I'm having the same exact problem here then everyone. I've been smoking for 9 years in a very moderate fashion (1-2 joints a week max) and I got struck a few months ago with my first panic attack. It was bad, really bad, I even called 911 to find out that I was having a severe panic attack. Since the first attack, smoking as never been the same. Actually, after my first attack I took a 2 weeks break, it really helped. Smoking was ok again after this, but then I got another panic attack about 1.5 month ago. Tho it was less bad then the first one (because I knew what was going on), it sucked real bad. Now, I'm struggling to find a way to "get back to normal". I have read a lot and I tried multiple things, here is what I learned so far :
1- Panic attack can be a result of too much anxiety. Weed acts like a trigger it seems. If it happened to you once, it will probably happend again. Sorry, but thats the way it is.
2- You have to take care of your anxiety problem first. Weed isn't the real problem, it doesn't help that's for sure, but it's probably not the main cause.
3- Benzos (anti-anxiety med) taken 1 hour prior to smoking WILL make you avoid ANY unpleasant feeling. If you ever have access to these... I do have access to oxazepam, but I try to avoid it since it's not a good solution. I tried it and it work, but again, this is not a good & permanent solution.
Solve your anxiety problem first before trying to get high again (this is by far the best way to go) :
- Sleep more, 8 hours straight to help your body and mind. Try to sleep before midnight too.
- Eat well, more prots, less carbs & junk. Fish, fruits, veggies, etc. Avoid cafeine, energy drink and other stimulants as they increase anxiety.
- Do at least 30 mins of exercise everyday. Exercise will burn your cortisol (stress hormone) and you will feel generally better. This IS the best way to improve your resistance to anxiety/panic attacks.
- Anti stress/anxiety supplements can help (GABA, 5-HTP, Kava, B complex, Omega 3, etc). Try not to abuse tho.
- Stop smoking for a while (2 weeks at least).
- Relaxation/meditation helps a lot, take hot bath.
This sounds like a lot of things to do, but I can assure you that it helps A LOT, believe me. I'm currently doing all this stuff and now "I can" smoke a bit without to much problem. I still feel the racing hearth a bit and some chess pain, but this is very mild and it goes away after a while. It's getting better day after day Sometime I also won't get anything at all. Of course I don't get wasted like I used to do tho...
What to do if you feel that a panic attack coming :
1- It's hard to do, I know, but try to focus on something else then yourself. Relaxing Music, funny movie, friendly conversation, anything else then you. You will see, it's an instant remedy. Laughing is an EXCELLENT, if not, the best way to focus away from your pain. Hard to achieve, but it works.
2- Logic won't help you at all (at least in my case it won't), even if you know that the way you feel isn't really dangerous, it doesn't change anything to the fact that you ARE feeling bad, both physically and mentally. Adrenaline makes you feel bad, accept it, it's nothing else then that.
3- Exercise, litterally. Exercise is the natural answer to your condition. I know it's hard to believe that it can help when you feel that your heart is about to explode, but this is actually the way it works. Try to read on the "Fight or flight" concept, you will understand. If you feel that it's starting, hop on your bicycle and go. You won't feel good at first, but gradually you will feel better. If you are already in a full blown panic attack, take a fast walk with a friends instead (Flight!).
4- Try breathing slowly, but not deeply. Generally panic makes you hyperventiale, that means that you have too much oxygen in your blood. Try to hold your breath to augment Co2 in your blood, I did it and it helps. Some people breathe into a brown bag, I never tried it but it sounds logical.
5- Share the fact that you are having a panic attack with others, it also helps.
6- You will get trought it, you won't die. You can't die from it, it's your adrenaline that makes you feel bad, nothing else, read on it, you will understand. Time is the real and only solution when it happends.
How to do deal with your condition ( weed vs panic/anxiety) :
1- Accept your condition the way it is and view this as a warning from your body about your lifestyle, not only about weed. Your condition is probably permanent in some ways, but it can be better, you can make it way better.
2- If this is just too much for you to handle, simply stop smoking and try to solve your anxiety problem, because weed isn't the only problem.
