CJ,
rock on buddy, rock on. you are definitely not alone on this. Today is day 12. and i feel great. my vocabulary is back and i'm not stuttering trying to get the easiest of words out. my appetite is coming back so my eating has been much better. yeah, double digits do feel great. i gotta say, my excitement for things is also coming back. played a round of golf yesterday, played some tennis on tuesday and i usually play softball on wednesdays. softball is much easier, catching fly balls is much easier when you are sober. HAHAHA.
My mood swings have subsided. although, yesterday i had a mini fit. i have a dog, and usually i don't care what he does. but for some reason, it really bugged me that he was under my bed. so i called for him to get out, but he wouldn't. it just set me off, and i kept trying to get the dog out from under my bed. well, long story short, i spent two hours trying to trick the dog to coming out and he wouldn't and i was just having a fit. i would say, whatever, sit down watch tv, but at the next commercial break, i would be yelling at him to come out. i'm sure he can detect that i'm in a foul mood.
i know what you mean by day and night. i have the same split personality. in the morning, when i use to smoke, i would wake up so groggy, my stomach would be growling in hunger, but my tummy would be sticking out cuz i ate so much from the night before. then i would curse at smoking and say how i am totally gonna quit, and how easy it would be. but like you, the moment i'm off work, i would start the negotiating. lately that hasn't been the case. as i try really hard to schedule some sort of physical activity to do during my evenings.
i think its okay to be flexible on your quitting. i mean, you say, you might smoke on aug 8. or what not. maybe i should say, no don't do it you are stronger that than. at the same time, i also think, maybe right now, for now, you just need to trick your mind into thinking you will then, and then when the time comes, you might change your mind. for me though, i know once i agree in my head that i can smoke at some point, i usually take my own offer on it. and when i do smoke again, i smoke a grip! but there is nothing better than that first high after a loooooooooong break. that's not even a functional high. its a heavy my head is sooo foggy and heavy, damn, i love this, damn i'm also so paranoid high. hehehe, i miss that.
yo, i am proud that you were able to pass it up with your basketball team buddies. i haven't been tested like that yet, where it is in front of me. for now, i just try to stay away from it all together. i did smell it during my softball game, and i was like sniff sniff. I wonder if i should just hang around the smoke, and get contact high. allow myself that at the very least... lol
i totally feel you on the boredom of the nights. my nights use to be soo short. i mean, i would come home, smoke, do the things i do, walk the dog, go grab food, bum around, and usually, i end up passing out by midnight, and i would always say, damn, my evenings are so short, i can't do what i want to do. now i have all this free time.
thank you wife for being patient and understanding. she's great for supporting you.
it's soo funny you talk about meditation, because i'm trying to get into that. and its weird you talk about Jack Kornfield, because i actually went to one of his seminars last month at Spirit Rock over in Marin County. I'm not sure if you are from the bay area, but yo, i'm planning to attend a session on Aug. 14. at spirit rock. its a 2 hour seminar on the 2nd friday of every month. the program is called: Dharma and Recovery:
This group will explore, on an ongoing basis, the intersection of recovery with Buddhist teachings and practices. We’re open to people who identify with any of the full range of addictions, from substances, to behaviors, to habitual thought and emotional patterns.
We are not a '12 Step group,' but we do want to find ways that members of the Spirit Rock community can support each other on the path of recovery. Each gathering will begin with a period of guided meditation, so beginning meditators are welcome. There will be time for discussion about meditation practice itself, and each month will explore some recovery/dharma theme.
If you are in the bay area and wanna check this out, i think it would be a great step. I think meditation would be great, as I would love to achieve a high without the drugs.
Couple of things. I started dreaming on Day 10. I had the most vivid dream. it was awesome. i dreamt again last night. craaaaaaazy. when i woke up, i was literally feeling high. the 1st night cuz it was a good good dream, the second night, cuz it was a scary dream but still fun. but i woke up and i felt dizzy and a little head high. i was thinkin this is cool. if you can control your mind, there are certain highs you can still obtain.
anyways. like you, i think the forum is great. one of the things i do when i get home is to log on to this post to see if you are anyone else has posted. and like you i read the posts usually with a smile. there's something good going on here.
cecerose. its true, we tend to become very alone when we smoke. i personally don't mind smoking by myself, but when i catch myself turning down events and such with friends, and when i catch myself smoking in (staycation) which i love, for the 10th day in a row, i think its a problem. Until i can be in control of this, i have to stay clean. but i think you have the right idea. i work to travel. i really do, i have no problem spending money on going to other places. and trust me, you are saving a lot of money. keep up the good work
i think the more exersize you do, the more you burn fat, the more you burn the thc from your fat cells, the more you get mini highs after working out. instead of smoking to get high, i work out to get high. eh, not as fun, but it will have to do for now =P
i have no set time to smoke again. i sure do miss it. i know i will smoke again. maybe i'll make a rule i can only smoke while on vacations. That would just mean, i have to go back to Amsterdam. OH I MISS the coffee shops.
da burg.
*** edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed
rock on buddy, rock on. you are definitely not alone on this. Today is day 12. and i feel great. my vocabulary is back and i'm not stuttering trying to get the easiest of words out. my appetite is coming back so my eating has been much better. yeah, double digits do feel great. i gotta say, my excitement for things is also coming back. played a round of golf yesterday, played some tennis on tuesday and i usually play softball on wednesdays. softball is much easier, catching fly balls is much easier when you are sober. HAHAHA.
My mood swings have subsided. although, yesterday i had a mini fit. i have a dog, and usually i don't care what he does. but for some reason, it really bugged me that he was under my bed. so i called for him to get out, but he wouldn't. it just set me off, and i kept trying to get the dog out from under my bed. well, long story short, i spent two hours trying to trick the dog to coming out and he wouldn't and i was just having a fit. i would say, whatever, sit down watch tv, but at the next commercial break, i would be yelling at him to come out. i'm sure he can detect that i'm in a foul mood.
i know what you mean by day and night. i have the same split personality. in the morning, when i use to smoke, i would wake up so groggy, my stomach would be growling in hunger, but my tummy would be sticking out cuz i ate so much from the night before. then i would curse at smoking and say how i am totally gonna quit, and how easy it would be. but like you, the moment i'm off work, i would start the negotiating. lately that hasn't been the case. as i try really hard to schedule some sort of physical activity to do during my evenings.
i think its okay to be flexible on your quitting. i mean, you say, you might smoke on aug 8. or what not. maybe i should say, no don't do it you are stronger that than. at the same time, i also think, maybe right now, for now, you just need to trick your mind into thinking you will then, and then when the time comes, you might change your mind. for me though, i know once i agree in my head that i can smoke at some point, i usually take my own offer on it. and when i do smoke again, i smoke a grip! but there is nothing better than that first high after a loooooooooong break. that's not even a functional high. its a heavy my head is sooo foggy and heavy, damn, i love this, damn i'm also so paranoid high. hehehe, i miss that.
yo, i am proud that you were able to pass it up with your basketball team buddies. i haven't been tested like that yet, where it is in front of me. for now, i just try to stay away from it all together. i did smell it during my softball game, and i was like sniff sniff. I wonder if i should just hang around the smoke, and get contact high. allow myself that at the very least... lol
i totally feel you on the boredom of the nights. my nights use to be soo short. i mean, i would come home, smoke, do the things i do, walk the dog, go grab food, bum around, and usually, i end up passing out by midnight, and i would always say, damn, my evenings are so short, i can't do what i want to do. now i have all this free time.
thank you wife for being patient and understanding. she's great for supporting you.
it's soo funny you talk about meditation, because i'm trying to get into that. and its weird you talk about Jack Kornfield, because i actually went to one of his seminars last month at Spirit Rock over in Marin County. I'm not sure if you are from the bay area, but yo, i'm planning to attend a session on Aug. 14. at spirit rock. its a 2 hour seminar on the 2nd friday of every month. the program is called: Dharma and Recovery:
This group will explore, on an ongoing basis, the intersection of recovery with Buddhist teachings and practices. We’re open to people who identify with any of the full range of addictions, from substances, to behaviors, to habitual thought and emotional patterns.
We are not a '12 Step group,' but we do want to find ways that members of the Spirit Rock community can support each other on the path of recovery. Each gathering will begin with a period of guided meditation, so beginning meditators are welcome. There will be time for discussion about meditation practice itself, and each month will explore some recovery/dharma theme.
If you are in the bay area and wanna check this out, i think it would be a great step. I think meditation would be great, as I would love to achieve a high without the drugs.
