I have just recently found this site and didn't realize that so many people had the same feelings/emotions that I have/had been going through. For me it took me to be caught by the cops and charged with intent to realize that weed is not the scene for me and that I was going down a dangerous road.
When I started smoking weed I thought it was the best thing ever.. I mean come on.. The euphoria the tripping, the numerous amounts of friends I met. Not to mention I became the manager of my job. I loved weed so much that selling became apart of my life so that I could smoke for free. Everyday I would smoke before I did anything... It made everything so much better. Then I got stopped by the police and realized that this amazing part of my life was illegal and that the system felt completely different about it. At first I was pissed at the system thinking that it's unfair and that they shouldn't have the right to me what I can and can't do especially since I have 3.0 gpa average in college, have a full-time job, and have a good connection to my family. I have been clean for 3 weeks and 4 days. Honestly, I felt that I would just start it all over again when things got better and blew over. Often I would find myself rationalizing that "Oh I can't wait until I smoke again I am going to get so messed up because I haven't smoked for a while and my tolerance is gone". But now that I see my friends "fiending" for it the way I used to it sickens me a little bit. Yes it gets easier and easier as time goes on but I still get horribly depressed and feel that I have too lost a huge friend in my life. I find it hard to do the things I used too, watch the c**p i used to, listen to the music I used to. But because I know that I have been caught and my trial is coming up I realize that the way I was stopped may have been the only way that I would have ever stopped. It sucks to see your old friends still toking and blazing when you really want too but if they are really your friends then they will understand where your coming from and respect your position. Honestly, since I have stopped, I haven't felt much different, have been more depressed, and wish I could still do it... But it has gotten easier and I realize that I can live my life without it. The stories that everyone has shared here has enlightened me and given me support to continue to stay clean and I thank you all. I do not hate Mary jane and i don't think I ever will. I do believe that it has effected my life plenty as of now and I doubt I will ever need to rely on it to feel good again or to get through life. I hope that the depression fades and that I stop thinking about it all the time but as you guys have said, it does get easier. Thanks for all the support :-)
When I started smoking weed I thought it was the best thing ever.. I mean come on.. The euphoria the tripping, the numerous amounts of friends I met. Not to mention I became the manager of my job. I loved weed so much that selling became apart of my life so that I could smoke for free. Everyday I would smoke before I did anything... It made everything so much better. Then I got stopped by the police and realized that this amazing part of my life was illegal and that the system felt completely different about it. At first I was pissed at the system thinking that it's unfair and that they shouldn't have the right to me what I can and can't do especially since I have 3.0 gpa average in college, have a full-time job, and have a good connection to my family. I have been clean for 3 weeks and 4 days. Honestly, I felt that I would just start it all over again when things got better and blew over. Often I would find myself rationalizing that "Oh I can't wait until I smoke again I am going to get so messed up because I haven't smoked for a while and my tolerance is gone". But now that I see my friends "fiending" for it the way I used to it sickens me a little bit. Yes it gets easier and easier as time goes on but I still get horribly depressed and feel that I have too lost a huge friend in my life. I find it hard to do the things I used too, watch the c**p i used to, listen to the music I used to. But because I know that I have been caught and my trial is coming up I realize that the way I was stopped may have been the only way that I would have ever stopped. It sucks to see your old friends still toking and blazing when you really want too but if they are really your friends then they will understand where your coming from and respect your position. Honestly, since I have stopped, I haven't felt much different, have been more depressed, and wish I could still do it... But it has gotten easier and I realize that I can live my life without it. The stories that everyone has shared here has enlightened me and given me support to continue to stay clean and I thank you all. I do not hate Mary jane and i don't think I ever will. I do believe that it has effected my life plenty as of now and I doubt I will ever need to rely on it to feel good again or to get through life. I hope that the depression fades and that I stop thinking about it all the time but as you guys have said, it does get easier. Thanks for all the support :-)
Thanks for your really helpful and thorough comments CJ421 and Fatburger and I agree I should be a little less critical of myself (bad habit I'm afraid)!
Anyway, I woke up on Sun morning after another night of spliffing and munching and just felt like sh*t. I decided then and there to try and quit again so, having not smoked Sun and it's 21.36 (UK time) on Mon and still haven't smoked I'm feeling pretty good about myself.
I think I felt so c**p yesterday that my resolve was so strong that I didn't even really miss it but sometimes that's my problem when I try and quit. Yes, the mood swings and overwhelming irritability, bad sleep, sweats etc are horrid, but I do seem to be able to cope with these ok. My biggest downfall is thinking I can control my habit again and that's when I fall back into my old ways.
My first goal this time is to quit for more than 6 weeks (which is the longest I've managed to so far). If I get that far then 3 months should ensure all traces of weed are out of my system. After that it will just be the occasional longing to get really wasted which will hopefully be a fleeting thought rather than an all consuming thought. I do wonder if my life will just become so boring now. Obviously being a mum is fabulous and my kids are the best thing ever but I mean boring inside my head. I like that feeling of having something to look forward to, knowing its going to make me feel great for that evening at least.
Fatburger I think you were right when you said about smoking to cope with other issues. I know I definitely do that. I have enormous pressures at the moment and smoking just makes them all just seem that little bit more manageable. I guess I'm scared of how life will pan out being straight. I just seem to have always had an addition to something be it cigarettes, then drinking, and now weed (I quit smoking and drinking lots a long time ago - by replacing them both with weed!). I seem to need something 'naughty' in my life to make it feel full and mine. That probably makes no sense but I think I'm always thinking about others and often putting their needs before mine. Smoking is like my little bit of fun, just for me.