3- Like me, you probably have been traumatised by first your panic attack. It sucks, but now you are scarred of it, both your mind and body are in fact. Learn to face this fear and try conditionning your body to it. If you still want to smoke, restart gradually. Have 1-2 puffs and wait to see. If you feel bad, don't smoke again the same day and the following. Then try again, 1-2 puffs... You will see, gradually you will get used to the bad feeling and it will get more and more tolerable.
4- If you stopped smoking and you are having panic attacks for nothing, go see a doctor, really. Tho I haven't got any for nothing, I felt really bad the days after. As soon as I get one for nothing, ill go see a doctor that's for sure.
5- Trying to get something out of the whole thing. Don't take this like a finality, adapt and evolve. If you can adjust to a healthier lifestyle, well you will get out a winner.
Cheers,
1- Panic attack can be a result of too much anxiety. Weed acts like a trigger it seems. If it happened to you once, it will probably happend again. Sorry, but thats the way it is.
2- You have to take care of your anxiety problem first. Weed isn't the real problem, it doesn't help that's for sure, but it's probably not the main cause.
3- Benzos (anti-anxiety med) taken 1 hour prior to smoking WILL make you avoid ANY unpleasant feeling. If you ever have access to these... I do have access to oxazepam, but I try to avoid it since it's not a good solution. I tried it and it work, but again, this is not a good & permanent solution.
Solve your anxiety problem first before trying to get high again (this is by far the best way to go) :
- Sleep more, 8 hours straight to help your body and mind. Try to sleep before midnight too.
- Eat well, more prots, less carbs & junk. Fish, fruits, veggies, etc. Avoid cafeine, energy drink and other stimulants as they increase anxiety.
- Do at least 30 mins of exercise everyday. Exercise will burn your cortisol (stress hormone) and you will feel generally better. This IS the best way to improve your resistance to anxiety/panic attacks.
- Anti stress/anxiety supplements can help (GABA, 5-HTP, Kava, B complex, Omega 3, etc). Try not to abuse tho.
- Stop smoking for a while (2 weeks at least).
- Relaxation/meditation helps a lot, take hot bath.
This sounds like a lot of things to do, but I can assure you that it helps A LOT, believe me. I'm currently doing all this stuff and now "I can" smoke a bit without to much problem. I still feel the racing hearth a bit and some chess pain, but this is very mild and it goes away after a while. It's getting better day after day Sometime I also won't get anything at all. Of course I don't get wasted like I used to do tho...
What to do if you feel that a panic attack coming :
1- It's hard to do, I know, but try to focus on something else then yourself. Relaxing Music, funny movie, friendly conversation, anything else then you. You will see, it's an instant remedy. Laughing is an EXCELLENT, if not, the best way to focus away from your pain. Hard to achieve, but it works.
2- Logic won't help you at all (at least in my case it won't), even if you know that the way you feel isn't really dangerous, it doesn't change anything to the fact that you ARE feeling bad, both physically and mentally. Adrenaline makes you feel bad, accept it, it's nothing else then that.
3- Exercise, litterally. Exercise is the natural answer to your condition. I know it's hard to believe that it can help when you feel that your heart is about to explode, but this is actually the way it works. Try to read on the "Fight or flight" concept, you will understand. If you feel that it's starting, hop on your bicycle and go. You won't feel good at first, but gradually you will feel better. If you are already in a full blown panic attack, take a fast walk with a friends instead (Flight!).
4- Try breathing slowly, but not deeply. Generally panic makes you hyperventiale, that means that you have too much oxygen in your blood. Try to hold your breath to augment Co2 in your blood, I did it and it helps. Some people breathe into a brown bag, I never tried it but it sounds logical.
5- Share the fact that you are having a panic attack with others, it also helps.
6- You will get trought it, you won't die. You can't die from it, it's your adrenaline that makes you feel bad, nothing else, read on it, you will understand. Time is the real and only solution when it happends.
How to do deal with your condition ( weed vs panic/anxiety) :
1- Accept your condition the way it is and view this as a warning from your body about your lifestyle, not only about weed. Your condition is probably permanent in some ways, but it can be better, you can make it way better.
2- If this is just too much for you to handle, simply stop smoking and try to solve your anxiety problem, because weed isn't the only problem.