Couple of things. I started dreaming on Day 10. I had the most vivid dream. it was awesome. i dreamt again last night. craaaaaaazy. when i woke up, i was literally feeling high. the 1st night cuz it was a good good dream, the second night, cuz it was a scary dream but still fun. but i woke up and i felt dizzy and a little head high. i was thinkin this is cool. if you can control your mind, there are certain highs you can still obtain.
anyways. like you, i think the forum is great. one of the things i do when i get home is to log on to this post to see if you are anyone else has posted. and like you i read the posts usually with a smile. there's something good going on here.
cecerose. its true, we tend to become very alone when we smoke. i personally don't mind smoking by myself, but when i catch myself turning down events and such with friends, and when i catch myself smoking in (staycation) which i love, for the 10th day in a row, i think its a problem. Until i can be in control of this, i have to stay clean. but i think you have the right idea. i work to travel. i really do, i have no problem spending money on going to other places. and trust me, you are saving a lot of money. keep up the good work
i think the more exersize you do, the more you burn fat, the more you burn the thc from your fat cells, the more you get mini highs after working out. instead of smoking to get high, i work out to get high. eh, not as fun, but it will have to do for now =P
i have no set time to smoke again. i sure do miss it. i know i will smoke again. maybe i'll make a rule i can only smoke while on vacations. That would just mean, i have to go back to Amsterdam. OH I MISS the coffee shops.
da burg.
*** edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed
A week ago I was smoking my brains out because I had a difficult week. This week was just as trying (if not worse), but I haven't smoked since last Saturday. So it's been 6 days. Physically and mentally, I feel better, even great! I am experiencing a great deal of irritability, snapping at people and generally getting pissed off in general. But, I have a feeling it will pass. I don't have the urge to smoke and I'm glad.
I've either walked or swam laps every day this past week and it's helped, though sometimes I get so riled up, I could easily put my hand into a wall. But I am off to spend some quality time with good friends (who support my efforts to quit.)
Keeping hanging in there everyone...
I've either walked or swam laps every day this past week and it's helped, though sometimes I get so riled up, I could easily put my hand into a wall. But I am off to spend some quality time with good friends (who support my efforts to quit.)
Keeping hanging in there everyone...
Hi obiwan,
I'm just wondering how are you doing. It's been 10 days since your last post and it would be nice to hear from you. I hope that you are better and that you are still positive about quiting.
I'm just wondering how are you doing. It's been 10 days since your last post and it would be nice to hear from you. I hope that you are better and that you are still positive about quiting.
Day 14... MF'ing RIGHT! Yeah yeah!! 2 weeks clean and sober (well... the beer/wine consumption may have increased, and I may have started smoking ciggs a little bit again... haha. No worries, short-term substitution.) Pretty proud of myself.
How's it going Fatburger? GREAT site for Spirit Rock... but you made me incredibly jealous of how perfect it sounds!! Unfortunately, I live in Toronto, Canada. A little far for a weekend get-away, but I sure do wish I could attend. I was telling my wife about how you went to a Jack Kornfield seminar, and how you're at the same quitting stage as I am, and how we're almost the same age, etc., etc... pretty amazing coincidence! Great to meet you online buddy, I hope that you're still strong in your desire to quit. I use you as motivation for myself.
This past weekend I realized that it's getting a little easier every day. I think my anger/irritability/mood-swings are getting less severe now (although I find I still LOSE IT over some pretty insignificant events!) But I'm getting happier, and I'm enjoying life again. When people write that the first two weeks are tough, I think it's an understatement! I had a rough time, and I'm glad that these 14 days are over... and I'm REALLY happy that I'm gaining momentum in this decision. Feels like I'm finally in control for the first time in a long time.
Had a great weekend though, kept busy to keep my mind off things... but I did have some down-time at home. Weekends are usually my worst time for smoking as I LOVE waking up, hitting my bong and making some great coffee to enjoy while I read the paper. Sure I had cravings to smoke, and my mind had brief thoughts like "So what? You can smoke on Saturdays still right??" Haha... the mind is a powerful thing, especially when it wants something! But I didn't do it, and for the first time in a long time... I played Xbox360 SOBER. HUGE event for me, wondered if I'd enjoy it... and I did (I might even be a better gamer sober.)
But we went out for dinner with friends that I usually smoke with, and I was more than willing to watch my close friend hit his bong (in fact, I really wanted to watch him hit it with some Jack Herer loaded in the bowl... like it was some type of sick porn that I couldn't look away from.) But he actually said that he wouldn't smoke that evening, and no matter what I said... he didn't. And he's a smoke-everyday guy like I was... which means a lot to me. Gotta appreciate that kind of friendship. Even I wanted to hit his bong after eating a ridiculous amount of fantastic Mexican food, but we both just drank beers with the rest of the crowd and enjoyed each other's company. I did talk a lot about pot, and different strains and such.
I was wrong... it's the August 14th weekend that we're going to my buddy's cottage. That's the weekend I've held as my goal to stay sober until. You're right, I'm the type of guy who needs a destination. If there isn't one, I give up easily. I may smoke that weekend, I may decide not to... but if I do, it'll be because I feel that I can control my usage. If I slip, I'll stop again for longer I guess.
AS for meditation, it's SOOOOO important for a guy like me. I have some anxiety/stress issues, and meditation is the strategy that should be taking the place of smoking pot. Obviously I smoke to calmdown/relax/escape, and if I'm going to be successful in my attempt to regain control over the herb, I need to replace smoking with another strategy that is equally as effective as pot to help me calmdown/relax/escape. Meditation seems to be that strategy... and it's easy to think that I don't need to do it everyday, but I really do. The more you do it, the more effective it is, and the EASIER it is to get into a meditative state. Also, it's easier to relax during the day if you meditate regularly... breathing for a few seconds can send you back into a relaxing state and calm the mind. It's what I need, and I'm angry at myself for stopping my practice. Hopefully I can fill my smoking time with meditation time.
I took a course called "Mindfullness Meditation" last year... a 6 month course every week where we learned Vipassana meditation, yoga, etc. and I found meditation in group settings was an incredible experience.
If I replace pot with meditation as my strategy to relax, I have hope that I could use pot in the future only to celebrate occasionally.
By the way, Amsterdam was the best and most beautiful place I've ever been. We went last year on a tour of Europe and I fell in love with all of Holland. Not because of pot (I can obviously get that pretty easy anywhere), but the diversity of the people, the canals, the restuarants, etc. What a perfect place!
Tonight I've noticed that I have a craving for smoking... but it's not so strong that I can't simply think about something else and forget about it. If you're reading this and you're on day 1-10... it gets easier. MUCH MUCH Easier. 14 days seems to be the "over-the-hill" part of my journey... and I'm hoping it's all downhill from here.
PS... The dreaming is pretty intense still... does anybody have dreams of smoking pot? Occasionally I'll have the most vivid dream of smoking a joint, and then I'll feel the worst guilt and shame when I wake up before I realize it was just a dream (sometimes it takes a while for me to realize it's only a dream... it's that vivid!) I guess it's maybe my brain showing me how I'd feel if I gave in to temptation, and it's a powerful feeling of guilt/shame. I'll try to remember that.
GOOD LUCK friends. And keep it up Fatburger, please let me know how the seminar is the Aug 14th weekend!!
CJ
How's it going Fatburger? GREAT site for Spirit Rock... but you made me incredibly jealous of how perfect it sounds!! Unfortunately, I live in Toronto, Canada. A little far for a weekend get-away, but I sure do wish I could attend. I was telling my wife about how you went to a Jack Kornfield seminar, and how you're at the same quitting stage as I am, and how we're almost the same age, etc., etc... pretty amazing coincidence! Great to meet you online buddy, I hope that you're still strong in your desire to quit. I use you as motivation for myself.
This past weekend I realized that it's getting a little easier every day. I think my anger/irritability/mood-swings are getting less severe now (although I find I still LOSE IT over some pretty insignificant events!) But I'm getting happier, and I'm enjoying life again. When people write that the first two weeks are tough, I think it's an understatement! I had a rough time, and I'm glad that these 14 days are over... and I'm REALLY happy that I'm gaining momentum in this decision. Feels like I'm finally in control for the first time in a long time.
Had a great weekend though, kept busy to keep my mind off things... but I did have some down-time at home. Weekends are usually my worst time for smoking as I LOVE waking up, hitting my bong and making some great coffee to enjoy while I read the paper. Sure I had cravings to smoke, and my mind had brief thoughts like "So what? You can smoke on Saturdays still right??" Haha... the mind is a powerful thing, especially when it wants something! But I didn't do it, and for the first time in a long time... I played Xbox360 SOBER. HUGE event for me, wondered if I'd enjoy it... and I did (I might even be a better gamer sober.)
But we went out for dinner with friends that I usually smoke with, and I was more than willing to watch my close friend hit his bong (in fact, I really wanted to watch him hit it with some Jack Herer loaded in the bowl... like it was some type of sick porn that I couldn't look away from.) But he actually said that he wouldn't smoke that evening, and no matter what I said... he didn't. And he's a smoke-everyday guy like I was... which means a lot to me. Gotta appreciate that kind of friendship. Even I wanted to hit his bong after eating a ridiculous amount of fantastic Mexican food, but we both just drank beers with the rest of the crowd and enjoyed each other's company. I did talk a lot about pot, and different strains and such.
