Hey chickenlittle...hows the sobriety goin?..i unfortunatley.cant seen to stay away..i took a few last night and am just so done with em..today is my last day 1..im tired of stoppin for a week or 2..then slip up and buy a few..then right back to where i started..i need to dig really deep and find my absolute most inner strength..i did quit goin to my doctor tho..intentionally skipped my M.R.I. appt...he said if i didnt have that done, that he would not be able to prescribe me anymore oxycodone...a bottle of 120 never lasted a week..:-(...so the last few weeks i just been buying a few at a time, while always telling mmyself this is the last time!!..my youngest son turns 2 today..and i dont even have any $ to buy him a gift!..and last week i missed my 12 yr old's hockey game cause i was searching for pills and lost track of time..now my addiction is a secret other than a few friend( procurers really!)..im at a really low point now that i have let these damn basterd pills interfere with my fatherly duties!..what a piece of sh*t i am that i have lets these take control again!..you'd think we would learn!..but, i am embracing the pains of withdrawal and plead to God to give me the strength to stop once and for all!..i have snorted every kinda of pill ive been able to get my hands on for 7 yrs now!!...enough is enough!!...please pray for me...
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Hi us!
Your timing was great because I just ran out of my script. Like you, always a week of drying up or spacing out one or two per day. Loperamide helps so much. No, not sober yet :( When I go through it, I will be posting daily.
Seems the bottom line for both of us with conquering the problem is having access to the darned things. I always have every good intention to quit, then it's too easy to call the refill in. Eventually, I'll do like you did and at least get the doctor to quit prescribing. I don't have any other suppliers fortunately so that should do the trick for me.
Keep telling me all the negative way they have affected your life. It helps to give us both reasons. You ARE a good father because you have conscience for your slip ups. Make it up to them. At least it was a short period of time. If he is only two, maybe you can get a small gift and a larger one later. Spend the money later for the gift so you don't have it for the procurers! You have made huge progress in the past and I know you can do it again. I wish I could get as far as you did last summer.
I am tired of planning everything I do around my refill date. Dreaming about them, counting.
Is that the only thing that makes you slip up is having them available? Maybe we can work on a way to get through the part of just saying no when they are available.
Get some loperamide when you can and try to have a special time with your little ones. Has loperamide helped you? I know with loperamide, I can do it once I get determination. It sounds like you are at that point.
I have been checking regularly to see how you're doing. We are on the same track. Will pray for you and keep in touch whether we fail or succeed.
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Correction...we will SUCCEED this time!! :)
You sound completely motivated and ready. I am cheering you on.
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quick update - Day 2 which is usually the worst for w/d and loperamide is working like a charm!
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...hey there...how goes it?...i am on day 5 without..it is monday afternoon..my last dose was last wed night..it hasnt been horrible..thank God for my sleep, which i have been gettin..6-7 hrs night...usually the r.l.s. is my biggest hurdle..i can handle the watery eyes,upset stomach,..all the minor issues..w/ me the inability to sleep cause of twitching legs is my worst syptom...i only took the loperimide for 3 days..suprisingly it seemed to be just enough..6 on thur, 4 on fri..and 2 sat morning..i have been doubling up on my 1-a-day vitamin tho..fruit,water,blah,blah,blah...u know the routine...it is wierd how God works cause yesterday i found $28 on the street..now last week , if that woulda happened..i would have been on the phone within seconds to get a few..but i stuck it in my pocket, and smiled cause i knew where it wasnt going!...tired of paying other peoples rent with my hard earned money cause they have some freakin pills that consumed me for so long...prayer has undoubtadly been my biggest "vitamin" so to say..not sure of yur religous preference..but i will absolutely tell anyone that if u confess your sins and ask God for the strength to defeat your demons, he WILL answer your prayers..i had faith in him andx myself..and i WILL DEFEAT THIS MONSTER!..I feel that is what it has become to me..those damn pain killers were more important than myself,my wife, my 2 sons. Now dont get me wrong..i never neglected them directly..however,if i was on my own throughout the day..work, or wherever..i lived the pill head life..@ home i was just despondant(?)..had to lie to as why i was feeling sick, or why i was nodding,tired every evening...it was because while at work for 8 hours a day..i just did as many pills as i knew i could handle...i could ramble on for hours..but that is all in the past..i am not the same person as i used to be..prayers will continue to head your way and anybody else that needs them..i sure know i did/do!...the war has just begun!(P.A.W.S.)...
