Post- Miscarriage Thoughts and Feelings

Hi. I had a miscarriage last year and I am still afraid to try again. I really want to have a baby, but I know women who had a miscarriage are more likely to have another one. I was very depressed too, and then I have discovered meditation. It is really helpful. Anyway, I think I need more time to rest. I will wait for a year or two before trying again. I must let my body rest. It was a great shock for both, my body and mind.

hi! I just had a missed miscarriage 3 wks ago with my 12 wk old pregnancy and I am still trying to get over with the pain and the grieving. And much worst is, i had an ERPC twice!! which really added to the pain and the difficult situation I am in. I am a nurse but losing ur baby whom you only know for some short time still really hurts so much. The feeling of self pity and blaming yourself as a careless mother to my own child is still there especially knowing that im a nurse who can save other peoples lives but not my own child. On the other hand, faith in God and support from friends and family and mostly from my husband did helps me a lot to slowly heal and overcome depression. I just wished that we all mothers who have the same experience will soon find the healing and peace of mind and happiness we're all looking for

My name is Brittney. Over a yr ago I went into pre-mature labor with my twin girls at 7 months, and because they were in the same sac they became intangled in their own ambilical cords and did not make it. I was devastated. Everyone tells me I should wait until I heal emotionally before trying again. But I feel that I wont heal or be happy until I have a baby. I waited about 8 months and tried again. I miscarried at 7 wks. Then I waited 3 months and tried again. Then I miscarried that pregnancy also at 7 wks. I am the only person in my family that has ever suffered a miscarriage. Let alone two. I plan to wait about a year and try again. Turns out after the first pregnancy my thyroid became over-active and may have something to do with the miscarriages. I am now on medications for it and still taking my pre-natal pills, so when the time is right I will be as healthy as I can be. (So anyone suffering miscarriages or having trouble concieving have your thyroid checked.) I feel my faith, hope, and belief that someday I will have a healthy baby keeps me going, and keeps me from being depressed. Only ppl that have suffered the same type of loss truly understands how you fell guilty and at first think about it over and over again , thinking what could I have done differently? When the truth is ... probably nothing. What ever will be... will be. If anyone would like some one to talk to please feel free to contact me. Venting is the best medicine (I have found)


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Today is the day I crawled out from under my rock. My husband and I found out a week and a half ago that we had lost our first baby. I was 20 weeks pregnant and we were going in for a follow up appointment from the 16 week blood test...the AFP test came back elevated and I was told not to worry. It just meant we were in a higher risk category but by no means should we think that something was wrong with the baby. After all, this test is infamous for producing false positives. Of course I worried, and even started to accept that something could be wrong with the spine or maybe the baby would be born with a birth defect. However, I never in my wildest dreams thought of the possibility of what came next...

So on the table I go...fearing some bad news but excited nonetheless to know boy or girl. My husband hadn't seen the baby since much earlier on and I heard his excitement to see how much more baby there was. I agreed and mentally noted that our peanut was very still. The ultrasound technician began to press harder and then said “I need to go get the doctor, I'm afraid I do not see a heart beat.” She left the room and we just bawled in disbelief…and thought she clearly didn't know what she was doing and the doctor would come find it no problem. The doctor came in and confirmed our worst fear and called it a fetal demise. Seeing my dead, fully developed baby on the monitor and hearing those words is something I can’t seem to shake. It’s haunting.

At this point the genetic counselor came in to explain our options. I could not even process what was coming out of her mouth at first. We elected to have an amino done just in case it could provide some answers…although I’ve come to grips with maybe never having an answer but perhaps it can reassure me I am perfectly capable of getting pregnant again, having a healthy baby and this was just a fluke (we should find out the results soon). Then she went on to explain the more painful options…the next steps. She explained I could be induced and deliver the baby or do the laminaria sticks and then a D&E. I can’t fathom delivering a lifeless child in a maternity ward surrounded by healthy babies and new mommies. For any woman who was given no alternative to this process, my heart goes out to you.

I decided to have the laminaria sticks and D&E which was done last Tuesday/Wednesday. The pain from the laminaria was incredible. I suggest to any woman having this done to get the proper amount of pain medicine before you go home. I was given a mere 800mg of ibuprofen which helps with usual cramps, but this is a whole new level of pain (if you’ve had children I have to think the pain might be less severe…). Fortunately for me I was able to get some vicodin which was the only way to get through until the actual D&E the next morning. The surgery was very quick and I came out of recovery fine. I was home before I knew it. I went to bed that night saying to my husband tomorrow is going to be a better day, the best day we’ve had since hearing our loss and a day we can finally begin the healing process with the physical evidence behind us now.

