Hey loverfighter
Hypnomorph asked me for a female perspective, so if it's ok with you I'll try and give you my ideas and you can carry on trying to resolve it with hypnomorph or I'm happy to pop back if you need me again. Firstly I'd say TV is responsible for blowing the female orgasm out of perspective. People see actresses in sex scenes and assume they need to be feeling the same as these people are portraying for it to be an orgasm, and if you watch porn well yah thats about as realistic as the special effects in the old star treks 8-| So you need to try and not use these images as something you think should be happening to you too, even if this is not the reason for possibly making you expect to much I think in a lot of females and even the guy's think their not doing it right if your not moaning and rolling your eyes in pleasure. So what is it you expect climax to be, a peak of pleasure that has been building up then intensity's to some sort of release, or are you expecting similar to that and to experience female ejaculation too, as the the latter (female ejaculation) is not something every female is able to achieve, but it dosnt mean your enjoying sex, or any less satisfied than another female. Sex for us females is not like guys, with guys you can see their aroused by an erection, and you know they've climaxed as their ejaculate comes out, followed by their penis going soft, then in mos cases loud snoring eh With us we are all different and I know thats such a cliche but its true, and what you feel or are able to do at one point in your life may not be the same a month or a year down the line.
For me I was always expecting this amazing experience and although I enjoyed sex, was never really sure if I had orgasmed or not. I clearly remember the night I knew for sure I had. I was on my own and just couldn't sleep, so started playing with my clit; but not really intending to masturbate just because I was restless I guess, I must have done this for a lot longer than I usually would, because normally a bit like youve explained I would have thought hmm thats nice and it would have intensified, but just dribbled off rather than some explosion of pleasure, On this occasion and I laugh to this day I jumped off the bed and thought wtf is going on, as my heart had started to beat really hard in my chest and I was tensing up muscles involuntarily, while I had this feeling on my clit like..dam I gotta keep rubbing this lamp see if the genie pops out lol but was so shocked by the way my body was behaving jumped up instead of pushing through it. After this I started to figure out what set me off, btw I forgot to mention I must have been about 21-22 at this time so had been sexually active for a good while , and had my first kid before I even discovered this. I worked out before even though it had been pleasurable by simply (how do I describe this) pulling with one hand my vagina up toward my tummy my clitoris would be a bit more exposed I guess, and only when I pull it up can I orgasm, still to this day I cant orgasm any other way than doing this. I find it much easier to orgasm alone and I know why this is for me too, because at first when I had this type of climax and continued with it I squirted and thought I'd peed the bed. I'd not seen any porn with this, nor did I have the internet so figured Id got so excited I'd peed and wondered if this happened on my own would I do it with a guy or worse poop the bedxd I'm so frikin embarrassed right now but hey if it helps you. When I first did squirt with a guy, he'd never seen a female do it before but was the one to tell me I wasn't peeing myself, which made me a bit more at ease about it, but still he could never get me to do it, or even fully climax without the squirting, as I'd since learned how to try and hold back on letting it out.
I think my point is, and sorry I rant I wanted to share with you so you had some insight that others have these issues too, and sometimes for whatever reason it may take a long time till you figure out your trigger but I believe the best way to finding out what makes you orgasm is to explore yourself, on your own and just be patient. Reasure your partner that its nothing hes doing, or not doing and maybe for a while try to stop concentrating on trying to get you to orgasm. Yes it is very important your partner satisfies you too and puts in the effort, what I mean is this may take the pressure off him for a while feeling as if he's doing something wrong, and it may take the pressure off you too stressing will you be able to this time. Once you figure it out alone you can then guide your partner into what and how you can reach climax. For some women who find it especially hard to reach climax they often invest in a vibrator, my advice with this would be sure give it a try if you want, but try and limit it to just clitoral stimulation. Or a cheap alternative is the shower head, switch it to pressure shower if you can and hold it there for a bit, move it up or around a bit and it should catch an area that makes you go hmmm, then take it form there. When your masturbating if you start enjoying it and it goes away carry on a bit longer and it will come back, use some lube if you need it, as if your trying a while you can get sore. Sometimes some mental stimulation may help you just push it over the edge, watching some (totally unrealistic) porn or looking at some images, even a suggestive text from your partner. I'm sure the key is somewhere it's just a case of finding it. I hope this helps you
As you said, male and female come is different and can look quite different as well as feel. It varies a lot. Violet pointed out the words I couldn't quite remember, female ejaculation. I am not sure the percentages, I will have to look it up, but many women do not ejaculate in a way that is easy to see. Actually, again I have to look it up, I think the majority do not. I was about to explain what happens to it, but realized I had better look this up. Giving you false information is worse than not giving you any.
I want to share with you some information I posted else where. It applies in many situations and is just good to know. It will introduce you to things about you body that you may not have learned yet. Many women of all ages have not been told anything about it. It will also show why foreplay and building intensity is so important for women. The degree of your arousal directly effects your sexual organs ability to feel pleasure in a way that men do not experience. There is also a really good short educational film mentioned, done by an artist. I would recommend it to everyone. Men need to understand this as well so they can use the knowledge to better please you. A little understanding really can go a long way if you practice it. The text is inserted next:
While we are talking about orgasms, learning a little about your body can go a long way towards helping you achieve one. As I have written elsewhere, the clitoris is like a iceberg, the majority of it is below the surface and it gets much bigger as your arousal increases. This is because the clitoris is made of erectile tissue that engorges with blood as your arousal progresses, similar to what the penis does but below the skin instead of above it. The clitoris has sections that reach down deep into your tissues that are often called "legs" because of their shape. These can be massaged through the walls of the vagina or anus but that might be difficult to do under normal instances. When fully engorged, however, the inner clitoral tissues have enlarged so that it is much easier to stimulate them internally. (We can discuss the where and how later.)
This is why it is so important take the necessary time for foreplay and to become fully aroused. Although only 35% percent of women routinely have orgasms from penile penetration, most of them want to be able to do that. Your best bet for this is when you are aroused enough that his penis is better able to massage the clitoris from the inside. (The g spot for example, but there are others.) Don't get your hopes up too far, though. It may be your best shot but the reality remains that the majority of women need more than that to reach orgasm.
A really good short, non-pornographic, video about the structure of your clitoris is called "The Internal Clitoris" and it can be found on YouTube. I don't know the rules on using links, but you can find this by searching for "youtube the internal clitoris". Most likely it will be the first link. It is just over 3 minutes long and it really is worth your time. Further research on this can open a path to greater sexual enjoyment. You might consider searching for terms like: clitoris, clitoral legs, urethral sponge, female prostrate, and g spot just to start.
I have some posts I wrote for other cases that might give you two some ideas. They are a little long and have some advice that does not apply in your case. But it could be useful. A large part of the focus is on cunnilingus combined with other stimulus, a very important sexual technique that is very useful at all stages of love making and is excellent all by itself. There is more covered, that is just the focus. I would be happy to post them for you if you are interested. If you are, I can try to clean it up and remove case specific material. It is up to you.
I don't know how much oral sex the two of you practice, but it is a very good pleasure technique for both. And since 70% of women do not orgasm from penetration alone, these additional techniques can help get you over the top. The idea of a mutual orgasm is wonderful and very romantic but it is also very rare. Please let me know what you think.
Thanks,
Miles / HypnoMoprh