I bought a rebounder today in the hope that I can make exercise my next addiction LOL and I'm going to see if I can eat healthily to bring my energy levels up. I'll let you know how I get on.
Thanks again for taking the time to respond and we'll see what joys day 3 brings.
Anyway, I woke up on Sun morning after another night of spliffing and munching and just felt like sh*t. I decided then and there to try and quit again so, having not smoked Sun and it's 21.36 (UK time) on Mon and still haven't smoked I'm feeling pretty good about myself.
I think I felt so c**p yesterday that my resolve was so strong that I didn't even really miss it but sometimes that's my problem when I try and quit. Yes, the mood swings and overwhelming irritability, bad sleep, sweats etc are horrid, but I do seem to be able to cope with these ok. My biggest downfall is thinking I can control my habit again and that's when I fall back into my old ways.
My first goal this time is to quit for more than 6 weeks (which is the longest I've managed to so far). If I get that far then 3 months should ensure all traces of weed are out of my system. After that it will just be the occasional longing to get really wasted which will hopefully be a fleeting thought rather than an all consuming thought. I do wonder if my life will just become so boring now. Obviously being a mum is fabulous and my kids are the best thing ever but I mean boring inside my head. I like that feeling of having something to look forward to, knowing its going to make me feel great for that evening at least.
Fatburger I think you were right when you said about smoking to cope with other issues. I know I definitely do that. I have enormous pressures at the moment and smoking just makes them all just seem that little bit more manageable. I guess I'm scared of how life will pan out being straight. I just seem to have always had an addition to something be it cigarettes, then drinking, and now weed (I quit smoking and drinking lots a long time ago - by replacing them both with weed!). I seem to need something 'naughty' in my life to make it feel full and mine. That probably makes no sense but I think I'm always thinking about others and often putting their needs before mine. Smoking is like my little bit of fun, just for me.
I bought a rebounder today in the hope that I can make exercise my next addiction LOL and I'm going to see if I can eat healthily to bring my energy levels up. I'll let you know how I get on.
Thanks again for taking the time to respond and we'll see what joys day 3 brings.
Hello all,
Over 4 weeks off the herb now... impressed with myself! How's it going Fatburger? If I'm not mistaken, you're going to SpiritRock this weekend right?? Wow... I'm jealous. What a great experience to learn from Kornfield. Please let me know what you think!!
Great to hear that you're pouring yourself into your peewee football team... I'm sure that's very much appreciated!
It's funny, now that it's been 4 weeks, I've been finding that I don't have as much time as I used to... now it dissapears. Weeks 1-3 were pretty rough with too much time sitting around, but now I find it's the opposite. Good thing too, because I was worried that the only fun I could have was with pot. WRONG.
Just got back from a good basketball game, we lost, but the post-game beers were fantastic (and more social since my bud and I haven't been smoking after games... him to support me. Good guy. We're going to his cottage this weekend though, and he expects to smoke as it was my goal, and he quit with me even though he never smoked more than once/week... supportive friend.)
This coming weekend is the weekend that I said that I could smoke a little (in my initial goal.) It seemed so far away, but now I'm not sure I really want to smoke. I'm thinking that 3 months may be a better decision as it would totally free my body from THC. But we'll see... I know there'll be pressure to smoke there since everybody knows I was waiting until then. Not sure what I'll do. Regardless, if I do smoke, I'm not going to smoke during next week... and I may even abstain for another month or two again. Although I have the odd craving (sometimes heavy), the appeal of getting stoned just isn't there anymore. Tough to explain.
It really hit home when my other buddy came back from overseas and we got to chill out together. He was the one that made me think of quitting as he'd have 3 weeks of sobriety forced upon him. I decided to see if I could do the same, and I was VERY successful as I lasted even longer. I had a bbq/party at my house this past weekend, and he came to help celebrate. We had a few LONG discussions on the phone about my quitting beforehand and he told me how much he'd like to do the same. He was really impressed that I could do it all at home without a change in scenery or having sobriety forced upon me. I tried to help motivate him as he didn't have to go through the withdrawl at home (where you really feel it... being on vacation overseas is pretty easy in comparison!!)
Anyway, he came back and smoked a few times... but always said that he was done smoking everyday. When he came over to my bbq, we got drunk with everybody and after dinner he asked to buy some to smoke at my place. I tried to say "NO... please don't at my place! I've got a week left until my goal... Just don't do it TONIGHT!" But it really was no use... he kept bugging me and bugging me until it pissed me off enough that I gave in, gave him some and unpacked my bong (from the storage where I kept it in hiding for the past 4 wks as I was drying-out.) He must have hit it 4 times that night alone and stunk up my basement, and then once again in the morning before he left. It's not like it was a smoking party, he was the only one doing it that night.
He's one of my very best friends, but I was SOOOOO pissed off at him. He couldn't take one night off after being home to help me out as a favour? He even said "Don't worry, i won't let you!" as if that made it better. Maybe I took it too personally, and maybe I was pissed because I really wanted to as well once I saw him, my bong and some bud... but it still bothers me a little. I was livid that weekend after he left. He even asked to grab more in the morning for later that day and I made a comment like "Dude... do you really want to slip back into everyday-use after going 3 weeks without? This is your opportunity buddy. I know what the first 7 days are like and you'll have to go through that all over again if you let yourself slip back into regular use."