I was wrong... it's the August 14th weekend that we're going to my buddy's cottage. That's the weekend I've held as my goal to stay sober until. You're right, I'm the type of guy who needs a destination. If there isn't one, I give up easily. I may smoke that weekend, I may decide not to... but if I do, it'll be because I feel that I can control my usage. If I slip, I'll stop again for longer I guess.
AS for meditation, it's SOOOOO important for a guy like me. I have some anxiety/stress issues, and meditation is the strategy that should be taking the place of smoking pot. Obviously I smoke to calmdown/relax/escape, and if I'm going to be successful in my attempt to regain control over the herb, I need to replace smoking with another strategy that is equally as effective as pot to help me calmdown/relax/escape. Meditation seems to be that strategy... and it's easy to think that I don't need to do it everyday, but I really do. The more you do it, the more effective it is, and the EASIER it is to get into a meditative state. Also, it's easier to relax during the day if you meditate regularly... breathing for a few seconds can send you back into a relaxing state and calm the mind. It's what I need, and I'm angry at myself for stopping my practice. Hopefully I can fill my smoking time with meditation time.
I took a course called "Mindfullness Meditation" last year... a 6 month course every week where we learned Vipassana meditation, yoga, etc. and I found meditation in group settings was an incredible experience.
If I replace pot with meditation as my strategy to relax, I have hope that I could use pot in the future only to celebrate occasionally.
By the way, Amsterdam was the best and most beautiful place I've ever been. We went last year on a tour of Europe and I fell in love with all of Holland. Not because of pot (I can obviously get that pretty easy anywhere), but the diversity of the people, the canals, the restuarants, etc. What a perfect place!
Tonight I've noticed that I have a craving for smoking... but it's not so strong that I can't simply think about something else and forget about it. If you're reading this and you're on day 1-10... it gets easier. MUCH MUCH Easier. 14 days seems to be the "over-the-hill" part of my journey... and I'm hoping it's all downhill from here.
PS... The dreaming is pretty intense still... does anybody have dreams of smoking pot? Occasionally I'll have the most vivid dream of smoking a joint, and then I'll feel the worst guilt and shame when I wake up before I realize it was just a dream (sometimes it takes a while for me to realize it's only a dream... it's that vivid!) I guess it's maybe my brain showing me how I'd feel if I gave in to temptation, and it's a powerful feeling of guilt/shame. I'll try to remember that.
GOOD LUCK friends. And keep it up Fatburger, please let me know how the seminar is the Aug 14th weekend!!
CJ
Night 15. I just got home from football practice. I coach 9-11 year olds in peewee football. its great, i love football, i love teaching the game, and it really does give you another type of high. like you CJ, the days and nights are getting a lot easier. When I smoke, i always dialogue with myself in my head. i mean, you are always just thinking in your head. and i feel that guy has slowly left my life. the one who is always say, let's smoke, or can't wait for that next hit. i do notice my drinking tolerance rising just a little bit. Which is funny, because when i started smoking in college, i saw my drinking tolerance drop. lol
CJ, i'm proud of your work, and i feel the same way. that first day you posted, I was thinking, omg, i'm not the only one with this issue. and we would like to downplay the issue as it is. Just like in that movie, half baked, when bob saget, gets up and says, what, marijuana isn't an addiction, have you ever sucked D*ck for weed?!?! lol so yeah, anytime i said i wanted to quit, it was always something i kept to myself, didn't need to tell my friends, i was trying to quit, not that they wouldn't understand, but i guess, i just didn't know how intense i felt this urge to quit was shared by many. but yeah, knowing you know how i feel, it makes this just a bit easier to talk to you about.
Toronto eh, how do you like it? I actually went to Vancouver for the first time ever about 2 months ago. i loved it. it was a great place, very clean, very outdoorsy. Canada is cool. so yeah, that Jack Kornfield seminar was awesome. I mean, the way he spoke, and how he presented his ideas, it just made sense to me. i do think i smoke to escape things. i think i smoke to escape the troubles of every day life. Not that my life has all this trouble. but that the high, the silence, the inability to put thoughts together, it was a great feeling.
I went to visit a great friend of mine on Friday, had some beers with her and we had great conversation all night. saturday, i got up pretty early, met with some friends and did some mountain biking. my lungs are clear, i have energy, and i feel great. its funny, when i use to smoke, i would always tell myself how i want to go to the gym, or do this or do that, but after you smoke, you literally just sorta forget about doing anything. you just sorta sit there and watch whatever you are watching. my best friend is a gamer, and he still smokes. i actually had to help grab for him and my other buddy. so i picked up and dropped off. haha. it was funny, i was at my buddy's place, and we had some beers watching some tv. after i scored, he was like, alright, you wanna smoke, and i'm like nah. but you can, and blow it in my face. I actually meant it. its funny you say you wanted to watch someone else smoke. hahah, i can understand. we have some bomb grand daddy purp out here, and some killa Kush. but i had a good time just smelling it...as i have this thing about the smell of it. ooh yah. anyways, i was standing there, and my buddy goes, aren't you leaving? i said oh, i was waiting for you to hit that and to blow it in my face. he laughed at me, and kicked me out of the house. oh, hilarious. then i had to drop the remaining amount to my best friend. during my drive to his house, about 30 minutes, i was literally negotiating with myself for 1 hit. just 1 rip. nothing else, hit it and that's it. i can't tell you how close i was to making that deal. it was close. but, maybe i got lucky on that, and i passed. i can't say i was strong or anything, cuz really, it could have gone either way, but luckily i said, let's just hold off.
i'm laughing, i'm making jokes that are funny and witty. my friends tell me i look great. i'm moving faster, physically and mentally. and that's the one thing i miss most about myself, my personality. i was getting dull, i was getting boring. socially, i can tell its not as awkward. i mean, when your high, you like to hang out with other high fools. its just in your comfort zone. and when you are around others, you just become a wall flower, unless they are your good friends, even then, they look at you funny when you say something wrong or stupid. i do feel very much in control. i feel like i'm living my life. i use to come home after work, and just chill with myself. weekends, just chill with myself. now i'm making plans with people regardless of how little it is.
Your friend that didn't smoke that chilled with you that day, he's a nice guy. i can talk all day about bud. I just thought of a new thing for ADIDAS. All Day I Dream About Smoking. Niiiice. anyways. i was close to smoking, but i'm glad i passed. until i know i can handle it, its best that i just stay clean right now.
You gotta tell me how you meditate. I dunno if there is a formal way or a set of instructions on how to meditate. But i think that would be good for me. I need to relax sometimes. My dreams were insane. The night of the 10th night, i had a crazy dream, and when i woke up, i did feel high. Ok, it was also 6am in the morning, and i was walking to the bathroom, so maybe i was just a little dazed, but it felt like i was high, that was nice. Its funny you were smoking in your dreams. i mean, shiet, for us, i think that's the best time for us to smoke. in our dreams. then we can still get the feeling of being high, and then we get to wake up and realize, whew, we actually didnt.
I agree with you. Amsterdam is a beautiful place. one of the cutest things i saw, was a couple riding their bike away from me, while holding hands. it was cute. i know you can get bud here, but i just like the vibe there. i like the fact you can just chill and read and even just people watch. funny how you like to smoke on the weekends and read the newspaper. I LOVE doing that, even though, i don't remember what i read. I mean I know what i'm reading at the time, and why its interesting to me, but how much of that do i really retain.
Anyway. Tomorrow starts day 16, and I'm proud. One other side affect. My friends are trying to quit or slow down as well. Totally strange. It wasn't because i said hey lets all quit together. it wasn't even like i advertised the fact that i was quitting. in fact, i was quit matter of fact. my friends see me, and they see how positive i am. they see me coming from the gym or they see how talkative i am when we are together. they notice that bounce in my step and tell me, you look and sound great.
and truthfully, i do feel great. and i have to say, this place has helped me a lot. at first, it was just about reading and finding out there are others like me out there.....later it has become a place where i can come and boast about my quitting. where i don't have to feel like i'm bragging, because it sometimes is. like, i just want to feel good about myself for doing such a great job. but really, we all know here that what we do are tiny little steps and i'm glad you guys are supporting me.
CJ, keep up the great work. when i was negotiating that one hit with myself during my drive, i literally thought, what would CJ think if I posted the fact that I took a hit. after i thought about that, i thought, i can't let you down. i can't be the one to break. for this CJ, you saved me from possibly going back this last weekend. So thank you. Keep up the hard work, and keep up the meditating.
Burger
CJ, i'm proud of your work, and i feel the same way. that first day you posted, I was thinking, omg, i'm not the only one with this issue. and we would like to downplay the issue as it is. Just like in that movie, half baked, when bob saget, gets up and says, what, marijuana isn't an addiction, have you ever sucked D*ck for weed?!?! lol so yeah, anytime i said i wanted to quit, it was always something i kept to myself, didn't need to tell my friends, i was trying to quit, not that they wouldn't understand, but i guess, i just didn't know how intense i felt this urge to quit was shared by many. but yeah, knowing you know how i feel, it makes this just a bit easier to talk to you about.
