i am sooo glad that i could make you feel a little better. and ya everyone has a problem with their bodies. i meen the most pettiest woman out there who are models still hate things about themselves. i cant say i dont feel gross sometimes. but i just try to remember that i am still the person i was when i was skinny. just with some fat. and if someone makes cruel jokes.. then so be it. they have problems with themselves or are really just shallow people. my boyfrend makes jokes about my weight. but the way i see it is.. if he didnt want me and didnt find me attractive.. he would not be with me. you know? and i get hit on a lot so i cant be that bad. i meen i wear a shirt when i have sex bc i dont like my stomach. but whats weird is when we have sex and i dont wear a shirt he gets way more into me. and seems more turned on. so despite that i dont like my body. he does. so the same with you. i think that you are probablly not that bad. and if i can turn a guy on then so can you hun. good luck to you.
You know, I wish there were more people like you in the world. I can tell that you are a very genuine person and you've also got a strong character. I have to work on myself and I know that. I thought I had a strong character but it seems I'm not as strong as I thought I was. And your boyfriend is a lucky guy to have you because you are a great person with lots of goodness and love to give. What you said about him not being with you if he didn't find you attractive is right, you are right. Some people can be the perfect shape on the outside but as ugly as a pit of snakes on the inside, yes?
I was thinking about what you said earlier about looking in the mirror and trying to like 3 things about yourself. I don't know why, but I'm so self-critical but I'm trying, I'm trying really hard.
I just had a row less than 5 minutes ago with my husband and he called me FAT. It hurts, it hurts like hell to hear that from the person who is supposed to be the closest person on earth to me. He never apologises and I know he hates me being overweight, he hates fat. He used to call me dainty, he used to compliment me, saying he was proud to have a dainty and pretty wife (never intelligent or funny). I have friends who are not fat at all - they are around a UK size 12 to 14 which i think is 16 - 18 in the US, so I would call them curvy. My hairdresser is much bigger and has trouble finding clothes cos she's so round but she's lovely. He says the most ugly things about her to me and it hurts me because she is a lovely, lovely person. There is more to a person than their size and body shape but some of us are more shallow than others I guess. When I feel fat that's bad enough but when I hear him call me fat, I just want to dig a hole for myself and jump in. It feeds my situation of not going out, becoming more and more reclusive. Today I went out (in my pyjamas) but only when it was dark, to walk my dog. I've stopped socialising and hubby and I have no intimacy at all because I feel so ugly. I feel even worse after being called fat a short while ago.
I'm going to try really hard to hang on and in weak moments, I'll think of you and your supportive words. You're a treasure. Big cyber hug.
L :-D xx
ok i was rereading your original post and i reaslised. You have a disease. thyroid disease. and you husband needs to accept that. thyroid makes your weight fluctuate. you are already eating a dangerous amount of calories per day. if i was you i would start walking more if you are wanting to lose weight. id walk and work out and eat normally. quit dieting just eat healthy. and if your husband has a problem with you weight then maybe you need to reevaluate your situation. its wrong of him to judge you. he didnt marry you for your looks, and if he did... then you could probablly find a guy that would want you for who you are on the inside just as much on the outside. Stop worrying about what he thinks. somehow you need to find it within yourself some acceptance of your hypo thyroidism and anorexia. and not do anything to further hurt yourself.