I woke up with a much different feeling. We were entering a new chapter of this journey, but really finalizing the previous one. I didn’t really account for the physical loss I would feel all over again. And the aftermath of the surgery didn’t help. I was a little sore, but not in pain per say. But the bleeding just reminded me of the loss and then I started lactating on Friday. My husband seemed to have finally found a better place and I felt like I was starting from square one again. I wrapped my engorged, leaky boobs as tight as I could bear and went out for a margarita (make that 3). The next day my boobs were still as big as melons and hurt so bad. The pressure was overwhelming. I kept them wrapped tight all day and all night. By yesterday they have gone down a bit, but still leaking and very full and tender. Today they are a little better and I hope in the next few days will be as close to back to normal as possible. I had read about the “lambs” and what to expect with the D&E, but I never read anything about lactating so I thought it was important to include.

I made the decision to push myself back into the world today. I have cried, talked to my best friends, forced myself back into work, written our story and tomorrow will be a new day. I may cry again but I know I have resurfaced and know I am truly ready to enter this new chapter.

All of your stories without doubt helped me during this time and allowed me except that I am not alone, someone may have it worse, and these things are simply out of our control. I send my warmest thoughts to you all and wish happy days for all of us in the future!

hi, i'd just like to comment on how strong these women are to go through such a thing. My fear before i got pregnant was actually getting pregnant.. Then i found out i was infact pregnant. I knew the father of the baby wasnt ready for a child yet so i considered an abortion. Except last minute I changed my mind. I couldnt bare the thought of this teeny tiny not so human yet being inside of me and not having a chance. So my second fear was losing the baby after I had finnally accepted that I'd be a mother. And what happened, i ended up losing it. This experience has made me think alot. I know that i wasnt ready to become a mother, but still i cant help but wish this hadnt happened. This past week I had been a mess. I was 5 weeks and 1 day. I havent been as motivated to do much things either this past week. I keep hoping that I'm one of those mothers who still get their period while pregnant, except i know that chance is very slim. I try to keep in mind that im only 17 and I have a lifetime to go to have children. That is what people tell me.. Still. I feel for all of you women who are in the same boat. Much prayers & love. <3

Hi. four days ago i also had a miscarriage, i was four months.   I  had saw my son infront of me,  and not on a screen.   Im also very depressed and so very CONFUSED.  I cant get myself to sleep or anything else.  I  know im a strong person that can deal with about everyting, but this time i feel weak so if im not that same person anymore,  and most of all i can explained my feelings i dont know what im feeling, and i try to understand why things happend but i honestly dont understand why.  So yes, i do know what you experience, and i wish i could tell you something that coul make you feel better but i dont know myself.  I even wish that i could just hold him again,  just for a second,  is that normal.

Hi , I was 4 weeks pregant but today I found out I had a miscarriage. Since then I can't stop crying . I feel so lonely and depressed. I don't know how to overcome this.

hie lm in the same situation, but l had my miscarriage when l was 9weeks and that was like 4months ago. l dont know what is wrong with me every time l see a ababy or a pregnant woman l l get sad and l start to think of how l would be if l was still pregnant. my baby was unplaned but the day l discovered that l was pregnant l was so happy and looking forward to it so much. now lm having problems with my boyfriend because l was already looking forward to being a mum that lm too depressed or moody and l feel like crying everytime and l keep telling him l want one and though l noe that we are not ready foor all of that its just something that is in my heart and l want it so bad.

I'm 16 and I had a miscarriage yesterday. I really don't know what to feel. I'm really depressed, and me and my boyfriend are just arguing. I wasn't that far pregnant, so it was kept a secret at the time. Now I feel like I'm going through this alone.

Hi,
The same thing happened to me. My boyfriend and I decided to stop seeing eachother for a while to give our relationship more thinking. In less than a week I got the positive result! He was not ready but was happy to give it a try if I wanted. It was so hard as I had decided to stop being with him already, and having a child together would be too much to cope. He encouraged me to have an abortion, I booked 5 times and ended up canceling it one hour before. I even went there once and had the counselling session and told the lady that I did not want to it. But inside my heart I was not ready to become a mother besides having my boyfriend on the side insisting that if I wanted to keep the baby I would have to marry him and live with him. It was a nightmare altogether. Finally I was nearly 8 weeks when I had a miscarriage. It's been over a month now but my emothios are still mixed and unstable. I keep dreaming of a little girl and have strong feelings for her, I had dreams of a little girl when I was pregnant too! It is frustrating and there is not much that you can tell others, especially when you had a unplanned pregnancy before marriage as not many people knew about it anyway! All the best to you all.