Toronto eh, how do you like it? I actually went to Vancouver for the first time ever about 2 months ago. i loved it. it was a great place, very clean, very outdoorsy. Canada is cool. so yeah, that Jack Kornfield seminar was awesome. I mean, the way he spoke, and how he presented his ideas, it just made sense to me. i do think i smoke to escape things. i think i smoke to escape the troubles of every day life. Not that my life has all this trouble. but that the high, the silence, the inability to put thoughts together, it was a great feeling.
I went to visit a great friend of mine on Friday, had some beers with her and we had great conversation all night. saturday, i got up pretty early, met with some friends and did some mountain biking. my lungs are clear, i have energy, and i feel great. its funny, when i use to smoke, i would always tell myself how i want to go to the gym, or do this or do that, but after you smoke, you literally just sorta forget about doing anything. you just sorta sit there and watch whatever you are watching. my best friend is a gamer, and he still smokes. i actually had to help grab for him and my other buddy. so i picked up and dropped off. haha. it was funny, i was at my buddy's place, and we had some beers watching some tv. after i scored, he was like, alright, you wanna smoke, and i'm like nah. but you can, and blow it in my face. I actually meant it. its funny you say you wanted to watch someone else smoke. hahah, i can understand. we have some bomb grand daddy purp out here, and some killa Kush. but i had a good time just smelling it...as i have this thing about the smell of it. ooh yah. anyways, i was standing there, and my buddy goes, aren't you leaving? i said oh, i was waiting for you to hit that and to blow it in my face. he laughed at me, and kicked me out of the house. oh, hilarious. then i had to drop the remaining amount to my best friend. during my drive to his house, about 30 minutes, i was literally negotiating with myself for 1 hit. just 1 rip. nothing else, hit it and that's it. i can't tell you how close i was to making that deal. it was close. but, maybe i got lucky on that, and i passed. i can't say i was strong or anything, cuz really, it could have gone either way, but luckily i said, let's just hold off.
i'm laughing, i'm making jokes that are funny and witty. my friends tell me i look great. i'm moving faster, physically and mentally. and that's the one thing i miss most about myself, my personality. i was getting dull, i was getting boring. socially, i can tell its not as awkward. i mean, when your high, you like to hang out with other high fools. its just in your comfort zone. and when you are around others, you just become a wall flower, unless they are your good friends, even then, they look at you funny when you say something wrong or stupid. i do feel very much in control. i feel like i'm living my life. i use to come home after work, and just chill with myself. weekends, just chill with myself. now i'm making plans with people regardless of how little it is.
Your friend that didn't smoke that chilled with you that day, he's a nice guy. i can talk all day about bud. I just thought of a new thing for ADIDAS. All Day I Dream About Smoking. Niiiice. anyways. i was close to smoking, but i'm glad i passed. until i know i can handle it, its best that i just stay clean right now.
You gotta tell me how you meditate. I dunno if there is a formal way or a set of instructions on how to meditate. But i think that would be good for me. I need to relax sometimes. My dreams were insane. The night of the 10th night, i had a crazy dream, and when i woke up, i did feel high. Ok, it was also 6am in the morning, and i was walking to the bathroom, so maybe i was just a little dazed, but it felt like i was high, that was nice. Its funny you were smoking in your dreams. i mean, shiet, for us, i think that's the best time for us to smoke. in our dreams. then we can still get the feeling of being high, and then we get to wake up and realize, whew, we actually didnt.
I agree with you. Amsterdam is a beautiful place. one of the cutest things i saw, was a couple riding their bike away from me, while holding hands. it was cute. i know you can get bud here, but i just like the vibe there. i like the fact you can just chill and read and even just people watch. funny how you like to smoke on the weekends and read the newspaper. I LOVE doing that, even though, i don't remember what i read. I mean I know what i'm reading at the time, and why its interesting to me, but how much of that do i really retain.
Anyway. Tomorrow starts day 16, and I'm proud. One other side affect. My friends are trying to quit or slow down as well. Totally strange. It wasn't because i said hey lets all quit together. it wasn't even like i advertised the fact that i was quitting. in fact, i was quit matter of fact. my friends see me, and they see how positive i am. they see me coming from the gym or they see how talkative i am when we are together. they notice that bounce in my step and tell me, you look and sound great.
and truthfully, i do feel great. and i have to say, this place has helped me a lot. at first, it was just about reading and finding out there are others like me out there.....later it has become a place where i can come and boast about my quitting. where i don't have to feel like i'm bragging, because it sometimes is. like, i just want to feel good about myself for doing such a great job. but really, we all know here that what we do are tiny little steps and i'm glad you guys are supporting me.
CJ, keep up the great work. when i was negotiating that one hit with myself during my drive, i literally thought, what would CJ think if I posted the fact that I took a hit. after i thought about that, i thought, i can't let you down. i can't be the one to break. for this CJ, you saved me from possibly going back this last weekend. So thank you. Keep up the hard work, and keep up the meditating.
Burger
Thanks buddy... I had an early start this morning and read your post just before 6am. I was groggy and in a bad mood from the ridiculous day of work I had ahead of me, but your post put a smile on my face that stayed with me through the day. Thanks Fatburger! I can honestly say that I often think of you when I'm tempted... and the thought of having to tell you that I caved is often too much for me to think, so I put it out of my mind.
Don't put yourself down, you WERE strong since you didn't smoke. It's not easy, and don't let yourself think it is. Be proud... I'm proud of you man. Having to pick-up for buddies is something I haven't had to do yet (especially with killer kush!! Damn!)
I've been in similar positions, in fact, I wrestled with the idea of hitting my buddy's bong on Saturday night. I even tried to get him to do a bong hit in front of me so I could smell it (dangerous idea in hindsight.) I was VERY glad I didn't when I woke up on Sunday though. Something that worked for me recently when I have a strong craving/negotiating-mind is to think that today is only a single day... and I can get through it and face the decision tomorrow again. Maybe I'll cave tomorrow, but lets just get through today.
I LOVE Canada... born and raised. I was born in Toronto, and lived here most of my life... but I did live out west in Saskatchewan and B.C. (Vancouver... most beautiful place in this country I think.) I'm a big fan of the freedoms and support that the Canadian Gov't allows it's citizens, but I don't have anything against the US. I've always wanted to see the West Coast of the US though. Been to many places in the US, but not the West Coast. I'd love to take a motorcycle trip down the coast some day.
Tonight I had a basketball game, and although I missed my first few shots... I played MUCH better than usual. Must've had 14 points or so, 9-10 rebounds and a bunch of assists. I felt very clear, and I was able to push through my fatigue. I used to struggle with smoking when I got home and then have to play later... and my game would fall apart in the second half. Not today though, strong finish with some key rebounds/shots. Nice to finally have some positive aspects come from quitting.
I'm happy for you that things are better for you... I'm noticing similar patterns in my life. I'm more social, and sometimes I feel like I'm talking non-stop. Usually I'll sit there in a cloud and even sometimes wish that people wouldn't talk to me (terrible way to live life... not really living.) Now I'm talking people up, making people laugh... and finding that I laugh more sober than I usually do high. Positive results... makes it easier to keep on this healthy track.
Funny, there have been several times I've wanted to quote Half Baked in this forum. I think of that Sagat quote all the time! "That must've been the sh*t!... that must've been sh*t!" Haha.
If you want some help to learn to meditate, I can certainly help you. I took a Mindfullness course that was started by Jon Kabat-Zinn. The way we learned was to listen to his guided-meditation EVERY SINGLE day for 6 weeks straight (there are two main ones.) The purpose is to teach your mind to concentrate, and to understand that some thoughts are simply thoughts... and you don't need to dwell on them. If you want, I could send you the Ipod MP3's of these. After practicing for 45mins/day for 2-3 weeks... you'll realize that it's very easy to meditate for 45 minutes, and that you can easily quiet your mind anytime you want. I'm not sure how to send you these though... i think any weblinks or emails will get deleted. Maybe if you check everyday, i could write out my email address and you could grab it while it's up. Not sure... thoughts?
After you get your mind trained to concentrate for several minutes at a time (your mind will always throw up thoughts, meditation teaches you to see them, and not necessarily get involved in every single thought), you can meditate on your own for 45mins at a time without an ipod/cd playing. Although Jack Kornfield guided meditations that you can get on Ebay or off the net are amazing (different ones for relaxation, energy, stress-relief, etc.) It's nice to introduce variety. But the 45minute time is pretty standard... they say that it's the time your mind takes to unwind and relax.
Let me know how I can help... if you want links, mp3's, or just some ideas on how you can start on your own practice at home. You can definitely learn on your own, I just think some help makes it easier and more benificial quicker... which makes it more probable that you'll continue with your practice.
