My 14 yr old is pregnant

A mothers love is NOT 4ever, not if the mother does something extremely terrible.

I am so sorry maam this is truly heart wrenching! If your daughter cares not to love you thats her mistake shes being a b***h about the situation

Hey I'm a 14 year old girl to and well I'm not pregnant but I think you're being harsh on her a bit. I had something like this is my family almost the same we coped with it. I honestly don't think adoption or abortion is a good thing. I wouldn't like to carry this baby in my tummy for 9 months! But I know she lied to you and you didn't like it. I lied to my mum to and from hen she is always harsh on me. I spoke up to her once and that was it! But try next time not to be so harsh i know it can be depressing and embarrassing for your 14-year old daughter to be pregnant for a 20-year old man. But I hope everything is good with the baby and you guys solved this problem :)

Hi saddenedmom please tell me what's happening now im really curios to what has gone on I feel so bad and I want things to get better and I hope they have... I don't know why she's acting like this and have cut you off completely if I were you I would go over and demand to speak with my daughter and just get everything out in the open and try to work things out....I feel really bad and please tell me what has been happening and I feel so bad and it WAS rape he's a freaking pedophile if he was 18 having sex with a 13 year old at the time.

Hi.
well i can understand what you are going through my parents totally yelled and screamed at me when i feel pregnant i'm now 13 and to tell you guys the truth it's not my fault it's not like i wanted this to happen i got raped and when i told them that they just yelled at me more for not telling them.

I would like to just briefly say that i do not know excalty what u r going through but as far as ur daughter i do. I got pregnant at 15 and my parents were raging mad. But yet they still supported me in pregnancy and my descion i am now 23 and my son is a handsome young man. Anyways back on track known what ur daughter is going through and seeing the pain i put my parents in of dissapointment at the time. Sometimes people let anger show.more then love. Even though this was posted awhile back.... Show her more love and support less mmmm anger its about the health of her and the child and thats all. Not about who did this who did that who screw up. Now as far as the father and grandma go and unhealthy for ur daughter mmmmmmmm therea not much to say but kids will be kids and sometimes no matter how much u want to protect them u cant always have a 24*7 watch on them.cuz its goin to push towards more of a rebel thing and out speaking actins.

AnonymousHelper wrote:

TaintedRainbow wrote:

Stop blaming her Grandmother for this. You're less of an adult than she is!!

Please. Stop. It's no one's fault. She's a teenager... we all did stupid sh*t in our teen years... Don't try to tell me you haven't.

You're trying to blame everyone else for something that couldn't have been prevented. Calm down.

This is the first time on this website that ignorant responses such as this have irked me enough to comment.

Did you even read the story? This loving mother had her heart broken by one of, if not THE most precious person in her life. She understands that teenagers make stupid mistakes, hence why she has only attempted to support her daughter in any way she can.

Try to fully comprehend what is going on in her life; put yourself in her shoes.

By all definitions of minors under the age of consent, her daughter was legally raped. She feels utterly helpless! Her daughter's Grandmother condoned the relationship, and what's more, helped keep it a secret! The police say there is nothing they can do, and the child's own father is clearly a piece of the sh*t that he is so fond of referring to - pardon my language.

Whether it not it could have been prevented, she is ABSOLUTELY putting blame where blame is deserved. She is still a child and stayed with her father and grandmother because they allowed her to do what she wanted to do - which more often then not at her age, is not what is best for her.

How many times growing up, did you ask one of your parents for something, and if they said no, you immediately went to the other. Due to the geographical separation of the father and grandmother, as well as the apparent incompetence of them to decide what's best for a young teen, the child was able to use this childhood tactic for a life-changing decision.

SaddenedMom:

Please attempt to fully disregard posts from those who are clearly ignorant to your troubles. Your situation and the sheer feeling of hopelessness you must feel is too much to comprehend. Please don't add any more frustrations to your plate due to barely literate internet users.

Hearing about how you are constantly trying to reconnect with your daughter is truly inspirational. The fact that you are able to stay sane and remain strong is absolutely astonishing. You are the type of mother that those less fortunate wish to have.

I wish I could give you your next move, but unfortunately the only things I can thus far come up with is going to the media - which, if you're willing to tell your story publicly, could potentially result in a court-ordered paternity test. You would be surprised how much sway the media has.

In addition, I of course do not know all of the parameters involving the custody situation of your child, however it seems to me that if going to court over the matter of custody is still a possible option, this story would have a huge sway over the judge - especially since you're the mother.

Also, WHEN your child comes back to you, I would strongly recommend speaking to her about adoption. Not to mean any disrespect to you or your daughter in any way, I truly believe that the adoption of the baby would lead to a better life for both your baby, and your grand-baby.
I would also like to add that I myself was adopted. My birth other at the time was single, 18 and living out of a car, and my adoptive parents were settled in a home in their 30's with stable careers - they just biologically could not have a child of their own. Now 21 years later, both of my mothers are good friends who have just recently [finally] switched from constantly writing letters back and forth to e-mailing. My adoptive parents supported my birth mother since the day she handed me over to them, and my birth mother now has a home of her own and a stable job - and two more kids!

I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers. Even if you are not religious, it couldn't hurt.

For anyone curious, I am a 21 year old male and will soon be graduating from college with a degree in engineering. I've been dating my girlfriend, who is 17, for over a year now, and she is skipping her last year of high school so that she may begin her undergraduate Pre-Med program at a University close to my own, where she is receiving a full-ride from both sports and academics. She and I remain virgins by choice.

