Ok first thanks for reading, second I should probably give you a backstory before my actual questions..
Essentially, I started drinking more and very heavily for 'personal reasons' about 5 years ago - to give you an example of how bad it was I got some inheritance just over a year ago now - about £5,000, by new year last year my spending on alcohol above earnings alone was burning that down to less than half. I can't really estimate my drinking cos I didn't even keep the receipts but most nights I drank I'd get through a six pack as the bare min, and most nights I'd drink - of course some times were much worse than others.
Anyway, end of last year my girlfriend convinced me to quit cold turkey - as I'm sure some of you know that made my life a bit like going through Dante's Inferno over the next few weeks and to a decreasing extent, months, I was very lucky having someone who really cared about me coaching me through it and looking after me - mostly irrelevant to the story but I spent the money I'd saved by not drinking by this summer on a holiday with her and an engagement ring which now sits on her finger.
Now all through this I never really thought I was giving it up for good, silly as that may sound - I always kinda hoped that after a while I'd be able to manage my drinking more effectively, and really just limit it to when I want to or socially rather than every night like clockwork. And still, nearly 12 months on, I feel I'd rather that than never drink again. Frankly, the idea of never drinking again scares me almost as much as the idea of being addicted again, or perhaps rather, quitting again.
Yesterday my fiancee was out and I'll spare the details but I ended up rifling through the house looking for any beer cans I'd misplaced, any whisky stashes I'd forgotten to throw out - shaking like a leaf and breathing about fifty times the normal rate... wasn't until my fiancee got back and calmed me down I came back to my senses, which sorta scared me cos I hadn't been like that since January/February.
My question (finally ey?) is this... is my idea of just being able to drink again just with complete control as stupid as I think it is or will it just take a little longer like I hope?
Thanks for reading, hope it's not too boring :P
Essentially, I started drinking more and very heavily for 'personal reasons' about 5 years ago - to give you an example of how bad it was I got some inheritance just over a year ago now - about £5,000, by new year last year my spending on alcohol above earnings alone was burning that down to less than half. I can't really estimate my drinking cos I didn't even keep the receipts but most nights I drank I'd get through a six pack as the bare min, and most nights I'd drink - of course some times were much worse than others.
Anyway, end of last year my girlfriend convinced me to quit cold turkey - as I'm sure some of you know that made my life a bit like going through Dante's Inferno over the next few weeks and to a decreasing extent, months, I was very lucky having someone who really cared about me coaching me through it and looking after me - mostly irrelevant to the story but I spent the money I'd saved by not drinking by this summer on a holiday with her and an engagement ring which now sits on her finger.
Now all through this I never really thought I was giving it up for good, silly as that may sound - I always kinda hoped that after a while I'd be able to manage my drinking more effectively, and really just limit it to when I want to or socially rather than every night like clockwork. And still, nearly 12 months on, I feel I'd rather that than never drink again. Frankly, the idea of never drinking again scares me almost as much as the idea of being addicted again, or perhaps rather, quitting again.
Yesterday my fiancee was out and I'll spare the details but I ended up rifling through the house looking for any beer cans I'd misplaced, any whisky stashes I'd forgotten to throw out - shaking like a leaf and breathing about fifty times the normal rate... wasn't until my fiancee got back and calmed me down I came back to my senses, which sorta scared me cos I hadn't been like that since January/February.
My question (finally ey?) is this... is my idea of just being able to drink again just with complete control as stupid as I think it is or will it just take a little longer like I hope?
Thanks for reading, hope it's not too boring :P