I better hit the sack... long day tomorrow, but I wanted to say thanks again, and to let you know that I value your support as well... it's saved me on more than one occasion.
Congrats and keep up the strength!
Regards,
CJ
Don't put yourself down, you WERE strong since you didn't smoke. It's not easy, and don't let yourself think it is. Be proud... I'm proud of you man. Having to pick-up for buddies is something I haven't had to do yet (especially with killer kush!! Damn!)
I've been in similar positions, in fact, I wrestled with the idea of hitting my buddy's bong on Saturday night. I even tried to get him to do a bong hit in front of me so I could smell it (dangerous idea in hindsight.) I was VERY glad I didn't when I woke up on Sunday though. Something that worked for me recently when I have a strong craving/negotiating-mind is to think that today is only a single day... and I can get through it and face the decision tomorrow again. Maybe I'll cave tomorrow, but lets just get through today.
I LOVE Canada... born and raised. I was born in Toronto, and lived here most of my life... but I did live out west in Saskatchewan and B.C. (Vancouver... most beautiful place in this country I think.) I'm a big fan of the freedoms and support that the Canadian Gov't allows it's citizens, but I don't have anything against the US. I've always wanted to see the West Coast of the US though. Been to many places in the US, but not the West Coast. I'd love to take a motorcycle trip down the coast some day.
Tonight I had a basketball game, and although I missed my first few shots... I played MUCH better than usual. Must've had 14 points or so, 9-10 rebounds and a bunch of assists. I felt very clear, and I was able to push through my fatigue. I used to struggle with smoking when I got home and then have to play later... and my game would fall apart in the second half. Not today though, strong finish with some key rebounds/shots. Nice to finally have some positive aspects come from quitting.
I'm happy for you that things are better for you... I'm noticing similar patterns in my life. I'm more social, and sometimes I feel like I'm talking non-stop. Usually I'll sit there in a cloud and even sometimes wish that people wouldn't talk to me (terrible way to live life... not really living.) Now I'm talking people up, making people laugh... and finding that I laugh more sober than I usually do high. Positive results... makes it easier to keep on this healthy track.
Funny, there have been several times I've wanted to quote Half Baked in this forum. I think of that Sagat quote all the time! "That must've been the sh*t!... that must've been sh*t!" Haha.
If you want some help to learn to meditate, I can certainly help you. I took a Mindfullness course that was started by Jon Kabat-Zinn. The way we learned was to listen to his guided-meditation EVERY SINGLE day for 6 weeks straight (there are two main ones.) The purpose is to teach your mind to concentrate, and to understand that some thoughts are simply thoughts... and you don't need to dwell on them. If you want, I could send you the Ipod MP3's of these. After practicing for 45mins/day for 2-3 weeks... you'll realize that it's very easy to meditate for 45 minutes, and that you can easily quiet your mind anytime you want. I'm not sure how to send you these though... i think any weblinks or emails will get deleted. Maybe if you check everyday, i could write out my email address and you could grab it while it's up. Not sure... thoughts?
After you get your mind trained to concentrate for several minutes at a time (your mind will always throw up thoughts, meditation teaches you to see them, and not necessarily get involved in every single thought), you can meditate on your own for 45mins at a time without an ipod/cd playing. Although Jack Kornfield guided meditations that you can get on Ebay or off the net are amazing (different ones for relaxation, energy, stress-relief, etc.) It's nice to introduce variety. But the 45minute time is pretty standard... they say that it's the time your mind takes to unwind and relax.
Let me know how I can help... if you want links, mp3's, or just some ideas on how you can start on your own practice at home. You can definitely learn on your own, I just think some help makes it easier and more benificial quicker... which makes it more probable that you'll continue with your practice.
I better hit the sack... long day tomorrow, but I wanted to say thanks again, and to let you know that I value your support as well... it's saved me on more than one occasion.
Congrats and keep up the strength!
Regards,
CJ
Day20. hello all. Done with another week. it has gotten much easier. my first thought is no longer about smoking. which is great. I am constantly just thinking about what to do next, and thinking about things to do. My appetite is back for sure, as I can eat pretty much at meal hours. the food tastes good, but not as good as, it use to taste. heheh, jk
CJ, i am proud of you. you sound like you are doing very well. If my numbers are correct you are on Day 19. Keep it up, until your trip, then maybe have a good time, maybe not. I am finding i can have fun without smoking. so yeah. toronto eh, you guys must be happy to have kept Halladay. 14-10-5 is not a bad stat line in basketball. I haven't played ball in awhile. I'm not that much in shape yet. hahaha. Glad you are a lot more focused it sounds like.
Yeah, i think we are going thru the same patterns. I am constantly planning things now. either, some sort of sports activity, or just a meeting with friends. the busier you are, the less you have time to sit there and think, hmm, what i do want to do. whenever i smell it though, i'm like that dog in "Up". hi my name is Doug, my master made this collar so i can talk, GRANDDADDYPURP! i love the smell. but alas, i just enjoy the fragrance now.
yeah. i've been trying to meditate. I sit down for a couple of minutes to try to meditate, but i guess with lil instruction i sorta just zone out and then get up. I gotta keep working on it. I hope going to those seminars at Spirit Rock will help me out.
I've been dreaming alot! i dreamt last night I was taking finals again. strange. strange.
so yeah, i think the biggest challenge for me now is just to stay focused. I can talk to myself now and say, hey, you did so well, why not reward yourself. and i know one session will get me right down the same path. I like your idea CJ, just try to maybe do it on special occasions. So for now, smoking on my own isn't a special occasion. Nor is it when I'm golfing with my smoking buddies. ugh, they always bust out a bleezy, but its okay. i really have been able to just turn it down. but only because i know its a slippery slope for me.
Well, I hope everyone is doing well, and I hope everyone has a great weekend. I'll be back soon.
CJ, i am proud of you. you sound like you are doing very well. If my numbers are correct you are on Day 19. Keep it up, until your trip, then maybe have a good time, maybe not. I am finding i can have fun without smoking. so yeah. toronto eh, you guys must be happy to have kept Halladay. 14-10-5 is not a bad stat line in basketball. I haven't played ball in awhile. I'm not that much in shape yet. hahaha. Glad you are a lot more focused it sounds like.
Yeah, i think we are going thru the same patterns. I am constantly planning things now. either, some sort of sports activity, or just a meeting with friends. the busier you are, the less you have time to sit there and think, hmm, what i do want to do. whenever i smell it though, i'm like that dog in "Up". hi my name is Doug, my master made this collar so i can talk, GRANDDADDYPURP! i love the smell. but alas, i just enjoy the fragrance now.
yeah. i've been trying to meditate. I sit down for a couple of minutes to try to meditate, but i guess with lil instruction i sorta just zone out and then get up. I gotta keep working on it. I hope going to those seminars at Spirit Rock will help me out.
I've been dreaming alot! i dreamt last night I was taking finals again. strange. strange.
so yeah, i think the biggest challenge for me now is just to stay focused. I can talk to myself now and say, hey, you did so well, why not reward yourself. and i know one session will get me right down the same path. I like your idea CJ, just try to maybe do it on special occasions. So for now, smoking on my own isn't a special occasion. Nor is it when I'm golfing with my smoking buddies. ugh, they always bust out a bleezy, but its okay. i really have been able to just turn it down. but only because i know its a slippery slope for me.
Well, I hope everyone is doing well, and I hope everyone has a great weekend. I'll be back soon.
Hi there, I noticed that you last posted in June and I'd like to see how you're doing! I noticed that other people have been posting but we haven't heard from you in awhile and I'd like to see how your recovery is going. If you're still on the forums, let me know okay? :)
Hi Drum, I noticed that it's also been awhile since we've heard from you too. I'd like to hear how you're doing as well. I've been a lurker on the thread for awhile and decided to start posting a bit ago after I had some panic attack problems related to weed. How is everything going?
Hey Everybody, it's Day 21 for me today... 3 full weeks!! I'm very impressed with myself as my initial goal was to go the entire time my buddy was overseas (not being able to smoke for 19 days.) It's been 21 now, and my goals have been extended to August 14th. That'll be nearly 5 weeks.
Fatburger, congrats on 20 days bro! Feels good doesn't it? I agree, my cravings have diminished as well. I sometimes think about it, but not ALL the time anymore. I can just do housework and chill without thinking about it constantly. In fact, now when I do think about it, it's not in a positive light anymore. I used to think that it made everything better, but now I wonder how I got anything done!
It was a Canadian long-weekend, so we were camping with friends/family and it was a great weekend. We go every Civic Holiday weekend, and it was nice to not have to go through early-withdrawal symptoms this year (since we camp in the US, and I would NEVER bring it across the border.) I found I was more sociable and positive... and I had a TON more energy than usual.