I will leave you with a quote I heard for the first time this very morning, believe it or not. I am unfamiliar from whereabouts it originated, but I feel it is incredibly apt:

"A Mother Is God In The Eyes Of Her Child"

Thank you for your kind words and understanding

Update- all is still the same. There are some rumors I've heard from parents of my daughter's frinds that she is no longer living with her dad, that they are not giving her my letters and that her grandma is controlling everything she's doing now. I still haven't heard from my daughter. I drove the hour trip to try and see her but even though I heard a baby crying in the upstairs window, no one came to the door. I'm still writing to her almost everyday but no matter what I do it doesn't seem like its enough. Should I just go and file for custody, or visitation at least? I don't know what I should do. I'm nowhere near the point of giving up on her, I just want to be a part of her life. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do next?

I just think it depends on your state laws and see. Who knows what can happen. Go and see, explain the situation. It might have to go thru court but just try. I wish you the best of luck.

hello sailorjupite... if you need anyone to talk to i also was raped when i was little i dident get pregnant but i know how you feel

Hi ..

Its so sad to hear all this ..I donno if my suggestion works out for u .. U can take cops along with u to the place where ur daughter is living .. U can lie to police that u got to know from someone that ur daughter is being tortoured by her aunt/grandma/father ..
By this atleast u'll get to see ur daughter .. N u'll make out how she is doin ?? Is she happy ??? In short mny things at one glance ..

Or u can ask her best friend or ny of her friend to contact her .. Or u can simply take her along n drop where she is staying .. So she can meet ur daughter n update u the rest ..

Or u can simply meet that guy ( ur daughters bf ) n ask him to help u meet ur daughter ..

Al the very best.. I request you to take action .. Do not send letters .. Nthgs gonna happen ..
Fight for ur daughter .. U hve right to .. She isnt 18 .. Consult a lawyer or NGO

Chill out yea she made a mistake we all do it got fixed didnt it so its over for give her buy her condoms and tell her if she is having sex to make it safe sex

I applaud you giving your daughter choices, I became pregnant at 16 and the 1st thing that came out of my mother's mouth was to have an abortion. I was mortified at my age I was totally against abortion and would have nothing to do with it.. Needless to say the father was 20 we stayed together got married, once again my parents who forced me to marry this man were not present at my "wedding" they just had papers notarized to basically give me away. I was in hell with this man he cheated, abused, and was never there for me. I was pregnant and I went home to my parents the 1st time he hit me and my father said, "you have a big mouth you deserve it" well from that day on I felt alone in this all so I never told anyone else of the life I had with him. This continued for 18 yrs. when my son was 18 I finally had the guts to leave this man. I wish I would have had parental support from the beginning so I could have left him sooner.. but sad to say there was none. I do not regret having my son, but I do regret staying married to this man. My son is doing very well for himself now he is well educated is in medical school for anesthesiology I couldn't be a more proud mother.. Only issue is he is weary of relationships and commitment.. I did this to my child for staying in a relationship that was wrong from me in the start. I am rambling but my main point is always be there for your daughter she will need you one day and from what I have read you will be the only person she can reach to for sound advice, apparently grandma's "HELP" got her in the situation she is in and I hope she won't go looking there when her life is crashing down.. God bless you and I hope things are going better for you.. Oh ya one more thing.. my views on abortion have changed since my 16 yr old mind grew up. I never had more children either

saddenedmom -
hii. im 17 years old and i come from a very strict (stereotypical) asian family. im actually not even allowed to date. although i dont agree with this, i know they love me and theyre doing what they think is the best. i cant help but imagine what would happen to your daughter if she lived in my family though!
i just wanted to tell you that what youre doing is so great, continuing to love her and telling at the beginning that you would support her. shes so lucky to have a mother like you.
we are teenagers though, and we dont always see clearly. i think the best thing you can do now is just stop writing and trying to see her, and give up trying to get the baby's father arrested. this must be scaring your daughter. also, consider that fact the guy is still with her through all of this. he is definitely stupid for having sex with such a young girl, but maybe he isnt so much of a douche?
one day, your daughter will grow up and realize how much she needs her mom. until then, relax and know that none of this is your fault. you have done the right things as a mother and she will realize it.

i hope this makes you feel better and you read this. good luck will come your way soon!

xxx

I was sixteen when I gave birth, fifteen when I got pregnant to a man 5 years older than me, my first boyfriend. All is not lost!! Even though my experience was challenging (I was also diagnosed with bipolar 1 and the father ended up being very very difficult) it has made me grow into a very empathetic and hard working person. I am 24 now and have a wonderful (although quite financially poor) life. 

Your daughter will experience much social disapproval, she needs a soft place to land and I'm afraid that burden will lie with you. She needs to know that education is important! Even if she is just educating herself, it will keep her mind open to possibilities and help her be a better role-model for her child.

This child will no doubt be very special to you and your family, treasure it! And treasure the little woman who made your grandchild, she may have made some mistakes but she desperately needs love and acceptance somewhere (I am aware that you probably already knew that).

Teen mothers are not little devils, their teenagers with hormones who didn't think something through very well, which really isn't uncommon or worthy of distain. I encountered so much public hatred in my experience and it took a lot of soul searching not to let that drag me down. A mother who forgave me and loved me helped me so much, I will be eternally grateful for that woman for respecting me when no one else would.

Your daughter can still lead a respectable, honest and worthwhile life. She may need to stuff up a few times, she may need to get depressed and behave like a typical teenager but in the end she can pull through. As long as she keeps strong in herself, believes she can do what's best and strives to enjoy her experience she might even love this ill-timed fate that is now hers.

I wish you, the little mother and your little bundle all the very best!