3- Like me, you probably have been traumatised by first your panic attack. It sucks, but now you are scarred of it, both your mind and body are in fact. Learn to face this fear and try conditionning your body to it. If you still want to smoke, restart gradually. Have 1-2 puffs and wait to see. If you feel bad, don't smoke again the same day and the following. Then try again, 1-2 puffs... You will see, gradually you will get used to the bad feeling and it will get more and more tolerable.
4- If you stopped smoking and you are having panic attacks for nothing, go see a doctor, really. Tho I haven't got any for nothing, I felt really bad the days after. As soon as I get one for nothing, ill go see a doctor that's for sure.
5- Trying to get something out of the whole thing. Don't take this like a finality, adapt and evolve. If you can adjust to a healthier lifestyle, well you will get out a winner.
Cheers,
I've smoked for about 9 months now. But about two weeks ago, I smoked with my friend. A few minutes later, I was at home in my bed. I started feeling waves, kind of a trippy feeling. Then vibrations in my arms. The vibrations turned into pain. The pain turned unbearable. Like my arms were on fire. I started to cry and panic. I had this morbid sense of reality, that life is fragile, like I was going to die. Like this is how life ends. This is what the end of life is like. The pain in my arms was the most unbearable pain I've ever had in my life. I was having these emotion and physical symtoms and ran out to my mother, crying my arms felt like they were on fire. A few minutes later the pain was getting worse and I cried to my mother that I was going to die. I told her to call 911. The guys didn't know what was wrong with me, so they told me it would be better if I went to the hospital in my car so we didn't get charged for it. So we went. I had hit my head the day before, so they ran cats scans, and xrays. The pain had subsided by the time the doctors came because it took so damn long. I had been crying in pain for about an hour before it subsided.
They told me it was a panic attack caused by the interactions of my new anxiety/depression med, Cymbalta.
So I didn't smoke for a while, and stopped taking cymbalta. Once I was comfortable it was out of my system, I smoked again. I had the same psychological feelings of a panic attack I had the first time, but not the pain in my arms. The surreal sense that this was the end of life was like. So now when I smoke I either take a benzo, or drink alcohol, or I have found taking a sleeping med, seroquel also helps some, though I still get a little panicky and shaky.
The experience was the worst experience of my life, but I love smoking, and it's hard to give up. I wish I could get rid of this anxiety, but I don't know if I can. I hate having to search for pills or booze every time I want to smoke, but I don't know any other options
They told me it was a panic attack caused by the interactions of my new anxiety/depression med, Cymbalta.
So I didn't smoke for a while, and stopped taking cymbalta. Once I was comfortable it was out of my system, I smoked again. I had the same psychological feelings of a panic attack I had the first time, but not the pain in my arms. The surreal sense that this was the end of life was like. So now when I smoke I either take a benzo, or drink alcohol, or I have found taking a sleeping med, seroquel also helps some, though I still get a little panicky and shaky.
The experience was the worst experience of my life, but I love smoking, and it's hard to give up. I wish I could get rid of this anxiety, but I don't know if I can. I hate having to search for pills or booze every time I want to smoke, but I don't know any other options
Try my method... I can't guarantee that it will work for you, but it's kinda working on me and I'm feeling so much better in general. I'm actually loosing some weight, I have more energy, I sleep more and on top of that I simply feel great.
The trick is to do it for a while and then you try to smoke, but just a little bit. I'm actually a bit stoned (just 1-2 puffs) and it's good.
The trick is to do it for a while and then you try to smoke, but just a little bit. I'm actually a bit stoned (just 1-2 puffs) and it's good.
im glad i found this thread :-) i was a regular smoker for about 6 years ..., then i was having a bunch of stresses with school/relationship, and one time i smoke and thought i was going to have a stroke/heart attack. It lasted like 18 hours, i was on the couch layed up, thinking i was going to die. It slowly went away, but all the next times i tried to smoke, the same reaction I would get. I even went to the ER 2 times, and they didn't find anything wrong.
That was 7 years ago, and i haven't smoked since really ... i'd kind of like to again, but I still dont think i am ready
since that time, i stay indoors mostly and dont talk to many people and am very reclusive.
