Hey Trickyclover,
It's been four months since you posted, so I hope you come back, if you're still having the nightmares.
Dreams are symbols of feelings and emotions that we feel unable to process or don't have time to process in our waking life. The dream of suicide usually represents a part of yourself that you're getting rid of- you are killing off one something in your personality in a sense. The fact that your dream of suicide, rather than yourself being murdered, is that whatever part of yourself that you have 'killed off', it was intentional. You had a purpose for the changes you made. By reading what you have posted, I'm going to say that you have killed off your past negative feelings and behaviours. You've stated that you used to have suicidal thoughts, but have been happy. Since you gained control over those suicidal thoughts, you've improved for the better! Your dreams are reminding you off that.
While lucid dreams can be very hard to shake off in our waking life; understanding them can help direct us and give us comfort. If we are processing certain feelings in our subsconsious, they can have less of an impact on our waking life. With your dream, your subconscious is actually telling "You did it! You got rid of the bad stuff and you're happy!".
Keep an eye on the variations of your dreams. Keep a dream diary and record them. It can help to gain an understanding of buried issues or in contrast, buried confidence.
Good luck & I hope your getting sleep now.
V
I have had these dreams too. For me, they happen when I feel trapped in some way in my waking life. (or) that something traumatic has recently happened either to me or a loved one and I am powerless to do anything about it.
Suicidal thoughts are a part of the 7 stages of grief. (escape). To this, I can tell you that NOTHING bad lasts forever. What ever you are struggling with today it will be a distant memory soon enough. If you made a mistake, learn from it and move on. DO NOT KILL ANY PART OF YOURSELF OFF. THAT IS INSANE! It won't and you will get alot more depressed. When you have these thoughts or feelings it is time for you to do something nice for yourself. A new hair do, new outfit, a spa treatment. If you can't afford much simply sit on the grass and feel each part of your body and forgive anything you may have done. We are all just trying to figure things out and we all make mistakes that we don't realize are mistakes until after we make them. If you are kind to yourself now you will become grateful for your own wisdom.
If you lost a loved one, remember, when someone leaves our lives it makes room for someone new to enter.
At the very core of Suicide is a desire to escape. What is hurting you that you wish you could escape from. Again, you are only human and you do not have the omnipotent of GOD, therefore, there is NOTHING you can do that can not be forgiven. (If you don't believe in God, that is okay because you are only as perfect as the rest of us and THERE IS NOTHING YOU CANNOT BE FORGIVEN OF. (If you do believe in God, consider that perhaps he is having me write this for you now so it will be here when you need it.)
It is common for people who are being abused to have these dreams. Especially, when they don't see any other way to make the abuse stop. To this. I recommend telling others about what your abusers is doing. Maybe a women's shelter or some other kind of shelter. They are the most likely to believe you. They have seen it all before and they know what to look for. They also know how to deal with the issues.
Having these thoughts/dreams may be because you are working yourself too hard. Ask yourself, What would committing suicide do for me. If your answer is you would get some rest. Back off on how much you work. There are resources available for single parents who don't have much money to have someone watch their children for a few hours, just so they can sleep.
If you are trying to work and go to school, recognize that it is not the end of the world to finish school a little later. Life is a very long event and for the most part, these episodes are short lived. I promise you that although today you do not know how you might make it through tomorrow, Time has a way of bringing you to better days.
One last thought, these thoughts can be the result of either starting or stopping medications. Even over the counter meds can cause this. If this is the case, review your medication and talk to your doctor ASAP!!
I know I gave several answers. I also realized that the original post was years ago. However, if I came upon this post others will too. Good Luck and hang in there.
Don't worry,Trickyclover. You're not alone with suicide nightmares. I had a nightmare very similar to yours but it was very different,though. It was very screwed up.
Late last month or earlier this month,I had the nightmare that I mentioned before. I was at my Nana's house in the bathtub. It was empty and a little wet and I was sitting on the bathmat and the shower curtain. I was holding a straight razor which I opened and slashed both of my wrists with.
I wrapped myself in the bathmat and shower curtain and then,I started walking around the house as a spirit. I saw Dad arguing with Nana and then,she started wondering where I was at. She searched until she found a figure wrapped in the shower curtain and bathmat. When she unwrapped the figure,it was me as a corpse.
My eyes were milk white,my skin was ashen and pale. Both of my wrists were slit and covered in blood. After finding me dead,she broke down crying. My Dad rushed in with a sour scowl on his face. When he saw me dead,he didn't react at all. He just kept that look on his face.
When I woke up,I was thinking "What the Hell did I just see?" I didn't wake up terrified. I was calm all the way through the nightmare and woke up the same way. I'm not sure what it means either.
I suggest drinking tea and taking it easy. You should talk about it to someone, like a school councillor or a family member. They can help you, Tricky!
hi i'm 15 years old and i know that the comment wasn't for me but i am having the same problem and its been happening since Christmas and its now may and most nights don'y sleep some friends think i have depression. sometimes i don't get out of bed i don't really look at life with the bestest view but i have never wanted to kill myself but i'm thats all i think about do you know what i could to make the thoughts go away other than take my life