No use... he's back on the b-train. Not really mad anymore, kinda sad for him. It was his chance to be strong, and he gave in.
That experience really disgusted me and I saw the ADDICT part of myself in him... and I don't ever want to see that again. I still can't believe he couldn't go one single night without after being away for 3 weeks. There were other friends of mine who were kind enough to abstain at my bbq (and I never even asked them to... they just knew it would help me if they didn't that night.) But my bud even tried to convince them to join him that night, to make him feel better about it inside. He said to me earlier that "I'm not going to do it alone anymore, only in social situations when others do it too." Which made him try to bring others with him... but in the end, he was in my basement hitting the bong alone.
Sad.
Hey, I'm probably a hypocrite for writing that because I was that guy alone in my basement only 4wks ago. But I see that I don't want to be that guy anymore. (Not that I wouldn't love a bong hit and some Xbox time... but it's not a good idea for me right now. I certainly don't want to do that everyday, or even regularly anymore.)
enough ranting and raving at the world, I better hit the sack.
Great to hear from you FB, and Random1... keep it up. I know how you feel right now, but remember that you're not alone. Keep in mind that today is only a single day in your long life... and if you can get through it, tomorrow will be slightly easier. I promise.
As for the Guest who got booked by the cops, I'm sorry about your troubles. That blows. The depression does fade, and you become more positive. I still have some work to do in that regard, but I feel better every day.
Thinking of you all, and thanks so very much for being there for me.
CJ
Over 4 weeks off the herb now... impressed with myself! How's it going Fatburger? If I'm not mistaken, you're going to SpiritRock this weekend right?? Wow... I'm jealous. What a great experience to learn from Kornfield. Please let me know what you think!!
Great to hear that you're pouring yourself into your peewee football team... I'm sure that's very much appreciated!
It's funny, now that it's been 4 weeks, I've been finding that I don't have as much time as I used to... now it dissapears. Weeks 1-3 were pretty rough with too much time sitting around, but now I find it's the opposite. Good thing too, because I was worried that the only fun I could have was with pot. WRONG.
Just got back from a good basketball game, we lost, but the post-game beers were fantastic (and more social since my bud and I haven't been smoking after games... him to support me. Good guy. We're going to his cottage this weekend though, and he expects to smoke as it was my goal, and he quit with me even though he never smoked more than once/week... supportive friend.)
This coming weekend is the weekend that I said that I could smoke a little (in my initial goal.) It seemed so far away, but now I'm not sure I really want to smoke. I'm thinking that 3 months may be a better decision as it would totally free my body from THC. But we'll see... I know there'll be pressure to smoke there since everybody knows I was waiting until then. Not sure what I'll do. Regardless, if I do smoke, I'm not going to smoke during next week... and I may even abstain for another month or two again. Although I have the odd craving (sometimes heavy), the appeal of getting stoned just isn't there anymore. Tough to explain.
It really hit home when my other buddy came back from overseas and we got to chill out together. He was the one that made me think of quitting as he'd have 3 weeks of sobriety forced upon him. I decided to see if I could do the same, and I was VERY successful as I lasted even longer. I had a bbq/party at my house this past weekend, and he came to help celebrate. We had a few LONG discussions on the phone about my quitting beforehand and he told me how much he'd like to do the same. He was really impressed that I could do it all at home without a change in scenery or having sobriety forced upon me. I tried to help motivate him as he didn't have to go through the withdrawl at home (where you really feel it... being on vacation overseas is pretty easy in comparison!!)
Anyway, he came back and smoked a few times... but always said that he was done smoking everyday. When he came over to my bbq, we got drunk with everybody and after dinner he asked to buy some to smoke at my place. I tried to say "NO... please don't at my place! I've got a week left until my goal... Just don't do it TONIGHT!" But it really was no use... he kept bugging me and bugging me until it pissed me off enough that I gave in, gave him some and unpacked my bong (from the storage where I kept it in hiding for the past 4 wks as I was drying-out.) He must have hit it 4 times that night alone and stunk up my basement, and then once again in the morning before he left. It's not like it was a smoking party, he was the only one doing it that night.
He's one of my very best friends, but I was SOOOOO pissed off at him. He couldn't take one night off after being home to help me out as a favour? He even said "Don't worry, i won't let you!" as if that made it better. Maybe I took it too personally, and maybe I was pissed because I really wanted to as well once I saw him, my bong and some bud... but it still bothers me a little. I was livid that weekend after he left. He even asked to grab more in the morning for later that day and I made a comment like "Dude... do you really want to slip back into everyday-use after going 3 weeks without? This is your opportunity buddy. I know what the first 7 days are like and you'll have to go through that all over again if you let yourself slip back into regular use."
No use... he's back on the b-train. Not really mad anymore, kinda sad for him. It was his chance to be strong, and he gave in.
That experience really disgusted me and I saw the ADDICT part of myself in him... and I don't ever want to see that again. I still can't believe he couldn't go one single night without after being away for 3 weeks. There were other friends of mine who were kind enough to abstain at my bbq (and I never even asked them to... they just knew it would help me if they didn't that night.) But my bud even tried to convince them to join him that night, to make him feel better about it inside. He said to me earlier that "I'm not going to do it alone anymore, only in social situations when others do it too." Which made him try to bring others with him... but in the end, he was in my basement hitting the bong alone.
Sad.