In january 2012 i was told that i would find it hard to be able to have children. I was obviously devistated. On 9th april 2012 i found out i was pregnant when me and my boyfriend were in paris. On the 2nd of June 2012, I lost my baby. I was 13 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend, the father, didn't come to my 7 week scan(that I had as an emergency because of Bleeding) or this scan. At 7 weeks I was taken into hospital because I was bleeding but that was the day that I saw my gorgeous little baby for the first time, and i saw heartbeat. Everything was fine and I was happy. A week after we announced the news to our friends and family I was taken into hospital, this time I wasn't so lucky. Our baby had died shortly after that 7 week scan. However, my body still thought I was pregnant. The nightmod my miscarriage my boyfriend went to a party. That's when I realised he didn't truly care. The next day he left me. He told me " I don't know why you're over upset about it, it's my second chance to live my life, I'm over it already".  I had a scrape under general to remove the baby a day after he left me. I didn't even get a phone call or a text from him to see if I was ok. 

I still feel as if rock bottom is above me. I feel so lost and confused and want answers to the unanswerable questions. I know I need to move on and start the next chapter of my life. Every time I see a pregnant woman or a baby though, I just want to break down and cry. I've tried talking to a councillor but I'm paying them to listen when id pay millions just to have my baby back. 

My worst nightmare is now my reality and I have to relive it every day. No one understands unless they've been through it themselves so my heart goes out to all of you who has experienced the same thing. Im sure you've all hearD "everything happens for a reason" and it sounds like the worst thing in the world, but remember you may not know the reason now, but hopefully one day you will. Keep the faith, it can only get better x

I also went through a similar situation. No one involved was ready for me to have a baby. I also considered abortion and the possibility of adoption and found out before I had to decide that it was an ectopic pregnancy, in my falopian tube, and that I had to go to the hospital. I was given a shot in the butt of a drug called Methotrexate. This stung upon entry and later made me nauseous with pain. Its purpose was to flush out the fetus or what was there of a fetus in my falopian tube. I stayed in the hospital that night and was given the drug state all to ease the pain and get me some rest over night. Although I was unsure of what I was going to do concerning the pregnancy, I still felt and am learning to cope with a tremendous amount of guilt that I felt after the fact. I learned unexpressable life lessons, and have been growing and learning how to heal.

I am in a similar situation, i don't believe in abortion so when i found out i continued with the pregnancy, i had just got it into my head that i was pregnant, i went to my scan the other day and i seen the baby but the women told me she could not find the heartbeat, so she got another women in and she said the same, i was in shock and i am heartbroken and i feel like my hearts been ripped out, i have been to the hospital and they are going to make me wait another week to just make sure and if their is still no heartbeat i have to have it taken out, i had no sign or indication that i am having a miscarriage, but i am only 17 and i am scared and all i do is cry, my relationship is starting to come apart, i see all these people having scans and putting it up online and it really gets to me knowing mines gone. its got me so mad knowing that iv seen my baby and its still their but it is not alive, i had just got to terms that i was pregnant but now i have to live knowing iv lost one, i don't know what to do with myself and i don't know how to get through it. 

To the OP. Hi and i am sorry for your loss. i *miscarried over the weekend i was 10 weeks and at first i thought nothing really, like i was numb then Monday came and i was in floods of tears and couldnt stop crying and blaming myself for things i had done,because i was diagnosed with a subchorionic haematoma at 5 weeks and was told not to have sex, do anything too hard like lift things and too much house wrk. only problem was i am a single mum and have 4 children (two of them are 11month twins), so i could nt rest and i continued to have sex with my boyfriend, but not as much much. once or twice. I know the sex part probably didnt have anything to do with my miscarriage and the haematoma is more likely the cause, but i cant help but to think that everything i did must have caused it. i cant talk to anyone as i have always been seen as someone who people doesnt think cares about things, so no one has ever asked if i am ok or am i coping i have always been left to my own devizes really. I love coming to these groups and talking to people and knowing that there are women out there, who know what i am going through and i know what you are going through. sending love to you all.xxx