That was 7 years ago, and i haven't smoked since really ... i'd kind of like to again, but I still dont think i am ready
since that time, i stay indoors mostly and dont talk to many people and am very reclusive.
Happened to me too! And I thought I was the only one!!
I smoked some pot and all of a sudden I felt tingly, couldn't calm down, shaky, my heart was racing! I thought I had to go to the hospital so I told my Dad and we just calmed me down, I drank lots of water and slowed down my breathing. I smoke pot again 2 weeks later and the same effects took place, only not as intense and instead of lasting 20-30 minutes only lasted 3-5, this time it was followed by a fever. I have been smoking pot for 5 years, and these where the only time this has happened. I had took a 2 year break while on some medication for anxiety (no attacks) and didn't start up for another half year after the medication was done. These times weren't the first after starting back up... I better carry around the paper bag...
I smoked some pot and all of a sudden I felt tingly, couldn't calm down, shaky, my heart was racing! I thought I had to go to the hospital so I told my Dad and we just calmed me down, I drank lots of water and slowed down my breathing. I smoke pot again 2 weeks later and the same effects took place, only not as intense and instead of lasting 20-30 minutes only lasted 3-5, this time it was followed by a fever. I have been smoking pot for 5 years, and these where the only time this has happened. I had took a 2 year break while on some medication for anxiety (no attacks) and didn't start up for another half year after the medication was done. These times weren't the first after starting back up... I better carry around the paper bag...
Im 16 and i have been smoking for 2 years now. i have fainted about 5 times. first, what happens to me is rapid heart beat. and then sometimes i get a cold sweat. then my vision gets a little blurry, and i cant really hear anything. after that passes by, my ears get a static sound in them and then i feel normal again. and this only happens to me about every 4-6 months. sometimes i try to do something else when my heart starts to beat faster like play soduku or watch tv to take my mind off of it and then i feel much better and the fast heart beat goes away. it is probably the scariest thing i have ever experienced. usually it happens to me while im smoking, but the last time it happened it was about 10 minutes after.. it was very strange.
You are having panic attacks because marijuana is altering your brain chemistry. You can induce all kinds of psychological problems from habitual marijuana use: bi-polar disorder, depression, and anxiety. Oh ya, it's in your head alright, since your brain is in your head and you have caused significant changes to it after years of abuse. Pot isn't what it used to be. Being hooked on pot at today's THC levels is no different then being hooked in vicadin, oxycotin, or any number of pain killers. Remember this: Nature doesn't like to be effed with. Whatever you do to your brain it will return the opposite to you. If you get high then later, you will get LOW. IF you have a few years of smoking pot thinking it is so great and there's no problem and life can't be better, you will be repaid by a few years of depression, anxiety, and discontent with life.
Here's the good news: The psychological effects of pot are reversible IF YOU STOP USING IT COMPLETELY. Your brain needs to repair its reward centers so that you can feel joy and contentment without the need for pot. It takes months or longer depending on how long you have been smoking.
Here's the good news: The psychological effects of pot are reversible IF YOU STOP USING IT COMPLETELY. Your brain needs to repair its reward centers so that you can feel joy and contentment without the need for pot. It takes months or longer depending on how long you have been smoking.
I used to love smoking. I smoked probably about 5 times a day for a good two years and never had any problems, and then one day I just snapped and had a basically paralyzing panic attack. Thought I was having a heart attack, dying, could hardly move, etc.
I promised to never smoke again, but about a month later I decided to try it again. I went about three months with no problems, but one night I had another paralyzing attack, one of the the most frightening experiences of my life. Took another break, and started smoking again a month or so later.
I went a little while just fine, but then I started getting horrible anxiety whenever I would smoke, about 3 minutes after I took my first hit. Some of these would break out into mild panic attacks (but nothing like the first two). Now, whenever I smoke, even if it's just one hit of the really good stuff, I launch into a panic attack even though I know what it is and I know it's not "real." I've tried relaxing, etc. and nothing seems to help.
I'm taking another (longer) break from smoking now. Will I ever be able to smoke again though? If I remain free of pot for a year and can eliminate the anxiety problem I have, will I be able to smoke problem-free? I certainly hope so, but it doesn't seem so at this point.