Hey, I'm probably a hypocrite for writing that because I was that guy alone in my basement only 4wks ago. But I see that I don't want to be that guy anymore. (Not that I wouldn't love a bong hit and some Xbox time... but it's not a good idea for me right now. I certainly don't want to do that everyday, or even regularly anymore.)
enough ranting and raving at the world, I better hit the sack.
Great to hear from you FB, and Random1... keep it up. I know how you feel right now, but remember that you're not alone. Keep in mind that today is only a single day in your long life... and if you can get through it, tomorrow will be slightly easier. I promise.
As for the Guest who got booked by the cops, I'm sorry about your troubles. That blows. The depression does fade, and you become more positive. I still have some work to do in that regard, but I feel better every day.
Thinking of you all, and thanks so very much for being there for me.
CJ
CJ,
catching up with you on these posts gives me a certain type of joy. So yeah, spirit rock is this Friday night 7:30pm, but i can't make it anymore, because i coach 6-8pm, and the drive is like 1.5 hours away. but its a monthly seminar so I figure i'll go in Nov. but there is a funny story that goes along with this. I have a buddy who 32. He has a long back story. he's smoked since college as well but he dropped out after 4 years, and then did nothing for awhile. he just finished his 2nd 4th year of college, and he graduated last spring. he hasn't gotten a job yet and he mostly plays World of Warcraft. So, when i thought i was going to the seminar for any type of addiction, I sent him an email inviting him to go with me. about two week ago he called me and i thought he was calling to tell me he wanted to go with me to Spirit Rock, well instead he asks me if i can hook for him. i said, well, i quit, and i'm trying not to meet my hooks. and he says, oh yeah i understand, so when do you think you'll be able to meet him. i said, dood. i don't want to see it or touch it right now. he said oh yeah yeah i understand, no problem. and he then asks well, can someone else get it for me. by that point, i got that same annoyed feeling you got with your buddy. a feeling, are you kidding me, but at the same time, i felt bad, that he was going thru this. and i know this feeling very well. you have a one track mind, smoking or how to get some more so i can keep smoking. and you'll sell yourself out just to get it. you forget about courtesy and forget about being a friend. i gave him a number of my other good friend, thinking he wouldn't take up the offer, but he did. there is not shame when your end goal is to take that next rip. I still love him but for me, i want positive people around me. that and he's stuck at home day and night gaming.
Sometimes, when people aren't ready to quit, they just won't quit. i know this cuz that's been my last decade. i think part of quitting is this voice inside of our head telling us, something isn't right about this cycle. that's why we usually smoke more to silence that voice.
but everyone one of us that has come to this site to look for answers, for help, those are the people who are ready.
I want him to succeed in quitting also, but i also know, i can only help him if he wants to be helped. if he doesn't want the help, i just take a back seat in terms of trying to help him. like you said CJ, it feels like we don't have a lot of time anymore, so i don't have time to try to help him out. When he comes for help, i'll be there for him. before, i would get home from work @ 6pm, and smoke all by myself and by 9 or 10pm, i would be home bored, watching sportscenter, or cnn, or whatever for the 2nd 3rd times, and just telling myself how bored i am, pass out by 11 and cycle again. now it seems, after i get done with what i want to get done, i'm like damn, i'm tired, its 10pm or what not, and i just pass out and start the next day early! It's a great feeling to just be on one continuous conscienceness. I guess when i smoked, i felt like everyday i woke up, it was a new day, a new same day. waking up groggy, thinking, oh, i'm soo done with smoking, and going thru the day, only to convince myself to smoke. it seemed like the same day going on over and over again. but now, my days are connected. i wake up remembering and thinking about what i want /need to do next, get it done, and think about the next day. its like a record player skipping....now the song continues to play. my life continues to move forward.
I know your deadline is coming up, and i'm very happy that you want to extend it to 3 months. i think what your brain is really telling you is, whoa, i want to smoke, but i know if i do, everything i worked for is at stake, and i know that i'm not strong enough yet to be tested, and that i need some more time. and we fear this. and when we see our friends still on that path, it scares us even more. because this isn't a fight that goes on for an hour, or a day. its a fight that is on going, and we are scared to fall back to the b-train. i know i'm scared. i don't want to lose what i have today, and i know i will if i smoke.
Random1, i'm glad you gonna try again. we are all behind you and cheering you on.
catching up with you on these posts gives me a certain type of joy. So yeah, spirit rock is this Friday night 7:30pm, but i can't make it anymore, because i coach 6-8pm, and the drive is like 1.5 hours away. but its a monthly seminar so I figure i'll go in Nov. but there is a funny story that goes along with this. I have a buddy who 32. He has a long back story. he's smoked since college as well but he dropped out after 4 years, and then did nothing for awhile. he just finished his 2nd 4th year of college, and he graduated last spring. he hasn't gotten a job yet and he mostly plays World of Warcraft. So, when i thought i was going to the seminar for any type of addiction, I sent him an email inviting him to go with me. about two week ago he called me and i thought he was calling to tell me he wanted to go with me to Spirit Rock, well instead he asks me if i can hook for him. i said, well, i quit, and i'm trying not to meet my hooks. and he says, oh yeah i understand, so when do you think you'll be able to meet him. i said, dood. i don't want to see it or touch it right now. he said oh yeah yeah i understand, no problem. and he then asks well, can someone else get it for me. by that point, i got that same annoyed feeling you got with your buddy. a feeling, are you kidding me, but at the same time, i felt bad, that he was going thru this. and i know this feeling very well. you have a one track mind, smoking or how to get some more so i can keep smoking. and you'll sell yourself out just to get it. you forget about courtesy and forget about being a friend. i gave him a number of my other good friend, thinking he wouldn't take up the offer, but he did. there is not shame when your end goal is to take that next rip. I still love him but for me, i want positive people around me. that and he's stuck at home day and night gaming.