Fatburger... if you want a tip to start meditation, set an alarm (hopefully not one that's too abrasive!) for 15-20 mins to start. When you sit down, make sure you're comfortable, but also in an alert posture (back straight, not hunched over or lying down too much.) When you sit down, just concentrate on your breath... the "in" part and the "out" part. Every time you exhale, try to relax a little more. And make sure you think about every part of your inhale/exhale. You'll lose yourself in thought, but don't get discouraged or down, just go back to your breath... this is the part that trains concentration. If you start for 15-20mins a time for a while, then you can increase your time and eventually get to 30-45mins. That's meditation. You're supposed to be very alert, not drifting off. Give it a try.
Anyway, feeling a little down after having such a great weekend with friends. I usually self-medicate when I return to get rid of the depressing feelings, but I won't today... just face it head on and get through it like a normal person... with strength.
My wife and I are talking about maybe having a baby someday, and it's time I clean up my act for good.
I'm feeling a little worried about my August 14th cottage weekend with friends... wondering if I should go 3 months at least first before i try again... but we'll see. I know there'll be pressure, so I'm hoping I'm firm in my decision by then.
Anyway, I hope all is well for you Fatburger. I've been feeling very proud of myself lately for this decision, and it's been a lot of work and strength... so 3 weeks is a great accomplishment.
Keep it up everybody, my thoughts are with you.
Regards,
CJ
Fatburger, congrats on 20 days bro! Feels good doesn't it? I agree, my cravings have diminished as well. I sometimes think about it, but not ALL the time anymore. I can just do housework and chill without thinking about it constantly. In fact, now when I do think about it, it's not in a positive light anymore. I used to think that it made everything better, but now I wonder how I got anything done!
It was a Canadian long-weekend, so we were camping with friends/family and it was a great weekend. We go every Civic Holiday weekend, and it was nice to not have to go through early-withdrawal symptoms this year (since we camp in the US, and I would NEVER bring it across the border.) I found I was more sociable and positive... and I had a TON more energy than usual.
Fatburger... if you want a tip to start meditation, set an alarm (hopefully not one that's too abrasive!) for 15-20 mins to start. When you sit down, make sure you're comfortable, but also in an alert posture (back straight, not hunched over or lying down too much.) When you sit down, just concentrate on your breath... the "in" part and the "out" part. Every time you exhale, try to relax a little more. And make sure you think about every part of your inhale/exhale. You'll lose yourself in thought, but don't get discouraged or down, just go back to your breath... this is the part that trains concentration. If you start for 15-20mins a time for a while, then you can increase your time and eventually get to 30-45mins. That's meditation. You're supposed to be very alert, not drifting off. Give it a try.
Anyway, feeling a little down after having such a great weekend with friends. I usually self-medicate when I return to get rid of the depressing feelings, but I won't today... just face it head on and get through it like a normal person... with strength.
My wife and I are talking about maybe having a baby someday, and it's time I clean up my act for good.
I'm feeling a little worried about my August 14th cottage weekend with friends... wondering if I should go 3 months at least first before i try again... but we'll see. I know there'll be pressure, so I'm hoping I'm firm in my decision by then.
Anyway, I hope all is well for you Fatburger. I've been feeling very proud of myself lately for this decision, and it's been a lot of work and strength... so 3 weeks is a great accomplishment.
Keep it up everybody, my thoughts are with you.
Regards,
CJ
Well I do think that if someone is struggling with it that they obviously are going to be a little more emotional about it. I agree that it shouldn't be made illegal but it does have an effect on some people. Do you use marijuana heavily?
Whoops. I posted a new thread rather than posting in this thread - duh!
OK, so I well and truly failed at giving up again! I only managed 6 days before stupidly thinking I could go back to smoking one day a week. A bit like cigarettesmoking I know that if I'm going to give up it has to be all or nothing. The problem I have is that I'm so stressed at the moment.
Apart from my partner no-one really knows about my habit - or at least the extent of it and I don't expect sympathy but I've two young children who are wonderful but very hard work. I have a partner who works away during the week and not much help. I've found the summer holidays a nightmare of boredom and the days are very, very long. I've managed not to smoke much during the day but on the occasional day where I have nothing to do or am so wound up with the kids I do tend to have a pipe or two.
I think if I'm honest I can't imagine what life will be like without weed. I think it's the last bastion of my personality and without it, I completely lose my personality in favour of all the external demands of my life. I guess I think of weed as my little friend although it's not.
My biggest problem is the munchies which are just out of control. I wake up in the middle of the night with sweats and feel sick because I've eaten too much. It's not like I'm even enjoying what I eating, I just want to eat!
I know the answer is to just go cold turkey and get on with it but I although I really want to not wake up every morning feeling like sh*t, I just can't commit at the moment. I'm thinking I need to wait until the kids daily routines go back to normal in September but it feels like such a long time away.
Help - what can I do to get my brain into 'quitting' mode. I just don't feel like I can cope without a crutch of some description. I feel like such a loser and a failure to myself and my family but I've never gone through a time since I was 12 or 13 where I didn't have some kind of crutch.
I guess I understand myself enough to know that I've had a pretty hard life - dealing with sister with learning disabilities, dysfunctional family, abuse and a whole host of other things and I know that I'm not realising my full potential but I just can't get past not having something for myself. My counsellor tries to say things like have a bath, watch a film etc etc but it's not enough. It's a psychological barrier I need to break and I just don't know how.
Anyone else found quitting a real struggle? I could do with a bit of motivation please!
Thanks for listening.
OK, so I well and truly failed at giving up again! I only managed 6 days before stupidly thinking I could go back to smoking one day a week. A bit like cigarettesmoking I know that if I'm going to give up it has to be all or nothing. The problem I have is that I'm so stressed at the moment.
Apart from my partner no-one really knows about my habit - or at least the extent of it and I don't expect sympathy but I've two young children who are wonderful but very hard work. I have a partner who works away during the week and not much help. I've found the summer holidays a nightmare of boredom and the days are very, very long. I've managed not to smoke much during the day but on the occasional day where I have nothing to do or am so wound up with the kids I do tend to have a pipe or two.
I think if I'm honest I can't imagine what life will be like without weed. I think it's the last bastion of my personality and without it, I completely lose my personality in favour of all the external demands of my life. I guess I think of weed as my little friend although it's not.
My biggest problem is the munchies which are just out of control. I wake up in the middle of the night with sweats and feel sick because I've eaten too much. It's not like I'm even enjoying what I eating, I just want to eat!
I know the answer is to just go cold turkey and get on with it but I although I really want to not wake up every morning feeling like sh*t, I just can't commit at the moment. I'm thinking I need to wait until the kids daily routines go back to normal in September but it feels like such a long time away.
Help - what can I do to get my brain into 'quitting' mode. I just don't feel like I can cope without a crutch of some description. I feel like such a loser and a failure to myself and my family but I've never gone through a time since I was 12 or 13 where I didn't have some kind of crutch.
I guess I understand myself enough to know that I've had a pretty hard life - dealing with sister with learning disabilities, dysfunctional family, abuse and a whole host of other things and I know that I'm not realising my full potential but I just can't get past not having something for myself. My counsellor tries to say things like have a bath, watch a film etc etc but it's not enough. It's a psychological barrier I need to break and I just don't know how.
Anyone else found quitting a real struggle? I could do with a bit of motivation please!
Thanks for listening.
Random1,
Hey man, don't be so hard on yourself. That's the first step buddy... realize that you're human and you're not a failure. You said yourself that you have two wonderful children. That's an amazing feat!
To want to quit, you first have to give yourself some sympathy and compassion... I'm not going to lie to you, those first 7-14 days are f*cking killer dude. Believe me, I'm on day 25 now, and I'll never forget that first week. It sucks.
My wife wouldn't even talk to me! She was supporting me, and because she loves me, she tried to stay out of my way... but I was a miserable b*stard. I called it PMS - Pot-missing-syndrome.
What you have to realize is that you don't have to quit forever (in fact, I found it much easier to set a firm goal... a specific date at which you can indulge again. This doesn't mean you can smoke everyday after that date... but you can't until then.) For me, it was because my bud who was an everyday habit like me went away for 3 weeks overseas without being able to smoke. I was able to abstain until he returned because I wanted so badly to be able to tell him that I didn't smoke. It was the motivation I needed, but you'll have to find your own. Perhaps your wife can help you if you tell her your goal... maybe that's the motivation you need?
Regardless, it does get significantly easier after 10-14 days. But those first 10 days are rough... night sweats, constant craving, your mind playing tricks on you (like "don't worry, what's one single day?") But the IMPORTANT part is NOT SMOKING at all. You really need your body to get through the physical addiction part of the process, then you can deal with the psychological, and finally the socialogical aspects. The last two are still tough, but NOTHING compared to those first 10 days.
I remember sitting here at my computer reading every single post possible just so that i wouldn't cave, and so it would get late enough at night that I would have to go to bed instead of just think about smoking.
One major side-effect is depression, and I promise you that it passes after this period. Another side-effect is that BOREDOM... wow was I ever bored, and then pissed-off that I was bored, and then depressed that I was pissed off and bored. What a snowball effect.