I promised to never smoke again, but about a month later I decided to try it again. I went about three months with no problems, but one night I had another paralyzing attack, one of the the most frightening experiences of my life. Took another break, and started smoking again a month or so later.
I went a little while just fine, but then I started getting horrible anxiety whenever I would smoke, about 3 minutes after I took my first hit. Some of these would break out into mild panic attacks (but nothing like the first two). Now, whenever I smoke, even if it's just one hit of the really good stuff, I launch into a panic attack even though I know what it is and I know it's not "real." I've tried relaxing, etc. and nothing seems to help.
I'm taking another (longer) break from smoking now. Will I ever be able to smoke again though? If I remain free of pot for a year and can eliminate the anxiety problem I have, will I be able to smoke problem-free? I certainly hope so, but it doesn't seem so at this point.
Not to be a debby downer on smoking weed but if you have a bad reaction the first time you smoke weed it could be one of two things well maybe 3
1. the people you smoked with are dickheads and screwed with you
2. you likely have an anxiety problem
3. you smoked some dank sh*t
I have been a habitual smoker for the last 3 years and have gone 8 days without puff'n. i have the worst anxiety of my life.
There have been several studies that link the use of marijuana to schitozefrenia for those that have bad reactions or start smoking before the age of 15. I think i am one of them lol. Almost certain. My point is use moderation and be responsible and do research on your own.
I cant wait till i have gone a few months hopefully 5 or 6 maybe a year to smoke again. It makes it better!
1. the people you smoked with are dickheads and screwed with you
2. you likely have an anxiety problem
3. you smoked some dank sh*t
I have been a habitual smoker for the last 3 years and have gone 8 days without puff'n. i have the worst anxiety of my life.
There have been several studies that link the use of marijuana to schitozefrenia for those that have bad reactions or start smoking before the age of 15. I think i am one of them lol. Almost certain. My point is use moderation and be responsible and do research on your own.
I cant wait till i have gone a few months hopefully 5 or 6 maybe a year to smoke again. It makes it better!
I had been smokin pot almost every day for about 2-3 years. I loved it. One night i was smoking by my friends pool. It was some real dank sh*t. I was smokin a blunt to my face and about half way through i started having a panick attack, i was freakin out i thought iw as gonna drown in the pool. I felt like no matter what i did i was gonna die. I walked to my buddies porch and the way the light was i felt like i was "walking into the light." I accepted it, but i didnt die. I walked inside and sat there still as a rock for about 20 minutes till someone walked in. I thought for sure i was dying. scariest night of my life. everything was tingling and i couldnt see straight, and had real bad tunnel vision. I felt like i was on acid or something. It was the worst. I sotpped smoking for a while. but i started again and had one, but my friend talked me down and i enjoyed the high again. but they suck. good to see its not just me
I just had this happen the other night, I went to the ER. I'm still feeling odd in the chest area, and nauseous. How long does it take for this to wear off completely?
I have been smoking weed for about 6 years. At first i loved it. All throughout high school I loved smoking weed, I felt relaxed and like very little mattered. I just used to love getting high. When I went to college, I had the same normal reaction to weed for my first semester. However, I can distinctly remember one night during 2nd semester when I blazed and felt my heart just beating through my chest. Also, it felt like I was having heart burn and the left side of my body was tingling and almost numb. It was a very distressing situation. Since that day last year I have had the same response almost every time I have blazed. I really tried to cut back, but I just wish that I could return to the state of mind I used to have when I blazed. I think it might have something to do with being depressed. If there is any remedy please help
I started smoking when i was 15 had a great time when i was 19 pressure developed in my chest it was tolerable for a month then one day it was awful i quit smoking. Occasionally I have tried to smoke but the feeling is there. I didnt know what to do. When i was 23 though I met someone who knew exactly what I was going through. I am 25 now all of a sudden the guy can smoke again he tells me to relax because it is just a panic attack and if I recognize it as such and dont let it take over I will be fine. He told me to just ease back into it gradually because he is now smoking like he was when he was young. I'm going to try hope it works because I really would like to have a good experience with weed again.