Sometimes, when people aren't ready to quit, they just won't quit. i know this cuz that's been my last decade. i think part of quitting is this voice inside of our head telling us, something isn't right about this cycle. that's why we usually smoke more to silence that voice.
but everyone one of us that has come to this site to look for answers, for help, those are the people who are ready.
I want him to succeed in quitting also, but i also know, i can only help him if he wants to be helped. if he doesn't want the help, i just take a back seat in terms of trying to help him. like you said CJ, it feels like we don't have a lot of time anymore, so i don't have time to try to help him out. When he comes for help, i'll be there for him. before, i would get home from work @ 6pm, and smoke all by myself and by 9 or 10pm, i would be home bored, watching sportscenter, or cnn, or whatever for the 2nd 3rd times, and just telling myself how bored i am, pass out by 11 and cycle again. now it seems, after i get done with what i want to get done, i'm like damn, i'm tired, its 10pm or what not, and i just pass out and start the next day early! It's a great feeling to just be on one continuous conscienceness. I guess when i smoked, i felt like everyday i woke up, it was a new day, a new same day. waking up groggy, thinking, oh, i'm soo done with smoking, and going thru the day, only to convince myself to smoke. it seemed like the same day going on over and over again. but now, my days are connected. i wake up remembering and thinking about what i want /need to do next, get it done, and think about the next day. its like a record player skipping....now the song continues to play. my life continues to move forward.
I know your deadline is coming up, and i'm very happy that you want to extend it to 3 months. i think what your brain is really telling you is, whoa, i want to smoke, but i know if i do, everything i worked for is at stake, and i know that i'm not strong enough yet to be tested, and that i need some more time. and we fear this. and when we see our friends still on that path, it scares us even more. because this isn't a fight that goes on for an hour, or a day. its a fight that is on going, and we are scared to fall back to the b-train. i know i'm scared. i don't want to lose what i have today, and i know i will if i smoke.
Random1, i'm glad you gonna try again. we are all behind you and cheering you on.
Hello All,
It's been nearly a month since I smoked MJ. (My quit date was this past July 20th.) And after a couple of difficult weeks (where I was crabby, etc.) I don't miss getting high (much). I have to admit, if I could smoke occassionally and not worry about turning into a human couch squash, I would.
But I was never really into it until about two years ago when a friend who I occasionally smoked with fell in love with someone who was a heavy user. Pot, I discovered, was incredibly easy to get if you were persistent or knew someone.
I talked myself into believing that MJ could help me with some of medical issues and got a Medical Marijuana card. (I do believe that MJ has valid medical uses -- but there's no quality control and the incentive is to make it as potent as possible. I even asked the dispensary I was a member of if they had MJ with lower THC content and they said "no.")
Once I got my MMJ card, my friend started pressuring me into purchasing MJ for them. I refused and offered to help my friend. I explained why I woudn't do it for her -- I had obtained the MJ through semi-legal channels and I was going We got into a huge fight and I ended the friendship. At that point, I stopped smoking for a few months. But then, thought, well, if I could control my usage I would try again. That was a mistake. I am learning to find other ways to manage my stress and anxiety and I feel a lot better, instead of like a zombie with occasional lucid periods.
I miss my friend, but she's a mess. The only thing I regret was getting so angry at my friend. (I have a horrible temper, especially when I feel I am not being listened or ignored after explaining why I can or can't do something for someone.)
Anyway, hang in there, everyone. And keep trying!
Cecelia Rose
It's been nearly a month since I smoked MJ. (My quit date was this past July 20th.) And after a couple of difficult weeks (where I was crabby, etc.) I don't miss getting high (much). I have to admit, if I could smoke occassionally and not worry about turning into a human couch squash, I would.
But I was never really into it until about two years ago when a friend who I occasionally smoked with fell in love with someone who was a heavy user. Pot, I discovered, was incredibly easy to get if you were persistent or knew someone.
I talked myself into believing that MJ could help me with some of medical issues and got a Medical Marijuana card. (I do believe that MJ has valid medical uses -- but there's no quality control and the incentive is to make it as potent as possible. I even asked the dispensary I was a member of if they had MJ with lower THC content and they said "no.")
Once I got my MMJ card, my friend started pressuring me into purchasing MJ for them. I refused and offered to help my friend. I explained why I woudn't do it for her -- I had obtained the MJ through semi-legal channels and I was going We got into a huge fight and I ended the friendship. At that point, I stopped smoking for a few months. But then, thought, well, if I could control my usage I would try again. That was a mistake. I am learning to find other ways to manage my stress and anxiety and I feel a lot better, instead of like a zombie with occasional lucid periods.
I miss my friend, but she's a mess. The only thing I regret was getting so angry at my friend. (I have a horrible temper, especially when I feel I am not being listened or ignored after explaining why I can or can't do something for someone.)
Anyway, hang in there, everyone. And keep trying!
