My husband and i have been married a while now, just celebrated our 4th year this October. No relationship is perfect, we have come a long way for couples our age(both 24) and i could not be happier. I have been wanting to start a family forever now, no secrete there. However, in the past 2 or so years whenever the subject is mentioned my husband either gets upset or drifts off and kind of ignores me or not fully answers the questions i ask him. I always get the same response which is "it will happen", "be patient", "what is the rush" or my least favorite "we will have kids when god feels its our time"(mainly because god has nothing to do with us actually planning to even start trying!!) The last thing i want to do is be the "nagging" or "pressuring" wife. I guess my biggest issue is that he keeps changing his mind on when "the right time" is and i feel he is playing with my emotions.
The first year we tried only for a month before he changed his mind and wanted to wait because at the time he was in the military. The second mention of it he then promised me we would try when he got back from deployment. However, he changed his mind again when he got back and made me get on birth control, which caused a huge fight between us and made me terrified to bring it up because of the thought of getting my hopes crushed again. So now he has been out of the military for a little over a year in school and i have asked him when we could start trying. He wants to finish school and wait till he is financially stable (understandable and responsible) He should be done with school either summer or fall 2013 and have a job waiting for him (guaranteed, due to connections) We just earlier this year briefly discussed about 26 years old would be a good time to seriously start trying, gives him time to finish school, start working and stabilizing our self's a little more.
Just recently we found out one of our closet friends are pregnant with their first and just 3 weeks ago we were with them talking and a random discuss about kids came up and my husband saying how he didn't want one "anytime soon", i am not going to lie i was seriously upset and jealous when i found out she was expecting. I feel so horrible that i would even feel that way about it. I am happy for them but i have had serious baby fever for the past year really bad. It doesn't help me emotionally when all of my friends are getting pregnant and having kids. I keep trying to tell myself that we are doing the right thing waiting a little longer. When we found out they were pregnant my husband was so negative about the situation (due to them just dating less than two years, not living together, careless spending between the two, unstable relationship...etc the list goes on) So i, trying to find a way to bring up "baby talk" about our time frame asked him what his idea of "not too soon was? did not receive a response i wanted, he said he wanted to wait to we are about 30 because he thinks that is a good time for him. I think i wanted to throat punch him no lie. I just don't know how much more of this i can take, i am not waiting till i am 30 to even start tying to conceive. Am i over thinking things, do i have a right to be jealous, should i be so nervous to talk to him about it? I feel like i am all alone on this.
I have cried myself to sleep the last week every night because of the fight and now its starting to make me question my marriage. I just don't know what to do i feel like its not going to happen for me. I don't want to end my marriage or even think about ending my marriage over this but i feel so strongly about having kids. I just really need to find a way to communicate this with him and set a time frame, which he doesn't feel is necessary. when i asked him what his time frame was he said he wasn't "thinking that far into the future".
Did you two talk this over IN DETAIL before you got married?
It sounds like he is in either no rush to have or just doesn't want children period. Unfortunately, there is no easy solution for you. If you do get pregnant he'll likely resent you AND the child. He may feel that you tricked him into getting pregnant.
Find a marriage counselor - FAST. You both need it. If this is an insurmountable divide, and it may be, then you need to decide what you want to do before the clock runs out.