i smoke all the time and panic attacks happen to me every other time i smoke. i honestly think its all in the head. im a long distance runner, so im used to getting my heart rate really high, but this would feel like it was beating irregularly out of my chest. when this was all happening in the beginning i remember my older sister who doesnt smoke pot having panic attacks and i obviously realized i was having them to, like you felt like you were gonna die at any moment repeating in your head, (please god let me live, i dont wanna die like this cause my parents will be so pissed) i would get so mad casue i really really enjoy weed and the panicking wouldnt happen till 20min after i smoked and the panic attacks would usually last 30-1hr & then i would be happy again. after discussing this with my friends cause they never knew i had these panic attacks i would just sit there and try to breathe normally, which i would, it didnt cause my breathing to be heavy, just my heart rate to be crazy & i would be very very paranoid (thinking everyone was looking at me or whatever) they said its all in your head just try to calm yourself down. so now whenever i smoke & feel like a panic attack is about to occur i think of bob marley smokin a joint and sing one of his songs in my head or just relax. you have to remember that smoking weed is suppost to make you laugh and then your suppost to chill & relax, relaxing is what the drug is about. its not supposed to make you die. just relax your whole body dont tense at all which is what i noticed i did and when you feel your heart beating that fast just imagine it slowing down while relaxing your whole body & dont worry about what anyone else is thinking, there thinking about there own sh*t, remember there smoking pot too so there not thinking about you. now when i smoke pot i always have a little attack but when i notice im gettin really excited and my heart rate is increasing i do all of these things to calm myself down and i try to focus on other things, like my friends talking, watching tv, or listening to music, then after 5-15 min it goes away and i feel really really good. IF you just dont think you'll be able to do this i REALLY REALLY recommend having a beer or 2 if your a girl or 3 for a guy while you are smoking (if you dont get the spins) cause i dont. Not to get drunk, just to relax yourself and seriously you will feel NO panicking at all. maybe it causes a balance btw them, i dont really know but it definitely works for me. i know for some ppl this would be stupid cause if you go through this much stuff to smoke pot you should probably stop but its part of my life cause everyone in my life does it, & i love it, & i love the smell. its like a boyfriend, your gonna love & hate some parts of him but you do things to make it work. i hope this helps some ppl : )
The person above me seems to be where I was 3 weeks ago
The very first time I smoked weed it was grade 8
I was a goody two shoes who loved my family, friends, and grades
We went into the backyard of a kid my age
I was with some girls and boys I had known since kindergarten, and a few new faces.
These people had been smoking pot for 2 years
I originally wanted to drink for the first time that afternoon, but they insisted weed was better
They pulled out a bong and started puffing and passing, I didn't know what to do, nor did I even know how to use a lighter(ahhh the innocent days)
I ended up having 12 or so tokes, as much as I could hold for as long as I could hold, and then still feeling nothing, I had a seperate bowl packed for me and another one of the kids
The rest, a blur.
I didn't know the house we were at, but there was a small doorway, i was convinced this was closing in on me and I was hallucinating
I was convinced I was on something else
I was convinced the kids hated me, they were all trying to kill me
Acctually they were all stoned out of their minds and having a wonderful time with water guns and hoses on this hot summer day.
One of the boys(a sweetheart) noticed I wasn't feeling it and hugged me and talked me through it for god knows how long.
I've never lived that day down
I didn't smoke weed for 4 or 5 months after that
I had depression, mild anxiety and a very pessimistic outlook on life, reality and everything I once had passion for
Then I tried it again in smaller amouts(joints, pipes, applebongs carved in desperat times)
And I did it once in a while, sometimes once a month, sometimes once a week, sometimes a few times a week, over the next summer every day, a couple times a day, it progressed
however, I had jobs, friends, hobbies, possitive outlooks and generaly good times during this period
I had a problem with drinking too much, drinking to mask my shyness at a school where I knew no one, I became promiscuous when drunk ect.
So I replaced all drinking with smoking weed
Then when school started back up 4 months ago I knew I wanted a better life, a life like the goody-goody innocent happy child I once knew.
I promised myself not to drink or smoke weed until my 16th birthday, which was in February, 6 months after I decided to end my relationship with chronic.