Cecelia Rose
Hi Cecelia, you reminded me about how a lot of people do drugs just as an escape. A lot of people think that you can't abuse pot or that you can't get addicted to it, but you absolutely can. You can smoke pot as an escape and use it to avoid pain in your life, and it's important to always remember that. And then to avoid trying to escape problems in your life. That's very important! Thanks for the reminder. And thank you for posting on your experiences.
Also, by the way, CJ421, fatburger, just wanted to congratulate the both of you for staying clean for so long! Do you have any tips or tricks to share for quitting?
Hey Everybody... it's been a while since my last post. This is because of two reasons, the first is because we went away to my buddy's cottage and had the most incredible weather, and the perfect get-away!!
The second is because I've had terrible terrible guilt because I actually smoked a little this past weekend. I didn't really cave, since it was intention to quit smoking until that weekend, and then maybe smoke on distant occasions.
I thought if I wrote that I smoked, that it may hurt some people's chances of quitting for good. Maybe it would cause a relapse in another person reading this board... and that hurt just to think about it.
I also thought "what would Fatburger think??"... but in the end, I realized that I respect you so much, that I couldn't lie or withhold that fact from you. I agree, I really look forward to your posts... it's not only motivating, but it makes me feel like I have a close friend who is going through the same issues/pains/struggles.
Regardless, I did smoke a couple of j's with friends, but no bong-hits. Sounds silly, but my bong was my VICE. I could smoke a J and get high with a capital-H, and still do a bong-hit just because it's such a different feeling. So while my friends did bong hits all day, I abstained. I did roll a J for the Saturday, and one for the Sunday... and we smoked on the dock.
Honestly though... it wasn't the same. I didn't enjoy it like I used to. Sure I got a little high, but it was an anxious high full of stress and uncertainty. I totally recoiled from conversations... even though I was with my best friends (some of whom I hadn't seen in months!) That made me feel terrible. Why would I intentionally do something that would ruin my reunion with good friends??
The worst part came Tuesday when I returned to a busy workplace... and my mind couldn't handle the stress. I was full of anxiety and stress, and it felt like I went back 4 weeks to when I first quit smoking. My mind was a little slower, and I just wasn't "on the ball."
I've decided to remain dry for a while now... maybe a few months until I try again. Maybe quit for good this time. It's just not worth it. My cravings have come back with a vengence, and that's even though I really didn't enjoy it on the weekend! Strange... and not at all what I wanted.
I've been trying not to be dissapointed with myself, because getting down on myself isn't what I need. I need to be strong and keep my desire to get this c**p out of my system for good.
I now realize that I'm still very addicted to this plant, and my mind will do crazy things to try and convince me to keep smoking.
But I've gone back to Yoga and meditation, and I'm reading some books on Yoga and Buddhist theory... keeping me interested, while keeping me healthy. Buddhist theory has a lot to offer in regards to living a life free of addiction/vices. I feel SOOO much better after doing yoga, and the very last thing I want is to smoke after doing it. So it's a good thing.
Anyways, I hope that this post didn't offend anybody, and I hope that it doesn't make anybody want to relapse... it's just NOT worth it!
HealthNfitnessguy... you asked what kept me clean for so long, goals and replacement. I realized after abstaining for 4 weeks that I use pot to escape. To escape my stress, to escape my problems for a while, to escape responsibility, to escape rational thought, etc. All of these things scared me, and I'm now learning to deal with these issues. Sure they're tough at first, but now I realize that they are what make life interesting and a challenge. I'm learning to replace this "escape" with meditation and yoga, and instead of escaping... I'm DEALING with my issues. It's tough, but it's VERY rewarding.
Setting goals and taking life one day at a time sounds incredibly cliched, but it's how I took this challenge... especially at the start. Each day is only a single day of your life. Although some days seem too overwhelming to take without using pot, if you can through it and into bed at the end of the day... you were successful. Don't think about the next day, week, month... just that day. Deal with the next one the next day, it's a new struggle, and it'll be a bit easier.
Have a great night everybody, and I hope to hear from you soon Fatburger.
PS... I'm trying to be less judgemental about my buddy who smokes all the time still. I realize that he didn't make the same decision I did, and that's okay. I can only change what I can control, and worrying about the rest is counter-productive. And being a self-rightous jerk is worse than being an addict! (That's something I can control.)
Good luck to all,
CJ
The second is because I've had terrible terrible guilt because I actually smoked a little this past weekend. I didn't really cave, since it was intention to quit smoking until that weekend, and then maybe smoke on distant occasions.
I thought if I wrote that I smoked, that it may hurt some people's chances of quitting for good. Maybe it would cause a relapse in another person reading this board... and that hurt just to think about it.
I also thought "what would Fatburger think??"... but in the end, I realized that I respect you so much, that I couldn't lie or withhold that fact from you. I agree, I really look forward to your posts... it's not only motivating, but it makes me feel like I have a close friend who is going through the same issues/pains/struggles.
Regardless, I did smoke a couple of j's with friends, but no bong-hits. Sounds silly, but my bong was my VICE. I could smoke a J and get high with a capital-H, and still do a bong-hit just because it's such a different feeling. So while my friends did bong hits all day, I abstained. I did roll a J for the Saturday, and one for the Sunday... and we smoked on the dock.
Honestly though... it wasn't the same. I didn't enjoy it like I used to. Sure I got a little high, but it was an anxious high full of stress and uncertainty. I totally recoiled from conversations... even though I was with my best friends (some of whom I hadn't seen in months!) That made me feel terrible. Why would I intentionally do something that would ruin my reunion with good friends??
