Okay, I've been struggling with this for a few hours now and not sure what to do (although I'm usually pretty good at figuring out solutions to problems). My 16 year old daughter decided to go to Job Corps as a resident student. This was a good thing because she hated school and eager to be "grown". I figured this would help show her that being "grown" is not all it's cracked up to be. She has a hisory of being friends with more boys than girls, and by friends, I mean literally friends. There have been boyfriends, of course, but a vast majority of the boys she knows are just friends.
I know she is having sex and has been for about a year now. I've talked with her about birth control and protection from STDs and HIV. I've told her that sex is much better when it's with someone you care very deeply for and that it should not be used as an extra cirricular activity. I did, however, buy her condoms, just in case, because I cannot always be right there with her.
She has been at Job Corps for four days, and tonight she called home and told me that she wanted to leave because the girls here were calling her a "ratchet". I looked this term up in the urban dictionary because I've never heard the term before, and it's basically a person or situation that is out of control. From what she told me though, the girls here are using it more as a term for a w****. Some of the things that are being said are things I know for a fact are lies. There is security in the dorms and they do not allow boys in the girls dorm or vice versa, and it was said that she was in the boys dorm with two boys. It was also said that she was having oral sex with a boy outside somewhere, apparenlty where it could be seen. Again, security is very tight on the campus and they are everywhere. She told me that she does have a group of boys that she hangs out with after classes, which doesn't surprise me since she gets along better with the boys. But, like I've told her, appearances lead to speculation, which leads to rumors, whether they're true or not. So, she's hanging out with boys all the time, so the other kids there are going to assume that she's having sex with all of them. No great leap of logic there. I told her that I believed her when she told me she hasn't done anything with any of the boys, but that people will believe what sounds the best. I've also told her to ignore what's being said to and about her because getting upset about it only fuels the fire, but I also know that it's hard to ignore hurtful things.
I don't feel like she's been there long enough to give the program a chance, and that she is going to throw it all away because of rumors. So, I've told her that she can't quit. I really don't know if tha's the right decision or not.. but I am definitely looking for some advice on this.
I know she is having sex and has been for about a year now. I've talked with her about birth control and protection from STDs and HIV. I've told her that sex is much better when it's with someone you care very deeply for and that it should not be used as an extra cirricular activity. I did, however, buy her condoms, just in case, because I cannot always be right there with her.
She has been at Job Corps for four days, and tonight she called home and told me that she wanted to leave because the girls here were calling her a "ratchet". I looked this term up in the urban dictionary because I've never heard the term before, and it's basically a person or situation that is out of control. From what she told me though, the girls here are using it more as a term for a w****. Some of the things that are being said are things I know for a fact are lies. There is security in the dorms and they do not allow boys in the girls dorm or vice versa, and it was said that she was in the boys dorm with two boys. It was also said that she was having oral sex with a boy outside somewhere, apparenlty where it could be seen. Again, security is very tight on the campus and they are everywhere. She told me that she does have a group of boys that she hangs out with after classes, which doesn't surprise me since she gets along better with the boys. But, like I've told her, appearances lead to speculation, which leads to rumors, whether they're true or not. So, she's hanging out with boys all the time, so the other kids there are going to assume that she's having sex with all of them. No great leap of logic there. I told her that I believed her when she told me she hasn't done anything with any of the boys, but that people will believe what sounds the best. I've also told her to ignore what's being said to and about her because getting upset about it only fuels the fire, but I also know that it's hard to ignore hurtful things.
I don't feel like she's been there long enough to give the program a chance, and that she is going to throw it all away because of rumors. So, I've told her that she can't quit. I really don't know if tha's the right decision or not.. but I am definitely looking for some advice on this.
:)