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Hi US!
It is fate and divine intervention for you to remind me to lean on God. That may be the only missing piece for me.
Don't worry...I know you do right for your family. Although despising how the pill nasties can take precedence, you are logical enough to understand it as nonsense when it happens. I am a grandmother, late 50's. Just letting you know I've got mine raised and know how you feel about your dear sons and wife and what a monkey wrench the pills throw in. Putting them first will keep you on track. Mine have left the nest, but thank you for reminding me it still affects my relationship with them.
I'm familiar with feigning illness to check out on withdrawals.
What timing for a great find - $28. And you had your mind in the right place to do the right thing at that moment. What a beautiful story of a reward and reinforcement.!
I'm still doing good on loperamide, but called in the refill before I was out. Can't seem to get the resolve to not make that call. Do you think I should taper or just set a date? At the very least, my goal this month is to take no more than prescribed each day and try to taper since they're coming. That's an easier hurdle for me, but have trouble making it happen. I'll still respond to cheer you on.
Prepare for the PAWS battle. Can loperamide help you through PAWS? I never got that far and was wondering if you can have a loperamide arsenal ready and if it works as well for PAWS. PAWS scares me.
Praying for you.
It is fate and divine intervention for you to remind me to lean on God. That may be the only missing piece for me.
Don't worry...I know you do right for your family. Although despising how the pill nasties can take precedence, you are logical enough to understand it as nonsense when it happens. I am a grandmother, late 50's. Just letting you know I've got mine raised and know how you feel about your dear sons and wife and what a monkey wrench the pills throw in. Putting them first will keep you on track. Mine have left the nest, but thank you for reminding me it still affects my relationship with them.
I'm familiar with feigning illness to check out on withdrawals.
What timing for a great find - $28. And you had your mind in the right place to do the right thing at that moment. What a beautiful story of a reward and reinforcement.!
I'm still doing good on loperamide, but called in the refill before I was out. Can't seem to get the resolve to not make that call. Do you think I should taper or just set a date? At the very least, my goal this month is to take no more than prescribed each day and try to taper since they're coming. That's an easier hurdle for me, but have trouble making it happen. I'll still respond to cheer you on.
Prepare for the PAWS battle. Can loperamide help you through PAWS? I never got that far and was wondering if you can have a loperamide arsenal ready and if it works as well for PAWS. PAWS scares me.
Praying for you.
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Hey usblues
Just wanted to check and see if you're staying with it. You made it past day 5 which is supposed to be over the worst of it.
Hope you are still sleeping well. That is such a curse when the w/d symptom of insomnia goes along with it...so many more hours to endure.
I don't mind the sweats, but just can't stand the anxiety and cravings. If my doctor didn't give refills, I would get off these things. Can't figure out why I don't muster up the courage to tell stop refills. Maybe because it's my only source and I am scared to cut off my only source in case I run into trouble.
Well, I'm in for four more days of being clean. That will make six days and if I feel strong enough on Monday when I get the refill, I will drop them off with a trusted family member to keep me away from them.
I'm taking your advice to have faith and leave it in his hands. Not doing as well as I'd like on my own strength. The will is there.
Check back no matter how it's going. We will get there.