I started smoking weed 2 months after school started,(didn't end up quitting... oops :$ )
Everything seemed fine, I would blaze in the morning on the way to school with my friend, I have cooking first block and then was burnt out and ready to concentrate by socials in second block. Then at lunch we would blaze and I had art after, then was burnt out enough to concentrat for spanish last block. After school on the way home, tokin again.
I felt calm, happy, my grades were up, people never liked me better, I never liked me better, I was staying in shape by mishing around and going for runs, and when we wanted to blaze before school we always took a 30 minute walk instead of our 10 minute bus ride there.
Then I had the great Idea to buy a bong, because once we got to know the stoners it was the stoner thing to do!
I hated getting high using a bong though, I always knew it and I did it anyways
I would feel too high
Sometimes horribly like the first time
Sometimes I would just distract myself by bingeing(I had extreme yo-yo diets going on since my anorexia in grade 8)
Sometimes I would watch a movie and play videogames, come up with crazy contemplations on life
Then the horrible horrible anxiety and paranoia started
I would feel the need for fresh air when I was high, I couldn't be around people, I would feel stoned the next day even if I hadn't had a single toke.
I didn't do it over christmas break(the 21st of december was my last time, which was ruined by some as****e talking about global warming and the end of the world, the end of us, death ect.)
After that I felt a great seperation from myself and reality.
I thought that the paranoia came from anything I had ever been scared of when I was really high(Like that time I got a piece of bagel stuck in my throat, or the time someone led me to believe I had been given acid)
I assumed I had been smoking laced sh*t the whole time, because you're not supposed to get "flashbacks" from weed, it must have been something chemical, meth or something, I thought
So I hermit-crabbed myself and focused on my family(which me and my sister had destroyed with our drinking and partying behavior)
One day though, it was a full out panic attack, I noticed my hand twitching, tried to get myself a glass of water, tried to tell myself that I was going through withdrawl and I'd just have to deal with it
It was too intense to handle this time though, I collapsed on my stair case, breathing as hard and fast as I could, I believed I was dying, I hated myself for everything I had done to my body, my family, my friends, I tried to calm myseld, tried to think positive thoughts and let it pass, and it did, for enough time for me to get up and get a glass of water from my kitchen, then it began again and i grabbed the phone and called 911.
They arrived and gave me an oxygen mask, taught me patterns of breathing, assured me my heart was at a safe rate, checked some things, asked me some things, honestly I was too out of body to care less to remember these details.
I had to go to the hospital later that afternoon because I thought I was all better and tried to go on with my day but it relapsed.
I haven't been the same since
I feel like i'm not stoned, but im not right either
I think long and hard about things normal human beings dont
I think about death, I think I'm going to die, I am truly paranoid.
I want to get on with my life, I dropped off some resumes today, maybe getting a job will distract me
I've lost most of my friends throught this thing, because they're either stoners who I can't be near in my anxiety condition or they are laughing at me and think I'm crazy for this whole thing
Either way , I don't think I'll touch weed again, or coffee, because it might be what triggered it that one day when it was so intense
I don't have the intense fear of choking anymore, but I am scared of global warming, death, being slipped drugs, being raped
I don't know if my life will ever be the same
I will not promote legalization anymore
When weed is good times, it's f*****g great
But it is not worth what I'm going through, or what these other people have gone through.
The very first time I smoked weed it was grade 8
I was a goody two shoes who loved my family, friends, and grades
We went into the backyard of a kid my age
I was with some girls and boys I had known since kindergarten, and a few new faces.
These people had been smoking pot for 2 years
I originally wanted to drink for the first time that afternoon, but they insisted weed was better
They pulled out a bong and started puffing and passing, I didn't know what to do, nor did I even know how to use a lighter(ahhh the innocent days)
I ended up having 12 or so tokes, as much as I could hold for as long as I could hold, and then still feeling nothing, I had a seperate bowl packed for me and another one of the kids
The rest, a blur.
I didn't know the house we were at, but there was a small doorway, i was convinced this was closing in on me and I was hallucinating
I was convinced I was on something else
I was convinced the kids hated me, they were all trying to kill me
Acctually they were all stoned out of their minds and having a wonderful time with water guns and hoses on this hot summer day.
One of the boys(a sweetheart) noticed I wasn't feeling it and hugged me and talked me through it for god knows how long.
