Our daughter (14 1/2) wants to stop wearing a bra. The fight lasted for the whole summer. I was hoping that it would end with school starting again but she insists on going braless. Parallel to that she started wearing tight tops and even bought herself some transparent stuff this summer. I confronted her and told this was crazy. At the beginning she told me it was because she had "no tits" anyway (which is not quite true, but I know she suffers from the form of her breasts which are small with a very pronounced conical shape and, above all, which seem to have stopped growing at the beginning of this year: only the areola is still developing). Then I told her she was behaving like an exhibitionist she answered me outright that yes she wanted everyone to see her "stiff nips", because that was all she got. We're at a loss what to do. I think the way she dresses is perfectly obscene and even more so because of the shape of her breasts, because all you notice are else her areolas or her nipples.
Thank you "free the nipple" and other mad role models our kids are invited to follow! Both my daughters wanted to get rid of her bras when they first heard of it and they were 15 and 13 1/2 !!! at the time. They didn't argue with the size of their breasts or whatever, they just wanted to do it. I tried to explain to them that at a beach, maybe they could even do topless (I'm not in favor of it but I tried not to be too strict), but that being braless in everyday life was close to showing her breasts off all the time but they were far too receptive for the medias arguments (women's freedom etc. etc.). I told her their breasts could show when they lean forward or even to someone who looks above their shoulder, I talked about the nipples of course, which was an issue at least for the elder, but nothing would do. I had to abandon for peace of the family.
Me and my sister have never needed a bra and mum was just fine with it. We're both petite and I just didn't really care what you saw, areola and nipple are not very pronounced anyway. My sister on the other hand liked to have people notice her breasts, something which we talked about a lot becoz she didn't quite understand it herself. She's 15 month younger than me, it started when she was 15 and soon it turned her really on. So she's an exhibitionist but in the end I think it doesn't really matter. She accepted it and her husband got first attracted to her that way.
I understand your concern as a parent. Since your daughter is a teen, it is important to understand teen psychology as first. The more your confront her or yell at her, she will be more and more rebellious. Her words "This is all that I've got" seems to be the problem and solution in this case. To me, it seems like something is bothering her a lot and she is venting it out by going braless. In my opinion, you should try and find out what is bugging her so much. Once you can resolve the issue, I am sure she will stop acting like an exhibitionist.
Thank you, dear Lucy. I quite agree with you. We fought about it, but I didn't yell at her, only trying to discuss it through. But it was and is still hopeless. I know what bothers her: it's precisely what she exposes by her way of dressing, namely her breasts. She hates their shape. As I wrote, they're conical, small and also with a small base, with a wide gap between them, orientated outwards, with very large areolas which cover all of the top area of the cones. Usually they're "puffy" with no nipple visible but when they get hard they turn into quite large nipples. She hates all of it and seems to show it precisely because she thinks it's ugly. With the cold coming we were hoping that she would stop but she likes it even better because her areolas turn constantly from soft to hard. What are we to do to reason her?
You probably cannot. Adolescents use all kind of strategies in order to cope with the physical changes they're going through. In my experience, exhibitionism can be one of them. I myself didn't particularly like my "new" body at the time but somehow in my head this went together with a strong desire to show it off. I hid myself from my parents of course but I liked to take off my briefs and let my half erect penis show in my pants when I was walking in the street. I had also picked out a girl, our neighbours' daughter, who I let see my naked penis as often as possible as if by accident. We never talked about it but she must have understood that I was doing it on purpose.
Hi. We're currently staying at Jandia (Fuerteventura) and our daughters (13 and 15) want to go topless. We arrived 3 days ago and they're begging for it badly. It's true that a great number of women we see are topless or completely naked, also some adolescents, but my husband and I feel it's wrong for them to go topless. Yesterday they "forgot" their bikini top but we made them keep their t-shirt on. How could we convince them? Or should we give in?