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Hey chickenlittle....here i am again..i just started my 2nd day without again..loperimide is great but i am just so tired of relying on that for each time i detox..i NEED a lifechange..i went 8 days without a couple weeks ago..thought that i was done for the last time...then a buddy got his script, i got a paycheck and thats all she wrote...i spent about $150 of money that i really didnt have to spend...to stay buzzed for a week...i cant seem to break this horricic cycle..meanwhile, my wife has started to exercise each day and just starting to generally take better care of herself..we are not super unhealthy..just not healthy as we could be..we,i have a 2 yr old..and i have a 12 year old that really need there father to be a better role model..and being a closeted pill popper is no way to be. I took my wife to church yesterday finally..she has been askin me for months to take her..i know that God is the only answer to my problems..i just need to give it all up to him and take control of my life..
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Hi USblues
I didn't get notice of your reply or this would've been sooner. Seems both of our problem is having them at arms reach. I'm curious if you still have withdawals because you use them intermittently, or do they just "sound good" when available? I suspect the loperamide may be delaying getting over it when I quit because I can't seem to stop them or I feel like c**p.
That's great you and wife went to church. Maybe it's fate and you will find your strength there. Don't worry. You are a great role model to your kids. There are other habits more obvious and interfering with family. If you can keep trying, these darned pills will be history. I can't stop myself from calling in refills. My sister and husband know I have a problem, but everyone thinks it should all be fine after a couple of days. It's a lifeline to have someone who understands.
Keep posting on how it's going. I'll check this page regularly.
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Today was a turning point for me. Something needs to change.
I gave my empty script bottles to my husband and said "no more refills". I told my husband and mother I'm quitting the beasties. Hoping a public declaration will do the trick. I felt liberated telling someone this is the time it will change. Buckling down for the wild ride, got the immodium supply, this is it!!
Talking it out here helped me understand what the weakness was - having them available. I have always had the determination and desire, yet - there they were in front of me and I gave in every time.
Your prayers and posts have helped usblues.
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i am glad to hear you've gotten to that "no more" point...i am back at day 1 myself...i bet yur tired of hearing that..haha...my last time was after dinner yesterday...took a 7.5 oxycodone...what was wierd tho is that i didnt really like the way i felt..buzzed but disgusted..tired of telling myself that this is it!..this REALLY needs to be IT!...all my bills are behind..i owe a couple people money..the holidays are soon here and i know its gonna be financially rough..thankfully i get a christmas bonus...which will pay bills!..what about my boys?!...i know that the Lord will help me through it all..i just need to let him..i cant do this on my own anymore...i just wish i could tell my wife why we are always so broke...she is my life..i need to make her and my sons my priority
i am very glad that u have decided to finally re-fill no more...the loperimide will definetly help in the next few days..water,bannanas,Aleve...hot baths/shwr...i will pray for you and hope that we both can conquer these demons...life is so beautiful..i need to start looking at it with open eyes...good luck to you in the next few days....please keep me posted on yur progress....., todd
i am very glad that u have decided to finally re-fill no more...the loperimide will definetly help in the next few days..water,bannanas,Aleve...hot baths/shwr...i will pray for you and hope that we both can conquer these demons...life is so beautiful..i need to start looking at it with open eyes...good luck to you in the next few days....please keep me posted on yur progress....., todd
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good morning chickenlittle...hope you are being diligent and pushing thru these next few days...just keep telling yurself its only a couple days...by sunday u will be feeling much better..im only on day 2..but i slept good last night..took an Alka-seltzer this morning..i dont feel too bad..the first time i quit after 6 yrs of everyday use was just this last may...it took about 10 days to feel better..unforfunately as i was detoxing..i also endured a 8 day migraine headache..now i get those once or twice a year..they usually last 3-4 days...but this one was the worst i ever had...the 2 probly played hand n hand with each other...dont wanna scare ya with that info..just my personal expeirence