The worst part came Tuesday when I returned to a busy workplace... and my mind couldn't handle the stress. I was full of anxiety and stress, and it felt like I went back 4 weeks to when I first quit smoking. My mind was a little slower, and I just wasn't "on the ball."
I've decided to remain dry for a while now... maybe a few months until I try again. Maybe quit for good this time. It's just not worth it. My cravings have come back with a vengence, and that's even though I really didn't enjoy it on the weekend! Strange... and not at all what I wanted.
I've been trying not to be dissapointed with myself, because getting down on myself isn't what I need. I need to be strong and keep my desire to get this c**p out of my system for good.
I now realize that I'm still very addicted to this plant, and my mind will do crazy things to try and convince me to keep smoking.
But I've gone back to Yoga and meditation, and I'm reading some books on Yoga and Buddhist theory... keeping me interested, while keeping me healthy. Buddhist theory has a lot to offer in regards to living a life free of addiction/vices. I feel SOOO much better after doing yoga, and the very last thing I want is to smoke after doing it. So it's a good thing.
Anyways, I hope that this post didn't offend anybody, and I hope that it doesn't make anybody want to relapse... it's just NOT worth it!
HealthNfitnessguy... you asked what kept me clean for so long, goals and replacement. I realized after abstaining for 4 weeks that I use pot to escape. To escape my stress, to escape my problems for a while, to escape responsibility, to escape rational thought, etc. All of these things scared me, and I'm now learning to deal with these issues. Sure they're tough at first, but now I realize that they are what make life interesting and a challenge. I'm learning to replace this "escape" with meditation and yoga, and instead of escaping... I'm DEALING with my issues. It's tough, but it's VERY rewarding.
Setting goals and taking life one day at a time sounds incredibly cliched, but it's how I took this challenge... especially at the start. Each day is only a single day of your life. Although some days seem too overwhelming to take without using pot, if you can through it and into bed at the end of the day... you were successful. Don't think about the next day, week, month... just that day. Deal with the next one the next day, it's a new struggle, and it'll be a bit easier.
Have a great night everybody, and I hope to hear from you soon Fatburger.
PS... I'm trying to be less judgemental about my buddy who smokes all the time still. I realize that he didn't make the same decision I did, and that's okay. I can only change what I can control, and worrying about the rest is counter-productive. And being a self-rightous jerk is worse than being an addict! (That's something I can control.)
Good luck to all,
CJ
Hello,
I just found this thread. I am thinking of quitting myself. This board like everyone says does make me realize that I'm not the only one who has quit or who has quit and started back up and quit again. And I too love to get high. I have smoked for years and I don't fully want to stop. My main motivation is because I have a great girl who wants me to quit in order for us to be together. I have smoked the entire time we have been together now she doesn't want this in our life. I am having a hard time quitting. Truthfully I am not sure I can. I quit before for a few months with no problem and my roomate at the time still smoked all the time. But this time I am finding it very difficult to quit. I am worried that when sober maybe my girl won't like the sober me or maybe me her. I am afraid of relapsing and dissapointing her. I'm also not looking forward to the sleep problems. Even though I smoke everyday I still work 7 days a week atleast 67 hours. I just wanted to vent some and get some feed back. Everyone has great posts and u wish everyone the best.
Uno
I just found this thread. I am thinking of quitting myself. This board like everyone says does make me realize that I'm not the only one who has quit or who has quit and started back up and quit again. And I too love to get high. I have smoked for years and I don't fully want to stop. My main motivation is because I have a great girl who wants me to quit in order for us to be together. I have smoked the entire time we have been together now she doesn't want this in our life. I am having a hard time quitting. Truthfully I am not sure I can. I quit before for a few months with no problem and my roomate at the time still smoked all the time. But this time I am finding it very difficult to quit. I am worried that when sober maybe my girl won't like the sober me or maybe me her. I am afraid of relapsing and dissapointing her. I'm also not looking forward to the sleep problems. Even though I smoke everyday I still work 7 days a week atleast 67 hours. I just wanted to vent some and get some feed back. Everyone has great posts and u wish everyone the best.
Uno
CJ, Thanks so much for the massive update and I thought it was really helpful to know! I don't think that I"d ever look down on you for 'relapsing' because you know, it happens from time to time. I think so long as you think of it as moving ever forward, it's success. Success is falling 7 times but picking yourself up 8. Thanks for the update and hey, check in soon with more updates. Are you feeling better at least? What about now compared to when you last smoked up?
Hey everyone!
Well, I have some news! Yesterday marked 6 months with no smoke. Yaay me. I am pretty shocked to be honest. I never thought I'd hold out so long. My original goal was 6 weeks, which turned into 3 months, which turned into 6 months and now BAM...I'm here.
I feel great, my mind is clear and I will continue my streak.
It really is great to hear that a few of you, CJ & Burger, are also holding strong. CJ, don't worry bro..get back on the plan. 1 time in 3-4 weeks isn't failure, so don't be so hard on yourself. You guys keep it up. I know how great if feels to hit those benchmarks and how much better you feel. It's getting easier huh? After awhile, I guarantee you won't really think about it anymore and you'll just get used to living life weed free. Being weed free has made me want to pursue hobbies and adventure/activities more, which I've been doing.
After being a huge stoner for 25 years, I know it's tough and being around it with friends makes it tougher. I still love weed and I still consider myself a stoner. hehe I still think about it from time to time and sometimes think: man, I'd like to get high right about now but the urge passes soon enough.