Our society is so worried about seeing skin.The media has pushed for you have to be perfect. You need to have a bra on or underwear. You need to sleep with pajamas on or nightwear.You need to put a towel on after a shower.You can not breast feed out in public.The list goes on and on.
Why are we so afraid?
Wear what is comfortable or do not wear anything.I know the laws need to change to reflect that freedom.
At least your daughter does not have body image problems like some do.
Why are we so afraid?
Wear what is comfortable or do not wear anything.I know the laws need to change to reflect that freedom.
At least your daughter does not have body image problems like some do.
Thank you, that's a radical point of view, but I don't feel that my problem has been considered. Our daughters have no "body image problems", true enough, but we, their parents, have. The younger one is only developing and we feel it might not be appropriate that she shows her breasts and the elder one has grown breasts which are very "showing" when undressed. It's because they're both bound to be looked at a certain way, certainly not innocently, which brings us to these doubts. Anyway, we're certainly going to give in today, for they're really nagging!
Hi. We're back from our holidays and I believe I can contribute something to this topic. As I wrote, we gave in concerning our daughters' wish to go topless. And despite our fears I have to admit that it was a very good experience. We didn't notice any looks and certainly no one tried to speak to our daughters only because they were topless, with one exception but a very positive one: a girl the age of our elder daughter whose breasts were shaped in a similar way and who had problems with her own body image came to speak to her and we were actually happy to see that the next day she had brought herself to go topless also. So for us this is a complete change in our perception of nudity and we are grateful to those who encouraged us and to our daughters for having forced us into it.
good for you, I told you!How could you've been so afraid? What is it anyway with yuor daughters breasts?Breasts are breasts and skin is skin and human is human."Showing when undressed"! Really?
i'm glad yuo got it over with!
i'm glad yuo got it over with!
Let's say that breasts remain something intimate and should remain so but there are clearly situations where they are less sexualized than others. That we learned. We still wouldn't be ok with our daughters doing topless at home but on the beach it was quite ok.
As for what with our daughters' breasts: as I wrote the younger one is only developing and so far has only slight breast-mounds but the elder has already C-cup breasts which look even bigger because she's only 1m55. But it's really their areolas we were worried about, even the younger one has already what could be adult areolas but the elder has really large ones which are dark and swollen and, so, showing, yes!
As for what with our daughters' breasts: as I wrote the younger one is only developing and so far has only slight breast-mounds but the elder has already C-cup breasts which look even bigger because she's only 1m55. But it's really their areolas we were worried about, even the younger one has already what could be adult areolas but the elder has really large ones which are dark and swollen and, so, showing, yes!
Is not wearing a bra really to be considered as being exhibitionist? My daughter (17) has normal B-cup breasts but since they"re very firm she never needed a bra. She never had a problem with her areola-nipple complex showing. When a woman wears a bikini it also shows through the fabric after all or you'd have to wear always black and padded tops.
I'd say it all depends on your daughter's attitude. It may be that she's ok with her body image and that's very healthy or it may be that she feels the urge to show herself in a sexualized context or anyway sexualized parts of her body. Once my daughter had started to grow pubic hair she was occasionally not wearing trousers nor knickers at home and I know that in public also in the changing room after showering she dressed immedeately into a t-shirt but stayed naked for the rest. She never shaved down there and she felt protected by her hair. To her it was nothing sexual. My son on the other hand, from age 13 to 15 clearly was trying to show off his penis whenever he had an erection, also touching himself. I even caught him masturbating behind the window once visible for everyone who went by.
If there's still anyone out there, I'd be thankful for any advice. I feel I'm living more or less the same situation than others here. My daughter is 13 and she's all into TV stars etc. and a lot seem to go braless and she wants to imitate them. In her class other girls are also not wearing bras but for some its simply because they have not developed very much. Her best friend though has actual breasts and she goes braless. She also wants to wear close fitting tops or on the contrary very loose fitting ones where her breasts would be visible one way or the other. I feel this is completely wrong, she's far too young for showing off like that. How would you react?