Just keep thinking to yourself that today is only a single, tiny day in the entire scheme of your life... it's a sh*tty day, but it's only a day. Tomorrow's a new day and you can face tomorrow when it comes... but today you're not going to give in, and you're going to use all the strength you have to fight through it. Circle 13 days on a calendar... it'll seem long, but it will go by and when you're on day 14... you'll understand what I'm talking about.
I smoked heavily for over a decade, and I couldn't be happier that I'm on day 25. I'm more productive, I'm happier, and I'm SO MUCH FUNNIER! Haha, seriously... the positive effects are subtle at first, but then you start to notice many at a time. The energy you get back is great, and I promise the feeling of boredom quickly vanishes after the first couple weeks. It's more the irritability that creates the boredom.
Good luck friend, I used this forum as my support to help get me through the worst of it. Post everyday and let everybody know how you're doing. The people on this site are amazing, and I credit every single one of them with my recovery... they are truely good people.
Pick a day 3 weeks from now and see if you can hit it. If you're dying by the end of 3 weeks, reward youself. If you're getting better, stretch it to 4-5 weeks and THEN REWARD YOURSELF.
PS... Waking up everyday without a sore stomach is such a great feeling. I know the troubles of over-eating at 11pm-midnight. Just stuffing my face full of food without really even tasting it. Stuffing my face full of chips and crackers while I'm waiting for the microwave to warm up leftovers. Ridiculous! I've lost 10lbs, I have a ton more energy, and all of the sudden... I AM a morning person!
Regards,
CJ
Hey man, don't be so hard on yourself. That's the first step buddy... realize that you're human and you're not a failure. You said yourself that you have two wonderful children. That's an amazing feat!
To want to quit, you first have to give yourself some sympathy and compassion... I'm not going to lie to you, those first 7-14 days are f*cking killer dude. Believe me, I'm on day 25 now, and I'll never forget that first week. It sucks.
My wife wouldn't even talk to me! She was supporting me, and because she loves me, she tried to stay out of my way... but I was a miserable b*stard. I called it PMS - Pot-missing-syndrome.
What you have to realize is that you don't have to quit forever (in fact, I found it much easier to set a firm goal... a specific date at which you can indulge again. This doesn't mean you can smoke everyday after that date... but you can't until then.) For me, it was because my bud who was an everyday habit like me went away for 3 weeks overseas without being able to smoke. I was able to abstain until he returned because I wanted so badly to be able to tell him that I didn't smoke. It was the motivation I needed, but you'll have to find your own. Perhaps your wife can help you if you tell her your goal... maybe that's the motivation you need?
Regardless, it does get significantly easier after 10-14 days. But those first 10 days are rough... night sweats, constant craving, your mind playing tricks on you (like "don't worry, what's one single day?") But the IMPORTANT part is NOT SMOKING at all. You really need your body to get through the physical addiction part of the process, then you can deal with the psychological, and finally the socialogical aspects. The last two are still tough, but NOTHING compared to those first 10 days.
I remember sitting here at my computer reading every single post possible just so that i wouldn't cave, and so it would get late enough at night that I would have to go to bed instead of just think about smoking.
One major side-effect is depression, and I promise you that it passes after this period. Another side-effect is that BOREDOM... wow was I ever bored, and then pissed-off that I was bored, and then depressed that I was pissed off and bored. What a snowball effect.
Just keep thinking to yourself that today is only a single, tiny day in the entire scheme of your life... it's a sh*tty day, but it's only a day. Tomorrow's a new day and you can face tomorrow when it comes... but today you're not going to give in, and you're going to use all the strength you have to fight through it. Circle 13 days on a calendar... it'll seem long, but it will go by and when you're on day 14... you'll understand what I'm talking about.
I smoked heavily for over a decade, and I couldn't be happier that I'm on day 25. I'm more productive, I'm happier, and I'm SO MUCH FUNNIER! Haha, seriously... the positive effects are subtle at first, but then you start to notice many at a time. The energy you get back is great, and I promise the feeling of boredom quickly vanishes after the first couple weeks. It's more the irritability that creates the boredom.
Good luck friend, I used this forum as my support to help get me through the worst of it. Post everyday and let everybody know how you're doing. The people on this site are amazing, and I credit every single one of them with my recovery... they are truely good people.
Pick a day 3 weeks from now and see if you can hit it. If you're dying by the end of 3 weeks, reward youself. If you're getting better, stretch it to 4-5 weeks and THEN REWARD YOURSELF.
PS... Waking up everyday without a sore stomach is such a great feeling. I know the troubles of over-eating at 11pm-midnight. Just stuffing my face full of food without really even tasting it. Stuffing my face full of chips and crackers while I'm waiting for the microwave to warm up leftovers. Ridiculous! I've lost 10lbs, I have a ton more energy, and all of the sudden... I AM a morning person!
Regards,
CJ
Random1,
I totally understand your feelings. Maryjane was my best friend as well. She was there when i smoked, she never judged me, and she always kept me company, even when I pushed away everything else. And those who also had Maryjane as their friend was also my friend. and I want to respect this feeling that you view it as your only friend. But if you think about it, it becomes your only friend. It will be the only thing that understands you but soon, it will be just a circle of you and it.
I'm not going to say its an excuse to smoke. We all smoke for whatever reason. But what I will say, is that its to run away from something. For me, I ran away from my guilt. I ran away from my potential. I ran away from dealing with my gf. I ran away from dealing with things in life that I think are difficult. Like CJ, I smoked when I entered college. Age 18. I'm not 31. that's 13 years. I can confidently say, the last 10 years, were daily. I've been trying to quit since I left college. And for whatever reason, I couldn't. i was good at lying to myself. or at least buying time for myself. okay, 1 more month. okay, i'm gonna quit on my birthday. okay, i'm gonna quit on New Years Days. Okay, Chinese new years day. Okay, after my last oz. okay, after my last 8th. but for me, my life wasn't ready to quit. i mean, i was lucky that certain things came together, all together 28 days ago. that made me say, ok, let's do this. I got lucky, those things happen, because me alone, me alone wanting to quit, just didn't do it, hence, why i kept smoking for 10+ years.
I think what we want to teach you, is a way to trick your brain into how to quit. because even your brain, your mind is against you right now. and I can only say this after the fact, because i can see the patterns i took. But i think that's what this site also provides. not only do we share our stories, but collective, when you read all these stories, you start seeing patterns. The biggest pattern, is that you can't trust yourself right now.
The reason, no one knows about your smoking, is that because you don't want to be held accountable. you want every opportunity to smoke without feeling responsible to someone. this i understand. I've always stated, I will smoke for the rest of my life. I will be a grandpa and smoke. and i won't take this away from myself. but what i will say, is that here at day 28, although i know i said that, I also have started to think, well, i still can smoke, but now, i'm more scared to fall into a trap, i know I can't escape. so now, i just tell myself, i'm not ready to smoke cuz i know i haven't built the discipline.
So let's see how we can trick your mind. Like CJ said, said a goal in the future and tell yourself you can smoke as much as you want after that day. and that today, you are not smoking. set a goal of a month, and then take it day by day. CJ is right, the first 14 days is the absolute hardest. and I mean HARDEST. i've quit many time for 1 day. MANY MANY Times. and that day is the hardest day. You will be cranky, depressed. anything and everything will piss you off. you will even mock yourself, saying come on, its just bud, you can't handle that, you work, you are raising a family, you take care of a disabled child, and you can do this, and maybe you might convince yourself you can. In these cases, just make it thru the day. and wake up tomorrow, and deal with that day.
Do whatever you can to keep you engaged. I think the fact you are even on this site, is a great sign. it means you are on the fence. you have what it takes to get over this hill, but you just need 30 days. that's right. 30 days. It is your body that's craving it. your body is use to THC running thru it. god. even as i write this, i can smile and say, damn, i do miss that high, i do miss that feeling. but i can check that, because my body no longer has that control over me. so think of this as a race to 30 days.
after day 14, the positives that come start overweighing the negatives. The negatives being the crankiness, the inability to eat, the sweaty nights, the waking up in a cloudy daze in the morning, the hungry feeling in your tummy in the morning, even though, your stomach is sticking out cuz there is so much food in there, the forgetfulness, the lost of friends.
my friends know i'm a flake. that i'm a lagger. now, i'm the one making plans with people. CJ is right too, you become sharper, wittier and funnier. I make sure i'm doing something every night. whether its sports, or dinner with someone, i just try to do something. Get rid of the stuff out of your house. I've never been able to quit with it around me. maybe other people but not me.