everyone is different..it all depend on yur yrs of use..how much you took daily..etc...and yur general health plays a big role...now im a slightly overweight smoker..but not in horrible health..i take a daily vitamin and eat fruit as often as i can..i drink too much coffee, but with 2 sons..we r always running..the wife and i went to my older sons hockey game last night..sat out in the 30 degree cold till we couldnt stand it anymore..then off to pick up the 2 yr old from grandma's...i got home about 8:30..ate a bannana,took a hot shwr..and some cold medicine..suprisingly slept from 11-5...my usual amount of sleep....so anywho..hope yur day goes well..it is only 9am(im in pa.)....but i have high hopez that this day goes well...prayers are coming yur way
everyone is different..it all depend on yur yrs of use..how much you took daily..etc...and yur general health plays a big role...now im a slightly overweight smoker..but not in horrible health..i take a daily vitamin and eat fruit as often as i can..i drink too much coffee, but with 2 sons..we r always running..the wife and i went to my older sons hockey game last night..sat out in the 30 degree cold till we couldnt stand it anymore..then off to pick up the 2 yr old from grandma's...i got home about 8:30..ate a bannana,took a hot shwr..and some cold medicine..suprisingly slept from 11-5...my usual amount of sleep....so anywho..hope yur day goes well..it is only 9am(im in pa.)....but i have high hopez that this day goes well...prayers are coming yur way
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Good news here also! Still going strong and the positive attitude is holding. If it gives you some confidence, your story has helped me more than any advice. Seeing the roller coaster ride through someone else's eyes has helped me. Don't worry if you slip up. I understand why it happens and we just keep trying. I am a pro at the back and forth, but to be honest, this is the longest I've been sober and it feels great. Every other time I've tried, it was extreme suffering, but this time is a breeze.
You may not be able to share with your wife. Sounds like you have a wonderful family and don't want to disappoint her since you know you can beat this and your life will be on a great path once you're done with the pills. Do you have anyone close to for support? I will check every day.
This time, I got some superhuman strength. I have a hunch there is someone up above stronger than both of us and these darned pills who is smiling on me this time around. I swear, I don't care how many Immodium I have to take. I take a lot to get over the bad hump. As soon as I feel the slightest twinge of the creepy crawlies, I pop a couple and it goes away. I've taken a lot of them, but ZERO withdrawals - not even RLS or sweats! I have been sleeping good also. Glad to hear you have.
Those headaches you describe sound excruciating. I used to get those years ago. You may try a pill cocktail of some Benadryl, couple of Tylenol, and one aspirin as soon as you feel it come one. The benedryl will make you drowsy, so it's good at night and relaxes you. I've taken four at a time and with Tylenol will usually knock the worst headache.
Haha...overweight smoker here too! One demon slayed at a time though! Right now, it's the pills. Be kind to yourself and take anything that helps to get through it. Thanks for a few more ideas of things to eat that helps. Think of how it will feel to get a handle on bills and a few presents under the tree.
Cheers, prayers, and a ton of well wishes to you from Oregon! Sandy
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I always forget to say something! I forgot to say I notice every time I quit, I lose about 10 pounds right away. I believe they slow down our metabolism because I didn't have a weight problem until I started taking them. Need to lose about 20 pounds. Also, this time, I haven't had the horrible fatigue. Crossing fingers it keeps on going great.
Thanks for telling me it gets better after 10 days. If there's a rough spot, I'll keep that milestone in mind and weather the storm. Told my husband if I have to stay on Immodium for a whole year, I'll do it if that's what it takes. Definitely the lesser of two evils.
Glad you got to spend time with family at the hockey game. Doesn't it feel great to focus all energy on family.
Going now to stock up on bananas, aleve, cold medicine! Thanks again for all your advice. I just wanted to add what I think is an extra benefit with the weight loss if we get off of these completely.
Praying for you and your family.
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just a quick request...if u get a second..read my post titled " i can take my life off thjs shelf....i posted it like 4 mnths ago...and not one person has read it...i probbably gave it too long a title...thnx
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