I've never lived that day down
I didn't smoke weed for 4 or 5 months after that
I had depression, mild anxiety and a very pessimistic outlook on life, reality and everything I once had passion for
Then I tried it again in smaller amouts(joints, pipes, applebongs carved in desperat times)
And I did it once in a while, sometimes once a month, sometimes once a week, sometimes a few times a week, over the next summer every day, a couple times a day, it progressed
however, I had jobs, friends, hobbies, possitive outlooks and generaly good times during this period
I had a problem with drinking too much, drinking to mask my shyness at a school where I knew no one, I became promiscuous when drunk ect.
So I replaced all drinking with smoking weed
Then when school started back up 4 months ago I knew I wanted a better life, a life like the goody-goody innocent happy child I once knew.
I promised myself not to drink or smoke weed until my 16th birthday, which was in February, 6 months after I decided to end my relationship with chronic.
I started smoking weed 2 months after school started,(didn't end up quitting... oops :$ )
Everything seemed fine, I would blaze in the morning on the way to school with my friend, I have cooking first block and then was burnt out and ready to concentrate by socials in second block. Then at lunch we would blaze and I had art after, then was burnt out enough to concentrat for spanish last block. After school on the way home, tokin again.
I felt calm, happy, my grades were up, people never liked me better, I never liked me better, I was staying in shape by mishing around and going for runs, and when we wanted to blaze before school we always took a 30 minute walk instead of our 10 minute bus ride there.
Then I had the great Idea to buy a bong, because once we got to know the stoners it was the stoner thing to do!
I hated getting high using a bong though, I always knew it and I did it anyways
I would feel too high
Sometimes horribly like the first time
Sometimes I would just distract myself by bingeing(I had extreme yo-yo diets going on since my anorexia in grade 8)
Sometimes I would watch a movie and play videogames, come up with crazy contemplations on life
Then the horrible horrible anxiety and paranoia started
I would feel the need for fresh air when I was high, I couldn't be around people, I would feel stoned the next day even if I hadn't had a single toke.
I didn't do it over christmas break(the 21st of december was my last time, which was ruined by some as****e talking about global warming and the end of the world, the end of us, death ect.)
After that I felt a great seperation from myself and reality.
I thought that the paranoia came from anything I had ever been scared of when I was really high(Like that time I got a piece of bagel stuck in my throat, or the time someone led me to believe I had been given acid)
I assumed I had been smoking laced sh*t the whole time, because you're not supposed to get "flashbacks" from weed, it must have been something chemical, meth or something, I thought
So I hermit-crabbed myself and focused on my family(which me and my sister had destroyed with our drinking and partying behavior)
One day though, it was a full out panic attack, I noticed my hand twitching, tried to get myself a glass of water, tried to tell myself that I was going through withdrawl and I'd just have to deal with it
It was too intense to handle this time though, I collapsed on my stair case, breathing as hard and fast as I could, I believed I was dying, I hated myself for everything I had done to my body, my family, my friends, I tried to calm myseld, tried to think positive thoughts and let it pass, and it did, for enough time for me to get up and get a glass of water from my kitchen, then it began again and i grabbed the phone and called 911.
They arrived and gave me an oxygen mask, taught me patterns of breathing, assured me my heart was at a safe rate, checked some things, asked me some things, honestly I was too out of body to care less to remember these details.
I had to go to the hospital later that afternoon because I thought I was all better and tried to go on with my day but it relapsed.
I haven't been the same since
I feel like i'm not stoned, but im not right either
I think long and hard about things normal human beings dont
I think about death, I think I'm going to die, I am truly paranoid.
I want to get on with my life, I dropped off some resumes today, maybe getting a job will distract me
I've lost most of my friends throught this thing, because they're either stoners who I can't be near in my anxiety condition or they are laughing at me and think I'm crazy for this whole thing
Either way , I don't think I'll touch weed again, or coffee, because it might be what triggered it that one day when it was so intense
I don't have the intense fear of choking anymore, but I am scared of global warming, death, being slipped drugs, being raped
I don't know if my life will ever be the same
I will not promote legalization anymore
When weed is good times, it's f*****g great
But it is not worth what I'm going through, or what these other people have gone through.