I have been dating my bf for a year and some months now and I recently lied abt somthing and hurt him bad he cryd. And ive been tryn my best to be there for him but lately he doesnt care what I say anymre he feels he needs a break... I know that but for how lonng ? Ive beeun cryn myself I really love him, oh btw im 21 hes 22 and I said goodmornin enjoy your day he said mhm i felt hurt :( idk what to do! I wrote this do u think it will help ? My text Message: I know you thinking your just done with me, but I wanna say how i been feeling lately I know you dont wanna make this be something its not, and it hurts that I put you in tears but just whatever happens dont give up on love your an amazing one in a million guy to have and you deserve the best. Im always here for you.
Dear Smatts
I don't think that will help. You have hurt him, and he needs to heal. Your message just talks about your feelings ("I wanna say how i been feeling lately"), not his. It all seems to me to be selfish, and it probably comes over that way to him. You have not mentioned any apology for what you said, nor any sort of restitution or promise for the future. You have shattered his trust. It needs to be rebuilt. It can't be done remotely by text messages!
You don't say what you lied about, and it hurt him. So that 'something' is important, and without knowing what it is it is impossible to be specific in reply. But you need to think about
- Why did you lie? You say you love him!
- What are the issues surrounding the lie? What is it about? What led up to it? Have those issues changed or gone away? Who else is involved?
- Why was he hurt? Did you not foresee that?
- What are the consequences of the lie (apart from hurting him)?
- How can you mitigate or cancel out the consequences?
- How will you deal with your reputation as a liar?
You need to consider all these at least, but fundamentally you need to (whatever the outcome may be):
- Admit to him that you lied, with no excuses.
- Confirm to him the truth.
- Apologise to him profusely and unreservedly. No "I am sorry but ..."
- Promise you will never, ever lie to him again ... and mean it.
- Take steps to deal with your tendency to lie (this is probably not the first time).
- Offer some carefully considered restitution to the harm you have done.
- Give him time to consider your actions and the personal changes you have made (once accomplished). The time he needs will depend on (among other things)
- The degree of hurt
- The type of hurt
- How long it takes you to carry out the above actions
- How long it takes you to evidently change
The personal communication needs to be done face-to-face ideally, but certainly not by text message. If you have to send a message, do it by letter which you have reviewed carefully before sending.
I hope this helps as a start