Some things i did to cheat, but I'm not gonna recommend it, but I will say it because we are all human, and i think the point is do what you gotta do to get to day 30. 1. I drank a little. got me sleepy, and sometimes i slept. but don't substitute one for another. But ironically, my drinking tolerance has gone up since i quit smoking. 2. on the nights i really really really couldn't sleep, I took tylenol PM. knocked me out. i never did this more than 3 times a week. i didn't want to f up my kidneys. 3. i didn't meet up with my smoking friends. 4. let your emotions out. cry, throw things, have a fit. if someone pisses you off, go crazy and scream, whatever you do though, don't smoke. your friends and support group has to understand this isn't you that's going crazy, its your body. at some point you just get exhausted from yelling and screaming....
those are just the lil tricks i did, but here are some other things i think you need to keep in mind to help you begin to quit. one. forgive yourself for everything in the past, just let it go. give yourself an opportunity to be whoever you want to be. know that you can change if you want to, so everything in the past can be forgiven. secondly, if you do quit, and you break, don't be so harsh on yourself, just try again. I don't want you to quit on quitting. I've noticed in myself, that when i quit quitting, i come back and smoke with a vengeance. subconsciencely, i pretend i was never trying to quit, and i smoke like a monster.
I'm sorry if my comments are very organized. and don't ever think that because i'm on day 28, that i'm saying hey, if i can do it, you should be able to. i never want say hey, look at me. you can't, you are weak! i totally respect your efforts, and I totally want you to succeed. and even if you fail, i'm gonna be here to cheer you on again when you are ready to quit.
Lastly, read this website everyday. i know, reading things that I had common in, make me smile. I also have lost 12 lbs, since i've quit. in the beginning, i didn't have an appetite. now i eat a lot! but I'm also a lot more active.
For now, let's just get you back on day 1. everyone on here, we will walk you thru each and every day.
burger
I totally understand your feelings. Maryjane was my best friend as well. She was there when i smoked, she never judged me, and she always kept me company, even when I pushed away everything else. And those who also had Maryjane as their friend was also my friend. and I want to respect this feeling that you view it as your only friend. But if you think about it, it becomes your only friend. It will be the only thing that understands you but soon, it will be just a circle of you and it.
I'm not going to say its an excuse to smoke. We all smoke for whatever reason. But what I will say, is that its to run away from something. For me, I ran away from my guilt. I ran away from my potential. I ran away from dealing with my gf. I ran away from dealing with things in life that I think are difficult. Like CJ, I smoked when I entered college. Age 18. I'm not 31. that's 13 years. I can confidently say, the last 10 years, were daily. I've been trying to quit since I left college. And for whatever reason, I couldn't. i was good at lying to myself. or at least buying time for myself. okay, 1 more month. okay, i'm gonna quit on my birthday. okay, i'm gonna quit on New Years Days. Okay, Chinese new years day. Okay, after my last oz. okay, after my last 8th. but for me, my life wasn't ready to quit. i mean, i was lucky that certain things came together, all together 28 days ago. that made me say, ok, let's do this. I got lucky, those things happen, because me alone, me alone wanting to quit, just didn't do it, hence, why i kept smoking for 10+ years.
I think what we want to teach you, is a way to trick your brain into how to quit. because even your brain, your mind is against you right now. and I can only say this after the fact, because i can see the patterns i took. But i think that's what this site also provides. not only do we share our stories, but collective, when you read all these stories, you start seeing patterns. The biggest pattern, is that you can't trust yourself right now.
The reason, no one knows about your smoking, is that because you don't want to be held accountable. you want every opportunity to smoke without feeling responsible to someone. this i understand. I've always stated, I will smoke for the rest of my life. I will be a grandpa and smoke. and i won't take this away from myself. but what i will say, is that here at day 28, although i know i said that, I also have started to think, well, i still can smoke, but now, i'm more scared to fall into a trap, i know I can't escape. so now, i just tell myself, i'm not ready to smoke cuz i know i haven't built the discipline.
So let's see how we can trick your mind. Like CJ said, said a goal in the future and tell yourself you can smoke as much as you want after that day. and that today, you are not smoking. set a goal of a month, and then take it day by day. CJ is right, the first 14 days is the absolute hardest. and I mean HARDEST. i've quit many time for 1 day. MANY MANY Times. and that day is the hardest day. You will be cranky, depressed. anything and everything will piss you off. you will even mock yourself, saying come on, its just bud, you can't handle that, you work, you are raising a family, you take care of a disabled child, and you can do this, and maybe you might convince yourself you can. In these cases, just make it thru the day. and wake up tomorrow, and deal with that day.
Do whatever you can to keep you engaged. I think the fact you are even on this site, is a great sign. it means you are on the fence. you have what it takes to get over this hill, but you just need 30 days. that's right. 30 days. It is your body that's craving it. your body is use to THC running thru it. god. even as i write this, i can smile and say, damn, i do miss that high, i do miss that feeling. but i can check that, because my body no longer has that control over me. so think of this as a race to 30 days.
after day 14, the positives that come start overweighing the negatives. The negatives being the crankiness, the inability to eat, the sweaty nights, the waking up in a cloudy daze in the morning, the hungry feeling in your tummy in the morning, even though, your stomach is sticking out cuz there is so much food in there, the forgetfulness, the lost of friends.
my friends know i'm a flake. that i'm a lagger. now, i'm the one making plans with people. CJ is right too, you become sharper, wittier and funnier. I make sure i'm doing something every night. whether its sports, or dinner with someone, i just try to do something. Get rid of the stuff out of your house. I've never been able to quit with it around me. maybe other people but not me.
Some things i did to cheat, but I'm not gonna recommend it, but I will say it because we are all human, and i think the point is do what you gotta do to get to day 30. 1. I drank a little. got me sleepy, and sometimes i slept. but don't substitute one for another. But ironically, my drinking tolerance has gone up since i quit smoking. 2. on the nights i really really really couldn't sleep, I took tylenol PM. knocked me out. i never did this more than 3 times a week. i didn't want to f up my kidneys. 3. i didn't meet up with my smoking friends. 4. let your emotions out. cry, throw things, have a fit. if someone pisses you off, go crazy and scream, whatever you do though, don't smoke. your friends and support group has to understand this isn't you that's going crazy, its your body. at some point you just get exhausted from yelling and screaming....
those are just the lil tricks i did, but here are some other things i think you need to keep in mind to help you begin to quit. one. forgive yourself for everything in the past, just let it go. give yourself an opportunity to be whoever you want to be. know that you can change if you want to, so everything in the past can be forgiven. secondly, if you do quit, and you break, don't be so harsh on yourself, just try again. I don't want you to quit on quitting. I've noticed in myself, that when i quit quitting, i come back and smoke with a vengeance. subconsciencely, i pretend i was never trying to quit, and i smoke like a monster.
I'm sorry if my comments are very organized. and don't ever think that because i'm on day 28, that i'm saying hey, if i can do it, you should be able to. i never want say hey, look at me. you can't, you are weak! i totally respect your efforts, and I totally want you to succeed. and even if you fail, i'm gonna be here to cheer you on again when you are ready to quit.
Lastly, read this website everyday. i know, reading things that I had common in, make me smile. I also have lost 12 lbs, since i've quit. in the beginning, i didn't have an appetite. now i eat a lot! but I'm also a lot more active.
For now, let's just get you back on day 1. everyone on here, we will walk you thru each and every day.
burger
CJ,
I'm glad to hear you are on Day 25, and I like the PMS acronym.
Before. I could not for the life of me get into work by 8:30am. even though I start at 8am. my boss just got use to it, and luckily he didn't fire me, cuz i do good work. But now, i get into work by 7:45 easy, and i dunno if i'm doing better work, but my numbers are a lot higher. I'm in sales, I'm a distributor of packaging products.
i make and keep plans with friends, associates, and co-workers. all this interaction with different sets of people has brought me back to a certain social circle. You are right, it is the irritation that drives the thought of boredom. My peewee football team was 0-8 last year. I think mainly because, i didn't do everything i possibly can to help my team. one side effect of smoking, you don't like to plan things, you don't go into details on things, and you don't follow thru on things. hehehe, this year, my team looks great, and I've done so much research and put so much time in preparing for practices. I really do feel I can turn my team around. =)
oh. and I DREAM and I dream A LOT. and my dreams are so vivid.
I'm glad to hear you are on Day 25, and I like the PMS acronym.
Before. I could not for the life of me get into work by 8:30am. even though I start at 8am. my boss just got use to it, and luckily he didn't fire me, cuz i do good work. But now, i get into work by 7:45 easy, and i dunno if i'm doing better work, but my numbers are a lot higher. I'm in sales, I'm a distributor of packaging products.
i make and keep plans with friends, associates, and co-workers. all this interaction with different sets of people has brought me back to a certain social circle. You are right, it is the irritation that drives the thought of boredom. My peewee football team was 0-8 last year. I think mainly because, i didn't do everything i possibly can to help my team. one side effect of smoking, you don't like to plan things, you don't go into details on things, and you don't follow thru on things. hehehe, this year, my team looks great, and I've done so much research and put so much time in preparing for practices. I really do feel I can turn my team around. =)
oh. and I DREAM and I dream A LOT. and my dreams are so vivid.