My lungs have totally cleared up. My head is clear and I really feel great.
Now when I think about it, the way I feel and how much more healthy I am completely outweigh the only real positive of smoking: the feeling of being high. Plus, I've saved a shitload of $ which I've spent on more productive things. I got certified to scuba dive and went on a trip to Cozumel, and bought some really nice personal scuba gear. I just got back from a fly fishing trip to Montana and had a blast. I did all that and still have way more cash than if I woulda been smoking like I had been.
I thought this thread was dead b/c I had been getting emails when someone made a new post so it was cool to see it's still going strong with some new folks on board.
Stay strong all,
TH
Well, I have some news! Yesterday marked 6 months with no smoke. Yaay me. I am pretty shocked to be honest. I never thought I'd hold out so long. My original goal was 6 weeks, which turned into 3 months, which turned into 6 months and now BAM...I'm here.
I feel great, my mind is clear and I will continue my streak.
It really is great to hear that a few of you, CJ & Burger, are also holding strong. CJ, don't worry bro..get back on the plan. 1 time in 3-4 weeks isn't failure, so don't be so hard on yourself. You guys keep it up. I know how great if feels to hit those benchmarks and how much better you feel. It's getting easier huh? After awhile, I guarantee you won't really think about it anymore and you'll just get used to living life weed free. Being weed free has made me want to pursue hobbies and adventure/activities more, which I've been doing.
After being a huge stoner for 25 years, I know it's tough and being around it with friends makes it tougher. I still love weed and I still consider myself a stoner. hehe I still think about it from time to time and sometimes think: man, I'd like to get high right about now but the urge passes soon enough.
My lungs have totally cleared up. My head is clear and I really feel great.
Now when I think about it, the way I feel and how much more healthy I am completely outweigh the only real positive of smoking: the feeling of being high. Plus, I've saved a shitload of $ which I've spent on more productive things. I got certified to scuba dive and went on a trip to Cozumel, and bought some really nice personal scuba gear. I just got back from a fly fishing trip to Montana and had a blast. I did all that and still have way more cash than if I woulda been smoking like I had been.
I thought this thread was dead b/c I had been getting emails when someone made a new post so it was cool to see it's still going strong with some new folks on board.
Stay strong all,
TH
wow i cant wait till i can say six months...at least i can say eight days. today has been the besst!! no anxiety yet no nausea nothing!!! I miss it no doubt but its more of a pain now than anything. Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for helpin me through this much. now its all in my head!!! ive posted things throughtout here and its really helping me!! i know if i can get through it other ppl can!
You can do it Vangie...just be strong mentally...mind over matter.
I went through all the same feelings at first...counting every single day.
I promise, it gets easier every single day. You'll have cravings here and there but they will go away too.
Hang in there!
TH
I went through all the same feelings at first...counting every single day.
I promise, it gets easier every single day. You'll have cravings here and there but they will go away too.
Hang in there!
TH
Fatburger checking in really quick.
Sorry i've been MIA for a bit. CJ, saw your post! and guess what, i'm still proud of you and i think you still rock. everyone is right, its just a minor set back, but the best part is, you have only smoked once in what 5-6 weeks. that's something i couldn't imagine for either of us a year ago.
Texas, wow 6 months?!?! that's freakin awesome. i can't wait to be there. soon. I lost count of what day i was on, i think i'm on my 6th week. luckily for me, its just not around for me to think about. with work and all the activities i've been doing, i just don't have too much time for it. i'm sure when faced with the stuff in front of me, i just might break as well. hehehe
CJ, sounds like you didn't enjoy yourself when you did smoke. which is a bummer, but its also good. you feel bad about smoking, but i say next time you go and enjoy it, just enjoy it and have a good time knowing that tomorrow is gonna be business as usual. I think this is where we can begin to do it in moderation.
but yeah, as for the slowness, its what you get! hahaha. i'm playing. i mean, i think the way your mind played it out was correct. you feel bad about it, and you realize something, and you maintain your current course.
Sorry i've been MIA for a bit. CJ, saw your post! and guess what, i'm still proud of you and i think you still rock. everyone is right, its just a minor set back, but the best part is, you have only smoked once in what 5-6 weeks. that's something i couldn't imagine for either of us a year ago.
Texas, wow 6 months?!?! that's freakin awesome. i can't wait to be there. soon. I lost count of what day i was on, i think i'm on my 6th week. luckily for me, its just not around for me to think about. with work and all the activities i've been doing, i just don't have too much time for it. i'm sure when faced with the stuff in front of me, i just might break as well. hehehe
CJ, sounds like you didn't enjoy yourself when you did smoke. which is a bummer, but its also good. you feel bad about smoking, but i say next time you go and enjoy it, just enjoy it and have a good time knowing that tomorrow is gonna be business as usual. I think this is where we can begin to do it in moderation.
but yeah, as for the slowness, its what you get! hahaha. i'm playing. i mean, i think the way your mind played it out was correct. you feel bad about it, and you realize something, and you maintain your current course.
Dude, that's totally the way to go! I am excited to hear you saved so much money too. It's so daunting when you try to quit smoking and say yeah, I'm doing this for my life. Just say you'll do it for a week, then another week, then maybe a month. Small goals lead to big goals. Big goals are made up of small ones, at least. I like your attitude, man. Thanks for posting about how things have been going! 6 months is a HUUUUGE deal!!